Breaking Innocence
by gelisi
Summary: Jongkey/2min  Wake up, go to school, come home.    Every day is the same for Jonghyun. Routine. Dull. Normal.    Until he meets Key, and he completely loses sight of what "normal" really is. But what is it about Key that makes it impossible to pull away?
1. A Chance Meeting

Jonghyun's life, to put it quite simply, was dull. He had a few friends, though not many. His grades were good, since he spent most of his spare time studying. He didn't have any special hobbies or talents that made him unique. His life was neither excellent nor terrible, and living between the two extremes left Jonghyun in a perpetual state of mediocrity.

Jonghyun sighed and opened his history book, the edges frayed and worn with use. He heard his sister shut the front door, presumably coming home from dance classes. His sister Victoria spent nearly every spare minute at the dance studio, and her passion showed. She danced beautifully. Although Jonghyun saw her perform all the time, he still was taken aback by her skill every time he witnessed a performance. For her he also felt a burning jealousy. She had found something she loved so much, yet Jonghyun hadn't. His eyes rolled lazily around the page as he attempted to focus, and he ended up staring out the window, watching the leaves fall from the trees in sluggish spirals.

Maybe it was because he felt restless or bored, maybe it was because he seemed to be reading the same sentence over and over in his history book, from which he was supposed to be studying, or maybe it was because Jonghyun realized that every day for him was the same, he woke up, went to school, and came home, and that that was no way to live, but for whatever reason he found himself running outside and onto his sidewalk, his feet rapidly shuffling as he headed downtown. It wasn't the first time he had gone into town by himself, but for some reason on that day the feeling was exhilarating, and he felt almost giddy as he continued down the path.

His feelings were short-lived, however, as the embarrassment set in when he realized he didn't exactly have any plan in mind, and wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. He was glad he managed to dodge his sister on the way out, now realizing he would have had no answer to her if she had asked where he was going. Forcing his hands deeper into his pockets he hunched his shoulders in shame, slowing down his steps so he could think of something, anything that he could do. He contemplated calling his best friend Minho to meet him, but soon realized that in his haste he had left his phone at home, leaving that idea completely out of the question. Jonghyun frowned when he saw the first few buildings marking the beginning of the downtown area. He scanned the signs above the shops, and picked the one that looked most appealing, a black sign with bright gold lettering.

Jonghyun noticed two things as he hopped through the door. The first thing he noticed when the rich aroma flooded his nose was that the store he had so randomly chosen was a coffee shop, and Jonghyun didn't drink or know anything about coffee. The second thing he noticed was not so much a thing as it was a person, more specifically, the barista preparing a coffee behind the counter. For a boy, he was painfully beautiful. His eyes were large and a dark black, his lips full and heart shaped. His catlike facial features matched his graceful movements as he moved swiftly behind the counter. He had several piercings lined up his ears. But perhaps the most interesting thing about him was his hair- half of it shaved, the other half slightly spiked. Jonghyun shifted his position, suddenly realizing he had been staring at him from the doorway for quite a long time. For some inexplicable reason he felt nervous. Pushing those feelings aside he took a step forward, feigning confidence as he fell into the line of customers, who seemed to be speaking a foreign language as they ordered their coffee. Jonghyun tried to look at the menu, to pick any kind of pastry or muffin to save himself the embarrassment of trying to order a coffee, but his eyes inadvertently fell on the barista every time. Jonghyun watched his every movement. Whatever he did, no matter the simplicity, came across with a casual elegance that was fascinating to Jonghyun.

"Can I help you?" Jonghyun's eyes bolted up, now noticing that in his distraction the line had moved, and he was now face to face with the barista with no clue what he was about to order.

"Uh… ummm…" Jonghyun mentally slapped himself. Here he was, bumbling like an idiot in the face of such a simple task.

"It's alright, take your time." The barista's voice was slightly high-pitched and almost whimsical, and his comment accompanied with a slight smirk made it seem to Jonghyun that he was mocking him.

"Well, what do you suggest?" Jonghyun said, trying to recover from his previous blunder. It felt absurd to be nervous around a boy who was probably younger than him simply because, or so he convinced himself, he didn't know what to order. The barista's face once again melted into a mischievous smile.

"Give me a second." He confidently commanded, turning quickly on his heels and grabbing a cup to operate the machinery. Jonghyun stood awkwardly behind the counter, unsure of himself. Finding nothing to do with his hands, he settled on shoving them into his pockets. The barista turned around again and faced him, holding a cup straight out, waiting for Jonghyun to accept it.

"Ah, I don't drink cof-"

"Just try it." He interrupted. Jonghyun hesitantly took the cup from his hands and took a tentative sip. His eyes widened as the rich, smooth liquid touched his tongue, heating his entire body as he swallowed slowly.

"It's… really good!" He said. The barista just smiled that same taunting smile.

"I know." He responded. Jonghyun felt his cheeks heat up at his response. Must have been the coffee, he thought. He thanked him, paid, and was about to leave when the barista's voice piped up again.

"Don't you go to my school?" He asked. Jonghyun, surprised, turn back around to face the boy again.

"Tyeville high school?" He asked.

"Yeah. I think I've seen you around. You're kind of noticeable with your bright hair." The barista said. As he said this Jonghyun unconsciously reached up and touched his own blonde hair, smiling shyly.

"Then I'm surprised I haven't noticed you with that haircut." Jonghyun replied, gesturing toward the barista's hair and laughing light-heartedly. The boy simply smiled in return.

"I'm surprised you haven't heard of me either." He responded. Jonghyun wondered what he meant by that, but decided against asking.

"Well... I guess I'll see you around school then." Jonghyun said after a brief silence.

"Yeah. See you." He replied.

"Oh... er... I'm Jonghyun by the way." Jonghyun added hastily, cursing himself for sounding so idiotic. The boy smiled and lifted an eyebrow.

"Key." He responded nonchalantly. Jonghyun couldn't help but feel jealous of this boy's overwhelming confidence. Fearing further embarrassment, Jonghyun turned and walked out the door, clutching his coffee tightly. His body felt warm, a feeling he ascribed to the hot drink. He sped home, bursting through the door loudly.

"Where were you?" His sister asked, puzzled. Jonghyun didn't usually go out during school nights.

"Nowhere." He said casually, running up to his room. He sat down at his desk and sighed, once again opening his book in an attempt to study, and for the first time in a while, he looked forward to school the next day.

* * *

><p>Hi ^ ^ This story has been up on AFF for a couple months, so I'm putting it on here. Foreword copied and pasted from AFF:<p>

This story is going to be Jongkey with a little bit of 2min. I have most of the story planned out and it's going to be pretty long. I hope some readers will stay with me through the whole thing ^ ^. I'm a long time reader but first time writer. I'd love any criticism any readers have, and I'm not just saying that. I really want to improve my writing style!

This idea came to me a long time ago when a friend was was kicked out of her house for being gay. This story is loosely based on this event. This kind of thing happens often and it upsets me a lot. On a more personal note, Jonghyun matches an experience I had around a year ago, and he is somewhat an extension of myself. His struggle is the same one I had, so his thoughts are, in fact, mine. At my school people throw a lot of slurs around, making gay jokes and using the word as an insult. With this kind of mentality that looks down on gay people, I realized how difficult it must be to come out to your family and friends. Also, since we live in an unfortunately heteronormative society, it might be difficult for people to even admit to themselves that they are gay, for fear of being "not normal". I want this story to show that love between two people, any two people, is a natural and a beautiful thing.

I hope you enjoy my story :)

Here's the first chapter. I hope you like it! If you find any mistakes please let me know.

-Gelisi


	2. Without a Doubt

Jonghyun was shocked out of his sleep by the sound of his obnoxious ringtone blaring in his ears. He immediately sat upright and flipped his phone open.

"Hello?"

"_Hey Jonghyun! Where are you? I'm waiting outside." _Said the familiar voice of Jonghyun's long time best friend, Minho. Jonghyun glanced at the clock and realized he had overslept.

"AH, sorry Minho! I'll be just a minute, hang on!" Jonghyun slammed his phone shut and threw it into his bag. He flung his pajamas off and jumped into his school uniform, almost tripping on his pant legs as he tried to balance himself. His bag hit his hip wildly as he bounded down the steps and out the door.

"Wow Jjong, I think that's a new record for you." Minho said condescendingly, staring at Jonghyun, who was bent over and panting from his frantic running. _Man, I'm outta shape. _He thought to himself.

"Sh-shut up Minho!" He managed to choke out between uneven breaths. It was slightly embarrassing for him to be so out of breath in front of the captain of the soccer team. Minho really was the most athletically gifted person he knew. His athletic prowess combined with his height, good looks, and natural charm made Minho a source of envy for Jonghyun. Minho just laughed in response.

"Come on, let's go. At your pace we're going to be late." Minho said, running his hands through his short black hair. Jonghyun didn't respond, but complied, starting to head towards school. Suddenly he remembered yesterday's events.

"Hey, Minho, is there a boy named Key at our school?" He asked. Minho returned with a puzzled look.

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, no reason. How do you know him?" Minho shifted his gaze to the ground.

"He's a friend of a friend."

"What friend?" Jonghyun asked.

"Just a first year. You don't know him." Minho responded rather quickly. It seemed like Minho was hiding something, but Jonghyun didn't press. "But you know, I'm kind of surprised you don't know about Key." Minho added. Jonghyun remembered something Key had said the day before.

"_I'm surprised you haven't heard of me either."_

"Why should I have heard of him?"

"Well… There are tons of rumors flying around about him."

"What rumors?"

Minho stared at Jonghyun, wondering why the hell he was so curious that day.

"Well…" Minho started, trying to pick his words carefully. He knew Jonghyun would be uncomfortable with the truth, but he didn't want to lie. "A lot of people think he's gay."

_Gay._

If he wasn't trying to keep up with Minho's quick pace he would have stopped in his tracks. Although it was something he heard- or rather had been warned- about a lot, never did he think he would meet someone… like that. He brushed his bangs out from his eyes and scratched his chin.

"Well, they are just rumors. They're most likely not true." He said, assuring himself of the truth behind his words. There was no way that the boy he met yesterday was gay.

"Yeah… Just rumors." Minho said. Jonghyun tried to detect the emotion in Minho's voice. It felt almost like sadness, but he knew that couldn't be true. When the boys reached the gates they parted ways and went to their classes. Jonghyun tried to immerse himself in the math lesson, taking careful and precise notes, but his focus started to drift and he found himself remembering the brief meeting he had with the confident boy, his charismatic gaze imprinted upon Jonghyun's mind.

Jonghyun's inability to focus proved useful, as in his distraction class time passed rather quickly. After the lunch bell sounded he took his usual place in the courtyard. Although most people ate in the cafeteria, Jonghyun preferred the serene atmosphere there. Sometimes when Minho wasn't eating with his soccer buddies he ate there with Jonghyun. Recently, though, Minho had been eating with him less and less. Jonghyun leaned up against his favorite tree and pulled out his lunch, chewing slowly and meticulously to pass the time.

"I didn't think anyone actually ate here." Jonghyun whipped his head around and unconsciously tensed up when his eyes landed on the owner of the voice.

"I didn't think so either." Jonghyun responded. Key took a seat across from him, stretching his limbs out and arching his back. Looking at him, Jonghyun couldn't believe that he hadn't noticed the boy before today. His bizarre haircut, excessive piercings and feminine face were like nothing Jonghyun had ever seen before.

"So you're a first year." Jonghyun said, commenting on the yellow colored band on Key's elbow. The school marked each student with a color indicating their grades. First years were yellow, second years were blue, third years were green and fourth years were red.

"Yeah, unfortunately." Key said, laying his head down on the grass and resting his hands over his stomach. Jonghyun was surprised at how comfortably Key was acting around someone he had just met, but he couldn't help but notice how soft his hands looked. He immediately erased the thought from his head.

"I've never seen you eating out here." Jonghyun remarked. Key sighed and drummed his fingers on his stomach.

"I usually eat in the cafeteria with my friend, but now he seems to mysteriously disappear every lunch." Key said, grimacing. "And I'm trying to avoid some people."

"Is someone giving you trouble?"

"Something like that." Key responded quickly. Jonghyun frowned at the cryptic nature of his words. He noticed Key didn't actually have any lunch.

"Don't you plan on eating?" He asked.

"Ah, well, I had a lunch but it... Got lost." He said, after some thought. Something in his voice told him he wasn't telling the complete truth. Jonghyun looked at him skeptically.

"Well… Do you want some of my sandwich? I wasn't planning on eating the whole thing." Jonghyun offered shyly. Key sat up and grinned. It was the first time Jonghyun had seen him smile like that. He looked… cute. _What? He's a boy. Boys can't be cute. _He squashed the thought just as quickly as it had entered his mind.

"Really? Thanks Jjongie." Jonghyun blushed at the sound of the nickname, but didn't protest. He handed over half the sandwich to an appreciative Key, and watched him eat in silence.

"Not bad." Key said. Jonghyun scoffed, knowing that his creation was nothing short of delicious.

"You should come by the shop again. We need more business." Key said after a pause, even though the shop had seemed fairly busy the other day.

"I don't actually drink coffee…"

"Sure you don't." Key interrupted, smirking.

"But sure, I'll come by again. How long have you been working there? Not a lot of high school students have part time jobs."

"Almost two years. I just needed some extra… spending money." Jonghyun once again got the feeling that Key was lying. The bell signaling the end of lunch rang in the distance, and Jonghyun stood up quickly.

"Looks like lunch is over…"

"Yeah." Key said, not making any effort to stand up.

"And umm… If your friend is busy… Or those people are bothering you again…" Key raised his eyebrows, urging him to stop stumbling over his words and finish his thought. "I mean… You can always eat here, if you like. It's no problem." Key smiled. There it was again. _Cute._

_Stop thinking that._

"Thanks Jjongie. I will." Key said, his childish grin still plastered on his face. Jonghyun turned around and walked back to class, fighting the urge not to burst out smiling like a fool. He couldn't explain the immense feeling of satisfaction he held. He tried to focus for the rest of the school day, but it was no use. He couldn't help but fidget in his seat the entire time. He was happy he had the day off from soccer, since he was too giddy to perform well at all. Jonghyun wasn't particularly good at soccer, only managing to make the JV team, but he played anyway to stay in shape and to hang out with Minho.

He got home and finished his homework quickly, checking his watch every ten minutes, debating going back to the coffee shop again. _It would be stupid to go again. I don't even like coffee. _Trying to take his mind off the idea, he started watching TV. He heard his father downstairs, making dinner. Jonghyun didn't dislike his father, and there were few conflicts between the two. But his dad was very stern, and had very traditional views on life, views he instilled upon Jonghyun since birth. Some of these were rather… extreme, to say the least. Jonghyun suddenly remembered his meeting with Key at lunchtime. Is it true? Was Key really gay? Things like that were wrong. That's what his parents had always taught him. But, he seemed so nice. And his smile… Jonghyun shook his head quickly. _What the hell is wrong with me? _He thought, rubbing his eyes.

"Dinner!" He heard his dad call, interrupting his train of thought.

"Coming!" He shouted back, turning the TV off and hopping downstairs. No, he thought. He wasn't gay. It had to be just teasing, he convinced himself. Satisfied, he went to join the rest of his family for dinner.

* * *

><p>Hi again :D here's chapter two!<p>

I write most of this in long sittings and I do my best to edit it, but if you see any mistakes please let me know.

-Gelisi


	3. Thanks

12:15.

Jonghyun tapped his fingers on the desk, crossing and uncrossing his legs. He traced grooves in the desk, played with his hair.

12:22.

He drew swirls on his arms, his fingers, his legs. He picked at his fingernails and cracked his knuckles. He counted the tiles on the ceiling.

12:28.

He chewed his nails, scratched his head, tapped his foot up and down. He did anything to pass the painful few minutes before lunchtime.

The sound of the bell rang powerfully through the hallways. Jonghyun exhaled the air he didn't even realize he was holding in and shuffled quickly down the hallway, willing his feet to move faster, until they carried him to the familiar sight of the courtyard. His face fell when he saw it was empty. He blushed at his foolishness. Why was he even looking for him anyway? He felt heat in his cheeks when he realized he didn't have an answer to that question.

Jonghyun slumped against his favorite tree, pulling out his lunch. He looked up to see Minho walking toward him, absolutely beaming.

"Jjong! Hey!" Jonghyun forced a smile back at his best friend. It's not like he was unhappy to have Minho there to eat with him, there was just a small part of him that wished it had been Key.

"Hey Minho. Missed you yesterday." Minho laughed and sat down next to Jonghyun.

"Sorry, my friend practically begged me to eat with him. First years can be clingy, you know…" Jonghyun found Minho's words hard to believe. Maybe it was the fact that he was saying these things with a smile, as if he was recalling a fond memory. Or maybe it was because he remembered the first year Minho had mentioned yesterday. The "friend" he didn't know.

Minho talked a lot, but Jonghyun found himself only pretending to be listening. He was usually fascinated by Minho's funny stories, but not today. Today he was looking for someone else, his eyes unconsciously glancing upward toward the entrance of the courtyard every few minutes. For some reason, he just wanted to see Key again. He blushed and put his sandwich down. Why was he so interested in this boy?

_It's just nice to meet someone new. _He thought, assuring himself that the interest was perfectly normal. After all, Jonghyun didn't have so many friends; at least not many close ones. And the prospect of a new one made him excited.

"…And then he spilled milk all over himself!" Minho exclaimed, laughing at his story. Jonghyun's attention snapped back, realizing he had missed most of what Minho had said. He fake laughed and hoped he wouldn't realize. Minho just gave him an understanding smile.

"What's wrong Jjong? You're kind of distracted today. " He said, concern in his voice.

"Ah, it's nothing. I'm just really stressed lately, with school and all…" He replied quickly, not making eye contact with Minho. He was never a very good liar. Minho just smiled in response.

"Well you'll work through it. You always do. I wish I had your grades." Minho said, still smiling. Jonghyun just chuckled at Minho's flattery, not believing a word of it. It was Jonghyun who was jealous of Minho, after all.

The rest of the day passed fairly slowly. Jonghyun felt increasingly bored with his classes. School was easy for him, but he always found it difficult to be interested in any subject. He had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. He had no plan, no goal in mind. He drifted through each day, working hard and efficiently, but with no idea what he was actually working toward.

Jonghyun welcomed the sound of the bell signaling the end of the day. He packed his things up and collected his papers, shoving them into his bag. He jumped ahead of the crowd and rushed homeward, excited to finally get out of school. Almost out the doors, he froze, touching his pockets. _Shit. _He thought. _I forgot my phone back in the classroom…_

Frustrated with himself he turned back around and headed again to his classroom. He found his phone underneath his desk, presumably after falling out of his bag. About to leave the classroom again, he heard loud voice from outside the room.

"Really guys? I don't have time for this today. Get out of my way." Jonghyun stood straight up at the sound of the familiar voice.

"Awww, the faggot says he doesn't have time." Jonghyun heard someone else say, the voice accompanied by a few chuckles in the background.

"Yeah, you speak rather slowly, and I don't have time to wait for you to drool your words out. Now move." Key said, sternly.

" Look, this fucking fairy wants us to move." Jonghyun heard the boy's tone switch from joking to serious, sounding increasingly dangerous as the argument became more heated. "You fucking prance around here like you own the school, and we're pretty sick of it." Jonghyun heard the boys cracking their knuckles and immediately sprung into action. He swung the door open to see Key facing three boys, staring them straight in the eyes with his hands defiantly placed on his hips.

"What the hell are you doing? Picking on underclassmen?" Jonghyun shouted. His entire body shook with anger. The boys took a step back, but didn't back down.

"Who the fuck are you, his boyfriend?" Jonghyun's eyes widened as his temper flared. A look of pure rage appeared on his face as he glared at the boys, letting his chest rise and fall visibly with his rapid breathing.

"Get the fuck out." Jonghyun hissed through his teeth. "_Now."_ The boys, scared, backed up.

"I can't believe you're defending that homo." One said, before they turned around and left Key and Jonghyun alone in silence.

Jonghyun coughed lightly, not sure of what to say.

"You didn't have to do that you know. I had it under control." Key finally said, his arms folded, eyebrows knitted together on his forehead. Jonghyun scoffed.

"One versus three? I don't think so, Key." Key played with his earrings uncomfortably. He sighed in an exaggerated manner.

"Thanks… Jonghyun." Jonghyun's heart skipped a beat. The way Key reluctantly forced out an apology made him sure Key wasn't the kind of person who thanked others often. He was clearly not used to it. And seeing Key in this oddly vulnerable moment affected Jonghyun in a way he couldn't explain. He was looking at a more exposed Key, his confident air replaced with one of humility and almost… embarrassment. Jonghyun felt the same heat creeping up in his face, and quickly forced it away.

"It's alright." Jonghyun said, averting his gaze from the now unguarded boy. "The other day when you said you were avoiding some people… Was it them?" Key continued to play with his earrings, twisting them between his fingers.

"Yeah." He responded honestly. Jonghyun felt his heart break in two for the poor boy.

"Why do they do that to you?" Jonghyun remembered what Minho had said the other day and immediately regretted his question.

_A lot of people think he's gay._

"Because they don't like people like me." Key responded. What did he mean, people like him? Jonghyun was afraid to ask. He didn't want to hear from Key himself that he was gay. That would make it altogether too real.

"Well they're wrong. You're a good person." Jonghyun blurted out. He mentally screamed as the embarrassment set in over shouting out such an odd thing. Key laughed.

"What makes you say that?" He said, his voice doubtful. Jonghyun thought for a minute, piecing his words together properly.

"You seem like a nice person. You have a part-time job, so you're hardworking. You're confident in yourself, and I like that about you." Jonghyun felt like hitting himself for sounding so pathetic, praising a person he had barely known for two days. A silence grew between the two of them, Jonghyun feeling more and more embarrassed with each passing moment.

_Wow, he must think I'm the biggest idiot in the world right now._

To his surprise, Key burst out laughing, holding his stomach and bending over. Such a spirited reaction came as a shock to Jonghyun. When Key calmed down, he spoke again.

"You know," he said, "you're a pretty weird guy, and I like _that_ about you." Jonghyun felt the familiar burning in his cheeks. _Why am I so embarrassed? _He thought.

Key smiled again, his eyes shining bright and clear. He really did have such beautiful eyes. _No, they aren't._

"Thanks Jjongie, I mean it." Key said. Jonghyun only managed a slight smile and a short nod. Jonghyun thought he saw Key's cheeks change to a slight pink. He couldn't help but notice how adorable he looked.

_Stop it._

Key turned and walked off, but Jonghyun was frozen in place, just watching him leave. He must have stood there for a full minute before his mind caught up to speed, and he turned and bolted down the hallway. He didn't stop running until he reached the front gates, leaning up against the pillars for support. He played soccer to stay in shape, but he still wasn't a great runner. When he had regained his breath he started the short walk home, prolonging it as much as possible, all of a sudden dreading the homework he had to do when he reached home. He kicked the leaves off of the street, finding his steps getting slower and slower as he drifted off into his own thoughts. The image of his house sprung him out of his daydream.

As usual he came home to an empty house. His sister had dance classes every day, and both of his parents worked. It was nice to have some peace and quiet at home, though. He ran upstairs, throwing his school bag on his desk, pens and papers flying out in every direction. He sighed and got started on his homework, finding it unbelievably difficult to focus. It took him much longer than usual to complete it all. He leaned back in his chair in complete boredom. He simply had nothing to do. _Should I go see Key?_ He thought uneasily. _I kind of crave whatever he gave me last time. And I have nothing to do. And it's a nice day for a walk. _He invented a million excuses to convince himself to go. He heard his sister come home from dance class.

"Hey Vic!" He called down to her. He heard her footsteps coming up the stairs and she opened the door to Jonghyun's room, smiling brightly. Jonghyun and his sister had always been quite close. He loved her carefree attitude, and her smile never failed to cheer him up.

"Guess what!" She shouted, jumping onto his bed and lying with her arms outspread. Jonghyun swirled his chair around to face her. She covered her smile with her hands, like she was trying physically to restrain it somehow.

"I got the lead part in the dance." She squeaked out. Jonghyun's jaw dropped.

"Are you serious? That's amazing,Vic!" Jonghyun could not have been more proud of his sister at that moment. All the practice she did, all the effort she put into dancing had paid off. She jumped off the bed and ran up to Jonghyun, throwing her arms around him into a tight hug.

"I seriously can't believe it! There were so many girls who tried out for that part and they picked _me. _I'm still in shock."

"I'm so happy for you. I knew you would get it." Jonghyun said, picking Victoria up and spinning her around. "We should celebrate this weekend, just you and me!" He said, grinning. Victoria returned with an even bigger smile.

"Yeah, this weekend! Let's do it!" They laughed and started to plan their weekend celebration, but Jonghyun couldn't help but feel the familiar jealousy creeping up. Victoria knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life, become a professional dancer. And here Jonghyun was, drifting through life, so unsure of himself he couldn't even decide whether or not he wanted to go get a damn cup of coffee. After a few minutes of excited chatter Victoria went to her room to do her work. Jonghyun looked at the clock. 7:53. Not too late. He grabbed his jacket and cell phone.

"I'm going out Vic! Be back later!"


	4. A Walk

_Jonghyun, what exactly were you thinking?_

It was cold and already dark, the street lamps casting an eerie glow as he walked, slowly, downtown for the second time that week. The air was still. Too still, as Jonghyun was left with no distraction from his rampant thoughts.

_What is wrong with you? Your parents are going to kill you when you come home late. You know how strict they are._

Jonghyun ignored his pesky conscience and kept walking. The cold air hit his skin and he shivered. What if Key wasn't even there?

_I'm not going to see Key. I just want a cup of coffee. _Jonghyun tried to convince himself, but he didn't even believe such a flimsy premise. For a reason he didn't know or understand, he just wanted to see the boy again.

Jonghyun arrived at the shop at 8:05, but stayed hidden outside the door for another 5 minutes.

_Why am I so nervous? He _told _me to stop by._

Jonghyun paced outside the shop, shying away from the windows.

_Open the damn door already!_

Jonghyun mustered all of his courage and stepped through the door. His eyes immediately landed on Key, who was cleaning glasses behind the counter. Key's eyes seemed to brighten when he saw Jonghyun.

_It's just your imagination._

"Jjongie!" Key yelled, waving at him excitedly.

"Hey Key." Jonghyun said, trying to act casual, but this was difficult to do after seeing Key's reaction. The boy's excitement made Jonghyun's heart speed up. Key was happy to see him. Jonghyun had panicked for hours about bothering Key, but Key had actually wanted to see him. He was happy, but at the same time he felt a little foolish at how much he had worried. He approached Key at the counter.

"I guess I caught you at a bad time, huh?" Jonghyun said apologetically. Key grinned.

"It's alright, I'm just closing up. I'm almost done."

"I'll wait for you, then." Key smiled again. That same cute smile.

_Stop. Thinking. That._

Jonghyun looked around at his noticeably empty surroundings.

"You're working here alone?"

"Yeah, I work alone most days." Key responded, cleaning the counters as he spoke.

"Isn't that a little dangerous?" Key just scoffed.

"Come on, in this little town? Nothing happens here. I think there's a bigger chance of me getting hit by lightning than of me getting robbed." Key said, rolling his eyes at Jonghyun.

"Wow, so that's what I get for worrying about you, huh?" Jonghyun said, laughing in response. Key met Jonghyun's gaze and smiled again. Jonghyun's heart somehow sped up even more. He quickly looked away, ashamed at his involuntary response. Jonghyun took notice of Key's nametag as he took it off and placed it in a bin behind the counter.

"Kibum?" Key's eyes snapped up and his face turned red.

"It's my real name… But I prefer Key." He said, trying to still act casual even though his face was bright red. He pulled his apron off and tossed it aside, wearing a gray v-neck shirt underneath. It was slightly loose, and Jonghyun stared in fixation at the bit of flawless skin that the low neckline revealed, hanging off his prominent collarbones.

"And…. I'm finally done!" Key said. Jonghyun's attention snapped back to Key. He completely lost his focus when Key stepped out from the counter, revealing him from the waist down. He was wearing a tight, ripped pair of jeans that hugged his legs, his smooth white skin visible through the holes. Jonghyun swallowed thickly

_Stop looking at him like that. He's a boy. That's disgusting._

"I'll walk you home." Jonghyun said without thinking. Key's dark eyes met Jonghyun's again.

"That's alright, I don't want to bother you."

"I didn't come all the way out here to watch you close up. Come on, let me walk you home." It may have been Jonghyun's imagination, but for a moment it almost looked like a faint color of pink was creeping up Key's face. Key twirled his earrings between his fingers again. After he regained himself, he looked up at Jonghyun, smirking arrogantly as usual.

"Alright, Jjongie, suit yourself." He said playfully. Jonghyun, against himself, grinned stupidly at Key as he pulled open the door and stepped outside, holding it open to let the boy out. The air hit him, still and silent. They walked through the empty street, illuminated by a few streetlights randomly strewn about. Jonghyun cleared his throat.

"I just wanted to come by and make sure you were okay after today." He said after a short silence. Key's eyes fell for a moment, then stared back up at Jonghyun's with a carefree expression on his face. He laughed.

"Jonghyun if I broke down every time that happened to me, I wouldn't have time to leave the house!"

"They do that to you that often?" Jonghyun questioned. Key sighed and puffed his cheeks out.

"Yeah but it's no big deal. Really Jjongie, I can handle it." Key hopped up on the curb and balanced himself while walking, placing one foot delicately in front of the other, his arms outstretched.

"But why? I don't understand." Key sighed loudly.

"They don't like people like me, I told you."

_People like me._

_That phrase could mean anything. It doesn't mean Key's gay._

If Key was gay, Jonghyun would have to stop hanging out with him. Being gay was wrong. His parents told him that it was disgusting. His classmates told him that, using words like "gay" or "fag" as insults. Even the news told him that. If gay people couldn't get married, it must be because it was wrong.

If Key was gay, Jonghyun wouldn't be able to see him anymore. And for some reason, Jonghyun really, really liked seeing Key. So Key couldn't be gay. Right?

"Well it's not fair. At all. They don't have the right to do that to you, you didn't do anything to them." Jonghyun said, anger biting at his words. Key dismounted from the curb, hopping off elegantly.

"I guess being me was enough of a reason for them." He said, his face smiling, but it came off as almost a painful expression. After Key stepped had returned to his position next to Jonghyun, Jonghyun suddenly noticed how close Key was to him, their shoulders brushing against each other lightly as they walked. Jonghyun did his best to ignore this.

"Come eat lunch with me tomorrow. They won't find you in the courtyard." Jonghyun offered, looking for a way to somehow see Key again. And this way, he would be safe at the same time.

"Ok, I will." Key said, smiling at Jonghyun again. Key's face seemed to shine under the dull glow of the streetlamps.

Jonghyun walked along, avoiding the cracks on the sidewalks, swinging his arms in an exaggerated manner. He thought of Minho and his sister, each working hard to make their dreams a reality. Minho as a professional soccer player, and Victoria as a professional dancer.

"Hey, Key." He said, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Key gave Jonghyun a quizzical look, surprised by the sudden question.

"You tell me first." He said.

"Oh me?" Jonghyun said scratching his chin. "I don't know."

"Not even a clue?"

"Nope."

"Come on, there has to be something you're interested in."

Jonghyun thought for a minute, suddenly remembering something.

"Alright but you can't laugh." Key involuntarily started to giggle before Jonghyun had the chance to continue. "I mean it! No laughing!"

"Fine, fine! I'm not laughing, see?" Key said, completely straight-faced.

"Alright." Jonghyun said, sighing. "When I was younger I wanted to be a singer, but then I realized it was unrealistic, so I gave up."

"A singer? I can't picture you as a singer." Key said, tapping his chin. "I want to hear you. Sing something for me." He demanded. Jonghyun's face grew hot at the request.

"Come on, I can't do that! It's way too embarrassing!" He protested, holding up his hands and waving them side-to-side, as if he was trying to erase the idea completely.

"I want to hear if you're any good!" Key said, grinning. Jonghyun found it impossible to look away after making eye contact with Key. He had the kind of eyes you just couldn't stop looking at, the kind of playful stare you couldn't avert your eyes from, for fear you might miss one facial expression, one movement, one smile that showed his carefree and cocky attitude. He was so absorbed in Key's gaze that he didn't realize he had been standing completely still.

"Why'd we stop walking?"

"Because this is my house." Key said, laughing at Jonghyun. "But I still want you to sing for me." Key's house was modest, quite small and made of brick with a black fence surrounding it. There was a small rock path leading up to the front door. It was cute. Just like Key.

Jonghyun shook his head and rubbed his temples, hating himself for what he was thinking.

"I promise I'll sing another day. I'm not… Uh… Probably warmed up." He said, fumbling for a decent excuse.

"Fine, you'd better come through on that promise." Key responded, a devilish look coming across his face.

"Well you never answered my question, you know." Jonghyun said. Key walked through the small gate and closed it, turning around to face Jonghyun and resting his arms on it.

"I guess it's a secret for now. I'll tell you once you sing for me." He said teasingly, resting his face on his hands. Jonghyun laughed at Key's childish behavior.

"Fine, but you'd better keep that promise too."

"Oh, I will." Key said, turning around swiftly. He waved over his shoulder. "See you Jjongie." He said, walking up the path to his door. Jonghyun watched him as he walked, his eyes focusing on the boys lower half, unable to pull his gaze away even if he tried. He didn't turn around until the boy had entered into his house

"Bye…" He said quietly, still in a stupor. He turned around, bursting into an ear to ear grin that stayed plastered to his face the whole time he walked slowly back to his house, still in a daze. Even his annoying conscience asking him why he was so happy didn't manage to make him stop smiling. After all, Jonghyun was just excited to make a new friend.

He took a couple detours, not wanting to go home right away. Athough Key lived fairly close to his house, he succeeded in wasting an hour just wandering around, not getting home until well past nine. He drifted through the door, still grinning, but his good mood was brought to a halt when he saw both his parents glaring at him from the kitchen.

"Do you know what time it is?" His mom said, her icy glare freezing Jonghyun in place.

"Um, around 9:30?" He responded casually.

"You _know _you're not supposed to be out this late." His dad said, his voice low and threatening. Jonghyun, against himself, chuckled at his parents' absurd accusation.

"9:30 isn't that late, you know. Tons of kids go out much later than this." He said, trying to lighten the situation.

"Other kids do, but _not you. _You're more responsible than they are!" His mom said. Jonghyun sighed. He knew his parents were strict, but this was over the top. He rarely even went out on weekdays, why should they be this angry the one time that he did?

"Mom, dad, I'm sorry. It won't happen again." He said backing up toward the stairs. He knew that if he just admitted he was wrong and moved on, there would be no argument. "And now I'm a little tired, so I'll be seeing you later." He said, turning and racing up the stairs before his parents had the chance to bombard him with questions about where he had been, what he had been doing, or whom he had been with.

Jonghyun's good mood returned as he thought of his meeting with Key, and his mind flashed back to the cute image of Key puffing his cheeks out at Jonghyun's questions. He didn't really care what his parents had to say about him being late. He didn't care that he would probably be punished tomorrow.

For some reason, he felt good.


	5. The Truth

Minho met Jonghyun outside his as usual, but today Minho looked especially cheery.

"Morning Jonghyun!" He shouted. Jonghyun scowled at Minho.

"Why are you so happy this early in the morning?" He said, eyes squinting in the sunlight, still adjusting to the morning sleepiness that glazed over his entire body.

"Oh, nothing." Minho said with his trademark charming smile. "I guess I'm just excited for school today." Excited for school?

"What the hell is wrong with you today… Jesus…" Jonghyun groaned, still visibly exhausted from the early morning. It didn't help that he got almost no sleep the night before. He couldn't sleep, not with thoughts of Key parading themselves through his head like that. And on top of that, he had to watch Minho practically skip to school. His overjoyed behavior looked absurd on the usually stoic man.

"I never noticed how pretty it was over here." Minho said, walking quickly. "Seriously Jjong, are you looking? It's beautiful!"

"Yes, Minho." Jonghyun said, exasperated. Minho slipped his backpack off of his back then swung it back and forth.

"The air feels really clean today. Seriously. I think the air is cleaner over here than at my house. What do you think Jjong?"

"Yeah Minho, it's nice."

"Yeah, really nice." They continued walking in silence, but Jonghyun could still see Minho grinning out of the corner of his eyes.

"Are you looking, Jjong? Look at that sunrise. Seriously. This morning is beautiful. Jjong, are you even looking? Look at that-"

"Alright Minho. _What. Is. Wrong. With. You." _Jonghyun said, spinning around to face his friend. "I've never seen anyone with this much energy. Ever."

Minho pursed his lips together and tried to hide a smile, averting his eyes from Jonghyun's.

"Are you on drugs, Minho? Are you on crack? Because I swear if you are on crack I will kill you." Minho burst out laughing.

"No Jonghyun! I'm not on drugs! I'm just in a good mood today! Can't I be happy?" He said, holding his arms out.

"Not like this. It's seriously weird."

"Oh don't be so grouchy Jjong." Minho said leaning down to face him eye to eye. Damn Minho and his height. "Life's too short. Be happy." He ruffled Jonghyun's hair and walked into school, an unfamiliar bounce in his step, leaving a confused Jonghyun behind.

"What the hell was that all about…?" Jonghyun muttered to himself before walking into school.

The long hours ticked by more slowly than he thought imaginable. He found himself checking the clock repeatedly only to find that just one or two minutes had passed since the last time he looked.

When Jonghyun finally heard the sound of the bell, he didn't even pretend to act casual. He picked up his lunch and ran to the courtyard, enjoying the feeling of finally being outside after spending hours in that damned classroom. He sat down at his favorite tree, hands feeling the grass around him, smiling as he pulled some out of the grass and tossed it in the wind. He lied down and spread his arms and legs out, as if he was trying to make a snow angel.

He closed his eyes, breathing slowly, wondering if Key would come. Part of him didn't want him to. Every time he saw Key, he got uncomfortable. His heart sped up and his palms got sweaty. And every time he saw Key he started to think things that he shouldn't, feel things that he shouldn't. And Jonghyun couldn't understand why.

His eyes fluttered open and he jolted in surprise and flailed his arms when he saw Key kneeling next to him, his face just a foot above Jonghyun's.

"How long have you been there?" He said, clutching his chest to control his heartbeat.

"A while. I wanted to see how long it took for you to notice me."

"Jesus Christ you scared me!"

"I know. Your reaction was priceless. Remind me to scare you more often." Key said, laughing at Jonghyun. Jonghyun suddenly realized Key was still kneeling beside him, his face still just a foot away. Jonghyun took this moment to study Key, looking at his full lips, stretched out in a grin, amused by Jonghyun's reaction. His skin was flawless, almost shining. His eyes traveled downward to his jaw, his neck, his collarbones revealed by his loose uniform…

Jonghyun bolted upright to stop the thoughts running through his head. He tried to look downward to avoid seeing Key, but his eyes travelled to Key's empty hands.

"You don't have a lunch?" He asked.

"I lost it again." Key said, not skipping a beat.

"You seem to 'lose' your lunch a lot, you know." Key smirked

"I'm a little careless sometimes…" He said in response. Jonghyun sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Take half my sandwich." He said, offering it to the younger boy.

"I can't keep taking your lunch, Jjongie. You'll get even skinnier." Jonghyun frowned.

"I am not skinny! I have huge muscles. Our school uniform just doesn't show them well enough. Trust me. They're huge." Jonghyun said dismissively. Key took one look at Jonghyun and burst out laughing.

"I don't know if you've ever looked at yourself in the mirror, but…"

"Just take the sandwich, I made too much anyway." Jonghyun said, cutting him off before he could make any more comments about Jonghyun's thin physique. He silently wished he was buff like Minho, and made a mental note to start weightlifting.

"Thanks, Jjongie." Key said, his hand brushing Jonghyun's as he accepted the food. Jonghyun felt his fingertips tingle where Key's hand had touched his. He quickly retracted his hand and looked away again.

"Do you know a kid named Minho?" Jonghyun asked. A pause filled the air. Key continued to eat, delaying his answer.

"Yes, I do." He said finally said, the words falling slowly out of his mouth. "Why?"

"Oh, I asked him about you. He said he knew you."

"You asked about me?" Key said, raising an eyebrow. Jonghyun's face burned with shame when he realized how creepy he had sounded.

"It was right after I met you… I didn't believe you actually went to my school because I had never seen you before…" Key laughed at Jonghyun's embarrassment.

"Ok, Jjongie." Key said, subduing his high-pitched laughter.

"How do you know him?" Jonghyun said, trying to spare himself from being even further embarrassed by Key.

"Friend of a friend." Jonghyun sighed. The exact same words Minho had said.

"I feel like you don't like him that much." Jonghyun said, judging Key's annoyed tone. Key looked at his food, avoiding eye contact with Jonghyun.

"It's not like I dislike him, I just don't trust him." Jonghyun was shocked at the notion of an untrustworthy Minho. Of anyone he'd ever met, Jonghyun trusted Minho the most. Jonghyun told Minho everything, and he was sure Minho did the same.

"He's a nice guy, I swear. We've known each other forever." A look of annoyance spread across Key's face.

"Is that so?" He said, obviously uninterested. Why did the subject of Minho make him so angry? Although he claimed not to dislike him, his words were drenched in hatred. His usually wide eyes looked much thinner as his face settled into an expression of anger. Just what had Minho done to him? All this time Jonghyun thought Minho wasn't capable of doing a bad thing to anyone.

"You… You should try out for the soccer team." Jonghyun said bluntly, obviously eager to change the subject. Key gestured toward his own thin frame.

"I'm not exactly the most athletic person in the world." He said. Jonghyun was happy to see Key's usual, playful look return to his face.

"Neither am I, and I still play. Only on JV though."

"Now _that_ I want to see." Key said.

"Well… We have a game today. It's right after school." Jonghyun blurted out. _Just when I thought I couldn't sound any more stupid._

"Really?"

"Yeah. You should come. And after that we can watch the Varsity game together." _What the hell am I even saying?_ "Uh… I forgot you have work, sorry, forget it…" _I don't think anyone in the world has ever sounded as stupid as you do right now, Kim Jonghyun._

"No that's alright, I don't work on Thursdays." Key said. Jonghyun looked up at him hopefully. Key smiled, pulling his legs to his chest. "So I'll come watch. It'll be fun." He said, resting his head on his knees.

The bell rang. Key stood up.

"I'll be in the bleachers." He said. "So you have to wave to me when you score, ok?" Jonghyun let the feeling of pure joy wash across him.

"I will." He managed to choke out. Key walked back to class, leaving Jonghyun in a whirl of emotions.

He felt shame for wanting to see Key again this badly, and confusion when he couldn't understand why. He was embarrassed for acting as un-cool as humanly possible. But the one emotion that blew the rest away was pure happiness. The chance to see Key again made him happier than he had been in a long time.

But why was he so happy?

_I'm just happy to see a friend. _He told himself. But something deep down knew that that wasn't completely true. Something he couldn't, or wouldn't, acknowledge.

The rest of school crawled on, hour after hour, as Jonghyun, for once, dreaded to be dismissed from class. What if he played badly? What if he lost? Or what if, and this he was worried about the most, Key didn't come?

At the end of the day, Jonghyun went down to the team lockers. He was so nervous he could barely get his locker open. He changed into his school's bright blue uniform and took a deep breath to calm himself down.

_It's just another game, Jonghyun. No big deal._

…_Only this time Key will be there._

Any hope of being calm had been completely erased. He seriously wanted to play well. He couldn't imagine Key seeing him make a fool of himself.

He tried to settle his nerves throughout the whole warm-up but it was no use. He felt jittery as his team took the field, ready to start the game. Jonghyun took several deep breaths.

_It's just a game. _He thought. He felt infinitely calmer. Then he made the mistake of looking up at the bleachers.

Key was there. Key was sitting right there, on the bleachers.

_Oh god oh god oh god…_

Jonghyun saw him playing with his earrings as usual. He thought his heart would burst out of chest in a bloody mess on the field.

_Calm down, breathe, play well. _He thought, breathing slowly. The referee's whistle threw him out of his trance. Jonghyun felt newly energized. His every movement felt infinitely stronger, faster, more precise.

In the last ten minutes of the game the score was still tied at 0-0. The ball went out of bounds, giving his team a corner kick. He set himself up just above the penalty area.

_I have to get this._

His teammate raised his hand, signaling to the team he was about to take the kick. The ball sailed in, and Jonghyun leapt into action. Making his run to the back post, he jumped as high as he could, striking the ball with his head. Jonghyun accidentally closed his eyes at the impact. When he opened them, he froze in absolute disbelief. The ball was in the net. Did he _actually_ just score a goal? He stood there, still shocked. He was suddenly tackled by his teammates, screaming in celebration. He couldn't believe it.

When he had finally dislodged himself from his screaming teammates, he looked up to see Key, grinning and giving him a thumbs up. Jonghyun didn't think it was possible to smile any harder than he was at that moment. The rest of the game went smoothly until the last whistle. Jonghyun signaled for Key to wait for him while he had the after-game talk with his teammates and coach.

The coach talked while the Varsity team warmed up, praising the way Jonghyun's team played and of course, Jonghyun's goal. But he wasn't listening to a word of it. He just wanted the talk to end so he could sprint across the field and sit with Key during Minho's game.

The moment his coach dismissed him he ran over to see Key. Key had changed out of his uniform and was wearing a purple scoop neck sweater exposing a rather large portion of his chest. His black skinny jeans hugged his legs tightly.

"Key, you showed up!" Jonghyun shouted.

Key just laughed, his expression still calm and casual, unlike Jonghyun who was flailing in excitement. "I said I would. I'm not a liar, like you are."

A liar? "When did I lie?"

"You told me you were bad at soccer." Jonghyun tried not to blush at Key's compliment.

"I am bad… Wait till you see Varsity play, they're ten times better than us."

Key puffed his cheeks out. "I'd rather see you play anyway." If Jonghyun wasn't blushing before, he definitely was now. He put his hands to his face to cover his cheeks.

"Key you're too nice to me." He said, playing it off as a joke. Key just smiled and they made their way up the bleachers to watch the Varsity game.

The whistle blew for the start of the game. Minho was playing well, as usual, but Jonghyun couldn't be bothered to actually watch. All he could focus on was the boy sitting next to him, so close that their shoulders were touching, so close that he could feel the heat from Key's body. Jonghyun felt intoxicated by Key's scent, a faint hint of vanilla swarmed and clouded his senses.

"Key, have those guys bothered you since then?" Jonghyun asked tentatively. Key didn't seem to like talking about the subject, but Jonghyun needed to know.

Key shook his head. "No, they haven't…" He said quietly.

"I wonder why they hate you so much…" Jonghyun muttered, more to himself than to Key.

"Because I'm gay." Key stated bluntly.

And there it was.

Everything Jonghyun was afraid of came crashing down on him all at once. It was true. All the rumors were true.

"A lot of people have a problem with that." Key continued. Jonghyun could feel his heart beat in his head. He had no idea what to feel. Key was gay. Key was, in his parents' words, "disgusting". A "mistake".

A silence grew between the two of them. "…Do you?" Key asked.

Jonghyun was taken aback by the question. Since birth he had been told that it was wrong. That it was filthy. But he had never actually thought about it before. What was so wrong with being gay? What difference did it make?

"I… I don't think so. I mean, love is love… Right? It doesn't matter who it is." He stuttered out. He immediately felt horrible at his words. He could imagine his parents screaming at him for taking Key's side. For approving of that lifestyle. He stared down at his shoes, feeling remorse and anger, and most of all confusion.

"…Thank you Jonghyun. That means a lot to me." Key said. Jonghyun looked up to see Key averting his eyes, pretending to watch the game. His usual cockiness was gone, and he sounded humble, and genuinely appreciative.

Jonghyun felt sick to his stomach.

_Key is gay. Key is really gay. And that's wrong. So, so wrong._

Before Jonghyun knew it, the game was over. The two boys stood up and walked to the front of the school.

"That was fun, Jonghyun." Key said. "We should hang out more often."

"Yeah.. well we'll see, I'm pretty busy lately…" Jonghyun said, staring directly at the floor."

"Well anytime you're free, tell me." Key said, giving his trademark cocky smile. Jonghyun just nodded and began to walk in the other direction.

"What, you're not walking me home today?" Key said.

"My parents are pretty strict… They'd be angry if I didn't go home soon." Jonghyun said, partially telling the truth. If he blamed it on his parents he wouldn't feel so terrible. He wouldn't feel so guilty for asking Key to hang out with him and then basically abandoning him at the school.

"Oh… All right. Maybe next time." Key said, a look of disappointment in his face. Jonghyun's heart sank and he turned away from him before he could feel even worse for what he was doing.

_There's nothing wrong with what you're doing. He's the one who's wrong._

Jonghyun's whole body felt painful at the very thought. He told himself he was doing the right thing the entire walk home.

"How did the game go?" His mom asked when he walked through the door.

"Fine. We won. I scored." His parents looked up at him in disbelief.

"You did? Good job Jonghyun! Keep working hard, maybe you'll make Varsity next year." His mom said happily.

"Yeah. Maybe. Hey I have some work to do, so I'll be in my room." Jonghyun said, dragging himself upstairs.

He collapsed onto his bed and buried his face into his pillow.

_I'm doing the right thing._

He knew what his parents would think if he was hanging out with a gay kid. He knew what the kids in school would think.

And that's why he couldn't see Key again.

_It's the right thing to do. Your parents are right. Gay people are a bad influence._

He pushed his face even farther into the pillow. He felt hot tears collecting in his eyes.

_If it's the right thing to do, then why do I feel so horrible?_


	6. Guilt

Jonghyun's eyes felt like lead the following morning, still swollen and red from crying the night before. It was difficult to deal with Minho all day because of his impossible cheeriness. He still claimed there was no source of his recent good spirits. Every time Jonghyun asked he just responded that he was simply "in a good mood."

For the first time, Jonghyun was upset at the sound of the bell for lunchtime. He picked up his lunch and tried to think of a place to eat. He turned the corner only to see Key walk outside the school into the courtyard. He quickly spun back around the corner, guilt washing over his body as he imagined Key waiting for him in the courtyard. But he had made up his mind. He couldn't talk to Key again. Not after knowing what he was.

Jonghyun dismissed the immense guilt he was feeling and pulled out his phone to text Minho and ask him where he was eating. Minho responded quickly and Jonghyun went to find him in the lobby. When he got there, he saw Minho already eating with someone. Minho waved him over.

"Jonghyun! Over here!" He shouted. Jonghyun sat down next to Minho, staring at the person he was eating with all the while. Minho noticed his confusion and explained.

"Jjong, this is my friend Taemin. He's a first year." If Jonghyun hadn't looked close enough he would have thought Taemin was a girl. He had long bangs that framed his very feminine face, and his light brown hair was pulled back into a short ponytail. He was extremely thin and delicate looking.

"Nice to meet you…" The words just barely escaping from the boy's plump lips, coming out in a barely audible whisper.

"This is my good friend Jonghyun." Jonghyun nodded in the boy's direction. Taemin's face lit up.

"You're Key's friend, aren't you?" Jonghyun grew alert at the sound of Key's name. "Key told me about you." Key had… talked about him? Jonghyun, for a brief moment, felt happy about this. The feeling was short-lived, as he immediately scolded himself for the split second of joy he felt.

_You're not friends with him anymore._

"We… we know each other." Jonghyun replied. Taemin smiled brightly.

"He told me you were a really nice guy. It's nice to finally meet you."

Jonghyun's heart sank.

_A nice guy?_

_You're wrong._

_I'm not nice at all._

"We were just talking about last night's game." Minho said.

"Jonghyun did you see Minho's goal in the second half? It was absolutely amazing!" Taemin said. Minho blushed.

"It wasn't _that _great…" Minho said, trying to be humble. It didn't work. Everyone knew just how good Minho was at soccer.

"You were at the game last night?" Jonghyun asked.

"Yeah, I go to all of Minho's games!" Taemin said. Minho seemed to blush harder. I smiled inwardly. He must have been embarrassed to have a fan. "I saw you and Key there, but I didn't want to interrupt." Now it was Jonghyun's turn to be embarrassed.

"Ah, you should have said hello. I wouldn't have minded." Jonghyun said as nonchalantly as he could manage, while in reality he was remembering the night before, the hour and a half he spent sitting on the bleachers with Key, talking and laughing.

_Stop thinking about him._

Jonghyun finished the rest of the lunch talking politely to Taemin and Minho. He tried not to let his mind wander too much. Normal boys talked to their friends. Normal boys listened to their parents. Normal boys went to school, went home, and did normal things. Normal boys didn't think about how nice their male friend looked the other day, or how great he smelled when they sat so close, or that low cut sweater that showed just the right amount of his perfect skin…

Jonghyun felt his stomach turning, utterly repulsed by his own thoughts. He felt a sickness rising in his throat. He spent the rest of the day mentally exhausted with his head in his hands, a permanent lump lodged in his throat like a heavy stone.

He immersed himself in his work every day, doing his best not to think about Key.

An entire week passed just like this. He went to school, avoided the courtyard, went to soccer practice, then came home and studied. He ignored the fact that his heart broke in two every time he saw Key walk into the courtyard, waiting for him to come eat lunch. He ignored the fact that a lump formed in his throat when he imagined Key sitting there alone. He ignored the fact that he felt like the filthiest, most disgusting person on the entire planet.

He ignored all of it.

Why?

Because according to everything, it was the right thing to do.

After school Jonghyun was in his familiar place in the room, books open, working hard. He had grown to like doing homework and going to school. It kept his mind off of everything. He spent hours up in his room, studying things he already understood, doing and redoing problems until they became ingrained into his brain.

He heard a light knock on his door.

"Come in." He said, confused. If it were his sister, she would have just barged into his room. But other than her no one came into his room.

The door opened slowly, almost hesitantly, and revealed Jonghyun's dad behind it. Jonghyun tensed up. He always became nervous around his father. Whenever he saw him, the atmosphere became immediately serious, the tension weighing down and almost choking him. His father cleared his throat uneasily.

"H-hi dad." He said, spinning around his chair and turning to face him. He felt like he had been caught doing something wrong. Why was his dad in his room? Was he in trouble? What did he do? He felt his hands grow moist and his grip on his pencil slacken, growing more and more nervous with each passing second.

"Son." He said, nodding in his direction. Jonghyun suddenly became aware of his every movement. He shifted in his chair, adjusting his posture.

"I just wanted to say that I've noticed how hard you've been working lately." Jonghyun felt a wave of relief wash over him when he realized he was not, in fact, in trouble. It was an unfamiliar feeling, as Jonghyun's dad really only spoke to him when he was scolding him. "I know your mom and I are harsh on you. But it's only because we know how much potential you have." Jonghyun swallowed hard, not believing his ears. For once his dad was saying something that wasn't laced with criticism. "And anyway… I just wanted to say, we're proud of you."

Jonghyun immediately turned his face away, unable to look at his father in his uncharacteristic moment of kindness.

"Th…Thanks dad." He said, still not quite sure of himself. "I'll keep working hard." His father nodded, and shut the door behind him. Jonghyun stared at his feet and bit his lip.

He had fought for his parents' approval for so long. He had gotten good grades, worked hard at soccer, and tried to be responsible. And now, when they finally noticed him, finally praised him for his hard work…

Why did he feel so empty?

Why did he feel even worse?

He closed his books and pushed them off to the floor, collapsing in a heap onto his bed.

_Yes, Jonghyun. _He thought._You're the perfect son._

He slept, feeling his heart feeling heavy and painful.

Minho managed to corner Jonghyun at lunch the next day, practically shoving him into an empty room.

"Why are you avoiding Key?" He demanded. What? How the hell did Minho find out about that? Key and Minho didn't even like each other from what Jonghyun had gathered.

"What are you talking about?" Jonghyun said, removing Minho's hands from his collar.

"Key says you've been avoiding him." Minho said, glaring at Jonghyun.

"Did he tell you that?"

"No, Taemin did." Jonghyun scoffed and pushed past Minho.

"I haven't been avoiding him. Besides, what do you care? You two aren't even friends." Minho once again grabbed onto Jonghyun's shirt and pushed him against the wall.

"Taemin told me Key's really upset about it." Minho said. Jonghyun froze. Key was upset? Because of him? He ignored the feeling of sympathy that suddenly came over him.

It didn't matter how Key felt.

"And you're right, Key and I aren't friends." Minho continued. "But you're my friend. And in all the time I've known you, I've never seen you act like this before. You've been really distant lately." Jonghyun felt his heart swell.

"Minho, you always stick your head into things that aren't your business." He said coldly. "Don't talk about things you don't know about."

Jonghyun started walking away, planting his steps loudly and firmly do get his point across. He was one foot out the door when Minho called after him.

"The Jonghyun I know wouldn't ignore a friend like this." Jonghyun turned at Minho and gave him one last icy glare before slamming the door shut. He leaned against it and sighed, feeling warm tears collecting in his eyes. Key was upset. And it was all Jonghyun's fault. He had made him upset. The guilt that formed in his stomach weighed his body down. He regained himself after a few seconds of strained breathing and stood up straight.

_Oh shit. Shit shit shit._

His breath got stuck in his throat when he made eye contact with the boy in front of him, melting in his large, black eyes. A hopeful look came across the boy's face, his lips curving slightly upward in a meek smile.

Jonghyun once again became mesmerized by Key. His heart leapt at the familiar sight of the boy's perfect skin and flawless features. He quickly looked at his feet.

_Don't look at him._

"Jong-" Key started, but Jonghyun cut him off before he could finish. He didn't want to hear Key say his name. He couldn't. It would make him feel too guilty.

"Sorry, I have to go." He said, pushing his head down and quickly walking away. The familiar pain rose up in his chest. He didn't turn around to look back at him.

_Your parents would be proud if they knew what you were doing. _He thought.

But that didn't really make him feel better at all.

Jonghyun felt completely exhausted at soccer practice, doing as little running as he could get away with. Although Minho and Jonghyun practiced on separate sides of the field, Minho still took the water breaks as a chance to glare at Jonghyun.

Jonghyun already felt guilty for what he was doing. Minho was just making it even worse.

Everything told him that being gay was wrong. If Minho knew about Key, he wouldn't be so quick to stand up for him.

Practice ended and Jonghyun got changed back into his uniform as quickly as possible so he wouldn't have to run into Minho. Minho had always been like this. He felt the need to protect everyone. Usually Jonghyun loved this about him, but now he couldn't stomach it.

He grabbed his things and ran out into the hallway, bumping abruptly into someone. He took a step back, dazed, and found himself staring right at Taemin.

_Oh no. _For someone trying to avoid just a few people, he was doing a pretty terrible job.

"Oh, Jonghyun!" Taemin said, a shy smile forming on his face.

"What are you still doing here Taemin?"

"I was at the dance studio. I usually meet Minho after his practices but I wanted to talk to you today." Jonghyun groaned internally. He wasn't ready to hear this speech again. He just couldn't stand to hear anything more about Key.

"Sorry Taemin, I'm kind of in a rush…" Taemin grabbed Jonghyun's sleeve.

"It'll only be a minute, I promise." Jonghyun looked around him, making sure Minho was nowhere nearby, then pulled Taemin to the side.

"What is it?" Jonghyun said, his patience running thin.

"Are… Are you mad at Key?" Taemin asked quietly. Jonghyun sighed.

"No, Taemin, I'm not mad at Key." Jonghyun said.

"Then why are you ignoring him?" Jonghyun was surprised at the force behind the younger boy's words. He didn't expect it from the usually mild boy.

"I'm not ignoring him. Why does everyone keep saying that?" Jonghyun said, running his hands through his hair. Taemin frowned.

"Jonghyun, stop lying." The commanding tone sounded strange accompanied with Taemin's high-pitched voice. Even when he was trying to sound intimidating, he came off as cute. "Key was so upset yesterday." Jonghyun's heart sank. So it was true.

"What do you mean he was upset? What's there to be upset about?" He snapped.

"You!" Taemin shouted. "Key doesn't have a lot of friends. For _obvious_ reasons. But he was so excited to have you as a new friend, you know that? He told me you were such a nice guy. But you're not, are you?" The words hit Jonghyun like a bullet. He had never felt so horrible in his life. "Did Key tell you about him?"

"…Yeah." Jonghyun said, the words barely escaping from his dry throat.

"Is _that _why you're avoiding him?" Jonghyun shifted in place uncomfortably. "You know, he told me you stuck up for him when he was being bullied. But you're no better than they are." Taemin and Jonghyun locked eyes, both waiting for the other to say something. The tension continued to grow before Taemin whirled around and walked away, presumably to find Minho.

_I'm horrible._

Key had confided in him. Key had told him something in complete honesty and Jonghyun returned his trust by forcing him out of his life.

_I'm a terrible person._

He dragged himself home, not reaching his destination until 6:30. Filled with self-loathing, he collapsed on the couch. Minho's words echoed in his head.

"_The Jonghyun I know wouldn't ignore a friend like this."_

Minho was right. Taemin was right. They all had been right. But Jonghyun had ignored them. All because he was he didn't want to be associated with Key. All because of his selfishness.

He didn't think it was possible to feel any worse than he did right now.

He tossed and turned, arguing with himself the entire time.

_I can still fix this._

He picked up his phone and walked out the door. He walked briskly under the streetlights, breathing into his hands to keep them warm. It was already late fall, and it was getting colder and colder every day.

It was pitch black by the time he reached the coffee shop. His hands felt numb, the cold biting at his fingertips.

But his entire body heated up when he saw Key through the window. He was wiping the counter, his eyes scrunched up in concentration, his smooth hands rubbing the cloth back and forth.

Key suddenly looked up and almost dropped the cloth in surprise when he saw Jonghyun standing outside the window. He looked back down at the counter, continuing his work, refusing to acknowledge Jonghyun.

_I don't blame him._

Jonghyun held his breath and walked into the store. The door chimed as he stepped in. Key's eyes remained fixed on the table, wiping the same spot over and over.

Both boys stood in silence.

Jonghyun played with his fingers, watching Key work. The seconds grew longer as both refused to acknowledge each other. Jonghyun finally spoke up.

"Key-"

"Sorry, we're closed." Key snapped back immediately, not even looking up at him.

"Key, can we just talk?" Key wrung the cloth out in the sink and turned his back to him, starting to put some glass mugs back on the shelves.

"What do you want to talk about?" He said coldly. The shop was silent except for the sound of the cups clinking on the shelf.

"I'm sorry." Jonghyun said after a few painful seconds of silence.

"For what?" Key said casually. Jonghyun blew air out of his mouth. He could tell Key was angry. Really angry.

"For ignoring you."

"So you were ignoring me. Taemin said you denied it." Jonghyun bit his tongue. How did information get passed between them so quickly?

"I just…"

"It's because I'm gay, isn't it?" Key interrupted. Jonghyun had no idea how to respond. How could he be honest with Key without having him hate him forever?

"I… I didn't know how to react."

"When I told you, you said you didn't care. Were you lying?" Jonghyun was taken aback by how straightforward Key always was, even now. He didn't disguise he questions or words, he just said them how they were.

"I wasn't lying." He said. Key glared at him. "I've just… I've been told for so long that it's such a bad thing. My parents are really traditional. So that's why I decided I didn't want to speak to you again." Key didn't respond. He continued wiping glasses, his back still facing Jonghyun.

Clink.

Clink.

Clink.

Key placed cup after cup on the shelf, refusing to speak.

"Key, I-"

"Is… Is that all you came here to say?" Key choked, his voice shaking.

_Oh god._

_Is he really?_

Jonghyun thought his heart had broken completely in two. Key was crying. It was faint, but Jonghyun could barely hear it in his voice. He looked closely and saw Key's shoulders slightly twitching.

_I'll never forgive myself for this._

Jonghyun had made him cry. And because of this he was certain- he really was the worst person in the world.

Without thinking, instinct completely taking over, Jonghyun ran behind the counter, wrapping his hands around Key's waist and pressing his chest against his back. He smelled the familiar scent of vanilla. He let himself be washed over by Key's warmth, pressing himself tighter and tighter around his back, his hands pulling him closer. Key fit perfectly along the curve of his stomach.

"I'm… I'm so sorry Key. I can't tell you how sorry I am." Jonghyun said, unable to think of the proper words to express just how apologetic he was. "I just didn't know how to take it. I thought it was a bad thing. But I was wrong. I couldn't have been more wrong." He felt the words flowing now, unable to stop himself even if he tried. "It can't be wrong, because you're you. You're Key. You're strong and you don't care what anyone thinks of you. And nothing can be wrong if you're the one doing it."

Jonghyun was shocked at the words that had flown out of his mouth. Once again his mouth had moved faster than his brain and he had admitted things he probably shouldn't. He felt a rigid Key relax in his arms. Key brought his hands up and latched them on top of Jonghyun's, resting his head back onto Jonghyun's shoulders. Jonghyun could still feel Key shaking slightly under his grip.

"Please forgive me. I'll do anything to make it up to you."

"Anything?" Key mumbled, still lying back on Jonghyun's arms. The embrace had lasted almost a minute, yet neither had made any kind of movement to separate themselves.

"I swear." Jonghyun said. Key spun around and smiled, his eyes still red. He walked out the coffee shop, turning off the lights as he left and beckoning for Jonghyun to follow.

They walked in a comfortable silence. They stopped after a few minutes and Jonghyun looked up, immediately recognizing the small building.

"Your house?" He asked Key. Key simply nodded, taking out his keys and unlocking the door.

The house seemed even smaller on the inside.

_I'm inside his house…_ Jonghyun thought to himself, still trying to take it all in. Key led him to a door, opening it slowly.

"My room." He said, gesturing with his arm. Jonghyun froze.

The room had quite a lot of pink, to be sure, but the most shocking thing was on the walls.

Hundreds of drawings lined the walls, torn out of notebooks, sketchbooks, even cardboard. Faces, trees, landscapes, absolutely everything had been drawn and pinned down. Jonghyun turned around with his mouth agape, absolutely in awe at the magnitude of drawings. In some places Key had run out of room, and had just placed drawings on top of each other. There were tons on the floor, too, tossed carelessly or having fallen.

"It's what I want to be. An artist." Key said, smiling, his face turning slightly red.

"Key this is… It's amazing…" Jonghyun said, still trying to process everything. Key's face turned even redder. Jonghyun could tell he hadn't shown a lot of people this.

"This is how you're going to make it up to me. I want to draw you."

Jonghyun closed his mouth quickly and whipped his head around at Key.

"Me? Why?" Key grinned.

"Come on, I need a model. And you said you'd do anything."

Jonghyun fidgeted when he remembered he had, in fact, said just that.

"Alright… I'll do it." Key clapped his hands together, then ran over to his desk, pulling out a chair for him to sit on.

"Just sit here. It won't be long, I promise."

Jonghyun sat down awkwardly.

"Look at me, and don't move, ok?" Jonghyun nodded. Key hopped up on his bed, sitting down cross-legged and pulling out a pad and a pencil.

Even if Key hadn't told Jonghyun to look at him, he would have done it anyway. Key's mouth was pursed in concentration, and the serious expression was one of the cutest things he had ever seen. The room was silent except for the scratches of pencil on paper. Key's eyes flickered up and down, from Jonghyun to the drawing. Jonghyun was completely transfixed on Key's every movement.

After what seemed to be only a few minutes, Key smiled and his face relaxed, signaling the completion of the drawing.

"You're done?" Jonghyun asked. Key bit his lip, still smiling, and nodded. "Let me see!"

Key looked embarrassed as he turned the paper around, but really it was Jonghyun who should have been. The drawing was amazing, a perfect likeness of Jonghyun. But the embarrassing thing was his expression- a slight smile had plastered itself onto Jonghyun's face, and a euphoric look had taken over his eyes. It looked like he was lost in a dream. Jonghyun blushed ferociously, not realizing he had been looking at Key like that.

"Wow Key… This is incredible." Key pulled the drawing back in, hugging it to his chest.

"Thanks Jonghyun…" Key said. He interrupted the serious mood by jumping up and grabbing a pin and tacking it up above his pillow. "Now I'll see you when I wake up." He said, sticking his tongue out. Jonghyun smiled back at Key.

"I'm pretty sure it's everyone's dream to see me when they wake up." He joked. Key laughed. Jonghyun noticed the time on the clock on Key's nightstand.

"Oh crap!" He said leaping up. "It's really late! I'm sorry Key, I have to go." Key frowned, but nodded understandingly. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Well that seems to be up to you, doesn't it?" Key responded. Jonghyun sighed.

"I thought you had forgiven me for that…" He said, not wanting to think about how badly he had treated Key the past few weeks. Key puffed his cheeks out. It seemed to be a habit of his.

"Hm, maybe. We'll see." He said, his arrogance returning. Jonghyun smiled grabbed Key's arms, pulling him in to a tight hug. Key returned, wrapping his arms around Jonghyuns neck and placing his head against his shoulder. Jonghyun grew nervous, fearing Key could hear the pounding of his heartbeat as his limbs molded into the embrace. He could feel Key's breath tickling his neck. He smiled.

"Again, I'm sorry Key." He whispered, his nose brushing against Key's neck.

"Don't apologize anymore, idiot." Key said, still clinging to Jonghyun tightly. Seconds ticked by, but Jonghyun couldn't bring himself to move away from Key. Much to Jonghyun's disappointment, Key slipped his hands back from his neck and stepped away. Jonghyun felt cold losing the warmth of Key pressed against his chest.

"You should get home." Key said, his face flushed.

"Y-yeah." Jonghyun responded, trying to sound neutral. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you." Key said. Jonghyun turned and walked out the door, his feet working on auto-pilot carrying him outside. He burst into a childish grin as soon as he shut the door. He couldn't believe how foolish he had been, ignoring Key for that long.

Because it felt nice just to be friends with Key.

It felt nice just to be around him.

And there was nothing wrong with that, nothing at all.


	7. Excuses

Jonghyun indulged himself in a childish expression of pure happiness as he practically skipped home. Key had forgiven him, let him into his room, and even _hugged _him. Well, to be completely honest Jonghyun had been the one to initiate both hugs, but Key had never pulled away.

He covered his face as he smiled, memories of holding Key flooding into his mind. He had felt so warm enveloped in his arms.

However the brief moment of bliss was quickly overtaken by a stab of guilt, and an overwhelming feeling of confusion.

_You really shouldn't be this excited for hugging a boy. What's wrong with you?_

Jonghyun shoved his hands in his pockets and stomped on the leaves, letting out a satisfying crunch with each step.

_Key is my friend and I'll hug him whenever I damn well please. _He reasoned with himself, kicking a rock out of his path angrily. The split second of satisfaction he felt with this answer was quickly erased when he remembered one thing.

_Shit._

_My parents are going to kill me._

He slowed his pace, dreading the inevitable scolding he would receive coming home late once again. His brain worked at a million miles an hour, trying to come up with an acceptable excuse this time. He stopped in front of his house, realizing he had absolutely nothing. Maybe if he just walked in and apologized, they would forgive him and it would be fine.

_Who am I kidding?_

He sighed and opened his door, preparing himself for the verbal lashing he was about to receive.

"Jonghyun?" He heard his mother say just milliseconds after he took his first step into the house.

"Yeah, it's me." He said, as calmly as he could manage while he was panicking internally. She entered into the hallway from the living room, glaring at Jonghyun.

"Where have you been?" She said. Jonghyun knew the casual, innocently inquisitive way of speaking was just an act to goad him into a sense of safety. Jonghyun bit down on his tongue hard to keep his resolve.

"I… I was at the library with Minho. We have a big physics test tomorrow." He said off of the top of his head.

_Was that convincing enough? I really hope that was._

His mother folded her arms across her chest.

"Studying with Minho?" She said. A look came across her face as if she was considering what Jonghyun had said. Jonghyun stared back at her, trying not to blink or show any signs of faltering. "I'm glad you were studying, but you really should have called us to tell us first."

Jonghyun used every last ounce of willpower not to release the air he had been holding tight in his lungs.

"Sorry, you're right, I really should have called." He said, putting on his best apologetic expression. "It slipped my mind." His mother dropped the death glare and sighed.

"What are we going to do with you?" She said, throwing up her hands. Jonghyun chuckled at her, completely relieved by the efficiency of his excuse. Jonghyun laughed and his face relaxed, almost unable to believe how easy this had been. His mother was in a good mood. Such a good mood that he decided to push his luck a little.

"I had to get my work done too, I won't have time to do it tomorrow." He said, swinging his arms back and forth.

"Why not?" His mom asked. Jonghyun acted surprised.

"You don't remember? I have a late soccer game tomorrow. I probably won't be home until nine." He lied. His parents never came to his games. It was a perfect excuse. He'd be able to see Key again the next day. His mom frowned.

"Well if you got your work done, then that's fine." She said, before turning around and returning to the living room, leaving Jonghyun alone in the hallway.

_I cannot believe that worked. _He thought to himself, bounding up the stairs. He ran into his room and dove onto the bed, throwing his bag across the room. He rolled on his back and let a satisfied smile take over his face.

"Jonghyun! I need English help!" Victoria shouted, barging into his room.

"Vic! Would it kill you to knock?" Victoria rolled her eyes.

"It's not like you're naked or anything. Come on, I have a test tomorrow." Jonghyun sighed and contorted himself in a twisted position as he slid halfway off the bed.

"Fine…" He grumbled. He really couldn't say no to his sister. Besides, he was in too good of a mood to refuse anyone right now. He smiled.

He had made up with Key, seen his house, _and _tricked his parents out of punishing him.

Victoria pulled out her books at sat beside Jonghyun, who was hanging upside down half on, half off of his bed. He smiled.

All in all, it was quite a good day.

Jonghyun woke up extra early that day, an idea embedded in his head that made it impossible to sleep. He got dressed and got his things all ready for school, then shuffled downstairs to the kitchen, walking slowly and avoiding the familiar places in the floor that creaked with the old age of his house so he wouldn't wake up his family. He opened his cabinets, smiling with anticipation.

_This will be perfect._

After he finished his task, he heard his cell phone chime and he flipped it open, surprised to see a new text from Minho.

_From: Minho_

_Come outside!_

So Minho had already forgiven him for the fight? He pulled his bag over his shoulder and walked outside to greet a smiling Minho.

"Uh… Good morning." He said awkwardly, confused at the bright smile Minho wore. Weren't they angry at each other? Minho leapt forward and patted Jonghyun on the head. Jonghyun frowned, feeling like Minho was flaunting the fact that he was much taller than him.

"I heard you went and apologized to Key." Jonghyun slapped Minho's hand away.

"Just how fast does information travel between you guys? Seriously!" He yelled crossing his arms. Minho smiled, never fazed by Jonghyun's stubborn attitude.

"Taemin told me." He said. Jonghyun recalled with embarrassment the confrontation he had with Taemin the day before. Minho sure had one spirited friend.

"Well, Taemin and Key talk to much. And you and Taemin talk too much. And… All of you talk too much!" Jonghyun shouted, blushing furiously, trying to push the attention on anyone but himself. Minho laughed at Jonghyun's childish behavior.

"So what was your reason for avoiding him in the first place?" Minho asked. Jonghyun sighed, dreading the very question. What would Minho think if he was honest? Would he blame him or agree?

"I…well-"

"Is it because he's…you know." Minho had taken the words out of Jonghyun's mouth.

"Y-yeah…" Jonghyun reluctantly admitted, feeling ashamed.

"So you have a problem with that, then." Minho said, completely straight-faced.

"No, no, I just…" Jonghyun sighed, trying to find the appropriate words to describe how he felt without sounding like a complete asshole, even though he felt like one. "Minho you know how my parents are. And… I had never met someone like that before. I just didn't know what to think."

"Well what do you think now?" Jonghyun paused. Minho was so blunt, so demanding, that Jonghyun felt like he had to answer his questions with complete honesty. He wrestled with himself, still unsure about how he felt.

"I think… I don't know, Minho. It's just too weird. I can't understand it." Minho's expression remained motionless. Jonghyun sighed. "I'm just not used to it. But it's not really in my nature to hate people. I guess it doesn't matter to me what other people do." Jonghyun felt unusually detestable after hearing those cold words spill out of his mouth. A thoughtful look appeared on Minho's face, taking in Jonghyun's confession. Second after second passed, until Minho's thoughtful look was replaced by one of cheer and good nature.

"I'm glad you two are friends again. Key's a good guy." He said, patting Jonghyun on the back.

"A good guy?" Jonghyun mimicked in confusion. "I thought you hated him." Minho burst into laughter.

"_Me _hate _him? _No, Jjong, _he's _the one who hates _me." _He said, trying to control himself. Jonghyun pursed his lips together, not exactly seeing the humor of the whole situation.

"Why?" He asked. Minho opened and closed his mouth several times, allowing a pause to grow between the two of them.

"I don't know." He finally said. After that long silence, all he had to say was "I don't know?" Jonghyun gave him a skeptical look.

"You can be really annoying sometimes, Minho." Jonghyun said, completely exasperated as he approached the gates.

"I know." Minho said with a smile. "Later Jjong!" He said before they parted ways to go to class. Jonghyun pressed his fingers to his temples. Sometimes Minho was impossible to deal with in the early morning.

Class was a nightmare ever since Key had been introduced into his life. He spent every single moment of time counting down the seconds until lunch, when he could see the younger boy again. He didn't even bother to listen to the teacher, his whispering classmates, or anything other than the thoughts of Key that ran through his head.

Whenever he was home or in class he missed Key. He missed his arrogance, he missed his smile. He missed his natural elegance that was shown through every single action, no matter how minor.

The sound of the bell came as a sweet release for Jonghyun. He picked up his bag and returned to the courtyard, his new favorite place in the entire school.

And there he was.

The image of Key in the courtyard stole the breath from Jonghyun's lungs. He was sitting with one leg tucked up against his chest, and his face was glowing from the rays of the mid-afternoon sun. He was looking away from Jonghyun, giving him a few seconds to stare at the painfully beautiful, blissfully unaware Key. Jonghyun held his breath, trying to not make any sound as he took the image in.

Unfortunately, through chance or something else, Key turned his head, aiming a smirk in Jonghyun's direction.

"There you are. You're slow, I've been waiting for you." Jonghyun rolled his eyes at Key's remark, walking over and taking a seat next to him at an admittedly close distance.

"If I were you, I'd be nicer to me today." Jonghyun said in a teasing voice. Key cocked his head to one side.

"Now why is that?" He asked.

"Well." Jonghyun said, staring at Key's empty hands. "I'm going to assume that you 'lost' your lunch yet again." Key frowned at the truth behind Jonghyun's words. "So I took the liberty of waking up early this morning and making you one." Jonghyun said, pulling a homemade lunch out of his bag and handing it to Key. Key stared at the food in disbelief.

"Are you serious right now Jjongie?" Key said, his eyes wide open in shock.

"Mmhm." He said, nodding his head, reveling in the fact that it was finally his turn to be arrogant about something. A small grin crept onto Key's face, eventually growing into a beaming smile. Jonghyun's heart absolutely melted at the sight. Key's smile was enough to bring anyone to their knees.

_Why did I ever try to push him out of my life?_

"Jonghyun, you seriously are the best." Key said, accepting the lunch and eating happily. "I'll make it up to you. I can cook for you sometime. I'm really good, you know."

"I don't believe that."

"Why?" Key said, staring at Jonghyun stubbornly.

"Well if you were such a great cook, I'd assume you'd bring some grand lunch with you every day." Key frowned and rolled his eyes.

"I don't wake up early enough to make myself a lunch."

"I thought you didn't have a lunch every day because you 'lost it'." Key whipped his head around at Jonghyun, hesitating a little.

"Um, that's what I meant. Same thing." Jonghyun raised one eyebrow at Key, obviously catching the dark haired boy in a lie. He was about to open his mouth to call him out on it when Key leapt forward and snatched Jonghyun's phone that was sitting on top of his bag.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Jonghyun protested as Key fiddled with his phone, rapidly pressing the keys. Jonghyun ran forward trying to take it out of his hands.

"I'm adding my number, what does it look like?" He said, smirking at Jonghyun's direction. Key tossed the phone back to Jonghyun, who opened it to make sure he had done as he promised.

"_The Almighty Key?" _He said, reading the name Key had assigned himself out loud. He ignored the voice in the back of his mind and allowed himself one thought.

_He is too adorable._

"It's fitting, don't you think?" Key said.

_Not to mention incredibly arrogant._

Jonghyun rolled his eyes at Key.

"Hold still, I want a picture ID." He said, aiming the phone's camera at him. To his surprise, Key covered his face and leaned back.

"No way, I look hideous right now!" He yelled, slapping Jonghyun's hand away, keeping the other latched on his face lest Jonghyun attempt to steal a photo. Jonghyun frowned.

"What are you talking about? Come on, let me take a picture."

"My hair just wouldn't cooperate this morning, and I'm breaking out, and-"

"You look cute. You always look cute." Jonghyun's face burned red at the accidental compliment that had just spilled out of his mouth.

_Did you just call Key cute? You did not just call a boy cute._

He felt his hands heating up, thoroughly embarrassed. For a moment Jonghyun thought he saw a tint of red creeping up Key's face.

"Fine. Take it." Key said, giving in. He gave a cute smile and held up two fingers. Jonghyun was so entranced by Key he almost forgot to take the picture, but at the last second his brain finally kicked in and he pressed the button with his thumb, hearing the shutter click. He looked at the picture to make sure it was ok.

"Ah, this is perfect." He said, smiling. Key met his eyes for a moment, then quickly looked away, too embarrassed to sustain eye contact. The two boys sat in a momentary silence before the bell rang, interrupting the rather heavy tension. Jonghyun stood up quickly, offering his hand to Key to help him up. He certainly wasn't taking advantage of the situation to touch Key's hands. No, that would be ridiculous.

Key accepted the offer, sliding his hand into Jonghyun's as Jonghyun hoisted him up, having no trouble lifting the thin boy.

"You'd better text me." Key said.

"I will, I promise." Jonghyun said, suddenly looking down and realizing that his hands were still being clasped by Key's soft, slender fingers. His heart started beating, worried that Key could feel it pulsing in his fingertips.

_What are you doing Jonghyun? Let go._

But his body wasn't listening, and he continued to hold the younger boy's hand, feeling the warmth of his fingers travelling up his forearm. The action had now gone on way longer than any accident could explain. Jonghyun suddenly noticed how close he was to Key, their chests only inches apart. He started to study the boy's face, starting with his dark eyes down to his adorable nose, then moving on to his perfect lips…

Suddenly Jonghyun snapped to his senses, realizing he was standing in a courtyard holding hands with a goddamned _boy, _not to mention the fact that he couldn't stop staring at that particular boy's face. He cleared his throat and retracted his hand quickly, playing it off like he hadn't noticed it at all.

"I don't want to make you late for class." He said, taking a step back from Key so he was no longer at an abnormally close distance. Key just nodded, staring at the floor.

Jonghyun turned around and slipped back into school, running to his next class, his heart beating hard and his steps pounding against the cold linoleum floors, his entire mind swimming with Key, Key, Key.

He felt the familiar nausea, feeling as if his stomach was writhing around inside of himself. These thoughts were unnatural. They were sick. They should absolutely never, ever be about another boy.

He changed directions and ran into the bathroom, closing himself in one of the stalls and slamming his fists against the door. He tried his best to force the tears collecting in his eyes, but failed, and they soon spilled out of his eyes, cascading down his face like waterfalls and splashing against the ground. His shoulders heaved up and down as he took each choked breath.

_I can't stop thinking about him._

His crying turned into sobs, the kind you couldn't stop even if you tried. His throat felt like it was tightening, making it impossible for him to breathe.

_This is a boy. This is a boy you are thinking about._

His legs collapsed under him, suddenly feeling like they were carrying a million pounds. He squeezed his eyes together, trying anything to stop the rampant tears. His mind felt frantic, as a thousand thoughts a second went flying through his head. But one stood out the most.

_Kim Jonghyun_. He thought, covering his face with his hands.

_What the hell is wrong with you?_


	8. A Misunderstanding

Jonghyun took a few minutes to regain himself after his mental breakdown in the middle of the bathroom stall. He stepped out and leaned against the wall, sliding down slowly, stopping midway and resting his hands on his knees.

_Okay._

_You're okay._

He leaned back and put his hands on top of his head.

_You've been tired lately. Working too hard. You don't know what you're thinking._

He rubbed his eyes, painful and tender, as he tried to convince himself again and again of that very fact. He stumbled out of the bathroom and headed to class. Even though he was late, he walked slowly, leaning up against the wall and dragging his aching body, step after heavy step, in the direction of class.

He opened the door slowly as everyone in class simultaneously turned their heads toward him. He looked up with red eyes at the teacher's harsh stare.

"Where have you been?" She demanded angrily. Jonghyun swallowed hard.

"I…I was at the nurse…" He whispered, his throat feeling scratchy and hoarse. An excuse that was quite convincing, given Jonghyun's disastrous state. She gave him a look of sympathy and told him to sit down. He slumped down in his seat, spotting Minho in the desk next to him.

"Are you alright?" Minho mouthed, concern on his face. Jonghyun forced a smile, probably looking more like a grimace, and gave him a thumbs up, mouthing back that he was fine.

_I've never been so confused in my life and I feel like every single I've ever followed has been rewritten, but other than that, sure._

_I'm totally fine._

Jonghyun closed his painful eyes and rested his face on his arms. He had never felt so utterly lost and confused before. Before Key, life was so simple. But Jonghyun couldn't even begin to wish for his old life without him back. Key was interesting. Key was funny. Key was arrogant as hell. Being friends with him should have made him happy. But why was he crying? Why was he spending every night tossing and turning, arguing with himself?

Why couldn't he stop himself from thinking about Key?

He remained hiding in his arms until the end of school, unable to focus on class or even goof off with Minho, who left for the bathroom fifteen minutes before class was dismissed. He was probably too bored to stay there any longer. After class he trudged down to the locker room, happy he would have some distraction from his thoughts as he played soccer. The sound of loud chatter and slamming lockers reverberated in his head, making his headache even worse. He stuffed his day clothes into his locker and slid into his exercise clothing, each movement slow and deliberate, too tired to waste any energy. He checked the list that was pinned to the door every day telling that said who was responsible for what supplies each week for practice. Realizing with disappointment that he had to get the soccer balls from the supply closet, he exited the locker room and went down to the basement floor of the school.

The basement floor had all the closets for the sports team as well as the showers. Truth be told, Jonghyun _hated _going there. Although the entire building wasn't terribly old, the basement floor reeked of old age. The walls were painted a dull gray, grimly accentuated with flakes and chips embedded in them. The creaking of the boilers- that _awful _noise- sounded like the moans of a dying man. But by far the creepiest thing about it was the fact that there was never anyone else down there. The soccer equipment was by far the most secluded, far off to the side from all the other supply closets. And in all his times getting supplies he had never seen anyone else there. After all, people avoided the place like the plague.

Jonghyun walked slowly to the closet, fearing any sudden noise on his part could awaken the basement demons he was _certain _were just hiding behind the corner. He sighed in relief when he reached the closet that was conveniently as far as possible from the stairs. He held his breath as he opened the door as quickly as possible, and at that moment he was sure his heart absolutely stopped.

He saw two figures jump apart from each other in the pitch-black closet, stumbling on stray supplies. Jonghyun's heart finally remembered how to function, and started pounding in his chest at a million miles an hour. He was terrified. His head felt like it was swelling, pounding wildly against his skull. His hands somehow found the light in his time of panic and he flicked it on purely by instinct.

His eyes widened in complete and utter shock as they adjusted to the sudden and harsh light, revealing the two previously dark figures that stood before him.

"M-Minho?" He said, looking up at the tall boy who was an uncharacteristic shade of red. He looked at the other figure and instantly recognized it as Taemin, rapidly trying to fix his hair, which was, though usually well groomed, a complete mess at the moment. Jonghyun's eyes flashed back and forth between Taemin and Minho, trying to make sense of the situation.

"H-hey Jonghyun!" Minho said. Taemin remained completely silent.

"What are you two doing down here…?" He asked. Minho ran his fingers through his short hair.

"I was just getting supplies for practice, Taemin wanted to come with me." He said, still fidgeting.

"You're a captain. Captains don't get supplies." Jonghyun replied, absolutely stone-faced. Minho rubbed his neck and played with his fingers uncomfortably. Jonghyun suddenly noticed Minho's clothing. He was still in his uniform, but he looked sloppy, his shirt untucked and his tie loose, the first two buttons of his shirt undone.

_Wait a minute._

He looked over at a beet red Taemin, whose lips were puffy and swollen, and a darker shade of pink than usual. Taemin's breathing was short and choppy, and his thin chest was shuddering as if he was about to cry. He looked even sloppier and disheveled than Minho did. His tie and jacket had been discarded on the floor, his shirt looked as if it had been torn open, a few buttons snapped off and missing. The gears in Jonghyun's head started clicking as he continued looking back and forth between the two boys.

"Holy shit." He said, finally figuring out the scene laid out before him. "Holy _shit." _He backed away slowly from the closet, his eyes transfixed on Minho and Taemin. "No. No. No way. Absolutely not." This could not be happening. This was all one big misunderstanding. There was no way in hell he had just walked in on Minho and Taemin… doing _that _with each other.

It was _impossible._

"Wait, Jonghyun, I can explain-" Minho started before Jonghyun cut him off.

"What is there to explain?" He yelled, the loud noise echoing across the entire basement. "You were making out with _another boy_ in a fucking _supply closet._" Jonghyun felt sick even saying it, even acknowledging the scene he had just witnessed as true. He waited for Minho to object, to explain that it was a misunderstanding, to tell him the real reason, to do anything at all. But Minho didn't deny it. He just stood there with embarrassment, grief, and shame spread across his face all at once.

It was true.

It was really true.

"Is that why you were asking me what I thought of gay people the other day?"

Second after second passed, Jonghyun glaring at Minho while he stared at the floor. Reluctantly, Minho finally gave a silent nod.

"What the fuck. What the _fuck_, Minho." Jonghyun said, shaking with rage. "You're a fucking faggot." He spat, disgusted with himself and his friend. Minho leapt up in protest.

"Y-you said it wasn't a problem! You said you couldn't judge what other people did!" He yelled.

"This… This I can judge." He said. "This is disgusting." He saw Taemin cover his face with his hands, now visibly sobbing.

Minho grabbed Jonghyun's wrist, squeezing so hard he thought his bones would crack.

"That isn't fair Jonghyun." He said, speaking through clenched teeth. "You can insult me all you want, I don't care. But _you are making my boyfriend cry right now._" He hissed. "And I _will not _forgive you for that."

"Boyfriend? _Boyfriend? _Have you two freaks _actually _convinced yourself you're in love?" He screamed, managing to extract himself from Minho's death grip.

"Why are you so angry with me? You weren't this angry with Key!" Jonghyun shuddered, forced to remember Key again.

"This is different. Key never lied to me. You've been lying to me for years." The two boys glared at each other, unmoving, each waiting for the other to say something or do anything at all. Jonghyun couldn't stand the tension anymore, grabbing the soccer balls out of the closet and sprinting up the stairs and out of the basement.

_Oh my god._

He still couldn't believe what he had seen. That it was true- Minho and Taemin were really…

He gagged at the memory. He felt like every second he had spent with Minho had been a lie. Their entire friendship was now void.

Although he tried not to think about it, all of practice was spent doing just that.

He couldn't believe he had snapped at Minho like that. The things he had said were so hateful, so horrible, he was shocked they had even come from his own mouth. But deep down, he knew why he had said them.

He just didn't want to admit it.

He got home and did his work, moping around the house in a confused daze, then pulled out his phone.

_To: The Almighty Key_

_hey key, it's jonghyun. are you working tonight?_

He curled himself up on the couch, waiting for a response, tucking his knees into his chest. His phone buzzed and he flipped it open immediately.

_From: The Almighty Key_

_hey jjongie ^ ^. yeah, im closing at 8._

Jonghyun looked at the time. 7:45. He grabbed his jacket and sprinted out the door. He needed to talk to Key. Right away.

He reached the shop in a record time, opening the door wildly, greeted by a smiling Key who was already beginning to close up.

"Hi Jjongie!" He yelled, leaning over the counter. Jonghyun couldn't return his bright smile or cheery mood.

"You knew." He said. "You knew, didn't you?" Key pursed his lips together.

"You're going to have to be more specific than that, Jjongie. I know a lot of things." He said, still resting his head on his hands on the counter.

"You… you know _exactly _what I'm talking about." He stammered, still shaken up from the events he had witnessed. Key whirled around and faced his back to Jonghyun, busying himself with the dirty cups behind the counter.

"Congratulations, you're a detective!" He scoffed. "Of course I knew."

Jonghyun collapsed in one of the seats by the window.

"Why didn't Minho tell me? We've been best friends for years. Why didn't he say anything?" Key sighed. Key took his apron off, throwing it in the back closet. Taking a seat across from Jonghyun he pushed a cup of brown liquid toward him, the steam rising upward and sailing through his nose.

"For you." Key said. Jonghyun thanked him silently and took a sip. Key brought his own cup to his lips, taking a slow sip, swishing it around his mouth before speaking.

"Maybe he didn't tell you because he knew how you'd react." He said, running his finger along the lid of the cup. "I mean, what happened when you found out?" Jonghyun shifted in his chair. He really didn't want to tell Key how he had reacted. He didn't want Key to hate him.

"I… I said some bad things. I just…" He sighed and recollected himself. "I was so confused. I didn't know what to say."

"Why were you confused?" Jonghyun leaned back, holding the cup tightly in his hand.

"I didn't know Minho was… like that. Seeing it came as a huge shock. I was confused. Angry. Upset."

"Upset?" Key said, lifting an eyebrow. Jonghyun nodded, ashamed. He couldn't even look Key in the eye anymore. "Jjongie, you said it yourself. You've known Minho forever. You guys are best friends, aren't you?" He said patiently. Jonghyun just nodded again. "This doesn't make Minho any less _Minho. _He's still him. He's still your best friend. There's no need to be upset." Jonghyun's breaths became shorter and shorter, feeling as if they were getting caught in his throat. Key sighed again. "It took me a while to come to terms with their relationship, too. Taemin's innocent. Naïve. I didn't want him to get hurt. But Jonghyun, your friend is happy. You should be happy for him, too." Everything made sense. Every single thing Key had said made perfect sense. So why was he still so upset? What was this feeling at the pit of his stomach?

But he knew what it was.

He just couldn't say it.

He felt a tear slide down his face before he could stop it. Key sat up quickly.

"Jonghyun, what's wrong?" Jonghyun quickly covered his eye with his hand, embarrassed beyond words to be crying in front of Key.

"N-nothing." He said, trying to control his breathing. But it was no use. His tears turned to painful sobs as his chest heaved up and down and his whole body shuddered. "I-I've just been r-really stressed lately, and I can't b-believe I really said those h-horrible things to Minho." He managed to say. But it was all a huge lie. He could never tell Key the real reason he was crying. The real emotion he was felt. He wasn't crying because of stress or anger.

It was because of jealousy.

Minho was happy with another boy. Minho had accepted and acted upon his feelings for Taemin, and Taemin had accepted them.

But what about Jonghyun? He knew now. He knew his feelings for Key weren't normal. Although he wasn't sure what they were exactly, he knew they went beyond the realm of friendship.

He felt happy around Key. His heart beat quickly every time he saw him, every time he touched him. For god's sake, here he was, crying about Key right now in front of his face.

These _weren't _feelings of friendship.

And Jonghyun didn't know how to handle that.

Jonghyun continued to sob, covering his mouth tightly with his hands. Key extended his hand across the table. Without even hesitating to think, Jonghyun's met Key's hand in the middle, comfortably intertwining his fingers in Key's. He took note of Key's perfectly manicured fingernails, and the cat ring he wore on his fourth finger.

_That is _so _Key._

"You're a good person Jonghyun. You didn't mean what you said. You made a mistake." Key said calmly. "Minho will forgive you."

"W…What about Taemin?" Key laughed.

"Taemin's a firecracker, that might take a little longer." He joked, squeezing Jonghyun's hand reassuringly, sending a pulsing wave of heat up Jonghyun's arm. The two sat for a few moments not speaking, letting the act of affection speak for itself. After Jonghyun's sobs had been reduced to quiet sniffles, Jonghyun finally broke the silence.

"Hey, Key?" He said weakly.

"Hm?"

"When did you realize you were gay?" He asked tentatively. Key just chuckled.

"When did you realize you were straight?" Key replied. Jonghyun played with his empty mug.

He wasn't even sure of that now, either.

Key elaborated. "Some people struggle with it. I never did. There was no question about it for me." He said, sipping his coffee. "I wonder if Minho did."

Jonghyun felt even worse after Key had said that. What if Minho had struggled like he had? And then Jonghyun went and said those things to him… He felt horrible. Key stood up, and, much to his disappointment, released Jonghyun's hand. He took Jonghyun's empty cup along with his and put them in the sink.

"Thanks." He whispered, throat still sore. Key nodded at him.

"Shall we go?" He said, picking up his coat. Jonghyun complied, standing up and following him to the door. He slipped in front of Key, opening the door and holding it for him. Key gave him a shy smile.

Before he could stop himself, he extended a hopeful hand toward Key. Key's eyes travelled from his hand to his eyes. Jonghyun cursed himself for his idiotic behavior. Why would Key accept the gesture? Too embarrassed to pull away, his hand lingered, waiting to be denied.

To his surprise, Key gave him a grin and slid his hand into Jonghyun's, tightly knitting their fingers together. Jonghyun made eye contact with Key and shared a brief smile, before he they both looked away, too embarrassed to continue looking at each other.

"Key, are you really a first year?" Key puffed his cheeks out.

"Yes, why?"

"You're way too smart. You seem much older than you are." Key laughed. "I feel infinitely better after talking to you. I mean it."

"Maybe you're just an idiot." He said, sticking his tongue out.

"Hey!" Jonghyun yelled, pulling on Key's hand, bringing him in towards his shoulder. Key giggled.

_Damn you, Key._

_Why do you make me so happy?_

Jonghyun realized with disappointment that they were now standing in front of Key's house. Jonghyun still held on tightly to Key's delicate hand, not wanting to let go for even one second. Jonghyun scrambled for words, trying to think of something to say to give him just a few more seconds with the boy.

"Key, thank you."

"For what? I didn't do anything." Key retorted. Before either of them could say anything, Jonghyun wrapped his arms around Key's neck and pulled him tightly into his chest. After a few seconds he felt Key's hands reach slowly around him, resting on his back. Jonghyun wondered if Key could feel his heart pounding, as loud as it was.

"Thank you. For calming me down. For everything." He mumbled into Key's ear. Key buried his face deeper into Jonghyun's shoulder.

"You're welcome Jjongie…" He breathed. "Just apologize to Minho, I promise, everything will be fine." Jonghyun nodded into Key's neck. He counted the seconds in his head, ten, fifteen, twenty, dreading the moment he would have to release Key from his arms, the moment the space that had previously been filled with Key would be replaced with cold air.

The seconds passed as Jonghyun felt like he could get lost in Key's arms, never wanting to let go. Unfortunately, he felt Key loosen underneath him and pull back suddenly, widening the space between them.

"Goodnight, Jjongie." Key whispered to the ground, hands now resting on Jonghyun's chest, who was absolutely certain Key could now feel the now painful throbbing of his heart.

"Goodnight Key." He replied. Key turned around and went inside, shutting the door and leaving Jonghyun alone in the cold. His hand tingled, missing Key's warm touch. He sighed.

This was all Key's fault. If he had never met Key, he never would have felt like this. He would never have been so confused.

But he couldn't bring himself to hate Key or even blame him. He liked him far too much for that.

He sighed again.

_I need to apologize to Minho._

* * *

><p>Gasp! 2min! :O<p>

This is one of my favorite chapters... Probably because of 2min. And because I like drama.

Check out my tumblr if you have time! It has some drawings and whatnot. Link is on my page.

-Gelisi


	9. A Painful Experience

It had been the longest that he and Minho had gone without speaking to each other since the week Minho had spent at soccer camp in 5th grade.

And Jonghyun hated it.

Minho had been Jonghyun's best friend since kindergarten. He could always rely on him whenever he was in trouble. Minho never let the popularity get to his head. He was handsome, nice, a great athlete and adored by everyone, yet he still spent his every moment with Jonghyun, the quiet nerd. And Jonghyun had selfishly thrown all of that away.

For the millionth time that month, Jonghyun was disgusted with himself. And he didn't even have the guts to apologize.

He opened his eyes groggily at the sound of banging at his door. He shifted around in his bed, hoping the noise would go away if he just ignored it. Instead it raged on, louder and louder as Jonghyun became more and more awake with each second. He groaned and sat up.

"Jonghyun! Open up!" He heard Victoria yell. He slammed his head back in the pillow.

"It's Sunday… Why are you up so early?" He mumbled.

"We never celebrated! That was weeks ago! Let's go out to breakfast!" Jonghyun groaned again. He was always happy to spend time with his sister, but not _quite _so early in the day. He wasn't much of a morning person.

"Let me get dressed." He said, grabbing his pillow and rolling on his back. He sighed and savored his last sweet moments in bed before sliding his feet out onto the cold floor. The banging on the door finally subsided and Jonghyun heard Victoria's feet patter quickly down the hallway. He sat for a few moments, swinging his feet off the edge of the bed.

_This is good. It'll take your mind off of things._

As he picked his head up he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror hanging from the wall beside him. He looked awful.

His eyes were sunken in, half closed from the lack of sleep. Dark circles had formed beneath his eyes, providing a huge contrast to his tired and pale skin, devoid of any emotion.

_Wow._

_I look like _shit_._

He got dressed slowly, every limb aching with regret. He picked up his wallet, leafing through it quickly to make sure he had plenty of money for breakfast.

"Are you ready? Let's go!" He heard Victoria yell before running down the stairs. Jonghyun smiled at his sister's usual energy, following her out of the house.

When he had caught up to her, she looped his arm around his, grinning like a kid. It was easy to forget she was older than him.

"Where do you wanna go?" She asked.

"I'm not sure…" He replied. Although he had become more adventurous lately, he still didn't go out much, and even though he was just minutes from the downtown area he still didn't know where the good restaurants were.

"Good, because I already have the place picked out." She said. Jonghyun chuckled. It was so typical of his sister to plan everything just as she wanted it. "It's this adorable diner fifteen minutes from here, they have the _best _pancakes." She said with excitement.

Jonghyun walked quickly, trying to keep up with his sister's fast pace and her even faster mouth as she rattled off stories about school, dance, and friends. How she had all this energy was beyond him, but it was nice to hear her so happy.

When they reached the diner they sat took a seat by the window, pulling out their menus quickly, both Jonghyun and Victoria hungry and excited.

"Hey, Vic?" He said, finally managing to get a word in.

"Yeah?" Jonghyun bit his lip and tapped his fingers on the table.

"Why do mom and dad hate gay people so much?" He said nervously. His parents were incredibly vocal about their hatred, but he had never addressed this topic with his sister and had no idea what she thought about it. She placed her finger on her chin and thought about it for a moment.

"Mom and dad are very traditional. I think… I think they're just scared of anyone who's different from them."

"What do you think?" Jonghyun held his breath. Victoria took a sip of her water, playing with the cup before answering.

"Promise not to tell mom or dad?" She asked. Jonghyun nodded. "Pinky promise?" She said, extended her finger across the table. Jonghyun chuckled.

"We aren't in kindergarten anymore, Vic."

"Just do it!" She said, laughing. He complied, linking their fingers together.

"Ok, ok, I promise." He said, giving her a smile. She pulled her hand back and became serious again.

"I think mom and dad are…" She sighed heavily. "I think they're cowards. Being scared of anyone who is different from them? That's pathetic." She spat. Jonghyun stared at his sister in surprise and admiration. He had never heard her speak out against their parents, not once. He always assumed she had just agreed with them. "And you know what I think?" She continued. "I think if they stopped to think about it at all, they'd realize there's nothing wrong with it at all. But they can't even do that. They just mindlessly declare it as disgusting and wrong." She paused, cheeks flushed from her rant. She suddenly realized everything she said and plastered her hands to her cheeks. "Oh my god, don't tell mom and dad I said that! They'll kill me! Please Jonghyun!"

Unable to control it anymore, he burst out in laughter, laying his head on the table to hide it from his sister.

"Hey! Stop laughing at me!" She yelled, smacking him on the head with a rolled up napkin. After Jonghyun's laughter had been subdued, she folded her arms and shyly looked away. "You won't tell them, right? And don't hate me either." Jonghyun wiped the tears from his eyes, leftover from his previous fit of laughter.

"I won't tell." He said. "And I'm not mad. I think I agree with you." Victoria stared at him, stunned.

"You do?" She said. "Seriously?" He smiled.

"Yeah, I do." He said. Victoria raised her glass triumphantly.

"Glad to see our parents haven't brainwashed us." Jonghyun raised his cup and clinked it against the edge of hers.

"Yet." He added, a huge weight lifted off of his shoulders. Victoria meant the world to him, and it was her opinion he valued most.

He spent the rest of breakfast watching in awe as his sister stuffed her face with pancakes. How did she stay so thin while eating so much? He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and he opened it quickly.

_From: The Almighty Key_

_are you free today?_

His heart shot up into his throat, pounding loudly into his ears. He fumbled at the keys, trying to respond as quickly as possible.

_To: The Almighty Key_

_yeah ^ ^_

He shut his phone and placed it on the table, biting his nails and waiting for Key's response. His silverware shook against his plate, and Jonghyun realized his leg was unconsciously jittering underneath the table. He grabbed his thigh and held his leg in place. Minutes passed before his phone vibrated once again.

_From: The Almighty Key_

_wanna hang out?_

Against himself, a huge grin spread out on his face. He felt stupid, excited as he was, while Key was acting like it was the most normal thing in the world.

_To: The Almighty Key_

_sure, what did you have in mind?_

_From: The Almighty Key_

_come over to my house. it's a surprise._

Jonghyun grinned at Key's usual bossy behavior.

_To: The Almighty Key_

_ill be there in 30 minutes!_

The waitress came by with the check and set it on the table.

"I'll pay!" Victoria said immediately, pulling out her wallet.

"It's supposed to be my treat!" Jonghyun protested.

"I'd feel too bad if I made you pay."

"Fine, let's split it." They divided up the money and left, arm in arm. Jonghyun had a newfound admiration for his sister. If she was strong enough to defy their parents, he should be too. Jonghyun felt himself pulled along by his sister, who was practically skipping home.

"Why are you so excited?" He asked. She giggled.

"The performance is next weekend, and I'm already nervous for it."

"Don't be." Jonghyun said, wrapping his arm around her. "You'll be amazing, as usual. And I'll definitely be there to watch." Victoria continued smiling until they reached the house. She opened the door and stepped inside, confused as to why Jonghyun wasn't following her.

"Oh, I'm going to see a friend now." He said.

"Minho?"

"No, someone else." He said, putting his hands in his pockets.

"You have friends other than Minho?" She said, smiling.

"Hey!" He yelled. She laughed and stuck her tongue out.

"Just kidding Jonghyun, don't get so worked up." He returned her smile. "Thanks for coming to eat with me. You're the best, seriously." She shut the door and went inside. Jonghyun blushed at his sister's compliment, then headed toward Key's house. His phone buzzed again in his pocket.

_From: The Almighty Key_

_hurry up! :(_

Jonghyun resisted the urge to laugh at Key's usual attitude, and instead picked up his pace, imagining Key's hand in his. He smiled at the memory of holding him in front of his door. Jonghyun could barely believe it had really happened. He recollected himself at the front of Key's door.

_Relax. You're just seeing a friend._

He inhaled deeply and approached the door, raising his hand to press the doorbell. Before he even got a chance, the door swung open, revealing an angry- although admittedly cute-Key. Jonghyun stood frozen at the door, his hand still raised. Imagining Key was one thing, seeing him was something else entirely. His soft features blew Jonghyun away, leaving him staring, as usual, like a complete idiot.

"You're slow!" Key yelled, shocking him out of his dazed state. He finally let his arm fall to his sides. He threw his hands up in an exaggerated manner, rolling his eyes.

"Yes Key, I'm slow, you've told me that already." He said with a sigh. "I was out with my sister, sorry."

"You have a sister?"

"Yeah, I do." He thought about his sister's loud, energetic behavior and her bossy attitude. "You guys would get along well, actually…"

"That had better be a compliment." Key replied, glaring at Jonghyun.

"Don't worry, it is." He replied with a playful smile. Key pursed his lips at Jonghyun, but Jonghyun could see the hints of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

They walked along, Jonghyun battling with himself the entire time.

_I really want to hold his hand again._

He shoved his hands in his pockets to prevent himself from doing anything rash. That was definitely a one-time thing, something Key only did to comfort Jonghyun. It would be stupid to do it again. Regardless, his missed Key's touch, his delicate warm fingers interlaced in his…

_Stop it Jonghyun, you are a fucking creep._

"S-so where are we headed?" Jonghyun asked, trying to stop the back and forth in his head.

"It's a surprise, I told you." Key said immediately.

"Oh come on, just tell me." Jonghyun whined. Key puffed his cheeks out.

"Maybe if you sing for me, I might tell you…" He said, teasingly. Jonghyun's face flushed crimson.

_I _totally _forgot about that._

"Oh, uh, you don't want to hear that. Really. I'm bad." Key grabbed his arm playfully. Jonghyun grew warm at his touch.

"You _promised, _you know." Jonghyun looked toward the sky, trying to hide his blushing face from Key, who was now hanging on to his arm.

"F-fine." He said, finally giving in. He searched for a song he could sing, but none of them seemed good enough with the audience of Key. He finally settled on one that was his favorite as a child.

He cleared his throat loudly.

"Um, and you can't laugh." Key nodded.

With nervousness in his heart, he began. It had been a while since he had sung like this. He let himself become immersed in the melody, pouring his heart into every note. The overwhelming feeling of having Key and _only _Key as his audience sent his heart soaring, and his voice followed, dripping with emotion and hanging on every syllable.

A silence filled the air after he hit the last note, letting it ring softly. The seconds passed as Key stared up at a nervous Jonghyun, who was waiting with anticipation for the younger boy's judgment.

"Jonghyun that was… that was _amazing." _He said quietly. Jonghyun blushed, unable to say anything but a small "thanks".

"I'm serious. You… you're incredible. You can't give up, I won't allow it."

"Oh come on Key, that's unrealistic."

"I don't care. And now I'm mad at you."

"What, why?" He asked. When had he upset him?

"For not showing me for so long. I'm going to make you sing everyday from now on." Jonghyun laughed, some of the shyness dissipating. "Jonghyun I'm serious, that was incredible."

"I'm not that good…"

"I said you are, so you are." Key said in a matter of fact way, indicating that even if Jonghyun argued it wouldn't make a difference. Jonghyun looked down and immediately wished he hadn't. Key's arm was still wrapped around his, holding on tightly. Whatever calm Jonghyun managed to achieve was now completely destroyed, as all the words escaped from his brain and he simultaneously forgot to walk properly.

_Don't get nervous, don't get nervous, don't get nervous…_

"And here we are!" Key yelled. Jonghyun looked back up.

"A… piercing parlor?" Key nodded his head enthusiastically.

"Yeah, I want another one on my upper ear." He said.

"D-don't you have enough?"

"I want more." Key started to head in but Jonghyun quickly clamped down firmly on his arm, holding him back. Key looked at him in confusion.

"I think you have enough, why don't we do something else?" He insisted. Key stared at him.

"Uh, why?"

"…No reason." Jonghyun said as calmly as he could, fidgeting with his hands. Key looked up at him mischieviously.

"Come on Jonghyun, what's the issue?" He said teasingly. Jonghyun coughed slightly.

"Um… I'm afraid of… needles." He whispered to the floor. He stared back up at Key, thoroughly embarrassed but what he had just confessed. Key burst out laughing.

"It's not like you're getting one! Come on, let's go." Key dragged him into the store pulling forcefully on his arm.

"Don't you have to be eighteen anyway?" He yelled, trying anything to get Key to stop dragging him along. Key was stronger than he looked.

"Oh it's no big deal, they know me." He said. Suddenly he stopped, placing his hands on Jonghyun's earlobes.

"You know," He said, face just inches away from Jonghyun's inspecting his ears, "you would look _very_ cute with earrings." Jonghyun felt his body temperature increase dramatically. Key's hands were so soft, so warm, they sent shivers down Jonghyun's spine.

"N-no way in hell!" He stammered. Key laughed.

"It barely hurts you know…" He said, putting on an innocent face and leaning closer to Jonghyun, who was absolutely panicking at the closing distance. "Just… a little… pinch!" He suddenly gave Jonghyun's ears a squeeze then pulled away, laughing. Jonghyun yelped and rubbed his ears rapidly, trying to get them to stop stinging.

"Key! That hurt!" He yelled. Key just continued laughing as he talked to the man behind the counter, explaining what he wanted. Jonghyun continued feeling his ears, remembering how nice it felt to have Key touch them.

Well, before he had pinched him anyway.

He followed Key into the back where they sat him down on a chair. Jonghyun almost fainted when he saw the piercing gun.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" He asked, obviously panicked for Key.

"Jjongie don't be such a baby. I do this all the time." Key said, rolling his eyes at Jonghyun. "But if it makes you feel any better you can hold my hand." He lifted his hand in the air and wiggled his fingers.

"Shouldn't it be the other way around…?" Jonghyun mumbled in annoyance. Key just smiled back at him. Still not wanting to miss the opportunity, he slid his fingers into Key's and gripped them tightly. The man steadied the gun around Key's ear, counting backwards from three, and then squeezed the trigger. Jonghyun screamed at the sound, causing laughter to explode from Key, and from the man piercing his ear.

"Jjongie! Are you a five year old?"

"S-sorry! I got nervous!" He said, trying to explain himself. Key just sighed, admiring his new piercing in the mirror.

"I like it!" He said. He turned to face Jonghyun. "Are you sure you don't want some, too? You would look great." He said smiling.

Kim Jonghyun was seventeen years old. In all his seventeen years, he got straight A's, worked hard, and followed all the rules. He never fought, disrespected his parents, drank, smoked, or did drugs.

And you know what?

After seventeen years, it was time to do something a little irresponsible.

"Ok." He said quietly. "Ok, I'll do it." Key's face lit up.

"Yes? Seriously?"

"Yeah. Now let's do it before I change my mind." Key smiled and got up, leaving Jonghyun alone. He returned a minute later with the same man who pierced his ear just a moment earlier. Jonghyun swallowed when he saw the piercing gun again.

"Relax." Key said soothingly, grabbing onto Jonghyun's hand once again. "It doesn't hurt, I promise."

"Where do you want them?" The man asked. Too nervous to speak, Jonghyun gestured toward his earlobes. The man marked the spot with a pen, then raised the gun to his ear. Jonghyun's heart started beating rapidly as if it would burst out of his chest.

_What the hell are you doing? Stop him!_

Key squeezed his hand reassuringly, and suddenly nothing else mattered. All his fears melted away as he stared into Key's eyes. He gave Key a slight smile, trying to appear brave.

_3. 2. 1._

Jonghyun, for the second time that day, screamed loudly in the middle of the store.

"I apologize for my friend's behavior, I don't know what's wrong with him."

"You lied! It hurt! It hurt like hell!" Jonghyun shouted. Key rolled his eyes.

"You still have one more to go."

"No, no way, I quit, I'm done! Thank you and goodbye, Mr. Piercing Man!" He started to get up but Key put his hand on his chest and forced him back down in the seat.

"Ignore him, just do the other one." Jonghyun whimpered, but Key grabbed both of his hands before he could move. The countdown started and as soon as it hit one, Key reached up and covered Jonghyun's mouth, muffling the sound of his scream.

"I take it back, you're worse than a child…" He murmured, hands still plastered on Jonghyun's mouth. He tried to retort, but his words were turned into mumbles behind Key's hand. Key thanked the man, paid, then walked out, a dazed Jonghyun following behind him.

"It wasn't _that _bad, was it?" Key asked. Jonghyun stared back silently, hands raised to his ears, feeling the new earrings on his tender ears. "You look absolutely traumatized."

"It… It really hurt…" He complained. Key sighed, turning to face him.

"I can fix it, then." Key said, a blush creeping onto his face. He placed his hand on the side of Jonghyun's head, swooping up and pressing his lips against Jonghyun's earlobe. Jonghyun could feel his heart pounding in his ears.

"Better?" Key asked. Jonghyun nodded, briefly forgetting how to form words properly.

"But… My other one hurts, too." He said. Key smiled shyly.

"You big baby." He said before swiftly placing his lips on Jonghyun's other ear, holding still for a second before pulling away again. Jonghyun felt his face turned red and his hands travelled to his ears, feeling where Key had previously kissed him. The pain was gone, now replaced with pure adrenaline.

_Did you just ask a boy to kiss your ear? That's _disgusting.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"Hmm." Key responded quietly, though Jonghyun could see him smiling.

_This is a boy, Jonghyun. What. Are. You. Doing._

"Remind me never to go anywhere with you again." Jonghyun said.

"Sure I will."

Disappointed, Jonghyun realized they were right in front of Key's house.

"My mom's back from work, I should go help her make dinner." He said.

"Oh, right. Ok. I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

"I'll see you." He said. Key reached up, looping his arms around Jonghyun and burying his face into his neck. Jonghyun returned the embrace, pulling Key in close to his body.

"Don't bother bringing a lunch tomorrow. I'll make you one." Jonghyun whispered.

"You're too nice to me, Jjongie." Jonghyun shook at the feeling of Key's breath against his neck. Jonghyun decided that hugging Key was one of the best things in the world. Key pulled away, walking to the door. He turned to face Jonghyun one last time.

"Night Jjongie."

"Night, Key." Jonghyun replied, eyes still glued to the floor. Key shut the door, disappearing from Jonghyun's sight. Jonghyun breathed heavily, face and ears burning with shame and embarrassment. Before he had time to think, he started sprinting, his feet taking him to that familiar place. There was something he needed to do. He needed to address the feeling in his stomach, the burning feeling that tore up his insides.

His feet hit the sidewalk, faster and faster, as he flew toward his destination. He stopped, panting, as he realized he had arrived at the place he had been a million times before. Regaining his breath he lifted his finger and stabbed at the doorbell repeatedly, his face burning, tears forming in his eyes. The door swung open, revealing just the person he needed to see.

"Jonghyun? What are you doing here?" Minho asked, a confused look on his face. Jonghyun started crying at the image of his best friend. "Woah, woah, what happened? What's wrong?" Jonghyun continued sobbing loudly.

"I'm sorry!" He shouted. "I'm so sorry, Minho… I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm s-so sorry." His whole body shook with sadness.

"It's okay, Jonghyun, calm down."

"It's not okay!" He bawled. "I can't believe I said that to you! I can't believe I said any of it! I didn't m-mean it…"

"I know you didn't." Minho said calmly. "I know. Don't cry, please, I promise it's okay." Jonghyun's chest heaved painfully. He knew why he had said those horrible things to Minho. And he had to tell someone. He couldn't deal with it on his own anymore.

"W-when I saw you and Taemin, it made me realize something." He choked. Minho pulled him into his arms, pressing Jonghyun's face to his chest. He sobbed heavily into his shirt, tears streaming down his face.

He had to admit it. To Minho and to himself. He couldn't deny it anymore.

"Minho," He began, swallowing hard before continuing. "I-I like Key. And I don't know what to do, I just don't know what to do anymore…" He forced out, his throat collapsing in on itself. Minho patted Jonghyun's hair, holding him tightly.

Because what could he do?

Where did he go from here?


	10. An Argument

_I can't believe I said it. I can't believe I _finally _said it._

Minho continued to hold a sobbing Jonghyun, caressing his head gently, telling him everything was fine. Every single fear and anxiety locked deep inside of Jonghyun's mind had spewed out into the open for Minho to see.

He liked Key.

He liked a boy.

And that was wrong.

After what seemed like an eternity, Jonghyun finally managed to control his panicked sobs, reducing them to quiet sniffles muffled further by Minho's shirt. Minho released his grip on Jonghyun, looking at his bloodshot eyes. Without saying a word, he grabbed onto Jonghyun's hand, leading him to his bedroom. Jonghyun took a seat on Minho's bed, rubbing his eyes and nose with the back of his sleeve. Minho left, returning momentarily with a cup of water.

"Here." He said. Jonghyun accepted the cup silently, drinking slowly as Minho sat down next to him. The silence grew, Jonghyun too nervous to speak, his throat still burning from his fit at the doorstep.

"So." Minho said, finally breaking the uncommon silence between the two boys. "Talk to me, Jonghyun. Tell me everything." Jonghyun sighed, playing with the cup of water in his hands. He didn't even know where to begin. How could he verbalize the things he couldn't even understand himself? Minho noticed Jonghyun's apprehension and put his hand on his shoulder. "Jonghyun I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything. You know I'll understand."

Jonghyun drained the last of the water and placed it on Minho's nightstand. He opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to gain the nerve to discuss his problem with Minho. After much hesitation, he finally spoke.

"I like Key." He whispered, placing his head in his hands. "Oh god, I _really _like Key." Minho squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, but it was no use. Jonghyun still felt disgusted with himself. He imagined what the people at school would say. What his _parents _would say. He mustered up his courage and continued. "I tried to ignore it, Minho. I tried to tell myself I didn't feel anything for him. Oh _fuck,_ I really tried. But I just… I just can't stop thinking about him." Jonghyun felt tears forming in his eyes once again and tried to keep them down.

"It's okay, Jonghyun." Minho whispered soothingly. "I know exactly what you're going through."

"It's not okay Minho!" Jonghyun exclaimed. "I can't like a boy, I _can't._"

"And why not?" Minho asked. "What's stopping you? What exactly is wrong with liking a boy?" Jonghyun stared at him, dumbfounded.

He had been told his entire life that homosexuality was wrong, deranged, disgusting. From a young age he had been taught that gays were not normal people. He could remember the lectures from his parents day in and day out about this very fact. The idea had been hammered into his head from birth, and yet when Minho asked this very question, Jonghyun had nothing to say in response.

He couldn't think of a single reason. Not one.

"I understand you're conflicted, I really do." Minho continued. "And I know you might be uncomfortable talking about this. But what do you feel when you're around Key?" Jonghyun blushed fiercely at Minho's question.

"Um…" He began shyly. "Whenever I'm with him I get… nervous. My palms sweat a lot, and my heart beats quickly." He felt embarrassment crawling in his every pore as he ashamedly admitted all his most hidden feelings to Minho. "A-and when I'm around him I can't help it but I feel… really happy." Jonghyun thought he would die of shame right then and there. He once again buried his face in his hands, wishing he could disappear.

"If he makes you happy then what's the problem?" Jonghyun blinked at Minho, unable to even respond. "Jonghyun, people spend years to find someone who makes them happy. And you've already found him."

_Him._

That word pierced Jonghyun's ears, causing his heart to leap again. It was all too bizarre, too surreal.

He was sitting in Minho's room like he had done a million times before. But this time he was confessing his feelings. For a _boy._

It didn't make any sense.

"Don't give up just because of this, Jonghyun." Minho said. Jonghyun tucked his knees to his chest, hoping if he curled himself up tight enough he might just disappear and never have to deal with any of this again.

"Why did I have to meet him, Minho?" Jonghyun whispered. "Why couldn't I be normal?" He bit his lip to keep himself from crying again. Minho put his arm around him and pulled him closer.

"Jonghyun, you _are _normal." He said. "There's _nothing _wrong with you_._" Jonghyun finally collapsed under the weight of Minho's words, once again finding himself sobbing in Minho's arms, hoping, _praying _that Minho's words were true.

Jonghyun felt a wave of exhaustion come over his body from the hours of crying, collapsing on Minho's bed.

"You can sleep over tonight, Jjong." Minho said, once again patting Jonghyun's back. Jonghyun nodded slowly, pulling out a phone to send a text to his parents. He knew they'd be angry, but at this point he didn't care. He simply didn't have the energy to walk home. Not then.

"Thank you Minho, thank you for everything…" Jonghyun whispered before he let the exhaustion take over his body and drag him to sleep, hoping his head would clear by the morning.

The next morning he woke slowly, confusion settling in when he realized he wasn't in his own bed. Jolting upright he recognized with relief that he was in Minho's room. The events from the previous night flooded back into his mind, reducing him to a pile of shame and embarrassment curled up in Minho's bed. Having woken up early, he tossed and turned for twenty minutes, head pounding in pain.

_I can't believe I said all of that._

He heard Minho open the door and quickly turned over, pretending to be asleep.

"Jjong? Get up, we have to leave soon." He said quietly. Jonghyun groaned in acceptance, dragging himself out of bed and avoiding eye contact with Minho. "We'll stop at your house to grab your stuff for school." Jonghyun nodded silently.

They walked slowly, the slightly uncomfortable atmosphere heavy on the two boys.

"Did you sleep okay?" Minho asked, concern in his voice.

"Yeah." Jonghyun responded quietly, still unable to look Minho in the eye. When they reached his house he ran in quickly, grabbing his backpack and putting his uniform on. Luckily his parents were both on their way to work, so his lecture would wait until after school. He wasn't in the mood for it this morning.

The rest of the walk went on in silence, the only sound from the wind thrashing the trees and their quiet steps on the sidewalk. Suddenly Jonghyun broke the crushing silence between them.

"Minho… Can you apologize to Taemin for me please? I feel like such an asshole. I can't believe I made him cry like that." Jonghyun recalled the pained noises from the young boy with a stab to his heart. He was surprised Minho didn't kill him for that.

"He's already forgiven you, Jonghyun. We both have. Don't worry." Minho's words did nothing to appease Jonghyun who still felt awful about what he did to Taemin. Taemin was so sweet, so innocent. He did nothing to deserve what Jonghyun had said.

"How… How did you meet Taemin? How did your relationship start?" Jonghyun asked shyly. Minho hadn't told him about it because of Jonghyun's insensitivity. It was about time Jonghyun actually listened. Also Jonghyun was genuinely curious. What exactly let up to Minho falling for Taemin?

Minho blushed deeply, although a slight smile had found it's way to his face. "W-well." He began, averting his eyes from Jonghyun's, "I first saw him when he was dancing. He's… He's an incredible dancer." Minho's eyes drifted upward at the recollection. "I had to go speak to him. He was… Really cute. I never felt that way about a boy before." Jonghyun smiled at the expression Minho had on his face. It was an image of pure bliss. "We spent a lot of time together after that. I started to realize that I really liked touching him." He blushed. "N-not in a creepy way! I-I wasn't molesting him or something like that!" Jonghyun chuckled at Minho's flustered behavior. "We just held hands a lot… Hugged each other a lot… I realized pretty quickly it wasn't the kind of behavior that went on between 'just friends'. S-so… I told him how I felt. And that's how it happened."

Jonghyun smiled at the story. There was no other way to say it. Minho and Taemin were cute. No, they were _adorable._

"I'm really happy for you Minho. I mean it." He said. "I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't talk to me about this before. I really am. If you ever want to… You can."

Minho smiled before smacking Jonghyun playfully on the back of the head. "Quit apologizing already I told you!" He said, laughing. "But… I will. Sometimes I'm even unsure of myself. But when I see Taemin, all of those fears disappear. He's… He's amazing."

Jonghyun felt the familiar wave of jealousy. Could he be as happy as Minho was with Taemin? Was that even a possibility?

"Taemin is cute. You be good to him!" Jonghyun said, smacking Minho on the back playfully. Minho grinned.

"I will. You know I will." Minho said reassuringly. "By the way Jonghyun…"

"Yeah?"

"When did you get your ears pierced?"

"That... That's a bit of a long story…"

Jonghyun sulked in for the next few hours in class. He hated himself for feeling jealous of Minho- He should have been happy for his best friend. He knew that. But he couldn't help it.

He wanted Key. He wanted him so badly he could scream. But in a million years he couldn't have him. Not the way Minho had Taemin.

Jonghyun's mood was immediately lifted when he saw the familiar face of Key in the courtyard. The way the sun shone off of Key's perfect skin stopped his heart.

"Jjongie!" Key yelled, waving his hand and smiling. Jonghyun joined him under the tree. "I knew it, those earrings look great on you." Jonghyun blushed at the compliment, reaching up and touching his ears, still slightly tender.

"Key, I don't know why I trust you with these things." He said, sighing.

"I don't know why you do either." Key joked, smiling at Jonghyun, completely melting his heart.

"Ah, I'm sorry I didn't have time to make you lunch today… I slept over Minho's last night." Key's face lit up.

"You made up with Minho? That's great."

"Yeah. I asked him about Taemin. He really likes him, Key." Key frowned. "I know you're upset about it, and I know you think Taemin will get hurt. But I know Minho. He's a _great _guy. And he seriously likes Taemin. If his word isn't enough, take it from me. Minho _will_ treat him well." Key puffed his cheeks out, patting them softly. He then groaned loudly, flopping backwards and extending his legs and arms out onto the ground.

"Ugh, I don't want to believe it. I just don't." He said, obviously frustrated. "But if you say it's true… Then I'll trust you. I'll give Minho a chance." Jonghyun raised his arms in victory. "But if Minho makes one mistake, that's it! You can forget it!" Jonghyun felt himself giggling like a child. Key was so absurd, he just couldn't help it.

"Key, I think you really worry too much." He said, lying down next to Key. He rolled on his side to face him, immediately regretting his decision. Key's face was _incredibly _close to his. Jonghyun could see clearly his long, beautiful eyelashes that complimented his perfect eyes.

"_I _worry too much?" Jonghyun felt Key's breath against his face, making him shiver. "You're the one who's so uptight!"

"What!" Jonghyun yelled. "I'm not uptight! Come on, I pierced my ears for you!"

_Oh _wow _that came out wrong._

_Please don't notice._

"For me?" Key said, grinning.

_Shit, he noticed._

"Uh, well-" Key interrupted him, reaching over and feeling Jonghyun's ears. Jonghyun felt his skin tingle under Key's touch, all his senses clouded with a single desire to grip Key's hand in his own, to flip Key over and envelop himself in Key and only Key.

"Well I'm glad you did. They look so cute on you." He whispered.

_Cute._

_Key called me cute._

Completely overcome with Key's words, Jonghyun reached up, taking Key's hand in his own, fitting his fingers perfectly in his soft hands. The tension grew as the two boys said nothing, neither one pulling their hands away. Jonghyun looked up at Key, letting a shy smile escape from his lips. Key returned his smile before looking away, unable to maintain eye contact with Jonghyun anymore, still not making an effort to take his hand away from Jonghyun's.

_I shouldn't be doing this. I really shouldn't._

Before he had the chance to let go, the bell sounded from inside the hallway. Jonghyun jolted upward, releasing Key's hand suddenly.

"I-I'll see you later." He said, before standing up and running back inside. Turning around one last time, he saw Key still lying in the grass. He looked so perfect, even more beautiful than the fall leaves that surrounded him.

He _was _perfect.

In all his life he had never met anyone like Key before. He had never liked anyone like Key before. But he couldn't be with him. He _never _could.

After soccer Jonghyun returned home, surprised to find both his parents home early.

_Oh _shit.

_I'm in _so _much trouble right now._

He walked in as quietly as he could, hoping that if he was silent his parents wouldn't notice him.

"Jonghyun can you come in the kitchen please?" He cursed himself, shuffling slowly into the kitchen. He was shocked to see his parents sitting at the table waiting for him.

"I'm sorry! I sent you a text last night, didn't you see it?" He asked, panicked. His parents gestured for him to take a seat.

"We need to talk to you about something important, Jonghyun." His mother said. Jonghyun, worried, wondered what it could be. Were they moving? Did someone die? What had happened?

He sat down obediently, waiting for his parents to speak to him.

"Jonghyun." His dad said with a sigh. "We don't want you hanging out with Minho anymore." Jonghyun stared at his parents in complete confusion.

"What? Why?" He said, completely outraged. What the hell were his parents talking about? His mother continued.

"Jonghyun, Minho's parents called here today." She said, completely straight-faced. "Apparently Minho is involved with another boy from school."

"Yeah, his name's Taemin." Jonghyun blurted out before he could stop himself. His father glared at him, sending Jonghyun into a complete state of panic.

"You _knew?_" He hissed. "You knew Minho was dating another boy and you didn't _do anything?" _Jonghyun clenched his fists under the table.

"Yes." He spat. "I knew. I've met Taemin."

His father stood up in anger as his mother held her face in his hands.

"I thought we raised you better than this!" He shouted.

"You slept over at his _house _last night." His mother said. "I can't believe I allowed that to happen."

Jonghyun stood up, absolutely enraged.

"What are you guys talking about?" He yelled. "I've been friends with Minho for years and now you want me to just _stop?_"

"That's _exactly _what we want you to do!" His mother shouted back at him. Jonghyun raised his hands to his head in anger.

"What difference does it make who he's dating? Minho's my best friend! What about his parents? You two have been friends with his parents for years! Are you just going to forget about that?" He remembered all the family barbeques they had together from grade school until now. He couldn't believe after all these years growing up together his parents wanted to cut off all contact from them. "Why are you so interested in the love life of a _high school boy!" _He seethed, completely beyond consolation. "What the hell kind of sick perverts do you have to be to be so concerned about that?" Before he could move his father raced forward, striking him across the face.

"How _dare _you speak to us like that." He said, his voice devoid of any emotion. Jonghyun put his hand to his face, nursing his throbbing cheek. "If we hear you've been seeing Minho behind our backs, there _will _be consequences."

And that was it.

After listening to his parents' every word for all of his life, he had finally had enough.

"You know what?" He whispered. "Fuck this. And _fuck you._"

"Jonghyun!" His mother screamed. Before she had a chance to reprimand him further, or perhaps beat him to within an inch of his life, he ran upstairs, grabbing his school bag and stuffing it with clothes and necessities. He sprinted back downstairs, placing his hand on the doorknob, before he heard his father's commanding tone from down the hall.

"Kim Jonghyun. If you leave now, you will not be welcome back here."

Jonghyun turned his head, looking his father straight in the eyes.

"You know what?" He said, opening the door. "I don't give a shit."

He ran out, slamming the door behind him without looking back.


	11. Danger

Jonghyun, now walking as quickly as possible down the street, couldn't believe the words he had just said to his parents not more than a moment earlier. His head was completely swimming with incoherent thoughts as the throb of adrenaline pulsed through his entire body.

After being berated by them for so long, he had finally, _finally, _stood up to his parents.

And now, he had no idea what he was going to do.

Where could he go? Should he go to Minho's and beg to stay with him? Or could he go see…

His heart stopped at the very thought. What would he do if he went to see Key right now? With his mind whipping around at a hundred miles an hour, what would he say? Or, more importantly, what would he attempt?

When he was sufficiently far from his home, he collapsed onto the sidewalk, leaning up against a wooden fence. He tapped his head against the fence repeatedly, weighing his options.

A year ago, this never would have happened. A year ago, he would have been in his room, working silently to please his parents. A year ago, he would have been living his boring life, doing the same thing every single day.

But this wasn't last year. This was now. And right now he was sitting on the sidewalk after being kicked out of the house for defending his best friend for dating another boy, and was subsequently debating whether or not he should go see the boy he currently had a crush on, the very same boy who had convinced him to pierce his goddamn ears for no apparent reason.

And if he had the option, he wouldn't have had it any other way.

He stood up, having made his decision. His feet carried him quickly, already used to the familiar walk to his current destination. He paused outside the door. Although it was a situation he had been in so many times already, the circumstances were different now. Now when he was done, he wouldn't have a home to go back to.

He sighed, collecting his thoughts, then opened the door almost hesitantly, something he wasn't used to.

"Hey, Key." He said, managing a weak smile in his direction.

"Jjongie!" Key shouted. "You have good timing. I'm almost done here." He said, throwing off his apron with a satisfied smile. "Ah, it feels good to be done with work." He said, stretching his hands above his head. Jonghyun tried to look amused, but apparently failed.

"Are you okay Jonghyun? You look a little… weirder than usual." Ignoring Key's thinly disguised insult, he sat down in his favorite seat by the window, slamming his head a little harder than he expected on the table's cold surface.

"I, umm…" He started, "I sort of got kicked out of the house." He admitted with a heavy sigh.

"You? _You?_" Key asked in complete disbelief."Kim Jonghyun, the perfect student, the perfect child, got kicked out of the house?" Jonghyun groaned loudly, face still against the table.

"_Yes, _Key. I got kicked out of the house, as hard as that is to believe." Key stayed silent, staring at Jonghyun. Jonghyun returned his stare, waiting for some kind of reaction from the younger boy. Suddenly, he heard a small giggle escape from his lips, growing into a bout of raucous laughter.

_Well I was not expecting that._

"W-what do you mean kicked out of the house?" He said, trying to contain himself. "What did you do, get an A minus on a test?" He continued, pausing to breathe.

"No, Key." He said with a loud sigh.

"Did you spill… d-did you spill a drink on one of your textbooks?" He slapped the counter, gasping for breath.

"_No, _Key."

"D-did you… oh god, keep it together Key… did you forget to do your physics homework?"

"Damn it, NO Key!" He yelled. Key continued laughing, bending over and resting his hands on his knees. Jonghyun threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, completely lost at how to handle a hysterical Key.

"Breathe in, breathe out. You're okay." He said to himself, fanning his face while trying to subdue his laughter. Jonghyun pouted, leaning back in his chair. Key joined him at the table.

"Sorry Jonghyun, I'll be serious now." He said, smiling reassuringly at him.

"Sure you will…" Jonghyun muttered, still pouting and avoiding Key's eyes.

"So what the hell happened?"

Jonghyun sighed before he began. "We… got in an argument. I went to leave and my dad told me not to come back." Key played with his ears as he always did.

"What did you fight about?" Jonghyun bit his lip. Should he tell him? He had no reason to lie, but for some reason he was unsure of himself.

"He… he wanted me to stop being friends with Minho. You know… because of Taemin." Key nodded, unfazed.

"So you got angry and left?"

"Basically, yeah." He admitted. "And… I said some pretty nasty things."

"Like what?" Jonghyun pulled on his sleeves awkwardly.

"I think I told them to go fuck themselves." He said, blushing slightly. Key leaned over the table, his hands shaking slightly, small, barely audible giggles just reaching Jonghyun's ears.

"Just… just get it out of your system." Jonghyun said, completely giving up. Key obediently burst into hysterics. He placed his head in his arms, shuddering violently as he panted for air.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Jonghyun. I just didn't know you had it in you!" Jonghyun found himself sighing again. Key could be, well, exhausting to say the least.

"Yes, I know. I'm a pansy, a loser, a total nerd. Can we move on please?"

"If we must." Key said, resting his chin on his hands. "What else happened?"

"There isn't much else to tell. I just blew up at them and left." He pressed his hands to his temples and continued. "I just couldn't take it anymore. I've done nothing but listen to them for my whole life, and they treat me like shit every day." His anger started building inside him as his words became more and more powerful. "I kept telling myself not to feel this way because they're my _parents. _But I can't anymore. I hate them, Key. I seriously hate them." He clenched his hand into a fist and pressed it to his forehead. He was surprised at how easy it was for him to finally say that. After denying it for so long, it felt nice to say it out loud. Key just leaned back in his chair, folding his hands on his stomach.

"You know, I probably shouldn't say this because you're supposed to respect your elders and whatnot…" He said with his trademark smirk, "but you did well, Jonghyun. They had it coming."

Jonghyun was finally able to match Key's happy demeanor, chuckling slightly. "I guess they did." He replied, shaking his head, still not quite believing he had really done what he just did.

"If you had another chance, would you do it again?" Key asked.

"Well… yes, to be honest." Key reached across the table, placing his hands on Jonghyun's shoulders.

"Then don't feel bad about it. Not for one second. Got it?" Jonghyun looked at Key's eyes, truly thankful he was able to talk to him. When Jonghyun was with Key, he didn't worry about how he was acting or what he was saying. Everything felt natural.

"Thanks, Key…" He said, staring down at the table. Key gave his shoulders one last squeeze before returning his hands to the table, much to Jonghyun's disappointment.

"Now I'm going to just go ahead and assume you have nowhere to stay." Jonghyun nodded slowly, slightly embarrassed at his lack of foresight. "So come stay with me." Key offered.

Jonghyun immediately heated up at the thought. Living with Key? Even if it was just for a few days, the idea made him so excited he could barely think straight.

"I-I couldn't do that! I don't want to bother your family!" Jonghyun protested. Key shrugged.

"My mom loves any of my friends. And my step-dad's really nice. We'd love to have you. And it's not like you have many other options."

"Hey!" Jonghyun called out. "I have a million options! I just… Haven't contacted them yet." Key stared at him blank faced.

"So in other words, yes, right?" Jonghyun frowned and exhaled loudly.

"You got me, it's a yes…" He said quietly. Key raised his hands in victory, standing up directly afterward.

"Let's go then." He said. Jonghyun swallowed hard, joining Key at the door. A few days at Key's house? He couldn't think of anything better.

"Are you sure this is okay?" He asked nervously. "I really don't want to impose on you. I'd feel so bad if I was a bother."

"I'm the one who offered, would you stop worrying all the time?"

"I just really don't want your mother to hate me. And I-"

"Okay, that's it." Key said, interrupting Jonghyun mid-sentence. "You are so uptight I can barely handle you, you know that?" Jonghyun spun his earrings around in his hands, finally understanding why Key did it all the time. It was rather soothing. "For however long you're staying with me, I'm going to try and fix you."

"What exactly do you mean by 'fix me'?" Jonghyun asked, slightly nervous to hear exactly what Key had in mind.

"You know exactly what I mean." Key scoffed. "You worry constantly. We need to break you of this habit."

Jonghyun frowned. He didn't think he worried that much. I mean sure, he worried about his grades, and soccer, and his parents, and his friends, and his sister…

_Oh wow._

_Key is totally right._

"And how do you plan on doing this?"

"We'll have to see. But I'll get it done."

Jonghyun swallowed hard again. Key was so energetic, so unpredictable, Jonghyun wasn't sure if he'd survive his "corrective" techniques.

"Key, have you ever maybe thought that I'm only boring compared to _you?_" He asked, feebly. "And to be honest, I think most of the population is more boring than you." Key rolled his eyes.

"No, I hadn't thought of that. Because it's wrong."

Jonghyun gave up, admitting defeat to the boy who was somehow even more stubborn than he was.

Reaching his house, Key unlocked his door, swinging it open loudly with a bang.

Although Jonghyun had been in his house before, the feeling was still overwhelming. His heart fluttered at the idea of being in the place Key spent all of his time. The place was soaked in his scent.

"Come meet my mom." Key said, grabbing Jonghyun by the arm and leading him to the living room before he had time to protest. Jonghyun saw a rather young looking woman sitting on a couch with another man, presumably his stepfather. His mother had Key's exact same eyes, large and brown with full eyelashes.

"This is my friend." Key said bluntly. Jonghyun rushed forward to shake his mother's hand as well as his stepfather's, introducing himself as politely as he could. "He got kicked out of his house because he's an idiot, can he stay here for a while?" Jonghyun, mouth agape, stared at Key in complete disbelief. Did he really just blurt that out to his parents? He couldn't even be bothered to think of a good excuse? Sometimes, Key's brutal honesty caused problems. Especially now, when he was making Jonghyun seem like a goddamn criminal in front of his mom and step-dad. To his complete surprise, his mother stood up excitedly, clapping her hands together.

"Of course he can stay!" She exclaimed. "Any friend of Key's is welcome! You can stay as long as you need to, Jonghyun. My husband and I are happy to have you." Key's step-dad smiled in his direction. Jonghyun couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was way easier than expected. Maybe he wasn't used to parents who were actually nice.

"I-I don't know how to thank you, really…" Jonghyun started, before Key once again forcefully grabbed his arm.

"Okay, okay, they said yes already. Quit sucking up. Thanks, you guys." He said, before turning around, dragging Jonghyun behind him. Key barged into his room, throwing his bag on the ground dramatically. Jonghyun smiled when his eyes fell on the picture of him above Key's bed, the good memories of that day flooding back into his brain.

"So. Where exactly will I be sleeping?" Jonghyun asked.

"Well our house is small and we don't have any guest rooms. So you'll be sleeping with me." Key responded casually.

Jonghyun's head snapped up as his entire body went stiff.

He would be sleeping in the same bed as Key? Every night?

His heart pounded in his head and he felt his palms becoming sweaty.

_Just what have I gotten myself into?_


	12. Temptation

Jonghyun swallowed hard.

"R-right. Sleeping with you. Okay, no problem." He said, trying to regain himself and not sound like a completely flustered idiot.

"My bed's pretty big, so it's fine." Key said nonchalantly. Apparently Jonghyun was the only one absolutely panicked about this. Jonghyun shuffled uncomfortably in place.

"Are you sure you don't want me to just sleep on the couch? I mean, it's your room, it's not really fair to you…"

"Here you go again, worrying about everything." Key said with a sigh. "I am _not _letting my guest sleep on the couch. Also, my bed is incredibly comfortable, you'd be missing out."

Jonghyun could practically feel the beads of his sweat forming on his forehead. He tried to laugh but in his nervous state it came out as more of a pained groan. Key raised one eyebrow at him.

_Could I seem any more like a freak if I tried?_

"Well anyway, I'm going to shower." Key said. "You can take one after me if you want. Make yourself comfortable in the meantime." Jonghyun smiled and nodded, the most he could manage in his current situation. As soon as Key had walked down the hallway he made a dive for his bag, whipping out his cell phone to call Minho.

"Pick up pick up pick up…" He muttered to himself, gripping his phone tightly.

"_Hi you've reached Minho's phone, leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you."_

"Fuck!" Jonghyun yelled in frustration. He ended the call and opened up a new text message, his hands flying furiously against the buttons on his phone.

_To: Minho_

_minho I got kicked out of the house and im staying with key and hes about to take a shower now and I dont know what to do CALL ME BACK PLEASE SERIOUSLY MINHO_

Breathing hard, he sent the almost nonsensical message and threw his phone on Key's bed. He followed suit shortly after, collapsing on the bed and curling himself up into a ball, intertwining himself in Key's blankets. He inhaled Key's scent deep into his lungs, his limbs tingling from the intoxicating smell of vanilla and coffee, calming him down considerably.

That is, until he heard the shower turn on from down the hall and his mind went blank.

Key was down the hall.

In the shower.

Naked.

He grabbed his phone again, dialing Minho's number as fast as possible. He let it ring to voicemail.

"MINHO PICK UP YOUR GODDAMN PHONE!" He barked into the receiver. He threw his phone into his bag and covered his head with a pillow, doing his best to drown out the sound of the shower from down the hall.

_Stop thinking about Key naked stop thinking about Key naked stop thinking about Key naked…_

It was no use. No matter how much he pressed his ears shut or what position he contorted himself in, he couldn't keep the images of Key out of his head. His imagination teased him with ideas of Key soaking wet, dripping with soap…

But most of all, he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that all he wanted to do was walk in there, strip naked, and join him in the shower.

He bit his lip as he started to feel an uncomfortable tightening in his pants, curling himself up even tighter into a ball and cursing himself under his breath for being such a pervert. He suffered in silence with a pillow plastered to his ears as each passing second drained ounce after ounce of his energy.

Filled with self-loathing he writhed around on the bed, detesting himself for the completely inappropriate thoughts racing through his head, for a _boy _no less. Although he had recognized his feelings for Key, he still didn't want them to be true. However his body's involuntary reaction made it impossible to deny.

He snapped up when he heard the shower turn off, grabbing his phone and placing a pillow on top of his lap to disguise his current… _problem. _He acted as casually as he could as he heard Key's light footsteps coming down the hallway, wearing an expression of almost boredom and pretending to text.

"Jjongie, you want to shower now?" Jonghyun almost dropped his phone in shock when he saw Key. His usually spiky hair was dripping wet and pressed against his forehead, a few droplets of water rolling languidly down his neckline. Jonghyun's eyes travelled lower as he saw the adorable pair of pink boxers Key was wearing, just _slightly _shorter than Jonghyun was comfortable with, not that he was going to complain.

He suddenly realized that Key had, in fact, just asked him a question, and instead of a response Jonghyun had been staring up and down at the boy's thin, scantily-clad body, his eyes most likely glazed over as he inspected every inch of the boy's porcelain skin as Key rubbed his hair dry with a towel.

"Y-yeah I'll shower now, if that's okay with you…" He said, turning away from the image of a slightly wet Key. Key rolled his eyes at Jonghyun's meek response, gesturing for Jonghyun to follow him down the hall. Jonghyun picked up his bag, placing it in front of his lap as to not reveal himself, and followed closely behind Key.

Key pulled him into the bathroom, opening the closet door swiftly and producing a fluffy pink towel.

"Key, is _everything_ you own pink?" Jonghyun asked with a smirk. Key's face turned the same shade as the towel as he shoved it unapologetically into Jonghyun's arms.

"I like pink, okay?" He said. Jonghyun laughed.

Seeing Key flustered was an incredible rarity. Jonghyun didn't want to miss a single second of his tinged red face and embarrassed smile, the moment he let his confident guard down and allowed Jonghyun a glimpse into his more humble self. He didn't want anyone else to see this uncharacteristically reserved side of Key. He wanted that bashful expression to be reserved for him and _only_ him. Key flicked his forehead, snapping him out of his daydream. "Hey! Wipe that stupid smile off of your face!" He shouted, his efforts only managing to make Jonghyun grin even harder. Key spun around, now opting to ignore Jonghyun rather than continue to face further embarrassment. "And this is how you work the shower. Got it? Good." He said quickly as he spun back around and returned to his room, leaving Jonghyun alone in the bathroom, clutching the pink towel tightly in his hands. He pressed it up to his face with a smile.

After spending a few minutes fiddling with the knobs due to Key's brief, rather unhelpful description of the mechanics of his shower, he finally set it to a reasonable temperature, stepping in and allowing the warm water to run down his face.

The weight of the day's events hit him like a train as he finally had some time to process them fully. His dad had said he was no longer "welcome" in his house, but for how long? How long would he be staying with Key? And during that time, would he be able to control himself around him?

But more importantly, what exactly would he be controlling himself from doing?

Jonghyun sighed, rubbing his eyes in the warmth of the shower. He lifted up a bottle of shampoo, pouring it slowly into his hands, watching the thick liquid fall drop by drop into his palm. Lifting it to his nose, he breathed in the scent.

Vanilla.

Of course.

He finished quickly, unable to spend too much time in the shower while he knew that Key was just a few feet down the hall. He breathed a sigh of relief as he realized that in his haste he had packed a reasonable pair of pajamas, knowing full well that he could just as easily have picked one of the many pairs of incredibly embarrassing teddy bear pants he kept in his drawers, having never really outgrown them. He slid into his knee length shorts and t-shirt, tossing the absurdly bright pink towel into Key's hamper and making sure he left the bathroom as clean as possible.

He drifted slowly back to Key's room, his eyes slightly clouded from the steam. Key was lying on his bed with his legs crossed, his back propped up against the headboard, and reading what seemed like, to Jonghyun's untrained eye, some sort of fashion magazine.

Key skimmed the pages, dragging his finger across each one lightly, grinning when he saw something he liked and scrunching up his face when something dissatisfied him. Jonghyun smiled, wondering if Key knew just how expressive his face was when he was lost in his own thoughts. His head still in a fog, he wandered over to Key's bed.

"Move over." He mumbled. Key sighed, scooting over dramatically to allow Jonghyun some space on the bed.

_Don't panic, Jonghyun. Just act casual._

He flopped down next to Key, choosing the side of the bed that was up against the wall. He slid slowly underneath the covers and pulled them up to his chin.

"You're going to sleep already? It's only 9:30 you know." Key said, not looking up from his magazine. Jonghyun groaned, turning away from Key and pressing his face up against the wall, trying to put as much distance between the two of them as humanly possible.

"I'm pretty exhausted, I thought I'd just go to bed now." He lied. In reality, he wanted to fall asleep before Key did, knowing full well that if he saw so much as a glimpse of a sleeping Key he would be tossing and turning all night, his heart beating too loudly to sleep.

The room went silent except for the occasional flutter of pages as Key skimmed, almost erratically, through his choice of reading material. Jonghyun clenched his eyes shut, trying to sleep through willpower alone.

But who was he kidding?

Key was close enough that Jonghyun could feel the heat radiating off his body, he could hear his every breath, feel his every movement. Despite the distance he attempted to create, he was still painfully aware of Key's presence, and the fact that he was lying in the same _bed _as the boy made sleeping a damn near impossibility.

Admitting defeat, he rolled back over to face Key, looking up at the boy's eyes that were lazily rolling over the page.

"What are you reading?"

"You don't know anything about fashion, you wouldn't be interested." He said dismissively. Jonghyun scoffed, sitting upright side by side with Key.

"How do you know? Show me." Key rolled his eyes, though smiled slightly before he began explaining what he felt constituted a good or bad outfit, how make-up can accentuate a look, and whatever "avant-garde" meant. Although Jonghyun didn't understand a word of it, there were few things he loved more than listening to Key talk. Especially now, sitting in bed with him, their shoulders just barely touching as Jonghyun reached across him every so often to point out something in his magazine, a flimsy pretense to bring himself just centimeters closer to Key's neck. Key paused for breath, looking down at Jonghyun, who was doing his best to look like he understood.

"You didn't understand any of that, did you?" He asked. Jonghyun rubbed his chin pensively.

"In a word, no." He admitted. Key rolled his eyes again, tossing the magazine on his nightstand.

"I knew you wouldn't get it."

"Hey! I tried!" He protested. Key just laughed, reaching over to his nightstand and turning the light off.

And it was that one simple action that sent Jonghyun into panic mode, his heart pounding wildly against his chest, threatening to crack every rib he had. The fact that he was sitting in bed, with Key, with the _lights off,_ was all too much to handle.

"U-um…" He began, not exactly sure what he was trying to say. Key yawned, adjusting his pillows and lying down, facing Jonghyun.

"I know it's early, but I think I'll go to sleep." He whispered.

"Y-yeah, me, too." He breathed, the noise barely escaping his lips. His eyes finally adjusted to the dark, and with the help of the bright moonlight he was able to see the outline of Key's face, his eyes glowing and skin tinged blue under the azure light.

"Good night, Jjongie." He whispered.

"Night, Key." He responded.

At that moment if someone had told Jonghyun that there were other people on the planet, he wouldn't have believed them. Because right now, under the dead silence of the room, he and Key might as well have been the only two people on the earth. At this moment, Key was the only person who mattered.

He turned over to face the wall again, terrified Key would be able to hear his heart pounding, sending coursing vibrations through his whole body. Five minutes turned to ten, ten to fifteen, fifteen to twenty as he tried time and time again to fall asleep. He tried adjusting his position, turning back around to face the door.

And that was a big mistake.

He gasped when he found himself directly in front of a sleeping Key. Key's eyes were shut, his face molded in a blissfully angelic expression. His chest rose and fell slowly, rhythmically, as Jonghyun found himself involuntarily timing his breathing with Key's. His skin looked like that of a doll's, still slightly wet from the shower, glowing brightly from the strong light of the moon.

He was _beautiful._

He covered his mouth and tucked his knees to his chest, resisting the urge to reach up and touch the boy's perfect face, contemplating just how easy it would be to pull Key toward him, closing the gap between their lips. Any hope of getting at least a few hours of sleep had been completely ruined as his heart pounded, the sensation travelling all the way to his fingertips.

The seconds ticked by as Jonghyun grew more and more restless, unable to control himself any longer.

"Key." He whispered, nudging his side. "_Key. _Wake up." The boy knitted his eyebrows together, emitting a low groan. "Key, I can't sleep."

"Try harder." Key mumbled, not even bothering to open his eyes.

"I did." Jonghyun replied with complete honesty.

Key rolled on his back and covered his eyes with his hands. With a sigh, he turned his head toward Jonghyun, sliding his hand off of his face and placing on the blankets once again.

"You know," Key began, "I was having this crazy dream."

"What was it?"

"I was dreaming that I was sound asleep, and some jerk woke me up." Jonghyun sighed and rolled over, pressing his nose up against the wall once again.

"Forget it, go back to sleep. Sorry I woke you."

"Well I'm already up. What's wrong?" Jonghyun frowned. He couldn't very well say that being in the same bed as Key made him too nervous to sleep. He exhaled loudly turning around toward Key again, ignoring the face that their faces were just inches away from each other.

"Do you think I'll be kicked out forever?" He said with a light smile. Key scoffed.

"What's so bad about staying with me?"

_I spend every single second thinking about you, I can't sleep because you're inches away from me, and every time you so much as _shower _I lose my mind._

"Nothing."

"You know, your parents remind me a lot of my dad."

Jonghyun held his breath. Key had never talked about his dad before. There were so many questions he wanted to ask him, but he didn't want to rush anything or force him to talk about it.

"Where… where is your dad, Key?" The room became silent, other than the rhythmic ticking of the clock on the wall. Key looked pensive.

"There isn't really much of a story." He said. "I… knew I was gay for a long time, Jonghyun. My mom knew, too. She's always been supportive. But my dad…" He blew air out of his mouth. "He wasn't. He… _freaked out_ when he found out, to say the least."

Jonghyun didn't know how to respond. He had no idea that something like this had ever happened to Key. Key was so strong, he disguised it so well.

"Key I'm so sorry. That's horrible." He said quietly. Key shrugged.

"Not really. He had always been an asshole. That gave my mom a final push to leave him and take me with her."

"She sounds amazing."

"I suppose." Key said, but Jonghyun could see him trying to hold back a smile.

"He's the reason my brother moved out." Jonghyun propped himself up on his elbow.

"You have a brother?" Jonghyun asked. Key did the same, lying on his elbow and supporting his head with his hands.

"Yeah, but he's a lot older than me."

"Is he anything like you? I want to meet him." Jonghyun asked. Key grinned.

"We're polar opposites." Jonghyun laughed. There was a lot he didn't know about Key. He never seemed to speak very much about his life.

"Key have you…" Jonghyun bit his lip. "Have you ever had a boyfriend?" Jonghyun immediately regretted asking such a personal question. For some reason, he just really wanted to know. Key scratched his face lightly.

"No, I haven't." Jonghyun felt his heart skip.

_I could be his first._

Jonghyun blushed fiercely.

_What am I thinking? Stop it!_

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"Umm… I had a few when I was younger. But they didn't last for more than a week." He said, completely honest. He never had much time for a girlfriend. But maybe he could have made time if he met someone he liked enough.

"So then… have you ever kissed a girl?" Jonghyun almost choked out loud.

"Oh my god, why are you asking me that?" He asked, completely embarrassed. Key laughed loudly.

"I just want to know!" Jonghyun flopped facedown onto his pillow.

"Yes, I have…" He said, words muffled by the pillow.

"Did you just say 'yes'?" Key asked. "No way. You've kissed a girl?" Jonghyun nodded slowly into his pillow. "A girl _actually _kissed you? I don't believe it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like."

"It was in middle school! Just a quick peck… Why am I even telling you this?" Jonghyun covered his ears, drowning out the sound of Key's overzealous laughter.

"I just… I just can't believe it!" Key said, still in hysterics. Thoroughly exhausted from Key's teasing, Jonghyun flipped himself over on top of him, putting either hand on his sides, staring him right in the face. Key's large eyes, slightly red from laughing, met his. His smile faded, replaced with a look of pure innocence.

"I swear to god Key, sometimes I just want to kill you." Jonghyun whispered. Key pursed his lips to one side, not moving his eyes away from his. "It was middle school! Who even remembers that?"

"Apparently you do." Key said with a light laugh. Why was Key being so annoying with this?

Jonghyun suddenly realized the awkward position he had himself in, practically on top of the boy, his arms on either side of Key. But he couldn't bring himself to move.

"So… you've never kissed anyone before?" He whispered, more of a statement than a question. Key shook his head, a serious expression on his face. Jonghyun swallowed thickly, his eyes travelling back and forth between the boys slightly parted lips and his large doe-like eyes. He unconsciously let his tongue run across his own mouth, looking downward to the small expanse of perfect skin displayed by Key's v-neck shirt, just barely wet from the drops of water from his hair. Key stayed perfectly still underneath him. Key's lips were so pink, so perfect, just a foot away from his…

_Oh my god._

_What am I doing?_

"J-Jong-" Jonghyun rolled off of Key as quickly as humanly possible, returning to his side of the bed, creating as much distance as he could between them once again.

"S-sorry for waking you up, Key. We should sleep." He said, completely shocked at his impulsive behavior.

"Y-yeah. Night, Jonghyun." Key replied quietly.

Jonghyun clamped his eyes shut, his heart pounding in his head. Just what was he doing back there? What had he been _trying _to do?

He pulled the covers over his face, ashamed by himself.

Because he knew full well what he had wanted to do.

And he knew that it could never, _ever, _happen.

After hours of tossing and turning, he finally let the exhaustion take over his body, welcoming a comparatively more peaceful sleep.


	13. A Missed Opportunity

"Jonghyun. Jonghyun, wake up."

"Five more minutes…" Jonghyun groaned.

"Jonghyun, this is the third time I've tried to wake you up." Third? Jonghyun certainly didn't remember the other two. Jonghyun grumbled, putting a pillow over his head to try and calm his pounding headache. He probably had gotten a total of three or four hours of sleep the night before, if that.

"Jonghyun, get your ass out of bed!" Key yelled, snatching the pillow out of his hands and beating him over the head with it.

"Ow, ow, _fine, _Key! Jesus Christ!" He sat up slowly, raising his arms in the air in defeat. He opened his eyes painfully, the bright light hurting his head. "You're already dressed?" He asked. Key rolled his eyes.

"Please, I've been up for an hour already." An hour?

"Isn't that a little excessive?"

"I had to do my hair." Jonghyun snorted, earning him another smack in the head with Key's pillow. "Just get dressed already! You're going to make me late!" Key threw down the pillow, walking out of his room and slamming the door behind him with a bang.

Jonghyun contemplated going to sleep again, but decided against it, fearing the wrath he'd face at the hands of Key. He got dressed, lifting up his school bag and checking his phone.

_From: Minho_

_sorry jonghyun! I was with taemin last night and didn't hear the phone ring! . how did you manage? did you two… do anything?_

Jonghyun scoffed. Just what was he doing with Taemin that he couldn't hear the phone? On second thought, he didn't want to know the answer to that.

_To: Minho_

_I managed just fine, no thanks to you! and no we didn't do anything, you pervert! ill tell you everything at soccer._

He was about to shut his phone when he realized he had another message. His heart sank when he saw the name of the sender.

_From: Victoria_

_where are you? we're worried about you, please come home._

He sighed. He genuinely felt bad. His parents he couldn't care less about. But his sister cared so much about him, the last thing he wanted to do was make her worry.

_To: Victoria_

_if mom and dad were worried they would have contacted me by now. im sorry vic. i cant come home yet._

He shut his phone and pressed it against his face.

_I really am sorry._

He took a deep sniff, smelling something from downstairs. He picked up his bag, wandering downstairs to see Key standing in front of the stove. Key noticed his presence, turning around with a smile.

"I told you I'd cook for you someday." The sunlight poured through the window, illuminating Key's smile. Jonghyun couldn't help but stare in awe. How did Key look so perfect in the morning? He unconsciously reached up and touched his own disheveled hair, feeling inadequate next to a flawless Key. His eyes widened when he saw the clock.

"Key, it's _ridiculously _early." He complained. Key sighed loudly.

"Of course it is. We need time to eat breakfast, of course." Jonghyun glanced back up at the clock.

"This much time?"

"_Yes, _Jonghyun." Key said, as if it was the stupidest question in the world. Everything Key did he seemed to do in excess.

"Food's almost ready, go sit down." Key demanded. Jonghyun would have protested Key's commanding tone, but he was rather eager to try Key's cooking, not to mention hungry.

He watched Key move elegantly at the stove, his body shifting back and forth as he stirred whatever it was he had in his pan. Jonghyun felt his mouth start to water, whether from hunger or something else entirely.

Key soon turned around, placing his plate down on the table and shoving the other in Jonghyun's hands.

"What is it?" Jonghyun asked.

"Just eat it."

Jonghyun sighed. Key really didn't seem to like to explain anything. He examined his plate, inspecting what looked like some kind of omelet. He gave Key a distrustful look, a look Key returned with an angelic smile. He tentatively brought a piece to his mouth, staring at it closely.

"I didn't poison it." Key said with a laugh.

"Sure." Jonghyun said skeptically, bringing the food to his mouth and chewing slowly. To his surprise, it was delicious.

"I told you I'm good at cooking." Key said. Jonghyun wondered how Key could be so confident all the time.

"You were right." He admitted. "Remind me to eat here more often."

"Well I guess I'll be cooking for you as long as you stay here."

"Don't say that, then I really will never go home." Jonghyun said. Key smiled, leaning forward on his elbows.

"I'd like that." Key said. Jonghyun stared down at his plate to hide his bright red face from Key.

Truth be told, he'd like it a lot, too.

He silently finished his breakfast, looking up every so often to steal a glance at Key. He loved the small, adorable bites he took, his unusually polite way of eating contrasting with his normal, more boisterous self.

When they were done, Key picked up their plates, rinsing them and putting them in the sink.

"You cook for me _and _you clean my plate? You're really spoiling me, Key." Jonghyun said. Key snorted.

"You're my guest, of course I am." Jonghyun grinned lightly, turning his face away from Key again. "Let's go."

Jonghyun grabbed his bag, following Key out the door. The cold wind blew daggers in his face, making his eyes tear up at the shock. He rubbed his hands back and forth together, trying to warm them up in any way possible. Could he maybe hold onto Key's hand for warmth? No, he couldn't possibly do that. Would it be weird? Key would probably think it was weird. He wrestled with himself, breathing into his hands all the while.

"Jjongie, when does your soccer season end?" Key asked, snapping Jonghyun from his internal argument back to reality.

"This Friday, why?" Key scrunched his face up.

"When does practice end today?" He asked. Jonghyun hesitated. The way Key was avoiding eye contact with him made him feel like he had something up his sleeve.

"Around five… why?" Key's face lit up and he placed his palm in his hand.

"I don't have work today. Let's do something fun." Key said. Jonghyun raised an eyebrow.

"For some reason hearing that from you is making me nervous."

"Oh come on, Jonghyun. You never have any fun. It'll be something normal, I promise."

"I don't know what your definition of 'normal' is." Key rolled his eyes, an action that, although done out of exasperation, Jonghyun never seemed to get sick of.

"Normal by your standards. I promise." Key said.

"So are you going to tell me what it is?"

"Nope, that'll ruin the surprise." Jonghyun felt his body heat up at the mischievous smile that had settled in on Key's face, a smile that sent both happiness and fear in the pit of Jonghyun's stomach.

Jonghyun glanced over at Key every few steps, admiring the way the cold painted his cheeks and nose red, the way his breath played swirls around his face, the rest of his face whiter than usual in the pale morning light.

Jonghyun wished he could capture this serene moment and keep it forever. It was almost unbelievable how much the small action of just walking with Key in the morning could affect him this much. He bit his lip, trying to keep his breath level as they approached the gates slowly.

"I'll walk you to class." He offered quickly, wanting to prolong his time with Key as much as possible. Key shrugged.

"Suit yourself." Jonghyun smiled to himself as they walked toward Key's classroom together. "By the way, I'm eating lunch with Taemin today. He needs to talk to me about something." Jonghyun frowned, thoroughly disappointed that he would have to wait until the end of the day to see Key again. "So I'll meet you after soccer practice?" Key asked.

"Are you sure I shouldn't be worried?"

"Do you think I'm crazy or something? I swear, it will be completely, one hundred percent normal. I want you to enjoy yourself, that's all." Jonghyun blushed shyly. "So… wait for me after practice. Bye!" Key said before turning around abruptly and shutting the door to his classroom, leaving Jonghyun alone, dumbfounded in the hallway.

He walked slowly back to class with his feet skimming the ground lightly, feeling as if they were treading air. His arms swung back and forth, somehow too jittery to stay at his sides. How did his teachers seriously expect him to be able to pay attention when he felt like this?

He walked into his classroom, sliding slowly into his desk, not even bothering to pull out his notebook or pencils. There was no way he would be getting any work done today.

He placed his face in his palm, staring out the window to pass the time, when he felt a tap on his head followed by a thump at his desk. He stared downward, finding himself looking at a folded up piece of paper. Searching around the room, his eyes landed on Minho just a few seats next to him, gesturing for him to open the paper. He unfolded it as quietly as he could, deciphering Minho's illegible scrawl.

_what the hell happened last night?_

Jonghyun scoffed. Minho was so interested now when last night he couldn't even be bothered to answer his phone? He scribbled his answer on the back of the paper, aiming carefully and tossing it back to Minho, terrified he would miss and be discovered by a teacher or classmate. He saw Minho's face flush crimson when he read his response.

_i could ask you the same thing -_-_

Minho covered his face with the note, trying, and failing to conceal his embarrassed expression from Jonghyun. Jonghyun rolled his eyes dramatically in direction, a habit he had somehow picked up from Key. As soon as Jonghyun turned back around to face the window, he felt the note once again bounce off of his head violently and onto the table. He couldn't help but feel as if Minho was hitting him on purpose.

_jonghyun dont be gross! now tell me everything!_

Sighing, he wrote his answer, tossing the note back to Minho once again, who read it with a disappointed face.

_ill tell you at lunch, ok? quit being impatient…_

Minho frowned and tore up the note dramatically, glaring at Jonghyun all the while. Jonghyun gave a half-hearted apologetic shrug, then returned to his position of rest, perching his head one his hand once again, paying absolutely no attention until the lunch bell rang. A split second after the noise sounded across the school, Minho leapt up, snatching up Jonghyun's hand and pulling him out to the courtyard.

"Alright." Minho said the moment they stepped outside. "Tell me everything." Jonghyun took out his lunch and slid against the tree, making himself comfortable before beginning.

"There really isn't anything to tell, Minho…" He said, unwrapping the sandwich Key had prepared for him before he had even woken up. "I got kicked out of the house and went to stay with Key…"

"Woah, woah, woah, back up. Why did you get kicked out?" Jonghyun sighed. He really did not want to have to explain this to Minho. He didn't want the boy to feel responsible for it. But he knew he had to be honest to him.

"Your mom called the house and told my parents about you and Taemin. They wanted me to stop hanging out with you, so I got pissed and left." Minho's face sank, just as Jonghyun had expected.

"Jonghyun, I'm sorr-"

"Please Minho, don't apologize. It's not your fault. I'd do it a million times over if I could." Jonghyun said, giving as reassuring a smile as he could. Minho sighed and took a seat next to Jonghyun, averting his eyes from his.

"S-so you went to see Key. Then what?" Minho asked, doing his best not to let his guilt show on his face. Jonghyun chewed slowly.

"Well, I met him at work and we went back to his house. It was like _torture. _First he's showering down the hall and I can hear the damn thing all the way from his bedroom. Next he tells me we're going to have to _sleep _together because he doesn't have a guest bed-"

"Wait, you slept in the same _bed?_" Minho asked, his usually large eyes forced even wider in surprise. Jonghyun frowned, nodding reluctantly. Minho burst out in laughter. "Oh my god, Jonghyun! Are you serious? How did you survive?" Jonghyun threw his bag at Minho.

"Shut up! You don't even know! I got probably two hours of sleep, I feel like shit, and I'm going to have to do this night after night! I can't take this Minho, I _seriously _can't!"

Minho's laughter calmed down and he assumed a more serious expression. "So you two really didn't do anything?" Jonghyun played with his fingers, not exactly sure how to continue.

"I…I kind of… _lost _it in the middle of the night. I woke him up just to talk, and next thing I knew I was on top of him… I mean, I didn't actually do anything though! I swear!"

"You were on top of him… and you did _nothing._" Jonghyun gave an embarrassed nod, now realizing just how lame he sounded. "Well how did he react?" Jonghyun reluctantly forced himself to think back on that moment, that incredibly embarrassing moment he had tried to push out of his mind completely. He visualized Key's face in his mind, the face shrouded in moonlight looking up at his…

"He looked… I don't know. All his usual confidence was gone. He looked so …innocent. Almost _lost._" Jonghyun said, now completely lost in the memory.

"Let me get this straight." Minho said. "You climb on top of him in the night, he looks at you like a goddamn _puppy _staring longingly at its _master, _and you do _nothing?_"

"That isn't quite how I described it, but essentially, yes. That's what happened." Minho sighed, covering his face with his hands.

"What is wrong with you? He so obviously wants you, what are you doing?" Jonghyun rubbed his sore eyes.

"Minho, I can't do that. You know I can't. I can't… date a boy." He said, the phrase feeling bizarre on his tongue.

"I know you're nervous about the whole subject, but Taemin and I are dating, and I swear Jonghyun, I've never been happier in my life." He said, a dreamlike expression taking over his face.

"You and Taemin are different. It's just… it's not right for me. I just can't do it."

"You told me yourself he makes you happy. I don't see the problem."

Jonghyun swallowed hard. Truth be told, he couldn't see a problem either. There was just something in the pit of his stomach, something far back in his head that stopped him every time he tried to get closer to Key.

"It's just… It's different. I can't explain it." The bell rang loudly from down the hall. Minho stood up, stretching his limbs with a long groan.

"I don't know him very well at all, but from what Taemin tells me, it seems like he likes you." Jonghyun's heart stopped. Was it true? Did Key like him? Was it even a possibility? "And he won't wait forever for you to make up your mind. So don't worry about everyone else, just worry about yourself. Do whatever makes you happy. Okay?"

Jonghyun gave a slight nod to Minho's advice. He smiled, returning to the hallway, as Jonghyun sat for a few moments to regain himself.

He knew he liked Key. That he had known for a while. But the possibility of Key ever liking him back was something that had never crossed his mind.

Key was bold, energetic, strong. And Jonghyun was just… Jonghyun. Quiet, shy, and studious. What were the odds of Key ever liking him? And if he did, what would he do about it?

Was there even a slight chance of this ever working out?

He frowned and shook his head rapidly, trying to push the idea as far out of his mind as possible.

It simply wasn't a possibility. He couldn't keep entertaining such foolish ideas.

Collecting himself, he walked step after painful step back to class.


	14. Can You Smile

Jonghyun's heart leapt at the whistle declaring the end of soccer practice, sprinting back to the locker room to get changed. He pulled his shirt over his head quickly, throwing his dirty clothes into the locker, happy to finally be out of his filthy clothes. He grabbed his bag, rushing out before he could run into Minho. He didn't want to have another conversation like the one at lunch. He wasn't at all eager to be forced to address his relationship with Key.

He didn't want to think about whether or not Key liked him. He didn't want to think about whether or not it was possible for him to date a boy. He didn't want to think about the possibilities of a potential relationship.

He just liked _being _with Key. There was no need to think beyond that point or complicate it further. It was just that simple.

Turning the corner, he found himself face to face with the very boy he had been nervous about seeing all day.

"Good! You're finally here." Key announced. Jonghyun grinned proudly at the fact that Key had been waiting for him.

"And before you say it, I know, I'm slow. I'm always slow." Jonghyun said. Key grinned, leaning up against the wall.

"You read my mind, Jjongie." Jonghyun blushed. It was hard to remember how arrogant Key was when he acted this cute. "Let's go, at your pace we'll never get there." He said, starting to walk quickly. Jonghyun glided up and rejoined him at his side.

"And where is 'there', exactly?" He asked.

"You know I'm not going to answer that."

"Well it was worth a try."

The walk lasted a short ten minutes as Key and Jonghyun talked about school, their friends, their lives. Jonghyun became completely entranced at the animated manner in which Key spoke, his eyes lighting up and his expressions changing rapidly.

"We're here!" Key said excitedly. Jonghyun snapped up, so transfixed on Key that he had forgotten to look where they were even going.

"Ice skating?" He asked. Key was so, _so _unbearably cute to choose a place like this.

"Yep! Let's go!" He said enthusiastically. Jonghyun chuckled.

"I hope you know I can't ice skate. _At all._"

"That's about what I expected. Seems like you can't do much other than sing and be a nerd." He said. Jonghyun sighed, accepting the statement without argument. He was starting to get used to Key's constant insults. Perhaps Jonghyun was a masochist, but he almost liked hearing them from Key.

Key took it upon himself to get the ice skates for both of them. Jonghyun's clumsy fingers took an exceptionally long time to lace them up, earning him an impatient groan from Key.

"J-just give me a second! This is really difficult!" He said, fingers fumbling with the loose strings. Key folded his arms exaggeratedly, reminding Jonghyun that yes, he was completely incompetent. Finally finishing, he stood up, holding his arms out for balance on the thin skates. He wobbled uneasily toward Key.

"We're not even on the ice yet."

"I… I don't have great balance."

"This is obvious."

"Make as many snarky comments as you want, I don't care." He said, hobbling slowly toward the rink. He paused at the gate, staring at the ice. He touched his toe tentatively to the ice, retracting it quickly in fear.

"Let me go first." Key said, slipping past Jonghyun and gliding out onto the ice. He floated effortlessly a few feet from the gate, beckoning Jonghyun to follow him. Jonghyun watched several children pass by him easily. If they could do it, why not him? He slowly put one foot on the ice, following shortly after with the other. He stayed motionless, his knees bent and his arms extended, scared to move even the slightest. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realized he had not, in fact, tripped and fallen over himself.

"Look! I did it!" He shouted triumphantly.

"Great." Key said, smirking. "Now just skate out to me." Jonghyun glanced down at his feet, trembling slightly in their skates.

"…How?" He asked. Key sighed.

"It's almost like walking. Just push off of each foot. It's easy, I promise."

"Like walking. Got it." He hesitated, planning out each movement in his head. He stretched his foot out, taking a slow, doubtful step just inches in front of him. He became completely imbalanced as soon as he shifted his weight to his front foot, his arms flailing wildly as tried to level himself out again. "Key, this is impossible!" He shouted after finally regaining his balance and clutching for dear life against the wall.

"You barely even tried!"

"I tried enough!"

"Well _try harder._" Key said. It was becoming something of a catchphrase when he was around Jonghyun.

Frowning in the face of such a daunting task, he took a few more small steps, gaining confidence until his feet slipped completely out from underneath him. He shut his eyes before he felt the impact of his full weight slamming on the ice. He stayed there, dazed, until he slowly opened his eyes to see Key standing over him.

"Wow!" Key said. "That was impressively embarrassing." Jonghyun groaned, rotating from his sore back to his side.

"I think I'll just stay here for a while…" He mumbled, in too much pain to move.

"Absolutely not. We came here so you could have fun and that's exactly what you're going to do." Key said, extending his hand. Jonghyun blinked a few times, not believing the gift that had been dropped into his lap. Not trying to show just how eager he was, he reached up as slowly as his body could manage, clasping his hand in Key's. Key braced himself, pulling a groaning Jonghyun back up to his feet. "Ready?" He asked. Jonghyun just nodded as Key squeezed his hand tightly.

Key moved slowly, shifting his weight back and forth, dragging an unsteady Jonghyun along behind him.

"You have to actually move your feet, you know." Key said. "I can't just drag you the whole time."

"It seems to be working pretty well to me." Jonghyun replied, now clasping Key's arm with both of his hands, his back nowhere near straight as he remained in his half hunched over position.

"You look like a freak. Come on." Key pulled Jonghyun up next to him, wrapping his arm around his waist. "Take small steps, okay?" Jonghyun did his best to ignore the fact that Key's hand was holding on firmly to his own hip, taking small steps that matched Key's. Jonghyun felt a grin spread out across his face as they picked up speed. He almost lost his balance once again when he heard a slight giggle escape from Key's lips, a sound more pure than any music he could hope to create.

Key released Jonghyun's waist, clasping his hand once again in Jonghyun's. Jonghyun shifted his grip, intertwining their fingers together. He glanced at quickly at Key, satisfied when he saw a shy smile spread across the younger boy's lips.

The two exchanged eye contact briefly before Jonghyun looked away shyly, his breathing hitched as he admired the way his fingers fit perfectly in line with Key's. His body filled with warmth despite the cold temperature of the ice skating rink as he decided there wasn't anything, there _couldn't _be anything, better than that moment.

At that moment, everything was completely perfect.

Jonghyun's moment of bliss was interrupted as he slipped once again, clinging firmly onto Key's entire arm.

"Jonghyun, caref-" Key was cut off when Jonghyun's legs completely gave out, his entire body plummeting to the ground as he dragged Key along with him. Jonghyun felt the wind get knocked out of him as his back hit the ground, Key toppling down after him, landing right on his stomach.

The air in Jonghyun's lungs escaped for the second time when he realized how close Key was to him, their chests barely touching as Key fell on top of him. He stared directly into Key's eyes, just inches away from his own.

If someone had asked Jonghyun what exactly was going through his mind at that moment, he wouldn't have been able to tell them. All he knew was that he didn't want to separate himself from Key. His mind completely blank, he snaked his arms up and rested them on Key's lower back. Key seemed to soften, arching his back slightly under his touch, letting his hips melt over Jonghyun's. He glanced upward at Key's flushed face, most likely a similar color to his own. His eyes were slightly wider than usual, not moving away from Jonghyun's stare.

He was suddenly aware of the heat he was feeling in his lower region. He stayed still, praying Key wouldn't notice his increasingly apparent problem.

"Jonghyun." He thought he heard Key whisper. He looked up, waiting for him to continue. "I-"

"Hey mister, are you okay?" Jonghyun's eyes snapped away from Key's, landing on a young boy kneeling next to him. "You fell really hard!" Key scrambled back to his feet, brushing himself off quickly and leaving Jonghyun to fend for himself.

"Y-yeah!" Jonghyun said, finally managing to get back on his feet after a few failed attempts. "I'm fine! I didn't fall too hard!" The young boy gave a crooked grin.

"You were lying there so long, I thought you died!" He exclaimed. Jonghyun blushed vibrantly, scratching the back of his head. He heard Key giggling from behind him.

"From your skating skills, that was a definite possibility." He said.

"Oh shut up, Key!" He whispered. He turned back around to face the young boy in front of him. "I'm fine, don't you worry." He said, patting his head. "Go run along back to your parents, okay?" The boy nodded and skated away in a more graceful manner than Jonghyun could ever hope to achieve.

Jonghyun stood awkwardly, unable to face Key. Both boys were silent, not exactly sure how to address what had just happened.

And what exactly was it that happened? Was the tension just a product of Jonghyun's imagination? Had Key not even thought about it the way Jonghyun had?

"Um… my feet are killing me!" Jonghyun shouted, blurting out the first thing that came to mind just to end the stifling silence between the two.

"Fine, let's go." Key skated up beside him, looping his arm around Jonghyun's and leading him slowly back to the gate, making completely sure that Jonghyun wouldn't have another accident like the one before. They removed their skates and returned them to the counter, stepping out into the fresh air again.

"So I guess I'm not too good at skating, am I?" Jonghyun said after a brief silence.

"Well that's quite an understatement…" Key said. Jonghyun elbowed him in the side, earning himself a small giggle from Key.

"I had a lot of fun, Key." He admitted quietly. Key's eyes lit up.

"I knew you would!" He said. Jonghyun laughed at Key's ever-changing moods. Key cleared his throat. "Remember when we met at the coffee shop?" Jonghyun nodded thinking back on the embarrassing, yet fond memory. "Remember how I recognized that you went to the same school as me?" Jonghyun pretended to think hard, as if he didn't quite remember. In reality, he knew every detail of their first conversation, having played it over thousands of times in his head. "How do you think I knew that?"

Jonghyun paused. "You said my hair was noticeable, right?"

"Well… that was partly it." Jonghyun gave him a confused look, signaling for him to continue. "I definitely noticed you first because of your hair. But I saw you a lot in the hallways you know. And every time I saw you, you looked so sad." Jonghyun looked down at his feet as he shuffled along slowly next to Key. He didn't even realize this until now. "In all those times I saw you I don't think I ever saw you smile. I used to wonder why you were so sad all the time." Jonghyun stared at Key, completely shocked that he had noticed something this small. Key never seemed like the type to be concerned over other people's feelings.

"I'm… I _was, _really caught up with schoolwork all the time. My parents are really strict, you know. They were always pushing me. I didn't really have the energy to be happy." Key nodded slowly.

"I know. But when you came into the shop and asked me what to give you, I got so excited. I thought, here's my chance to make this guy smile, even if it's just for a moment." Key said. Jonghyun bit his lip subconsciously, taken aback by Key's words. "And the next day when those kids were bullying me, I saw you eating in the courtyard. And I got excited again because… oh _fuck _this sounds s_eriously_ creepy now that I'm saying this out loud… I just thought maybe I could see you smile again." Jonghyun bit his lip, trying to hold back the wave of emotions overcoming him. "You don't deserve to be depressed all the time. It's not fair."

"I didn't really have a reason to be happy until now." Jonghyun said. Key just scoffed.

"Oh, shut up!"

"No, seriously!" He said. "You make me laugh, you make me smile, you're _housing _me after I got my stupid ass kicked out of the house for god's sake…"

"Emphasis on 'stupid'."

"What I'm _trying _to say is…" He continued, ignoring Key's comment, "_you_ make me happy. So… thank you." His words felt clumsy as they stumbled out of his mouth. "People don't usually care enough about me to even try." He saw Key suppress a grin, turning away from Jonghyun's stare.

"Whatever, I shouldn't have even told you, you're such a sap." Jonghyun laughed at Key's stubbornness. He was unable even to accept a simple thank you. But that's what Jonghyun loved about him. He was stubborn to the point of absurdity.

He still couldn't believe Key had noticed something as insignificant as that. Key would never know just how much it meant to him that he had. Key would never know how much _he_ meant to him, period. He reached across Key and draped his arm across his shoulder, longing to feel his warmth against his arms again. He didn't bother looking at the younger boy, knowing full well that he was most likely rolling his eyes at him. His heart fluttered when he felt Key's hand reach up, placing a light hold on Jonghyun's hip. They walked silently back to Key's house, arms wrapped around each other all the while. At that point there were no words in the world that could match the high Jonghyun felt just from a simple touch.

Key released his grip on Jonghyun when the reached the door to his house and he swung it open wildly with a bang. Jonghyun didn't really understand why Key felt the need to open every door in such a violent manner, but he didn't question it. The moment Jonghyun stepped in the house a delicious scent wafted into his nose, reminding him just how hungry he was.

"Great, dinner's ready." Key said, walking to the kitchen. Jonghyun stood up straight when he saw Key's mother and step-dad in the room, becoming nervous immediately. "Jonghyun and I are going to eat upstairs, okay?" Key said, grabbing a plate off the table. His mother leapt up.

"Not today you're not!" She said. "Come eat at the table with us, I want to get to know Jonghyun!" Key groaned, obviously angered by his mother's eccentric behavior.

"Let's eat with them." Jonghyun said, trying his best to make a good impression. Key frowned, mumbling something under his breath before reluctantly putting the plate back on the table. He took a seat next to Jonghyun, folding his arms stubbornly while his mom and step-dad served the food.

"Why are you being so rude to them?" Jonghyun whispered to Key. Key pursed his lips together, refusing to answer.

"So." Key's mother said, taking a seat at the table. "When did you meet Key, Jonghyun?"

"At work." Key said, lifting up his food and inspecting it carefully, reminiscent of what Jonghyun had done before trying Key's cooking.

"Let Jonghyun talk! I want to get to know him better!" Key grumbled again, shoving food into his mouth dramatically. "Jonghyun, sweetie, go ahead." Jonghyun looked at Key, then back to his mother. The similarities were really quite striking. They had the same large eyes, the same full lips.

"Umm… well there isn't much more to say. I met him at the coffee shop and we became friends after that." Jonghyun said quietly. Key's step-dad's face lit up.

"It's really nice to see Key meeting new people, isn't it?" He said. His mother nodded in agreement. Jonghyun gave a half-hearted smile. He wasn't used to being around such nice parents and it made him a little uneasy. A long silence settled over the table except for the clinking of plates.

"So," his mother said again, ending the silence between them, "when did you two start dating?" Jonghyun completely choked on the water he was drinking, almost spitting it out in shock. He bent over to the side of the table to disguise his coughing fit.

"MOM!" Key shouted, his face turning bright red.

"What? I just want to know!"

"We're NOT dating!" Key yelled.

"You're not?" She asked.

"_No._" Key said. Jonghyun continued coughing, absolutely sure he had destroyed his windpipe somewhere along the way. He remained hunched over, his back shaking from his violent spasms. "Great, you killed Jonghyun. Are you happy now?" Key said, throwing his hands up in the air.

"I'm sorry, you two just seemed so close!" Key put his elbows on the table and covered his face with his hands, too embarrassed to speak. Jonghyun finally managed to regain himself, sitting upward and placing his hand on his throat, rubbing it soothingly.

"N-no, Mrs. Kim," he choked, "we're n-not dating."

"Well why not?" His mother exclaimed. "Jonghyun is adorable, Key! What are you waiting for?" Jonghyun felt his face burn from Key's mother's words.

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT." Key slammed his hands on the table, standing up quickly. "Jonghyun and I are going upstairs. Bye."

"No, stay downstairs with us!" His mother said.

"Nope. Not doing that."

"But Key, I'm not done eating!" Jonghyun whispered.

"Then take the damn plate with you!" He yelled, snatching Jonghyun's plate and storming upstairs.

"Th-thank you very much for dinner!" He yelled before following him upstairs. He opened the door to Key's room, seeing Key lying face down on the bed, Jonghyun's plate placed on the nightstand. He picked it up and continued eating, watching Key as he sulked.

"They are _so _embarrassing sometimes, I swear…" He mumbled into his bed sheets, unable to make eye contact with Jonghyun. Jonghyun just laughed.

"A little." He admitted, sitting down on Key's bed. "But they want you to be happy. I think that's sweet."

Key unwedged his head from the bedsheets, turning to face Jonghyun. "Are you saying dating you would make me happy?" Key asked. Jonghyun chuckled again, patting Key on the back.

"That wouldn't just make you happy, that would make you the happiest man in the world." He joked. Key scoffed, placing his head back in his sheets. Jonghyun rested his hand on Key's back, enjoying the warmth he felt in the palm of his hand.

"You're more arrogant than I thought I guess…" Key mumbled. Jonghyun rubbed circles in Key's back, letting his fingers roll over the neckline of his shirt, his fingertips lazily grazing the exposed skin. He cleared his throat.

"I mean, it wasn't _crazy _that your mom thought that. We spend a lot of time together, so it's natural she could have assumed it…" He said quietly. He secretly enjoyed the fact that he had been confused for Key's boyfriend. He wanted to continue pretending, just for a little longer.

"But she didn't have to announce it at the dinner table like that!"

"Well… I don't mind." Jonghyun said quietly. He felt Key shift slightly under his touch, eventually rolling over completely on his back to face Jonghyun. Jonghyun didn't move his hand, now resting it on Key's chest. "I mean, is the idea of dating me _that _embarrassing?"

_What am I doing?_

He knew he was crossing a line, but he couldn't stop. Not now.

"Oh c…come on, that's not what I was saying!" He protested. "You know what I meant!"

"Then… elaborate for me." Jonghyun whispered. Key's eyes travelled downward, noticing Jonghyun's hand firmly positioned on his chest. His eyes snapped up back to Jonghyun, who didn't move his gaze from Key's for even a second. Key swallowed blankly, opening his mouth several times to speak, but in the end only producing cracked gasps.

"I…I… umm…" He started. He yelped suddenly, sitting up and jumping off the bed. "Has _everyone_ gone crazy except for me?" He said, waving his hands angrily. Jonghyun laughed.

"Sorry Key, I can't help myself. You're funny when you're angry." Jonghyun said. Key groaned audibly.

"I'm going to take a shower!" Key shouted, walking out of his room and slamming the door loudly as he always did.

Jonghyun giggled, flopping down on Key's bed, enjoying the image of a flustered Key now replaying in his head. Suddenly Key popped his head back through the door.

"And you know that's not what I meant! You'd be a great boyfriend. Any girl would be lucky to have you!" He said quickly. Too quickly. It didn't sound all that genuine. Jonghyun smiled. Key was so cute.

"I know I would be." He responded.

"You really have gotten arrogant…" Key mumbled.

"I guess I've been hanging out with you too much." He responded quickly. Key groaned again, slamming the door shut and scampering down the hall.

_Yep._

_So, _so _cute._


	15. Adrenaline

Over the next few days Jonghyun developed a sort of routine with Key. He went to school with him, walked him to work, did his homework in Key's room, then picked him up from work and walked him home.

The only thing he hadn't gotten used to was the ungodly hour that Key woke up him up at every morning, though he tolerated it for the simple reason that if he woke up later on his own, Key wouldn't be the first thing he saw in the morning.

And that's something he really, _really _looked forward to every night.

"Jonghyun, _Jonghyun! _You're not even listening!" Minho said, flicking his forehead. Jonghyun snapped his attention back to Minho while rubbing his head. He decided to go to Minho's house to hang out with him while Key went to work, but for some reason he was having trouble focusing. "You are really spacey today…"

"Sorry, Minho…" He mumbled. Minho rolled on his back and exhaled loudly.

"Are you thinking about Key?"

"What? No!" Jonghyun lied, attempting to look as natural as possible.

"You don't have to lie you know." Minho said. Jonghyun sighed, putting his face in his hands. "Has anything changed?"

"No…" He grumbled. "We haven't even gone out to do something fun since the ice skating incident. And you already know all about that." He said. Minho smiled, waving his eyebrows suggestively. "Oh shut up, Minho…"

"I didn't say anything."

"You know what I meant!" Jonghyun said.

"So… have you changed your mind about anything?" Minho asked. Jonghyun rubbed his eyes, thinking hard before answering.

"No… I haven't."

"So you don't want to date Key?"

Jonghyun frowned. "It's not that… It's… it's complicated, Minho. I… really like Key." He disliked even saying that. It felt so _unnatural, _so _wrong. _"But this sort of thing is impossible for me. I just… can't _be _with Key like…that. Besides, there's no way he even likes me, so I don't have to worry about it." He said. As much as he disliked admitting his feelings for Key, admitting that there was no hope of a future together hurt even more. "B-but how are you and Taemin?" He said, changing the subject quickly before he could hear Minho protest his decision. Minho's eyes glazed over immediately as Jonghyun mentioned Taemin's name, spiraling off into his own world.

"He's… good…" He said, in a totally dreamlike state.

_I regret bringing this up._

"You know," he continued, "Taemin and I have been getting more… _physical… _lately-"

"No. No. Stop. I will not have this conversation with you." Minho ignored him, continuing anyway.

"And I think we might be ready for… _you know._"

"For the love of god Minho, just shut up, _please._"

"But I just don't know if he feels the same way. What do I do?"

"I don't understand why you think I am in any way qualified to talk to you about this-"

"Jonghyun! Please help me out!" Minho begged.

_I _really _regret bringing this up._

"You and Taemin seem like you have a good relationship. Just… _talk _to him about it." He said. "Bottling it all up won't do you any good. Now can we _please. Stop. Talking about it."_

Minho nodded, processing Jonghyun's information slowly. "Yeah… yeah! I'll just talk to him! I mean, we're comfortable enough to have this discussion." Minho said. Jonghyun scoffed, expressing just how simple the solution was. "Now what about-"

"You know what? Look at the time! I have to go pick Key up!"

"Really? Already?"

"Yeah, already. Time flies, huh? See you in school tomorrow!" Jonghyun stood up, making a beeline for the front door. He loved Minho to death, but sometimes he just couldn't deal with him. This was one of those times.

Before he could make it, Minho grabbed Jonghyun by the forearm, pulling him back to face him. Jonghyun expected another array of questions he was entirely uncomfortable answering, but was surprised when he saw Minho's serious expression.

"Jonghyun, listen for a second." He released his grip on him, now confident he wouldn't sprint out of the room. "I know you're worried about this. And I know you don't want to be in a relationship with Key. I think you're making a mistake-" Jonghyun opened his mouth to protest, but Minho spoke over him. "I think you're making a mistake, _but, _it's your choice to make. Not mine." Jonghyun sighed. He hated having these kinds of conversations with Minho. No matter how hard he tried to keep it down, he always felt the guilt rising up in his stomach at his words. "Just… be careful of how you act around Key. He might really like you, Jonghyun." Jonghyun's heart almost stopped at the thought. That… couldn't be true. There was no way. "Just… don't get his hopes up if you have no intention of following through. That's all I'm saying."

Jonghyun looked down at his feet, unable to answer.

"I'll… I'll see you in school Minho."

He sprinted out of the room, not turning back to face Minho.

Because as much as he wanted to deny it, Minho was right.

He couldn't get Key's hopes up. Every prolonged touch, every flirtatious smile, every action that seemed a little questionable between two people who were _just friends, _it wasn't fair to Key.

Jonghyun swung his arms back and forth as he walked quickly downtown. He had never felt like this before. When he was away from Key for just a few hours, he missed him unbearably, the image of his smile and the sound of his laughter playing circles around his head.

He couldn't express how badly he wanted to tell Key how he felt, the words burning at the tip of his tongue every time he saw him, every time he talked to him, every time he touched him, be it a hug or a mere inadvertent tap on the hand.

But there was still something keeping him from doing it every time. An overwhelming throb of guilt every time he even thought of it.

It just wasn't possible. And what he was doing wasn't fair to Key.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. His sister was calling him again. She had called every day since he'd left, and every day Jonghyun couldn't bring himself to pick up the phone.

_I can't make her worry anymore._

He opened up a new text message on his phone, typing quickly.

_To: Victoria_

_im sorry i havent picked up the phone. im safe, i promise. dont tell mom or dad youve been in contact with me. im really sorry._

He closed his phone, pressing it to his forehead. It had been a week since he left, and he still couldn't even think of going home. How would he face his parents after this? What would they do to him?

The door jangled as he opened it quickly, excited to see Key after… what was it, a whole five hours? Key had become so used to Jonghyun picking him up at this time, he didn't even look up from the counter he was cleaning.

"You're early today." He said. Jonghyun took a moment to admire the rather low-cut shirt Key was wearing, dangling dangerously further down every time he bent over.

"I missed you." He blurted.

_Why would you say that?_

He immediately added a half-hearted chuckle to try and pass it off as a joke, taking Key's scoff as a sign of his success.

"Clingy…" Key murmured, smirking slightly.

"Would you rather I _not _come pick you up every day?" Rather than answering, Key shoved his lower lip out in an exaggerated pout, batting his long eyelashes at Jonghyun. "_God _you're a jerk sometimes." Jonghyun said, earning a laugh from Key. Jonghyun placed his elbows on the counter, leaning over and shortening the gap between them.

"Yah!" Key shouted, slapping Jonghyun's arms away. "I just cleaned that!"

"I'm not dirty you know…" Jonghyun said. Key rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, according to you!"

Jonghyun swiftly sat himself up on the counter, bringing his legs over so they hung on Key's workspace.

"Am I getting it dirty now?" He said, swinging his legs back and forth. Key stormed over, raising his hands and attempted to push Jonghyun off.

"Jonghyun! Get your fat ass off of the counter!" He shouted, pounding on Jonghyun's chest, causing deep thuds to echo through his lungs.

"Which one of us was it that needed to chill out again?"

"You're making my counter dirty!" Key shouted, continuing his attack on Jonghyun. Jonghyun couldn't help but smile. Key looked so cute when he was annoyed. "Jonghyun you stupid-"

Jonghyun interrupted him, snatching his hands and gripping tightly, ending Key's violent assault on him. He pulled Key's arms behind his head, bringing his face inches away from his. Key's Adams apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed hard, his face suddenly flushed, his eyes quivering slightly.

"Key," Jonghyun whispered, "…stop hitting me." Jonghyun felt Key's arms relax in his grip as pursed his lips together, those perfect lips Jonghyun could _never _stop staring at. Key mumbled something indiscernible, staring at his feet.

Jonghyun became increasingly aware that Key was in between his legs, his chest just a few inches away from his. The heat he felt on his thighs from Key's hips drove him crazy, sending shivers up his spine as he resisted the urge to pull him even closer.

_Don't get his hopes up if you have no intention of following through._

He released Key's hands, separating himself from him and jumping off of the counter. Staring at the floor he took occasional glances at Key, who was finishing his work.

Why the hell was he even listening to Minho anyway? There was no chance that Key liked him, he wouldn't ever think that way about someone like Jonghyun. And Jonghyun wasn't "getting his hopes up". There was nothing unusual about his behavior towards Key.

"Ready to go?" Key said, walking out from the counter. Jonghyun swallowed and cleared his throat hard when he saw Key's ripped jeans that showed off the smooth, pale skin of his thighs.

_Nothing unusual about this at all._

"Y-yeah." He mumbled. Key joined him at his side and walked quickly, Jonghyun struggling to keep up with Key's rapid pace.

"I am so sick of work…" He groaned, stretching his hands over his head.

"Then quit." _And spend more time with me._

"Those art supplies are not going to pay for themselves, you know." Jonghyun frowned. He didn't like the idea of Key working late by himself. Key rubbed his hands together. The leaves had almost completely fallen off the trees, the air a blistering cold as winter came closer. "It's freezing…" Key mumbled, blowing air into his hands.

Minho's words echoed in his head. He needed to be careful how he acted around Key. It didn't matter how cute Key was or how much he wanted to touch him, he had to control himself.

"I really should invest in a pair of gloves…" Key said, placing his hands on his neck in an attempt to warm them up. Jonghyun tried to ignore the action, but all he could think about was how perfect Key's hands were, how soft his neck looked, how unfair it was that he couldn't touch it, too…

_You know what?_

_Fuck Minho._

Jonghyun grabbed Key's hand and pulled it down to his side, fitting his fingers tightly between Key's.

"It's warmer this way..." He grumbled, a pathetic excuse to hide his true intentions.

"S-sure." Key said, coming as a surprise to Jonghyun, who rather expected the usual insult or sarcastic comment.

Whether or not it was from embarrassment or from Key's hand, his entire body seemed significantly warmer from his touch. He squeezed his fingers tightly, allowing no space between their palms.

They walked in silence, Jonghyun swinging Key's hand back and forth. The moon hung heavy in the sky, basking Key in a blue glow. His skin seemed to shine under the light. Jonghyun didn't think it was possible to create a better moment than this.

However, he couldn't silence the guilt that weighed him down like a solid mass in his stomach. Not even an hour ago he had sworn not to do things like this, not to behave in any way that could be misinterpreted. Yet here he was, holding hands with Key. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't let go.

Key's hand fit too well, felt too perfect to release. It was like it belonged in Jonghyun's.

Key didn't let go of Jonghyun's hand until they were in the house, the already thin excuse of the cold no longer valid inside. Jonghyun stared at Key, unsure of what to do with himself.

"Hey." Key said. "Let's watch a scary movie." Jonghyun frowned.

"I hate scary movies…"

"I guessed as much. I'll go make popcorn!"

Jonghyun sighed. Obviously Key wouldn't listen to him, what was he expecting? He went upstairs and changed into his pajamas, bringing a pair down for Key, who he knew liked to relax in them after work.

"Ah, thanks Jjongie!" He said, taking the pajamas from him and setting the popcorn on the table. "Close your eyes, I'm gonna change right here." Jonghyun resisted the urge to choke on himself after the request.

"Wh-what?"

"I'm changing. Close your eyes, pervert."

He immediately brought his hands to his eyes, plastering them tightly to his face. He could hear Key changing, his skin rubbing against the fabric. He swallowed hard, resisting the urge to peek between his fingers. His stomach turned with temptation, his fingers trembling as he clenched down tighter and tighter.

_Don't look don't look don't look don't-_

"Okay, I'm done. You can open your eyes." Jonghyun let his hands fall to his sides, but kept his face turned away from Key, knowing full well he probably looked rather flustered. He stole a glance at Key and immediately cursed himself. Out of Key's overflowing choice of clothes, why did he have to pick _that _pair of pajamas?

Due to his haste, Key was now wearing an almost _too _short pair of boxers, and a tank top with an excessively low neckline. Jonghyun played with the comforter Key had brought down to distract himself from the sight laying before him. Key hopped on the couch joining Jonghyun underneath the blanket.

"Does it _have _to be a scary movie?" Jonghyun protested. He _really _did not enjoy terrifying himself. It didn't strike him as fun in any way shape or form.

"Are you a child or something? Yes it has to be a scary movie."

"_Why?_"

"Because I said so." Key said. There really was no arguing with him.

Jonghyun expected to hate the movie, but his opinion changed immediately as it started. He wasn't watching it, but instead was fixated on Key's reactions. Key twitched at every scary moment, at one point accidentally throwing popcorn at Jonghyun. At one point when the main character's brother (or at least that's who Jonghyun thought it was, he wasn't paying enough attention to know for sure) Key let out the most adorable squeak, grabbing the blanket and pulling it up to his face.

"So… which one of us was the child again?" Jonghyun asked. Key smacked Jonghyun's arm.

"This movie is scary! It's not my fault!" Jonghyun just laughed. Key pouted, sitting as still as possible to spite him, until another loud bang caused him to leap up, wrapping his arms around Jonghyun's waist and pressing his face into his shoulder. Jonghyun and bit his lip, completely lost as to what to do in this situation. Key's grip remained tight, his arm clenching firmly around Jonghyun's stomach. Jonghyun hesitantly placed his chin on top of Key's head, sliding his hand over Key's arm.

"It's not _that _scary." He whispered, praying Key wouldn't notice his heart pounding in his stomach, his every limb numb with ecstasy.

"Yes it is…" Key mumbled into his shoulder. Jonghyun felt the vibrations travel up his arm, leaving him unable to breathe.

_Don't get his hopes up…_

_Be careful how you act…_

Every piece of advice Minho had given him had completely gone out the window, any chance of a rational thought completely obliterated. Because with Key _this _close to him, how could he possibly pull away? With Key's limbs tangled with his, how could he control himself?

Key remained unusually still for the rest of the movie.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Jonghyun said when the screen had gone blank. However, the only response he received was an uncharacteristic silence from Key. He looked down at him in confusion, realizing that somewhere along the way the boy had fallen asleep.

He had forced Jonghyun to watch the movie, panicked throughout it, then fallen asleep in the middle. Jonghyun sighed.

That was _so _something Key would do.

He soon realized that Key had fallen asleep completely on top of him, and he couldn't bring himself to move for fear of waking him up. Key's sleeping face was so peaceful, and one of the rare times he could be seen without an annoyed expression on his face. Jonghyun smiled. He was perfect.

He brought his hand to the side of his face, rubbing it gently, feeling the smooth skin on the back of his hands. Securing his hand on the back of his head, he pulled him forward and kissed his forehead gently, letting his lips linger on the expanse of ivory skin.

"Goodnight, Key." He whispered, before settling down in the couch with Key in his arms and joining him in sleep.

Hello anyone who's reading this!

You guys sure are quiet :P

Hope you like it so far~

-Gelisi


	16. Adventures in Audacity

"Jonghyun."

Jonghyun felt something tapping at his back. He shifted in his sleep, hoping that if he ignored it, it would just go away.

"Jjongie." He felt something pinch his cheek and yank at it harshly. He reached up and slapped it away, mumbling incoherently. "_Wake up!_" He heard whispered into his ear.

Jonghyun opened his sore eyes, rubbing them slowly. He looked around at his completely unfamiliar surroundings.

"Where am I…?" He grumbled.

"In my living room, remember?" Jonghyun's eyes snapped open when the events from the night before flooded back into his head. Cuddling with Key during the movie, kissing Key's forehead, falling _asleep _with Key in his arms…

His mind went blank as he realized Key was still lying almost on top of him, their faces once again almost touching. Sirens went off in his head as he shot upward, detaching himself from Key.

"W…what time is it?"

"Around midnight." Midnight?

"Then _why are you waking me up?_"

Key rolled off the couch, snatching the blanket off of Jonghyun's body.

"Because we're going somewhere. Get up." The sudden removal of the blanket left Jonghyun shuddering in the cold, clutching at his arms and folding himself into a ball.

"What are you talking about, Key? Go back to sleep…" Jonghyun said, shoving his face into the couch and trying to warm himself up.

"Jonghyun if you don't get up now I will _make _you get up." He growled, his voice more intimidating than usual. Unfortunately for him, Jonghyun was too tired to care or particularly notice.

"Go ahead…" He grumbled, closing his dry eyes. "OW, KEY!" Jonghyun cringed when he felt Key's entire weight jump up on his back. Key lifted himself a few inches, then let himself drop back down on top of him, almost crushing his spine. Key bent forward toward Jonghyun's ear.

"Are you going to get up now?" He whispered. Jonghyun rolled over on his back now seeing through half closed eyes the image of Key sitting on his lap.

"Key… Just let me sleep…" He moaned.

"Nope." Key said, digging his hands into his collarbones and underarms and tickling him with no restraint.

"KEY! STOP IT!" He yelled, twitching and spinning underneath him, his protests coming out as panicked laughs. "I'll get up I'll get up I swear!" Key laughed and hopped off of him as Jonghyun recovered from his attack, breathing hard and clutching his body.

"Go get dressed." Key demanded, putting on his day clothes that had been discarded on the floor. "And wear something… relatively nice." Jonghyun sighed. He knew arguing with Key would be a complete waste of time, so he went upstairs, stumbling over his exhausted limbs, and did his best to put together an outfit for whatever adventure they were going on.

He went downstairs to meet Key, who was holding the door open impatiently.

"I'm coming, I'm coming…" He said, still completely tired, eyes burning from his abrupt awakening. "Just why in the _hell _are we out here at midnight, Key?" Key smirked.

"It's all part of my plan to make you less boring."

"By making me not sleep?"

"No, stupid. We're going somewhere. Stop asking so many questions." Jonghyun sighed. Key was impossible to deal with sometimes. Especially at this ridiculous time of night, and Jonghyun simply didn't have the energy. The cold had woken him up considerably at this point, the burning pain in his eyes reduced to a dull ache.

"Where are we going that we couldn't go during a more _reasonable _hour?" Jonghyun asked. Key just glanced at him, a devious look in his eyes.

"You'll see."

The cold nipped at Jonghyun's fingertips as he silently tried to build up the nerve to hold onto Key's hand again. He got his chance, however, just a few minutes later.

"What is that?" Jonghyun asked, noticing Key pulling something out of his back pocket.

"A blindfold."

"What? No! Key what the hell!"

"I don't want you to see where we're going. I'll guide you."

Jonghyun opened his mouth to protest once again, but realized if Key was guiding him, it was another excuse to hold his hand. He bit his tongue, holding back his complaints. Key stepped behind him, reaching up and tying the blindfold around his eyes.

"Can you see?"

Jonghyun shook his head.

"No looking, okay?"

Jonghyun nodded, still kind of confused as to how he got himself in this bizarre situation in the first place. It was past midnight, freezing cold, and here he was, standing blindfolded in the middle of a street. But when Key slid his hand into Jonghyun's for the third time since they'd met, (yes, Jonghyun was keeping count) none of that seemed to matter. Nothing seemed to be quite normal when he was with Key. But after seventeen years of normal, he was pretty sick of it.

Someone like Key was exactly what he needed.

"You know, I don't really trust you to guide me like this…"

"What, am I untrustworthy?"

"…A little."

"Well I'm going to lead you into a wall for that."

"I'm just kidding!" He said, lightly squeezing Key's hand. "I trust you." Key scoffed.

"You'd better."

Jonghyun hummed quietly as he walked, trying to conceal just how happy he felt. Sure Key had to drag him off the couch to get out here, it wasn't Jonghyun's fault he hated waking up, but if he had known it would be this nice he would have leapt off the couch instantly at Key's call.

"We're getting close. Put these on." Key said. Jonghyun lifted his blindfold a fraction, inspecting the objects in Key's hand.

"_Earplugs?_ Ok, now this is getting ridiculous."

"It was ridiculous to begin with. Just put them on!"

He shoved them in his hears with an audible sigh. Key grabbed onto his hand once again, pulling him slowly to their destination.

"I'm trusting you completely on this, you know!" He yelled. He couldn't hear Key's response, but he imagined it was something snide. It felt a little surreal – unable to see or hear, yet still in the middle of a goddamn _street_ at midnight.

They walked for what felt like hours. That could have been mostly Jonghyun's fault though – his steps were considerably smaller and hesitant now that he couldn't actually see where he was going.

It seemed suddenly like the floor was shaking, the vibrations travelling through his legs and up his thighs. A steady rhythm thudded against his covered ears. Just where the hell were they?

Key tapped his ears, gesturing for Jonghyun to take his earplugs out. His ears almost split when they were removed, his body going into shock from the thunderous music blasting in his ears, threatening to burst his eardrums. He felt Key's hands working at the knot in the blindfold, pulling it slowly from his face. The rush of colors disoriented Jonghyun, the sudden attack on his senses painful after being in the dark for so long.

He looked around, trying to understand his surroundings. There were what felt like hundreds of people crammed into this room. The bright flashing lights blinded him in the otherwise murky setting. He turned around in circles, absorbing everything around him.

_Oh my god._

_Oh my GOD._

"Key," he said, spinning back around. "Is this what I think this is?" Key nodded, almost teary eyed as he tried his best to hold back laughter. Jonghyun snapped his head back and forth as everything started to make sense.

"Oh my god…" He whispered, still in shock. "Kim Kibum!" He shouted. Key doubled over in laughter, holding at his sides, not at all intimidated by Jonghyun's tone. "You did _not_ just take me to a gay bar." Jonghyun looked around at the hundreds of men, the flashing lights, the two men making out in the corner… "Tell me you did not just take me to a gay bar!"

"If I told you that I would be lying."

"KEY!" Jonghyun shouted, clutching at his hair. Key's laughter was so loud it could be heard clearly over the music. "How did we even get in here? We're underage!"

"My cousin owns the place. He's somewhere around here. Look for him, he has bright red hair."

Jonghyun put his hands on his face in disbelief. Despite himself, despite _everything _he should have been feeling at that moment, he started smiling. Here he was in a place like this, and he was _happy _about it. He had never done something like this before. It was outrageous, it was absurd, it was _a million _kinds of bizarre, but it didn't matter. It was _exciting._

Making eye contact with Key they completely lost it, laughing until tears streamed down their faces. "Oh my _god, _Key. I can't believe I'm here right now."

"But you are, so you might as well have fun." Key said. He was right. He'd never intentionally go to a place like this, but he was already here. What did he have to lose?

Key ran up to the bartender, whispering something to him and returning with two drinks. "Here. Drink up." He said. Jonghyun chugged it all without thinking. He scrunched his face up and coughed. It burned like acid on his tongue. Key drank his casually, laughing at Jonghyun's reaction.

"Hey, Key." Jonghyun said. "Wanna dance?" He held his hand out. His brain told himself he should feel nervous, worried, hell it even told him he shouldn't have asked the question in the first place, but for some reason he felt none of these things. Something about the loud noises, the bright lights, the huge crowd, made him forget about reality. While they were here, they were separated off from real life. In here, Jonghyun could do whatever he wanted.

Key put his cup down, putting his hand in Jonghyun's. "Sure." Jonghyun led him out to the dance floor, letting the music cloud his senses completely. Before he knew it Key was moving back and forth in front of him, his arm draped around Jonghyun's neck, his hips dangerously close to Jonghyun's. The music drowned out any thoughts as he mindlessly moved with the rhythm, lazily swaying back and forth behind Key. Jonghyun pushed his face in Key's neck, which craned at the touch. His skin felt like fire against Jonghyun's, his nose burning in Key's neck.

Jonghyun placed his hands on Key's hips, pulling him closer so their bodies were touching each other's, Key rubbing up against his lap sending waves of ecstasy through his legs. His knees felt weak as the blood flow pulsed elsewhere as he became dangerously absorbed in the dance. He didn't care about the growing issue in his pants. He didn't care about anything other than the way Key's hips felt in his own, the burning sensation his skin left on his whole body, and the unbearably slow way Key was grinding against Jonghyun's lap.

It was _incredible._

Jonghyun didn't know how long they danced. It could have been five minutes, it could have been an hour. He truly didn't know. With much disappointment, Key detached himself from Jonghyun's arms, leading him back to the bar and getting them more drinks. Jonghyun drank them all down greedily, hungry for the numb feeling it gave him. Tired from dancing, their limbs heavy and limp, they took a seat on a couch near the back where the music was slightly quieter.

"Key, Key, Key…" Jonghyun said, slightly dizzy. He felt strange. Like his body was on fire. He no longer had control over his words, everything he said felt more like it was spilling out of his mouth.

"What, Jjongie."

"I jus' like sayin' your name… Key, Key, Key, Key…" He poked Key's cheeks each time he said his name. "You're so pretty, Key. So, so, pretty. Are you really a boy?" Jonghyun put his hands on Key's chest to make sure. Key laughed, the lazy sound feeling weird on Jonghyun's ears. Jonghyun collapsed on Key's shoulder, feeling too tired to hold his body up.

"Yeah… I'm a boy. Jus' a stupid stupid boy." Key said, his words slurred as he put his head on top of Jonghyun's.

"I wish… I wish you were a girl sometimes ya know…"

"Huh? Why's that?" Key asked. Jonghyun sighed, flopping backward on the dirty club couch.

"Oh no, oh no, I'm talkin' too much… Shouldn' talk so much…" He said, giggling. Key let his body fall on top of Jonghyun's, pressing his face to his chest and laughing along with him. Suddenly Key propped himself up, putting his arms on either side of Jonghyun and looking in his eyes.

"Has anyone ever told you you look like a little puppy?"

"A puppy?"

"A very… good-lookin' puppy… Very attractive puppy… Makes me wanna pet you…" He lifted one hand and started rubbing Jonghyun's head. Jonghyun felt himself closing his eyes under Key's touch. "So cute. Where did I find such a cute cute boy…"

"I'm not cute, _you're _cute…" Jonghyun said. Key smiled.

Suddenly Key toppled over, falling off the couch with a bang that was barely audible over the loud beats of the music. Jonghyun burst out laughing, clutching his stomach in hysterics. He could hear Key laughing facedown on the floor.

"Key…" Jonghyun said, leaning his head off the couch to get a better look at him.

"What?"

"I think we're drunk."

"I think we are, too."

They joined each other in another round of raucous laughter. Key reached up from the floor and secured his hand in Jonghyun's, swinging it playfully.

"Key, _why _are you on the floor?" Jonghyun looked up to see a man with fiery red hair, his full lips fixed in a frown. A slightly taller, good-looking man with dark black hair stood behind him.

"Cousin!" Key yelled, sitting up and propping his back against the base of the couch. "Good to see you!"

"Nice to see you too, Key." The man replied. "Is this your boyfriend?" He said, gesturing toward Jonghyun who was still lying on the couch.

_Yes. _Jonghyun wanted to scream. He held his tongue.

"No, he's straight. Jus' my friend." Key said. Jonghyun expected these words from Key's mouth, but it didn't stop his heart from sinking at hearing them.

"I don't even want to know why you took a straight man to a gay bar." The man said.

"To have _fun._" Key said.

"Yeah, fun!" Jonghyun echoed, throwing his hands over his head. Key started giggling for no particular reason, taking his cup off of the table and lifting it to his face.

"Nope." His cousin said, grabbing it out of his hand. "I'm cutting you off."

"What! Why?" Key yelled. He tried to slam his hands on the table but missed it completely, ending up just hitting himself in the legs.

"You two are wasted."

"We are not!" Jonghyun yelled, trying to get up off of the couch but falling over in a heap on top of Key. "Oops…"

"Okay maybe we are. Gimme my drink." Key said, holding his hand out.

"No. I'm taking you home."

"No! No no no I don't wanna go home I DON'T." Key whined, banging his fists on Jonghyun's back. His cousin sighed.

"I don't even know why I let you in here." He said, holding his head. "Take these two home for me, will you?" He said to the black-haired man standing behind him, who nodded at the request. "And you!" He said, pointing to Key. "Take your 'friend' home, go sober up, and don't tell your mom you were here." Key pouted, but stood up slowly and helped Jonghyun to his feet. Jonghyun draped his arm around Key, stumbling all the way as they followed the black-haired man to his car.

The two of them fell into the back seat, lying completely on top of each other, too uncoordinated to buckle themselves or even sit properly.

"…Are we being kidnapped?" Jonghyun asked.

"No, idiot. That's my cousin's boyfriend…"

"Oh." Jonghyun said. Key snuggled up to his chest, grumbling into his shirt. Jonghyun giggled and wrapped his arms around Key's back. He felt so warm, Jonghyun never wanted to let go.

"You guys better not be making out back there. This is a new car."

"I told you, Jonghyun's jus' my friend."

"Yeah, just friends…" Jonghyun mumbled. "You have a funny accent, mister."

"I'm not from around here." The man responded. "If I remember correctly, this is your house." He said, pulling up his driveway.

"Thanks mister…" Jonghyun said.

"No problem." Jonghyun and Key slowly made their way out of the car, leaning on each other for support as they walked to the front door. It took Key a solid five tries to unlock the door. Climbing the stairs was a nearly impossible challenge, his limbs suddenly feeling too gangly and awkward to do anything. He fell against the wall several times while holding onto Key for dear life.

They somehow made it into Key's room with no injuries.

"I wanna get in my pajamas." Key said, taking his pants off right in front of Jonghyun. Jonghyun did his best not to stare at Key, but in his intoxicated state he was sure he wasn't doing too great of a job. Thankfully Key was too drunk to notice. Key attempted to take his shirt off, but his arms got trapped halfway.

"Jonghyun." He said, waving his hands around with the shirt halfway off of his head. "I'm stuck."

Jonghyun snorted. Key looked completely ridiculous. He walked over and lifted the shirt off of Key's head, freeing him from its restraints. He swallowed hard, trying to remember self-control. It was _torture._

"I'm going to get in my pajamas too…" He turned away from Key, knowing that if he stared at the half-naked boy any longer there would be no chance of controlling himself. It took him quite a long time, but he finally managed to undress himself and put a pair of soft pajamas. When he turned around, Key was already in bed. Jonghyun flopped down at his side, Key immediately responding and resting his head again on Jonghyun's chest.

"You're warm, Jjongie."

Jonghyun squeezed Key closer to him, loving the way his body felt surrounded by Key.

"You smell good." Jonghyun said, inhaling Key's scent. Key giggled, the small shaking of his chest trembling against Jonghyun's body. "You… you _feel _good. I like being near you."

"I like being near you, too." Key said. Jonghyun stared into Key's eyes. He was too beautiful. He wanted him. He wanted him so badly and it wasn't fair. Key hiccupped, laughing and covering his face. "Oops…" Jonghyun just laughed along with him.

_Unbearably cute._

Jonghyun felt his eyelids closing, heavy with the pulls of sleep. He saw Key lift his body up through half closed eyes. Key leaned closer, placing his lips on Jonghyun's cheek, leaving a burning hot, tingling, _amazing _sensation on his face.

"Night Jjongie." He whispered in his ear, his breath tickling his neck. He could do nothing but smile in response, clutching Key tightly as he drifted to sleep.


	17. I'm Sorry

_Holy shit. Holy _shit.

His head hurt, his body felt sore, his stomach twisted in knots. He tried to sit up, but the pounding in his head made him too nauseous to move. Key was still lying on his chest, all of his weight pressed on Jonghyun's body. He shifted slightly, worried Key would wake up. Even though it was the worst he had ever felt, Key's beautiful sleeping face made him feel just slightly better.

He did his best to calm his aching head and suppress his need to vomit as he tried to remember what happened the night before. He remembered having one drink, dancing with Key, then… nothing. He couldn't recall a single thing past that. He groaned and rubbed his eyes.

"Key, wake up please…" He said, moving his arm slightly to get his attention. He felt Key's eyes flutter gently on his chest, followed by a groan from the younger boy.

"Jesus fucking Christ… " He said, pressing his hands to his ears, a look of complete disgust coming across his face. "I think my head is splitting."

"What time is it?" Jonghyun asked. Key turned to his side to check the clock, emitting sounds of discomfort as he moved as slowly as possible.

"11:28…" He grumbled.

"_That _late?" Jonghyun said. Key nodded, trying to sit up. As he adjusted his blankets he suddenly let out a shriek, the noise sending a shock of pain through Jonghyun's body.

"Ow, ow, _ow… _Don't. _Scream_." Jonghyun said through gritted teeth. "What's wrong?"

"I'm… not wearing a shirt…" Key said, bringing the blankets up to his face. Jonghyun fell out of bed in shock, landing _hard _on his back on the cold floor. "Jonghyun what the hell happened last night? Where's my shirt?"

"I-I don't know!" Jonghyun sputtered. A million panicked thoughts raced around his head as he tried to piece together what exactly had happened last night. He had been sleeping next to a half naked Key…

_Oh god._

_Oh god oh god oh god._

_Please don't tell me this is what I think it is._

"I…I remember we were dancing… then we got some drinks… I think there was someone else there. Yeah, we definitely spoke to someone."

"Someone? _Who? _What did he look like?"

"I can't remember!" Jonghyun squeezed his eyes shut and thought as hard as he thought humanly possible. "….Red hair. That's all I can remember." Key made a clicking sound and grabbed his phone off of the nightstand, dialing the keys rapidly.

"Heechul!" Key yelled into the receiver. Jonghyun once again plastered his hands to his face. Even with a hangover Key was still managed to be impossibly loud. Jonghyun could barely hear the man speaking on the other line.

"_Hey, Key. What's up?"_

"You know damn well what's up! What happened last night?" He heard the other man laugh.

"_You're going to have to tell me. I only spoke to you for about five minutes."_

Key's hand seemed to be gripping the phone so hard Jonghyun thought it would break. "Heechul, stop being annoying and actually try and answer my questions. What did you talk to us about?"

"_Well… I saw you and some other guy on one of the couches in the back. You were drunk off your asses, seriously."_

Key rolled his eyes. "I'm aware."

"_Anyway, you two were practically on top of each other, so – "_

"WHAT?" Key's eyes bulged like they were about to explode. Jonghyun froze on his side of the bed, doing his best not to gasp out loud. Key quickly covered his mouth and attempted to whisper. "What do you mean by that, exactly?"

"_You were cuddling up a storm. It was pretty cute, actually. Until you fell off of the couch like an idiot."_

Key blushed furiously. Jonghyun did his best to act casual. He wasn't supposed to be hearing any of this. He and Key had been cuddling? Why couldn't Jonghyun remember that part of all things? "Fine. What happened next."

"_Nothing, really. I cut you off from drinking and Hannie took you and your so-called 'straight' friend home. Anything that happened after that I have no clue."_

Key sighed loudly, rubbing his forehead.

"_And between you and me, Key, there's something suspicious about your friend."_

Jonghyun swallowed hard, his body going into shock. He wanted to grab the phone from Key's hands and throw it out the window before whoever the hell this guy was said anything further.

"What the hell are you talking about, Heechul…"

"_I saw you two dancing, you know. I'm not an idiot." _Key remained silent, unable to refute the observation. _"And you should have _seen _the way he was looking at you all night. It was like a fat man drooling over a cake."_

He always tried to control the way he looked at Key, constantly doing his best to resist the urge to gaze at him longingly. Apparently he was doing a _terrible _job.

Jonghyun went into panic mode as he clutched at the bed sheets furiously, his heartbeat pulsing against his ribs.

_Shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP._

"What have you been smoking?" Key whispered aggressively into the phone.

"_Key I've seen a lot of straight boys. And that boy is not straight. Not by a long shot." _Key raised his hands to his mouth and chewed on his fingernails, but remained silent as Jonghyun screamed internally for him to just hang up the phone.

"_I've never seen you that close with a guy before. Why don't you just ask him out? I'm sure it'll go well." _Key continued gnawing at his hands, looking more and more pissed off by the second. _"If I were you, I'd just get him in a closet and – "_

"YOU HAVE BEEN NO HELP HEECHUL. GOODBYE." Key hung up the phone and threw it on the floor angrily while muttering some rather colorful expressions under his breath. He suddenly remembered Jonghyun was still sitting there, blushing immediately upon making eye contact with him.

"Did… did you hear any of that?"

"Nope." Jonghyun lied, doing his best to look indifferent to the whole thing. How was it possible that this guy figured out his feelings for Key in just _one night? _How… _affectionate…_had they been?

"That was my cousin. He owns the bar." Jonghyun noticed Key deliberately avoiding looking at him. "He said… he said we got really drunk."

"I can tell that much."

"Then his boyfriend gave us a ride home. That's it." Jonghyun sighed in relief. So they really had done nothing. An uncomfortable silence set over the two of them when they realized they had both been worrying about the same thing. Jonghyun felt beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Key _knew _what he had been thinking about just moments ago. He _knew _what he had been panicking about. If Jonghyun had woken up next to Minho rather than Key, there wouldn't be this incredibly uncomfortable atmosphere. With Minho, there was no possibility that anything sexual could have happened between them.

The only reason they were being so awkward right now is that they both knew that something _could _have happened. If Jonghyun didn't feel an overwhelming attraction for Key, something he hadn't done a good job of hiding, neither of them would have been worried at this moment.

But he _did _like Key. And right there, as they sat unable to even look at each other, both relieved that they hadn't had drunken sex the night before, it felt like the secret he had been trying to keep for so long was right out in the open. He felt like he was admitting his feelings for Key right to his face.

And that _could not _happen.

"Uh, I promised Minho I'd hang out with him today." Jonghyun lied, standing on his feet and backing up toward the door. Key simply nodded and stared at the floor. He grabbed his day clothes and ran into the bathroom, changing quickly. When he stepped out he found himself face to face with Key, who luckily had put a shirt on.

Jonghyun always loved to look at Key. Not because he was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen – that was only part of the reason – but because if Jonghyun looked at his face he could see every single emotion the boy was feeling. Jonghyun had watched and replayed in his head at least a million times the scrunching of his nose when he was disgusted, the rolling of his eyes when he was exasperated with Jonghyun, the perfect curving of his lips when he smiled… Every expression and emotion was so vibrant, so cute, so _Key _that Jonghyun couldn't help but memorize and categorize and keep them in his head forever.

But as he and Jonghyun stood face to face in the hallway, he saw nothing in Key's eyes. The expressive face he loved so much seemed completely dead, overtaken with an uncharacteristic, serious gaze. His eyes looked almost sunken in, like it was a struggle just to keep them open. He didn't look like himself at all.

"Jonghyun, liste – " Jonghyun cut him off. He didn't want to hear anything that Key had to say at this moment, the moment when he didn't even resemble himself. It didn't feel like Key at all.

"I'm sorry, Key. I have to go. I'll see you later!" He gave as best a smile as he could manage before he ran downstairs and out the door, trying to get the image of a lifeless Key out of his mind.

He pulled his cell phone out and called Minho.

"_Hey, Jonghyun!"_

"Hey, Minho. Are you free now? I need to talk to you about something."

"_Yeah, what's up?"_

"I'm coming over." Jonghyun hung up his phone before Minho could attack him with a barrage of questions. He'd rather speak to him to his face about something this serious.

He arrived at Minho's in record time. He walked through the door without knocking and trudged up to his room.

"So?" Minho said the moment Jonghyun stepped into his room. Jonghyun sighed, sitting down and covering his head. It took him several moments to finally start speaking, and even longer to relay the whole story of last nights 'adventure' to Minho.

The room went silent as Jonghyun finished his story. Minho just stared at him in disbelief, a look of pure shock fixed on his face.

"You went to a gay bar."

"Yes."

"With Key."

"Yes."

"You got drunk, his cousin's boyfriend drove you two home, and Key woke up shirtless, but you didn't do anything."

"Yep."

Minho rubbed his forehead. "Jonghyun, I just don't understand you." He said. "Yesterday before you left my house, we had agreed that you wouldn't do anything that could be considered suggestive of your feelings. Do you remember that?" Jonghyun nodded reluctantly. He remembered it full well. "You do realize that grinding with him at a gay bar was literally the worst thing you could have done, right?"

"…Okay. You're right. It was bad." Jonghyun admitted.

"Bad? Jonghyun I don't think you could have done a worse job if you tried." Jonghyun frowned. Although he was right, he didn't appreciate hearing it from Minho. "It's like I told you to do something, then you decided to do the _exact opposite_ _of what I told you_."

"Okay, Minho. I get it. I fucked up. What do you want to hear?"

"How are you going to fix it?"

"Fix _what?_" Jonghyun shouted. "Key thinks – _knows – _I'm straight." Minho scoffed loudly. "He doesn't think anything of it. There's nothing to _fix._"

"You know what? I'm sick of having this conversation with you. You know damn well what you're doing, you're just too stubborn to admit it, like you always are. Either _date him _or _stop._ It's not fair to him. At all."

For a moment, Jonghyun didn't speak at all. The sudden realization of everything he had done came crashing down on him. Here he was, making the _same _pact not to flirt with Key that he had made _and _broken only yesterday.

"You… you're right, Minho." He choked out, his voice weak and shaky. "I'll stop. I really will." He had made his decision.

No more holding hands with Key. No more stolen glances, no more cuddling, no more hugs that seem to go on just a _little _too long.

It was final.

Jonghyun stayed for another few hours, sulking in the corner while Minho played video games, rattling off anything that came to his head. Minho droned on and on about nothing, most likely trying to take Jonghyun's mind off of things, before kicking Jonghyun out so he could leave for a 'date' with Taemin. As much as Jonghyun begged to stay, Minho was having none of it.

"I haven't seen him in forever."

"Minho, please! I can't go back to Key now!"

"You're not getting it. I haven't seen him in _forever. _I have certain… _things_… I need to take care of…"

"No. Stop. Never. I will never talk to you about this." Jonghyun said, slamming his hands over his ears.

"Good, you understand. I'll see you on Monday, okay?" Minho said, practically shoving Jonghyun out the door.

"Goddammit, Minho…" Jonghyun grumbled. He weighed his options. He could go home and suffer in massive amounts of awkwardness with Key, or he could walk downtown and wander aimlessly to prolong the inevitable.

As much as he wanted to go do the latter, it was already getting late, and he didn't want to put it off any longer. His legs felt like jelly as he walked back to Key's house, his entire body screaming for him to just turn around and sprint as fast as he could in the opposite direction.

He paused outside of Key's door, mentally preparing himself to see him. He put on the most convincing smile he could manage then opened the door and went inside. It was best to pretend that nothing was wrong. He had to act as friendly as possible. As if nothing had ever happened.

"Hey, Key!" He said grinning ear to ear. Key was sitting on the couch, flipping through a magazine. He didn't respond or even bother looking up. "What are you reading?" Jonghyun said, sitting down at a reasonable distance from him on the couch. Key grunted and shifted farther away from him. "Um, Key? Is there something wrong?"

Jonghyun almost hit himself. He had _just_ decided to act like there was nothing wrong. Yet not even a minute had passed, and he was doing the very thing he swore not to do. Recently, it seems, he had not been rather good at keeping his promises.

Key stared down at his magazine and did his best to ignore Jonghyun. "…Key?" Key finally looked back up at Jonghyun, but somehow Jonghyun wished he hadn't. Now he had to see his eyes, those same dead eyes he saw this morning, completely devoid of all his usual charm and emotion. "Are… are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He responded shortly.

"You don't seem fine."

"I SAID I'm FINE!" He screamed, standing up and throwing his magazine to the floor. Jonghyun sat in complete shock at the boy's reaction. Key gave Jonghyun one last glare before storming up to his room.

Jonghyun remained frozen for several moments, absolutely dumbfounded by Key's abrupt burst of anger. Did Key honestly expect him to believe that he was fine? People who were fine didn't throw things in anger. They didn't glare at their supposed friends. And they _certainly _didn't stomp out of rooms like that.

He had no idea why Key had reacted that way, but somehow he felt as if he was responsible. He walked up the stairs as quietly as possible, not wanting Key to hear him coming. Taking a deep breath he opened to door slowly, completely freezing at the sight laid before him.

Key was _crying._

He was sitting on the bed, his legs tucked into his chest, visibly shaking as tears streamed silently down his face.

"Go away." He choked. His voice was shaky and weak. Jonghyun advanced slowly, eyes fixated on Key. "I said go away!" Key shouted, his sobs becoming more and more audible by the second.

Jonghyun either couldn't hear his warnings or just wouldn't listen. The only thing that was in his head at that moment was that Key was crying. And he _had _to fix it.

He sat down next to Key, who surprisingly didn't protest. Jonghyun hesitantly slipped his arm around his shaking shoulders. "Key." He whispered into his ear. "You can tell me. I'm your friend."

Despite Jonghyun's intentions, Key seemed to start crying even harder. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" He repeated, his body trembling violently.

"Why are you apologizing?" Jonghyun asked.

"I…" Key started, but stayed silent, unable to continue. Jonghyun rubbed his back, encouraging him to continue. "I… I like you, Jonghyun."

_What?_

Jonghyun's mind went completely blank. Key liked him.

His heart felt like it was pounding in his throat. He felt like he couldn't breathe. "P-please don't tell me I've b-been misinterpreting things." Key continued between harsh gasps. "P-please, Jonghyun…"

Jonghyun stared at Key. Key's eyelashes were matted, his eyes a bright red, his lips shaking and skin covered with tears.

And he looked beautiful.

No matter what happened, he was still the most perfect boy Jonghyun had ever met.

Jonghyun wanted to kiss his tears away, to squeeze him tightly and never let go. There was nothing more he wanted than that.

But he knew what he had to do. He knew full well what he had sworn to do. But it didn't make it any easier.

Key collapsed into himself as Jonghyun slowly removed his arm from his back and returned it to his side. His entire body shook and convulsed as he let all the sobs he had tried to restrain burst out of his body.

"I'm sorry, Key." Jonghyun said. He thought his heart would break. He couldn't even believe he was saying these words. "I…I can't. I just can't." Key's wails wrenched at Jonghyun's heart. But there was nothing he could do. He had already decided.

He stood up and walked out of the room, shutting the door gently behind him and leaving a crying Key alone in his room.

His body felt hot, his hands shaking so badly he could barely open the front door. He started sprinting, his whole entire body feeling choked up and in pain.

Key liked him.

If he had just _listened _to Minho, if he had just stopped acting strange around Key, none of this would have happened. He was perfectly content keeping his feelings a secret from Key, as long as he could stay by him. But now that wasn't even possible.

Jonghyun suppressed his sudden urge to vomit as he willed his feet to move faster.

Key _liked _him. It was like a dream come true. The boy Jonghyun couldn't stop thinking about liked him back. And Jonghyun couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Because it was wrong.

Jonghyun opened the door to his house for the first time in weeks. His mother stormed in from the living room.

"Kim Jonghyun. Where have you _been? _You have no idea how much you've made us worry. If you _ever _disappear on us again like this we _will..._ Jonghyun?"

Jonghyun suddenly felt hot tears he didn't even realize were cascading down his face. His chest heaved as every emotion came coursing through his body, the pain, the anger, the _frustration._

"Mom, I'm s-sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll t-take any punishment you want to give me." He panted several times, barely able to form the words. "I know I shouldn't h-have left. I'm sorry." Unable to continue, he ran upstairs and collapsed on his bed. His entire body shook with such force that he thought it would break in two.

_I'm sorry, Key. I'm so_ so _sorry._

He pulled the covers over his stiff body and sobbed into his pillow.

His bed felt unbearably large without Key lying next to him.


	18. Lonely

His eyes cracked open the following morning, dry and painful from crying. For a second he hoped it was all a nightmare. That Key hadn't confessed to him, and that Jonghyun hadn't run home and left him crying in his room.

But it wasn't a nightmare. It was real. All too real.

He stayed still while wrapped in his covers, any sort of movement seeming more and more impossible by the second. His throat felt sore and his lips felt cracked, his entire body stiff.

_You did the right thing, Jonghyun. _He repeated over and over in his head, hoping if he heard it a few thousand times he would finally feel better about the whole thing.

The emptiness of the bed served as a constant reminder of how alone he was. He couldn't even call Minho. He knew he'd be spending the day with Taemin.

After an hour of lying there, he decided to take a bath to clear his head. He filled the bath with water that was just slightly too hot, the burning feeling on his skin sickeningly satisfying. He let his head sink underwater, holding his breath until his lungs throbbed and he had to shoot up and gasp for air. He did it over and over, wishing he could hold his breath until he just disappeared.

He heard a tapping from outside the door. "Jonghyun? Can I come in?" He heard his sister call. Jonghyun pulled the shower curtain so only his head was visible to her.

"Sure." He said, surprised at how raspy his voice was. She opened to door slowly and peeked in, her eyes widening in surprise at Jonghyun. He looked absolutely horrible. His eyes were bloodshot, his face completely pale.

"Jonghyun are you okay?" She asked.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" He replied, staring straight forward at his knees, now tucked to his chest.

"Because you've been in here for three hours."

"…It's been three hours already?" Jonghyun grumbled. He had kind of lost track of time. It's not like he had anywhere to be that day.

Victoria walked in and sat on the counter, swinging her legs back and forth. Perhaps it was a bit unusual that his sister was sitting in the bathroom with him while he was taking a bath, but she had always been a bit invasive. And Jonghyun didn't exactly mind the company.

"Jonghyun, what's wrong?" She asked, genuine concern in her voice.

"Nothing. I'm just taking a bath."

"A three hour bath?"

"…Yes."

She sighed, drumming her fingers on the counter. "Jonghyun, you disappear for weeks without telling me where you are, and you come back looking like _this._" She said, gesturing toward his sickly demeanor. "I think you owe me at least half an explanation. Where were you?"

"At a friend's."

"Minho's?" Jonghyun shook his head. "Then who?"

"You... don't know him." Jonghyun said.

Victoria sighed loudly. "Fine." She said. "You don't have to tell me anything. It's fine. I just… I'm worried about you. You look like death, you know. If you want to talk, I'll be in my room." She stood up to leave before Jonghyun stopped her.

"No, wait." He said, pressing his face further into his knees. "Stay…" She walked back and took her place back on the counter. "I… met someone new this year. And we became friends quickly. He let me stay with him for a while. But… I really messed up. And now we might not even be friends anymore." He felt tears welling up in his eyes admitting the fact out loud. He hadn't even thought about that before. But the next time he saw Key, they would be strangers.

He kept how he felt a secret so he could stay near him as a friend. But now he couldn't even do that.

"So you messed up. Everyone messes up." Victoria said. "Just admit you were wrong and apologize. If you guys are friends he should understand." Jonghyun wished it was that simple. "Oh, jeez." Victoria said, noticing the tears falling down Jonghyun's face. "Come on, Jjong. Don't cry. Christ, how bad did you mess up?"

"Bad. Really bad." Victoria's eyes seemed to change as the gears clicked in her head.

"Jjong." She said, her tone unusually serious. "Be honest with me." Jonghyun's shoulder shook as his cries became louder and louder. "…Who is he."

"I t-told you." He whimpered. "H-he's my friend."

"Don't lie to me." Jonghyun looked at his sister through blurred eyes. He didn't think he'd ever seen her quite this serious. All of her bubbly cheer was gone. The tears dropped from his face and rippled the water.

"I like him." He said, covering his face with his hands and squeezing his eyes shut forcefully. "Oh my god, I really like him." Although he had accepted this fact already, it felt completely different admitting it under these circumstances.

"Okay." Victoria said unflinchingly. "And why are you upset? Does he not like you back?"

Jonghyun stared at his sister in disbelief. She was _completely _missing the point. "No, Victoria. He… likes me back. He told me that yesterday." Victoria gave him a blank look.

"Jonghyun, this is great news!" She said, a smile breaking out on her face. "Why the hell are you crying in a bathtub?"

"Great news? _Great news?_" He yelled, gripping at his hair. "Do you seriously think this is a good thing? I'm a _freak _Victoria! A sick freak!"

"What happened to what you said at the diner?" She whispered, staring at her feet. "You said it didn't matter who someone loved. We agreed mom and dad were wrong. What changed?"

"This is different! This is _me!_" He yelled through tears now steadily streaming down his face. "I don't want to be like this!" He felt his heartbeat pounding in his head, numbing his senses.

"You're lucky, you know." She said. "People spend forever looking for someone else. And you've found him already. I'm jealous of you."

"How could you possibly be jealous of this?" He grumbled. His voice sounded so weak and pathetic, he could hardly believe it was coming from his own mouth. "How can I go against everything I've ever been taught? How can I go against mom and dad?"

"Why do you need anyone else's approval?" Victoria said, her voice surprisingly forceful. "This isn't _about _anyone else! It's about you and him!" She paused, controlling her shaky breaths. "Why are you so concerned with the way other people perceive you? Their opinions don't matter! And… and if someone has a problem with it, then they don't deserve you." She finished, breathing heavily.

Jonghyun bit his lip and tried to stop crying. His sister was strong. She always had been. And she was, without a doubt, braver than he was.

"Just… just give me some time to think." He whispered, knowing full well it was a lie. He didn't have anything to think about. He wasn't as brave as his sister, or Minho, or Taemin. He just couldn't do it.

Victoria sighed and got off of the counter, looking back at him one more time before walking out.

"You really are lucky, you know." She said, shutting the door and leaving Jonghyun alone in the bathtub. The water felt like nothing against him as his body became more and more numb.

Lucky? Hardly.

He had never felt so empty in his life.

He spent the rest of the day lying in bed, unable to sleep, yet unable to stay quite awake, drifting in between the two as he faded in and out of consciousness. He expected to be attacked and punished by his parents for disappearing, but for some reason they left him alone the entire day. He struggled to get out of bed the next morning, having gotten less than three consecutive hours of sleep.

Minho was impossibly happy, as usual. Jonghyun did his best to match Minho's overly cheery attitude. He didn't want him to know how upset he was, and he definitely didn't want to give Minho the satisfaction of knowing he was right, that he really had been leading Key on. The last thing Jonghyun wanted to hear was an "I told you so" from Minho, especially while he was in this disastrous condition.

The following days were hell. If class was boring before, it was even more so now that he didn't even have lunch with Key to look forward to. He didn't really have anything to look forward to. He spent the each day with his head in his arms, trying to avoid the pitying looks from his teachers and fellow students. Usually Minho's cheer was infectious. It never failed to make him feel better after a fight with his parents. But now he couldn't even look at Minho. Whenever he did, it just reminded him of everything he had done wrong.

It had been a week since Key's confession.

And without a doubt, it had been the worst week in his whole life.

He returned to the courtyard, that place that had become detestable to him. He despised it now. What used to be a place for him to escape the crowds was now just a place of crushing loneliness, an empty expanse that meant nothing without Key.

The air stung. It was getting colder. He'd have to relocate inside soon. Not that he minded.

He ate slowly, suddenly feeling as if the two halves of his sandwich were too much for him to eat. It didn't really matter how much he ate, anyway. Nothing he did could get rid of the empty feeling in his stomach, the burning pain that seared at his insides.

His heart completely stopped at the sight of Key standing in the doorway. His stomach flipped and choked up in his throat. He didn't expect this. He wasn't at all prepared for this.

_What the hell is he doing here?_

Jonghyun thought he'd welcome the sight of the boy again. The entire week he had begged for a chance just to see him again. But now that he was here, in front of him, he was terrified. Terrified of what had happened. Terrified of what he might say, or what he might _do._

The fear was reinforced when he looked up at Key, who was staring daggers at him, his eyes fixed sharply on Jonghyun.

He remained in the doorway, refusing to say the first word, glaring at Jonghyun all the while. The silence was almost deafening.

"Wh… what are you doing here?" Jonghyun hissed, hoping his voice was more intimidating than he felt. Key said nothing, but his presence alone was stifling. Jonghyun snapped his head around, sick of feeling Key's glare. "I said, what the hell do you want?" He shouted.

"I…" Key started, before sighing loudly and shoving his hands in his pockets. "I don't know." Jonghyun stared at Key. He hated seeing him like this. He looked broken, only a shadow of his former confident self. His eyes were as red and swollen as Jonghyun's were. "I wanted to come and scream at you. So maybe I could make myself feel better. But I can't bring myself to do that."

Jonghyun felt his shield of indifference falling as he found himself looking into Key's eyes. His senses seemed to fall apart just from the sight of him. Key continued. "Then I wanted to come here and tell you that you're a horrible person. A-and that you just… you lead people on and you throw them away like trash." Jonghyun swallowed hard. He had nothing to say. Because Key was right. He was horrible.

Key stood up and walked closer to Jonghyun. Jonghyun panicked as the distance between them grew smaller until Key was standing at his toes. From this close, Jonghyun could see how red his face was, how dark his eyes looked.

"But then I realized I really didn't want to do any of that. I really just wanted to find out one thing. Jonghyun, you're straight. You don't like me. I get it." Jonghyun cringed at the sound of Key using his full name. He preferred the nickname he had so affectionately given to him on the first day they ate lunch together. "And if you don't like me I can deal with that. But I just need to know." He sighed, gathering himself as his voice faltered slightly. "…Do you hate me?"

Jonghyun stood up against the tree, trying to pass Key. "This is ridiculous. I'm leaving." He said. Key grabbed him and pushed him back in place.

"Just _answer me._" Key demanded, hands shoving Jonghyun forcefully up against the tree. Jonghyun couldn't breathe. He couldn't even speak.

_You're everything I've been waiting for. How could I ever hate you?_

Jonghyun gaped blankly at Key, opening and closing his mouth as he travelled from his eyes to his lips.

_I love you. _He wanted to scream. _I love you so much it hurts._

Key's hands shook as he released his shirt, lifting them slowly behind Jonghyun's neck, his eyes unflinching as he stared Jonghyun down.

Jonghyun's resolve began to dissipate under Key's touch. He missed it so much. He missed the feeling of Key's breath, his warmth, the way he made his heart speed up just by being _near_ him.

For a moment, he forgot everything that had happened between the two of them. He forgot who he was, what he was doing. He just needed to touch him. He needed to be close to him again.

His breath choked in his throat, he placed his arms around Key's back, holding loosely to his shirt. He let his head fall onto Key's shoulder, inhaling the scent he loved so much, the scent he didn't even realize he had been missing. It came at him all at once, overflowing his senses until he couldn't think.

Because for a moment they weren't themselves. The identities that been assigned to them through some cruel trick of the world were gone. All the things that made Jonghyun _Jonghyun _had been stripped away. There was no Key, there was no Jonghyun. There were only two people who loved each other.

Jonghyun's senses returned as quickly as they had left him. He separated himself from Key, pushing him down to the floor. Key fell hard, looking up at him with glassy eyes.

"Stay… stay the fuck away from me!" Jonghyun yelled. Key stared down at the floor and said nothing. "I... I hate you, Key." Jonghyun hesitated before putting his head down and running back inside.

He made the mistake of looking back at Key, who was holding his face in his hands. Jonghyun's heart crumbled at the sight.

How many times had he made Key cry?

It was his fault. All his fault.

He spent the rest of the day hiding his face from everyone else. He could feel Minho staring at him. It made him hate himself even more.

After class, Minho approached him. He tried to stare at the floor, knowing his eyes were red and brimming with tears.

"Jonghyun… are you okay?" Minho asked. "Did something happen?" Jonghyun's eyes flashed upward. He had known Minho for years. He had memorized every single one of his habits and every different tone of voice he used. And right now, he knew full well Minho was lying.

"You… you _know _don't you?" Minho remained quiet and bit his lip. "You fucking know." He had forgotten how quickly word travelled from Taemin to Minho.

"I… I just wanted to talk about it with you…" Minho reached up to place his hand on Jonghyun's shoulder, but Jonghyun slapped it away.

"There's _nothing _I need to talk about with you." He said before sprinting out of the room and running home. His lungs were on fire, his legs burned, his eyes stung from the persistent urge he had to cry the entire day.

Returning home he slammed his door shut, falling against it and sliding slowly to the floor. He had alienated himself from everyone. Even Minho, who was only trying to help him.

He had truly never felt so alone.

He placed his head in his knees cried silently against the door, pleading for the millionth time that week that he would just sink through the floor and disappear.


	19. Redemption

_From: Minho_

_i know youre just upset. i know you didnt mean it. im going to give you some time to cool off. talk to me when youre ready._

Jonghyun read and reread the message while lying in bed. It was already 8:30 and he was a solid hour late for school, but he just couldn't move. His entire body felt heavy, too stiff to even shift positions.

Minho was a good friend. Jonghyun felt absolutely horrible for how he had treated him. He hadn't deserved it at all. He fell asleep again, waking up at around nine. Deciding enough was enough, he finally got up and packed his things for school.

He took as long as possible as he walked to school, dragging his almost useless legs along one step at a time. Class went as usual. He spent it with his head in his arms. He ate lunch alone. It had gotten too cold to eat outside, so he sat in the lobby by himself.

He used to love being alone. He thrived on it. But now, the loneliness was soul crushing. He'd do anything to have Minho to keep him company. But most of all, he wanted Key.

_I miss him._

He cursed himself for eating so much at lunch, somehow managing to make himself feel even more nauseous than when he started. Luckily he was able to fall asleep at his desk. Ever since he had stopped dreaming, he absolutely loved to sleep. When he was immersed in stifling nothingness, he could finally escape from it all.

"Jonghyun." He heard, as his consciousness started to return. "_Jonghyun_." He blinked his eyes a few times, slowly realizing his teacher was standing in front of him. "Jonghyun, class is over. Go home." He said. Jonghyun shot upward, so embarrassed he could scream.

"S-sorry, sir." He said, gathering his things in a panicked mess. How pathetic did he have to be to sleep right through the bell? "It won't happen again." He mumbled before running out of the door.

The hallways were empty. Everyone had already left. Just how long had he been asleep? He adjusted the strap of his bag while he walked slowly down the hall. For some reason it felt impossibly heavy on his shoulder.

He stopped in his tracks as he heard a loud noise from one of the classrooms. He walked forward and looked around, trying to find the exact location of the commotion. He heard yelling and pressed his ear up against the door of the room it came from.

"What the fuck is your problem? I've never done _anything _to you guys."

Jonghyun froze. It was Key's voice. He would have recognized it anywhere.

"Your existence is enough. Just looking at you makes us sick." He heard someone say. Jonghyun's heart jumped to his throat.

"You guys are pathetic. Get out of my way." He shuddered against the door when he heard a loud crash from the room.

"Shut the hell up you goddamn fairy!"

"Why are you guys so interested in who I'm sleeping with?" Key said. He scoffed loudly. "Are you jealous it isn't you?"

Jonghyun's mind went absolutely blank at the sound of Key's scream. Blinded with rage he swung the door open, staring at the scene before him. Key was doubled over clutching his face, surrounded by two stumpy looking boys.

Before Jonghyun could think, he leapt across the room and grabbed one of the boys by the throat, slamming him up against the wall. His heart pounded in his head as the adrenaline coursed through his body.

_They hurt him. They hurt Key._

His mind was blank except for that one thought, that they had _dared _to hurt him, that they had dared to even lay their hands on him at all.

"You son of a bitch…" He muttered, tightening his grip around the boy's neck, before hurling him into the desks. The boy crashed on top of them, falling to the ground with a loud bang. Jonghyun couldn't control himself. It was as if his body was acting on its own, fueled by an unconditional fury. He leapt forward, preparing to claw the boy's eyes out. The boy screamed in terror while shielding his face, his friend cowering in the corner, too scared to move. With his knees on either side of the boy, Jonghyun struck the side of his head, the forceful contact sending his heart racing, the urge to beat him over and over taking over him as his fists connected with his face again and again.

He could no longer feel the boy's flesh on his fists, he could no longer hear his screams, he couldn't sense _anything _but the pure rage he had inside of him. He couldn't stop. He _wouldn't _stop.

"J-Jonghyun…" Reality came crashing back to him from the sound of that one voice, the quiet, almost whisper that somehow permeated his brain and ended his state of mindless anger. "Let him go…"

Jonghyun suddenly noticed the boy's battered face, then his hands, covered in the boy's blood. He sat up, chest heaving, panting as he tried to catch his breath. He stood up slowly, his arms dangling limp at his sides. "If you _ever _touch him again…." He said between harsh breaths. "It will be the last fucking thing you'll ever do." The boy whimpered, nodding slowly. "Get out." Jonghyun hissed. The boys scurried out before they could hear another word, leaving Jonghyun and Key alone in the room.

Jonghyun looked up at Key. His cheek was cut and bloody, the beginnings of a bruise appearing under his eye. "J-Jjongie…" He said, his lip quivering, tears falling from his eyes. "It hurts…."

Jonghyun ran over to him, caressing his face gently. "D-don't cry, Key. Please don't cry." Key shook slightly in his hands before placing his arms around his back and gripping weakly, pressing his face into Jonghyun's chest, his cries growing louder by the second.

How many times did Key have to get hurt? How many times did he have to cry?

And how many times had it been Jonghyun's fault?

Just once, he wanted to be the one to stop Key's tears.

He lifted Key's face from his shoulder so he could look at him fully. His eyes and cheeks were swollen red, his face stained with tears mixed with the blood from his wound.

And he was still the most beautiful boy he had ever seen.

_For once… _He thought, a rush of emotion clouding his senses. _Let me be the one to make you smile._

He placed his hand behind the younger boy's head and leaned forward, tenuously pressing his lips against Key's. He felt knots form in his stomach as Key's smooth lips trembled against his own, the warmth making him dizzy as he tightened his grip and allowed not even a paper's width between them, almost lost in the most soft, gentle, _perfect _kiss he could ever imagine. His heart sounded fireworks in his chest, pounding harshly against his ribs as his senses erupted in a flurry of ecstasy.

He couldn't believe such a simple action could feel so good. Kissing Key was unlike anything he had ever felt before. It was indescribable. He ran his fingers gently across Key's face, letting it rest on his cheek before pulling away, exhaling slowly and pressing his forehead to Key's.

"Please… please don't cry anymore…" He whispered. Key's shoulders still shook violently, seemingly harder than before. "I'll do anything. I just… I can't see you cry again."

"I-I thought you h-hated me." Key said, clinging to Jonghyun desperately, the words cascading from his mouth. Jonghyun ran his thumb across Key's face, wiping away the warm tears.

"I could never hate you." Key continued to sob in Jonghyun's arms as Jonghyun held him tightly, rubbing his back and kissing his forehead, doing anything he could to calm him down. "I'm so sorry, Key." He whispered into his ear. "I feel like all I do when I'm around you is apologize. But I mean it. I'll never hurt you again, I promise."

Jonghyun held him until his cries calmed down and his breathing finally returned to normal. He pulled away so he could get a good look at Key. "Are you okay?" He asked. Key nodded toward the floor, unable to make eye contact with him.

"I want to go home…" He mumbled softly. Jonghyun nodded, releasing his hold on Key and grasping his hand instead, pulling him out into the hallway and heading out the school. "Jjongie, someone will see us." Key said, his voice quiet and hoarse.

"I don't care."

He gripped Key's hand tightly, not stopping to think until after they had left the school and were finally on their way home.

…_Oh my god._

_Oh my _god.

_I just kissed Key._

The whirlwind of emotions finally died down as he fully processed exactly what he had just done. His mind went numb in a state somewhere between complete shock and utter disbelief.

But the moment he stole a glance at Key, for some reason he wasn't panicked. He wasn't angry with himself. He wasn't even regretting it in the slightest.

In fact, he had never felt this good in his life.

They continued walking, the silence only broken by the occasional sniffle from Key, each time sending a wave of fear through Jonghyun's heart as he continually checked to make sure Key wasn't crying again. He squeezed Key's hand tightly, still feeling it just barely shaking under his own.

Key remained latched to Jonghyun even as they entered the house, keeping his hand fixed in Jonghyun's firmly. He led him into his room, sitting down on his bed, Jonghyun standing before him. Key played with Jonghyun's fingers, tracing over every line of his hand delicately without speaking. Jonghyun swallowed thickly, unable to read the expression on Key's. His eyes looked dim, permanently fixed on Jonghyun's hand rather than his face, his look a mixture of sadness and exhaustion.

"Can… can you get me an icepack?" He whispered. Jonghyun nodded and ran as fast as humanly possible to the kitchen, taking one from the fridge. He wrapped it in a towel and returned to the living room, handing it to Key. Key placed it on his face and winced at the pain.

"Are you okay?" Jonghyun asked.

"You asked me that already." Key snapped. Jonghyun's heart sank. So Key _did _hate him.

Jonghyun didn't blame him. He deserved every bit of Key's anger.

"I'm sorry… I'll… I'll leave." He turned to leave, the pain in his heart travelling throughout the rest of his body.

"Sit down." Key commanded. His voice was harsh and unmoving. Jonghyun obeyed and sat down immediately, scared to anger Key further. The silence was stifling as Key stared at the floor, neither of the boys sure of what to say to each other.

"I'm… sorry, Key." He repeated. His throat felt as if it wasn't working properly, his voice sounding raspy and dry. The words hung lifelessly in the air, the tension finally broken as Key groaned loudly, placing his face in his hands.

"I don't understand… I don't understand any of this…" He mumbled. "Why did you tell me you hated me?"

"Because I was scared."

"Why?"

"Because I like you!" Jonghyun yelled. "I really like you! And I didn't know how to handle that!" He said. He couldn't stop now, the words were falling out of his mouth much to quickly to even consider it. "If I could take it all back, I would. Oh _god _I would. I just… I can't deny it anymore. I want to be with you, Key."

Jonghyun froze as the silence returned, a hundred times more uncomfortable now that he had just _confessed _in probably the most pathetic way ever imagined. He found himself choking on his own breath as he waited for something, _anything_ from the younger boy.

"How… how do I know you're not just going to run away again?" Key asked, his voice a quiet murmur. Jonghyun reached up and placed his hand on Key's cheek, savoring the smooth skin under his fingers and the way Key just barely gasped under his touch.

"Because I tried that already." He said, stroking Key's face. "And I just can't stay away from you."

Key's face flushed crimson as he pursed his lips together.

"Jonghyun." Key whispered, continuing to avoid eye contact with him, "…Kiss me again."

Jonghyun felt his stomach turn in on itself as he nodded slowly. He shifted over on the bed, attempting to calm his nerves, a near impossible feat when he was just inches away from Key. His breath hitched as he slowly closed the gap between them, brushing their noses together before clumsily placing his lips on Key's, their lack of experience in no way diminishing the amazing, almost otherworldly sensation of Key's warmth against his own.

Jonghyun felt as if his whole heart would implode the moment Key pressed his hands to Jonghyun's chest. He wrapped his arms around Key's back, deepening the kiss and relishing the way Key's fingers felt as they gripped at his shirt.

_How can one person make me feel like this?_

Key pulled away, breaking the kiss as Jonghyun finally inhaled after momentarily forgetting how to breathe. Key's face was flushed, his eyes slightly glassy.

"Can… can you lie down with me for a while?" Key said, clinging to Jonghyun's arms.

"Y-yeah." Jonghyun breathed, following Key as he slid under the covers. Jonghyun noted the picture Key had drawn of him still hanging over the bed, resisting the urge to grin with pride.

Key curled up in his arms as Jonghyun held him tightly. He watched him intently as he played with the neckline of Jonghyun's shirt, confused as to why Key's fingertips were shaking.

_Oh my god._

The realization hit him like a brick as he finally remembered Key's confession all those nights ago.

_I was Key's first kiss._

His heart swelled with pride at the fact, smiling brightly as he realized he had been the first to capture Key's lips. He pulled Key even closer and kissed his forehead, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of trust Key had for him.

"Don't leave me again, okay?" Key whispered, his voice muffled in Jonghyun's chest.

"Never." Jonghyun replied.

He didn't know how long he stayed there with Key. If it were up to him, he would have spent forever just holding him in his arms. Unfortunately Key sat up when he heard the front door slam.

"My mom's home." He said. Jonghyun joined him and stood alert.

"Oh… I'll go home then." Jonghyun said. Key nodded. Jonghyun, with much reluctance, crawled out of bed, the cold air hitting him unpleasantly.

"Umm… wait." Key said. Before Jonghyun could react, Key grabbed his arm, pulling him downward and kissing him quickly. Jonghyun smiled as they broke apart, while Key looked away and, due to his extreme stubbornness, did his best to disguise his smile.

"Bye, Key."

"Bye, Jongie."

Jonghyun walked out in a complete and utter daze, saying goodbye to Key's mother as he left. The air felt even cooler after the (minutes? Hours? He wasn't sure) that he had spent in Key's arms.

He couldn't believe it had really happened. That he had really confessed to Key, that he had really _kissed _him. Three times, no less.

And he couldn't believe that he didn't feel bad about it at _all._

He let the smile he had been holding in burst across his face, his heart almost bursting from the feeling of elation that persisted the entire way home.


	20. What I Like About You

_Oh my god oh my god oh my god…._

He shut the door to his house as quietly as he could. He did _not _want to talk to his parents at this moment, or _anyone _for the matter.

"Jonghyun?" He heard his mom call.

_Shit._

"Can you come set the table please?"

"Y-yes, mom." He replied as innocently as he could manage while all kinds of perverted thoughts were parading themselves through his head. He set the table as his mom finished cooking dinner, the silence almost deafening as every single worst-case scenario flooded his mind and made his hands shake with fear.

_She knows. I don't know how, but she knows._

He mentally slapped himself for his ridiculous thoughts. How could his mother possibly know the events that had transpired just a few hours earlier? He was simply being paranoid.

"How was school?" His mother's voice jolted him back to reality.

"Uh… it was good." He said, setting the plates down gently then reaching for the cups in the upper cabinets. He prayed his voice came across as natural.

His mother had almost impossibly sharp senses. She could always tell if something was wrong, or if Jonghyun was withholding information. Over the years he had honed his ability to deceive her, but right now, now that his heart was threatening to burst right out of his chest due to the sheer panic and adrenaline, he was sure his abilities had dulled slightly, if not completely.

"I got a ninety-seven on my math test." He said, hoping that if he spoke about school it might calm his nerves a little.

"Good job, Jonghyun." She said without even turning around. There was little emotion in her voice. Jonghyun sighed loudly. Nothing he did seemed to quite please his parents. "Go get your sister. Dinner's ready."

He dragged his limbs upstairs to his sister's room and knocked lightly on her door.

"Come in!" She called. He opened the door slowly and poked his head in.

"Dinner's ready."

"Oh. Thanks, Jonghyun." He said, hopping off her bed and walking toward the door. "…You look a little weird. Are you okay?"

"What? I'm fine." He said quickly. Apparently a little too quickly. She wasn't buying it. "…I'll talk to you after dinner, okay?"

"Fine, but eat quickly." Jonghyun nodded before going downstairs with his sister following behind him. He managed to suppress the vocal reaction that nearly forced its way out of his throat when he saw his father and mother both sitting at the dinner table. While the situation in itself was nothing out of the ordinary, right now it terrified him to the very core.

"Awesome, I'm starving!" Victoria said, skipping to her seat and sitting down enthusiastically, wasting no time in piling her plate with food. Jonghyun sat down in a comparatively calm manner, eyeing his mother and father carefully. His sister chatted about dance as his parents listened intently. He, on the other hand, couldn't hear a word over the sound of his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

He picked at his food as he tried to stop his hands from shaking visibly. Every time they looked at him he felt a swarming panic rise up in his stomach. He felt like they were staring at him, searching him, _knowing _that he had something to hide.

_I kissed a boy. I kissed a boy. I kissed a boy. I kissed a-_

"Jonghyun." Jonghyun nearly spilled his drink at the sound of his father's commanding tone. "You've been particularly quiet today."

"W-what? I have? I don't think so. I'm just… I mean… I don't think so."

_Smooth, Jonghyun._

His father stared at him in complete and total confusion.

"Uh, Jonghyun told me he wasn't feeling well a moment ago. Right, Jonghyun?" Victoria nudged him gently.

"Yeah, I'm not feeling great." He said, clutching his stomach and frowning apologetically. "Do you mind if I lie down upstairs?"

"I'll go with him." Victoria piped up, taking both of their plates and putting them in the sink. "Thanks for dinner, it was delicious!" She said before grabbing onto Jonghyun's hand and pulling him upstairs. She led him to his room as he collapsed face first onto her bed.

"You were acting like a _freak _down there. You do know that, right?"

Jonghyun groaned into her pillow. "I know. I was trying not to."

"You weren't doing very well." She said with a light laugh. Jonghyun simply groaned again in response. She took a seat on the bed next to him. "Soccer season ended a week ago, didn't it?" Jonghyun nodded. "You haven't told mom or dad that, have you?" Jonghyun nodded again, glad his now red face was hidden by the pillow. "So… why were you home so late?"

Jonghyun remained silent. His sister had saved his ass down there, that was for sure, but how could he tell her about this? He was _far _too embarrassed, even _nervous _to recount his visit with Key.

"Does it have something to do with that boy you were telling me about?" Although he tried to stay still, Victoria noticed his body tense up just the slightest bit, and that alone was enough to send her into a fit of excitement. She jumped up and shook his shoulders. "Oh my god, did you go and see him? Jonghyun! You owe me! Tell me!"

"Victoria, stop _shaking _me." Jonghyun said. Victoria reluctantly released her death grip on Jonghyun. He sighed. She was right. He _did _owe her. "I kind of… I mean, we kind of…"

"Say it already!"

"I'm trying!" He huffed into the pillow. Jonghyun told his sister _everything. _Why was this such a big deal? She nudged him gently, trying to force the answer out of him. "I…I kissed him, okay?" He yelled, spiraling down into a pit of shame the moment the words left his mouth.

The silence hung in the air, thick and heavy and almost suffocating. It was so quiet Jonghyun thought for sure his sister could hear his pounding heartbeat. "You did _not._" Victoria finally said in utter disbelief. Jonghyun rolled onto his back, keeping his face covered with his hands, too embarrassed to even look at his sister. "No way! I don't believe you!" Victoria shouted. Jonghyun nodded slowly, his hands still clasped on his eyes. Victoria started squealing and throwing pillows at him. "Oh my god oh my god oh my go-"

"Vic, shut up! Everyone can hear you!"

Victoria brought her hands to her mouth to cover her rather _loud _reaction to Jonghyun's news. This action proved entirely useless as an excited squeal emerged from her throat just seconds later. "Oh my god! Just now? _Today? _How did it happen? Was it cute? Oh my god oh my god! What did he _say? _What – "

"Victoria, you _need _to shut up." Jonghyun grumbled. Victoria pursed her lips, still _obviously _grinning and suppressing her need to scream.

"Just give me the details!"

"I'm not doing that."

"What! What?" She whined. "Please please please tell me everything! Jonghyun! Please! I'm your sister!" Jonghyun sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Only if you promise to just _shut up._" She bit her lip and nodded her head rapidly. Jonghyun cleared his throat. He was _definitely_ going to regret this later. "We were at school, and some people were bothering him." He summarized that bit because he _knew_ his sister would panic if she found out he had gotten in a fight. "He was upset so… I just kind of… yeah." Jonghyun played with his fingers, completely embarrassed by recounting the story to his _sister _of all people. "_Don't _start that again." He said, noticing his sister just about to yell in excitement.

"Sorry! I can't help it!" She said, grinning apologetically. Jonghyun sighed and continued.

"Then we went back to his house, and – "

"Oh my GOD!" She screamed, cutting him off. "Did you have SEX?"

"NO, Vic! Jesus Christ! Of course not! And could you be a _little _quieter?"

"Sorry…" She said again, still grinning like a child and clutching a pillow to her chest. At least she wasn't beating him with it anymore.

"Just let me finish. Okay?" She nodded so vigorously Jonghyun thought her head would fall off. "We went back to his house, and just hung out." Jonghyun sighed at his sister's facial expression, obviously wanting more from him. "Ugh, _fine. _I kissed him twice while I was there. And then we just… stayed in bed for a while. And no, we didn't do anything in there! Are you happy? Are we even now?" He said, covering his face in shame.

"Oh my god! Jonghyun! I'm freaking out! How was it?"

"How was _what?_"

"Kissing him, of course!" Jonghyun choked on his own throat at the question. His sister brought a whole meaning to the word "invasive". "You _have _to tell me!"

_I _knew _I'd regret this._

"It was…" Jonghyun searched for the right words to properly describe the sensation that was kissing Key. Not a single word felt adequate enough to describe the unreal, almost otherworldly feeling. "It was amazing."

Victoria squeaked once again and clapped her hands together. "Jonghyun, I'm so so _so _happy for you. Really." She said, squeezing his arm. Jonghyun gave her a weak smile.

"It's weird. I spent so long panicking about it, but… now that it's happened… I don't feel bad at all. I feel… I feel _great._"

"Because you're finally letting yourself be happy. If anyone deserves it, it's you." Jonghyun blushed ferociously before standing up and swinging his arms side to side.

"You're right. He makes me happy. He's… he's _perfect, _Vic." He let another deep sigh escape from his lips before heading for the door. "Have I answered all your questions?" She nodded again.

"So, when do I get to meet him?"

"What? You? Never."

"What? Jonghy-!" Jonghyun slammed the door shut and cut his sister off before she could continue screaming about how unfair it was. He momentarily let a soft smile creep onto his face before it was squashed by another feeling, a feeling of hesitance, of uncertainty.

He wasn't quite sure where he stood with Key. They hadn't actually _spoken _about what had happened. Sure, Key didn't deny Jonghyun, but he hadn't really accepted him either. He was most likely still mad at Jonghyun for how he had treated him, and he had every right to be. Jonghyun sighed and collapsed on his bed, the natural high from kissing Key now dissipated, replaced by a million questions he had for him.

He felt his phone vibrate and he pulled it out quickly.

_From: Minho_

_CONGRATS! ^ ^_

If Jonghyun could stab someone through a phone, he would have done it at that very moment.

_To: Minho_

_how did taemin tell you already? its barely been two hours…_

_From: Minho_

_we have our ways! im SO excited! we have a lot to talk about tomorrow morning ;)_

Jonghyun chucked his phone into his pillow, grumbling at his friend's usual obnoxious cheer.

Morning came quickly. For the first time in weeks he had gotten a good night's sleep, a night finally without the torment of his own thoughts keeping him up.

It was also the first time he wished he hadn't slept well, if only to prolong his meeting with Minho just a few more hours. Because right then, Jonghyun would have done anything to not be looking at Minho's obnoxious smile.

"Wipe that stupid grin off of your face!" Jonghyun yelled, smacking him with his backpack. Minho just smiled even harder and let out a small scream of excitement, his reaction eerily similar to Jonghyun's sister's just the night before.

"Tell me everything!" Jonghyun rolled his eyes. Forget "similar", their reactions were identical.

"I'm not telling you a damn thing!"

"What! Jonghyun! I've been your best friend for _how _long and you won't even tell me?"

"Why don't you ask your precious Taemin? He seems to know everything." Jonghyun scoffed.

"Fine. Then I will."

"Dammit, Minho…" Jonghyun muttered under his breath, earning another laugh from Minho and a condescending pat on the head.

"So… are you two dating now, or what?" He asked. Jonghyun blew air out of his cheeks, pondering the question.

"I don't know…" He admitted. He really did have no idea. "I want to. But I think he's still really angry with me. Not that I blame him…" Minho laughed again. "Minho what the hell is so funny!"

"Oh, nothing." He said. "It's just, you know how Taemin and Key are best friends. Apparently, Key was really happy. He called Taemin yesterday gushing about it." Jonghyun's eyes widened in surprise.

"H-he was? Really?" He said, absolutely beaming. He immediately looked away after seeing Minho giving him the most absurd of smiles, so obviously amused by Jonghyun's innocent reaction. "I mean, whatever. Not that I care."

"You know you're terrible at lying, right?"

"Minho, I will kill you one of these days, you hear me?" He yelled before sprinting into the school building, not at all wanting to hear Minho's taunting retort.

After suffering through the morning's classes and nearly falling asleep, Jonghyun jumped at the sound of the bell signaling lunchtime. Although it was early December, it was a particularly warm day, and he decided to spend his lunch in the courtyard.

His heart froze when he saw Key already sitting down by the tree. A flurry of emotions attacked his senses, happiness that the boy had met him for lunch, but also fear at what he had to face at that very moment. His limbs suddenly ached with the urge to just turn around and run away, to not even suffer through the extreme embarrassment of talking about what had happened yesterday.

Unfortunately Key's eyes had already landed on him, and there was nothing he could do. Jonghyun cleared his throat and inched forward slowly, noticing how Key couldn't even look him in the eye. Not that Jonghyun was complaining. He couldn't quite look at Key either.

_Just act natural._

"Hey, Key." He said, taking a seat next to him hesitantly.

"Hi."

The silence was painful. Jonghyun drummed his hands against his knees and searched for words. But what could he say? What could he possibly have to say after whatever the hell it was that had happened the day before?

Suddenly Key's bright laugh shattered the stiflingly uncomfortable silence. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh." He said, pulling his knees to his chest. "But _wow, _this is awkward." Jonghyun chuckled softly.

"You're right, it is." He admitted. _Painfully _awkward. "So…" He started, finally initiating the conversation he so badly did not want to have. "About yesterday…"

"Oh god, not _this _conversation." Key said, sighing loudly. Jonghyun just stared at him. "There's nothing to talk about, is there? I like you, you like me. It's not that complicated."

"So… you're not mad at me?" Jonghyun asked, scared to actually hear the answer.

"Mad?" Key said in surprise. "I'm _furious._ You can be a real asshole, you know that?" Key said. Jonghyun swallowed hard, his tongue feeling like it was stuck in his throat. Key sighed again, running his hands through his hair. "But it's a waste of time to be mad at you. And it's almost impossible to _stay _mad at you, you know that?"

Jonghyun blushed inadvertently. "N-no. I didn't."

"Well it's true." Key said, pinching his hair between his fingers. Jonghyun senses became clouded as he was flooded with pure happiness. Key had _forgiven _him.

Well, not really. But the effect was the same. Jonghyun grinned and fell backward, extending his arm out against the ground and looking up hopefully at Key. Key rolled his eyes dramatically, the action now beloved to Jonghyun, before admitting defeat and placing his head on Jonghyun's arm, staring at him with wide eyes.

Jonghyun let a noise escape from his lips, something between a gasp and a laugh as Key rested his head on his arm, his face suddenly so close to Jonghyun's. Almost in complete disbelief, Jonghyun extended his hand and lightly grazed the soft skin of Key's face.

"So." Jonghyun said, feeling the velvet skin over the back of his fingers.

"So." Key replied, smiling at Jonghyun's almost painful inability to communicate his feelings at that very moment.

"Are we…?" Jonghyun trailed off, too embarrassed to continue.

"Are we _what_, Jonghyun."

Jonghyun sighed at Key's stubbornness. Here he was, doing his best, yet Key just _had_ to make things that much more difficult for him. "You know what I'm trying to say."

Key giggled before once again rolling his eyes at Jonghyun. "Yes, Jonghyun, you big idiot."

"Really?" Jonghyun said, grinning so widely he thought his cheeks would split. Key nodded and Jonghyun resisted the urge to cheer out loud. "I guess… I guess now I can tell you all the things I've been holding back since the day we met."

Key raised an eyebrow at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well first of all…" Jonghyun said, reaching up and gently touching Key's hair. "I think you're beautiful." Key turned a shade of red Jonghyun had never seen on a person's face before as he tried to hold back a smile. "And…" Jonghyun separated his hand from Key's face, securing it in Key's own fingers. "I absolutely love holding your hand. I've loved it since I did it the first time just briefly in the courtyard a couple months ago. You probably don't even remember."

"I do." Key responded immediately, a gleam in his eyes as he squeezed Jonghyun's hand slightly. Jonghyun's heart pounded. He thought he was the only one that had kept track of every single one of their more intimate interactions, no matter how minute.

Key pressed his nose against Jonghyun's, rubbing it back and forth slowly, the action sending goose bumps across Jonghyun's entire body.

He reached forward and once again pressed his lips slowly to Key's, the sensation almost mind-numbingly soft as Key's lips began to move in tandem with Jonghyun's. The kiss was slow and gentle, as if all the world was contained in that very courtyard, the concept of time to be bent and changed to their will as they lost themselves in each other's arms.

Jonghyun felt Key's lips part slowly as Jonghyun took the opportunity to run his tongue hesitantly along Key's, the feeling so _new, _so _exciting, _Jonghyun almost lost his breath entirely at the very action.

He broke apart slowly, admiring the way Key's face flushed so adorably after kissing him.

"And I love that I can do _that_ now." Jonghyun said. Key bit his lip as Jonghyun blatantly stared, unable to tear his eyes away.

"Me, too." He replied, his voice shaky, like he was out of breath. Jonghyun traced patterns against Key's skin, kissing him softly whenever he had the chance, taking advantage of the fact that he just _could._

"I love your eyes… your nose… your lips…" He said between gentle kisses, his voice breathless and lost in utter bliss.

_What else can I say?_

_I love everything about you._


	21. The Whole World and You

"Jonghyun, you look terrible." Jonghyun blinked his burning eyes several times, squinting up painfully at Minho. Key was currently eating lunch with Taemin, leaving Jonghyun to eat with his best friend.

"Do I?" He grumbled, rubbing his eyes and trying to somehow reduce the pain. "I was up all night talking online with Key…" Jonghyun immediately regretted admitting this to Minho not even a second after having said it. Minho raised his eyebrows several times suggestively. "Minho I swear if you don't stop making that stupid face…"

Minho chuckled as he always did, completely ignoring Jonghyun's empty threats. "I can't help it!" He said. Now _that _was a complete and total lie if Jonghyun had ever heard one. Minho could certainly control himself, he just _wouldn't._ "I'm just happy you two are finally together. Really!"

Jonghyun sighed, too tired to put up a decent fight with Minho. Besides, he was happy too.

After all the panic, after all the drama, and after fighting with himself for _so long, _he could finally say with pride that he was _happy. _Key was right. It wasn't complicated. It didn't _need _to be complicated.

They wasted the rest of lunch talking about nothing as Jonghyun did his best to stay awake. It wasn't like he didn't want to talk to Minho, in fact, he was incredibly happy to have a few short moments to catch up with his best friend. He was simply drained from the night before. He had spent hours just talking with Key, and even though he had been pushed past the brink of exhaustion, he couldn't bring himself to say goodbye. He only managed to do so after accidentally falling asleep at his computer, something Key was _not _happy with and made sure to chew him out for first thing in the morning with an angry text. Key's anger didn't really register due to Jonghyun's inability to focus on anything but how _cute _Key was when he was mad, but the idea was there.

He went home that day to an empty house, the lonely feeling something he wasn't quite used to. He decided to finally admit to his parents that soccer season was, indeed, over, knowing full well that if he continued to keep the information to himself they'd find out sooner or later, and he'd be in massive amounts of trouble.

He opted to simply waste time at home, finding all things dull and meaningless without Key. Finishing his homework in record time he rolled over on his back, thinking of anything to do to pass the time before Key closed up and he could finally go visit him.

Jonghyun exhaled loudly. He _hated _when Key had work.

He wanted to call Minho, but basketball season had started almost immediately after soccer season ended, and of course sports-freak Minho was the captain of _that _too. Minho's athleticism was unparalleled. He'd probably end up going pro in some sport. His sister would be the next big star, dancing her way across the country. And Key would probably be a professional artist, his work hanging in some goddamn museum somewhere.

But what about Jonghyun?

Jonghyun sighed, gripping tensely at his hair.

_What the hell am _I _doing?_

He heard the door slam downstairs, interrupting his train of self-hating thoughts.

"I'm home!"

Jonghyun smiled in relief at the sound of Victoria's voice. "Vic! I'm upstairs!" He called. He rolled on his stomach and hung his arms over the side of his bed in anticipation. Victoria barged into his room as she always did, grinning ear to ear. "You're home early." He said.

"We ended rehearsal a little early today." She said. Jonghyun suddenly noticed her hands were hidden behind her back.

"…What are you holding?" He asked slowly, mildly afraid to hear her answer. Knowing his sister, it could have been _anything._

Close your eyes." She giggled. Jonghyun reluctantly obliged. "Hold your hands out." Jonghyun sighed exaggeratedly, but did as she said. Victoria placed something thin and rectangular in his hands. He ran his fingers along it. It felt like paper. "Okay! Open your eyes!"

He did as he was told and stared at the object, or rather _two _objects in his hand. "Tickets?" He asked in confusion.

Victoria nodded. "I'm performing tomorrow. I got tickets for you!" Jonghyun held his mouth open in shock.

"Are you serious? Vic, you're the BEST!" He leapt up and pulled her into a bear hug, spinning her around as he always did. He had been looking forward to this forever, he couldn't believe he had forgotten. His sister could be so nice sometimes. "Wait…" He said, stopping suddenly and staring Victoria in the eyes. "…Why are there two?"

"One is for Key!" She said. Jonghyun released his hold on her and dropped her to the floor. "Ow! Jonghyun!"

"I should have known you had ulterior motives!" He yelled. He slammed the tickets on his nightstand before folding his arms and turning away from his sister.

"Jjong! Come on! It'll be fun, I swear!"

"Liar! You just want to meet him!" He said. Victoria puffed her cheeks out.

"That's not true…" She said after a long pause. Jonghyun glared at her skeptically. She was a worse liar than he was. "Okay, fine! I want to meet him! But it really will be fun!"

"Not happening."

"Jjong!" She whined. Jonghyun remained resolute in his decision, ignoring her pleas for him to change his mind. "Look. All the dancers go out to eat afterward anyway." Jonghyun continued to glare.

"So?"

"_So, _I'll only be able to talk to you guys for like five minutes, tops." Jonghyun pursed his lips together in thought. When it came to his sister, five minutes seemed about four minutes too much. Victoria picked up the tickets from the nightstand, placing them hopefully in front of her face. "Just think about it, okay?" She said, extending them out towards him.

Jonghyun sighed. He couldn't say no to her. No matter what happened, she always seemed to get her way. He reached out, tentatively accepting the tickets with shaky hands. "I'll… I'll think about it." He said, much to the delight of his sister, who almost broke his spine in a bone-crunching hug. "Don't get your hopes up!"

"Thank you Jjong! Thank you thank you!" She said before kissing his cheek and skipping back to her room. Where she got the energy was a mystery to Jonghyun. He flipped the tickets back and forth between his hands. There really was no harm in having her meet him, but he was still hesitant.

There was something about introducing Key to his sister that didn't sit right with him. He had always intentionally kept Key as far from his family as possible. In fact, now that he had thought about it, Key had never even _seen _Jonghyun's house. Jonghyun's family was judgmental, cruel, and at times even abusive. Then there was Key. Key was innocent, Key was pure. Jonghyun wouldn't be able to live with himself if he allowed him to be tainted by his family. He knew his sister was different. He loved his sister to death. But the idea of Key coming anywhere near his family just terrified him.

After a couple of hours of wandering mindlessly, eating random things in his kitchen cabinets, and glancing up at the clock at the passing of every painfully slow minute, it was finally time to go and see Key.

"I'm going out! Be back later!" He called to no one in particular. Victoria was most likely not paying attention, probably listening to music in her room. He pulled out his phone and sent her a quick text message.

_To: Victoria_

_if mom and dad come home, tell them im doing a project at minho's, okay?_

He knew Victoria saw through his blatant lie, the fact that he was seeing Key was glaringly obvious, but if his parents thought he was doing work they'd be much happier. The response came faster than anticipated.

_From: Victoria_

_loud and clear. go get your freak on, bro ;)_

Jonghyun once again found himself wishing he could inflict physical harm on someone through a telephone.

_I swear to god I will kill her one of these days._

Rather than send a forcefully worded text message in response, he chose to just ignore her and calm his rage through deep breaths.

Although his sister was aggravating at her worst and annoying at her best, he would much rather deal with her over-enthusiastic response than a response of pure hatred and disgust from his parents.

_His parents._

He hadn't even thought about it until now. If his parents knew about him, if they somehow found out, they would _detest_ him. And that thought was terrifying.

To say that Jonghyun didn't get along with his parents would be an incredible understatement. But they were his _parents._ To be hated by them was something he couldn't even fathom. The very thought sent his stomach churning with fear.

That's why, despite the soul-crushing guilt he felt every time he so much as looked at his mom and dad, he _had _to keep it a secret. He wanted to tell them so badly. But he just couldn't.

The blush that spread onto Key's face when Jonghyun walked through the door was one of the most precious things he had ever seen. Although Key was stubborn and arrogant, he was still just a nervous boy in his first _ever _relationship.

And _that _was impossibly cute.

Jonghyun smiled ear to ear as he stood in the doorway, just taking a few minutes to admire his boyfriend from far away. He watched him carefully, remembering the boy's natural elegance that had attracted him so much from their very first meeting. He still couldn't believe it. That he and Key were really…

"Hey! Stop looking at me!" Key yelled, throwing a wet washcloth at him from across the room.

"Sorry, I can't help it." Jonghyun said, Key's violent reaction unable to take the smile off of his face.

"Give me that back." Key demanded, holding his hand out.

"You threw it at me. Why should I give it back to you?"

"Because I said so!" Key said stubbornly. Jonghyun gave in, picking the rag off the floor and handing it to Key.

"I missed you." Jonghyun said. He remembered the last time he said that. How he had blurted it out accidentally and felt horrible for it not a moment afterward. He loved the fact that he could say it so easily now. He leaned over the counter and closed his eyes, waiting patiently for a kiss from Key. His eyes jolted open when he felt something cold and wet plaster itself to his entire face, realizing that Key had smacked the washcloth against him for no particular reason at all.

"I need to finish closing up. Stop distracting me." Key said. Jonghyun peeled the wet rag off of his face and pouted. He had been longing for a kiss from Key all day. He did _not _appreciate being cockblocked by a damned dishrag.

Jonghyun leaned on his hands, resting his elbows against the counter and singing a tune that had been stuck in his head. After Key's encouragement, he found himself singing more and more often.

Key rolled his head back, letting out a satisfied hum. Jonghyun went silent, expecting him to say something. "Don't stop." Key said. "I love your voice."

Jonghyun grinned and continued to sing as he watched Key clean the cups behind the counter, his movements swift and graceful and utterly beautiful. Even Key's back was completely mesmerizing. His neck looked so soft, Jonghyun couldn't control himself any further.

He moved quickly and silently behind the counter before grabbing Key from behind and wrapping his arms across his stomach. Key jolted in surprise as Jonghyun gripped him tightly, just slightly arching his back as Jonghyun pressed a delicate kiss to his smooth neck.

"Jonghyun…" Key groaned, craning his neck against him.

"Hm?"

"I said… stop distracting me." Key said, removing Jonghyun's hands and detaching himself from his grip. Jonghyun let out a slight whine as Key whirled away and focused his attention on the counters. "Jjongie, it'll be five minutes! Just _wait!_"

Jonghyun groaned loudly before slumping in a heap on one of the tables. "My boyfriend is so mean…" He muttered, only to hear a scoff in return from the younger boy. He tapped his fingers against the table dramatically to show just how painful the wait was on him. Jonghyun had showed up a little early because he was sick of waiting at home, yet here he was, once again waiting for Key. His incredible impatience made this task almost impossible.

"Say that again." Key said after several minutes of silence.

"What?"

"Say what you just said. Exactly how you said it before."

"My boyfriend is so mean." He repeated. To his surprise, Key let out a laugh at his insult. Key removed his nametag and his apron, tossing them in the closet and the bin under the counter.

"Boyfriend…" Key repeated. His voice was soft and gentle, almost barely there. Jonghyun's heart skipped a beat. Was that the first time they had said it out loud?

Jonghyun nodded his head, smiling enthusiastically. "Are you _finally _done?"

"Yes, I'm done. Sorry for making you wait two whole minutes."

Jonghyun ignored Key's sarcastic comment as he sat patiently, not even bothering to try and remove the lovesick grin from his face. Key walked over to him, standing between Jonghyun's legs and placing his hands on Jonghyun's shoulders.

"Wow…" Jonghyun whispered, the close distance between them leaving him staring in awe. "My boyfriend is also impossibly cute." He said, gently touching Key's cheek, enjoying the way he shivered under his touch and closed his eyes as Jonghyun ran his thumb gently across his face.

"And _my _boyfriend is impossibly impatient." Key muttered in response.

Jonghyun went to protest, but was silenced when Key forcefully crashed his lips against his in a powerful yet short-lived kiss.

"Let's go home." He said after breaking away and resting his chin on Jonghyun's head.

Jonghyun managed to nod in his dazed state, his eyes completely glazed over as Key continued to rub his back gently.

_Every kiss leaves me breathless…_

_How do you do this to me?_

Key swiftly placed his hand into Jonghyun's as he pulled him to his side and guided him out the door, the help _much _appreciated as Jonghyun could barely stand, let along walk.

The cold December air helped him regain his senses. "Hey, Key. You remember I have a sister, right?" Key nodded. "Well… she dances. She has a recital tomorrow. Do you… do you want to come? She bought us both tickets. She kind of wants to meet you, but you don't have to go, you know…" Key's face lit up.

"I'd _love _to go! I really want to meet her, too!" Key said, grinning ear to ear. Jonghyun sighed. This was _not _ideal. He shouldn't have even mentioned it. "It's tomorrow, right? Want to sleepover, then?" Jonghyun's ears immediately perked up. On second thought, maybe mentioning it was a _great_ idea.

"Yeah, sure." He said, as casually as he could manage while his heart was turning cartwheels in his chest. He pulled his phone out, dialing with one hand taking longer than he would have liked, though holding hands with Key made it worth it and then some.

_To: Victoria_

_tell mom and dad I'm sleeping over at minho's._

He turned his phone off and crammed it back into his pocket, not even wanting to hear what perverted response Victoria would have to that particular text message, knowing full well she'd jump to some rather absurd conclusion.

He obviously wasn't going to try anything. It was only their second _day _of dating, after all. (Not to mention how the mere thought completely terrified him.) He was just happy to be near Key, no matter what they were doing.

Utterly enthralled by the way Key's skin glowed in the dull lamplight he placed a kiss on his cheek, meeting his eyes with a smile more heartfelt than he had ever seen. The warmth of Key's hand made him completely forget about the freezing cold air around him.

He held onto Key firmly as he wondered if there was anyone in the entire world who was more lucky than he was right now.


	22. Love With Caution

Key unlocked his door swiftly as he had done a million times before in his lifetime. He led Jonghyun into the living room as they collapsed on his couch. Although it was still fairly early, Jonghyun felt exhausted, and he was sure Key felt the same.

"I hate school." He mumbled into Key's shoulder. "It keeps me from seeing you." Key laughed, the sound lazy compared to his usual hearty laugh.

"Winter break is coming up in a week. Just hold out for a little more." He replied.

"I can't do it." He whined childishly. "I'm just going to quit school."

"Oh quit being dramatic." Key said. What a hypocrite. If anyone was dramatic, it was Key. "I'll spend every day of Winter break with you if you tough it out. How's that?"

"Talk about motivation!" Jonghyun yelled, wrapping his arms around Key. Key exhaled deeply against his chest and remained motionless, neither boy speaking for several minutes.

Jonghyun couldn't believe how much he loved being around Key. Something like this just felt too good to last. There was no way he could be this lucky.

"Jonghyun…" Key said, breaking the comfortable silence between them. "You don't know how long I've liked you."

Jonghyun chuckled as he rubbed Key's back. "I don't believe that."

"I'm telling the truth." He whispered. "Stand up." Key pulled a confused Jonghyun off of the couch before removing the cushions.

"What are you doing?" Jonghyun asked. Key didn't reply until all the pillows were successfully taken off, leaving the couch completely bare.

"This…" He said, shoving his hand into the depths of the now naked piece of furniture. "Is a pull out couch." He yanked on whatever he was holding, revealing a mattress that sprung out from the depths of the couch. Jonghyun just looked blankly at him.

"…So what?" What the hell was Key talking about?

Key simply glared up at him like he was the stupidest person in the world. Finally the gears in his head clicked, remembering all the events from the past few months.

"Holy shit Key! Are you being serious right now?" Key nodded, an expression of satisfaction from Jonghyun's shock spreading across his face.

_Well our house is small and we don't have any guest rooms. So you'll be sleeping with me._

"_Key!" _He yelled in utter disbelief. "Do you know how much _sleep _I lost because of that?" Jonghyun's mind jumped back to all the sleepless nights he suffered at Key's side, his heart pounding wildly as Key slept just inches away from him. Key smirked.

"And why couldn't you sleep?" Jonghyun's face turned red as he realized how creepy he sounded. "Pervert." Key scoffed.

"D-don't make this about me! You're the liar here! I'm _never _trusting you again, you know! Never!" Jonghyun swallowed hard as Key approached him, that same mischievous smirk plastered to his face.

"Oh really?" He whispered, his voice low and breathy. "So do you _not _want to sleep with me tonight?" He said, running his finger along Jonghyun's chest as he hovered his lips just inches away from his.

"I…I…" Jonghyun stuttered, at a total loss of words. "Key! Stop messing with my head!" Key laughed and took a step back from him.

"Sorry, Jjongie… It's just too easy."

Jonghyun sighed. He picked a strange boy to fall in love with.

But he wouldn't have it any other way.

"…Want to go to bed now?" Key asked. It was still early. Something told him that Key didn't really have sleeping in mind.

"Okay." Jonghyun said, his throat suddenly feeling slightly dry. Key intertwined his fingers with Jonghyun's and led him upstairs.

"Ah, I didn't bring pajamas. Or a toothbrush…" He admitted. Their sleepover plans had been made quite hastily and he didn't come prepared. Key shrugged.

"I'll lend you some." He said. They brushed their teeth quickly before entering Key's room. Key pulled some pajamas from his drawers and tossed them to him, grabbing a pair for himself afterward.

"Where are you going?" Key asked him when tried to exit his room.

"Uh, to the bathroom to change, why?"

"Just do it right here." Key said, sounding more like a command than a suggestion. Jonghyun instinctively covered his body with his hands.

"W-what?"

"Just do it right here. Who cares." He said, removing his own shirt quickly. Jonghyun covered his eyes with his hands and sputtered like a complete fool. "Jonghyun, what the _hell_ are you doing."

"I-I'm giving you privacy!" He yelled, keeping his hands clamped over his eyes. He heard Key scoff loudly.

"Jjong, I don't _care._" Jonghyun shook his head multiple times, most likely trying to remove the perverted thoughts he was having.

"N-nope. It's okay. I just won't look." No matter how much he wanted to uncover his eyes and just stare, he wouldn't let the temptation get to him. He'd preserve Key's innocence no matter what.

"You're an idiot." Key said. Jonghyun could hear him changing, but didn't budge. He was going to be a _gentleman, _goddamn it. "I'm done. Stop doing that. Your stupidity is embarrassing me." Jonghyun sighed in relief as he removed his hands, thought what he saw seemed to make things even worse.

He had forgotten about Key's penchant for wearing loose tank tops to bed, showing off slightly too much skin for him to handle.

'I…I'm going to change in the bathroom!" He yelled before slamming the door and escaping down the hall. It was almost as if Key was doing this on purpose. But that couldn't be the case. Key was innocent, Key was pure as snow.

…Right?

Jonghyun returned to Key's bedroom after changing into his pajamas, a slightly too tight tank top and a pair of rather _short _shorts.

_It really feels like he's doing this on purpose._

He felt fairly naked as he returned to Key's room. Key was already lying in bed, his hands folded over his chest. Jonghyun cleared his throat before sliding into bed with him.

_Control yourself, Jonghyun._

"Well, goodnight, Key." He said, turning on his side and facing the wall.

_Crisis averted. Well done._

"You know it's nine, right?"

"…Yes." Okay, truth was, he didn't know. That was, perhaps, poor planning on his part. "Thought I'd hit the hay early. Big day tomorrow." He said. What the hell was he even talking about? Key _knew _what he was doing tomorrow. He was spending it with Key. Could he have thought of a worse excuse?

He almost gasped out loud when he felt Key's finger on his back, slowly tracing the lines of his shoulder blades. Jonghyun held his breath, terrified of the noises he would let out if he didn't restrain himself.

"Turn around." Key demanded. Jonghyun did as he was told, turning slowly and staring Key in the face. His breath felt shallow, like his throat wasn't quite working properly. Key's eyes travelled lazily from his chest to his lips. Jonghyun felt totally exposed underneath his stare, like Key could see right through him.

Before Jonghyun could move or even speak, Key swiftly rolled himself on top of him, placing his knees on either side of Jonghyun. Jonghyun let all the breath he had been holding in pour out of him in a rush as he felt Key settle onto his lap, nothing but the thin fabric of their shorts between them.

Key leaned over and pressed his nose to Jonghyun's before whispering in his ear.

"Remember when you pinned me down on the bed like this?"

Jonghyun nodded, unable to speak or even think straight now that Key was on top of him, sliding his lips over his ear in a way that left him paralyzed.

"What exactly _were _you thinking?" Key asked.

"I…I wasn't think at all…" Jonghyun breathed. "I just… wanted to be close to you. That's all." He said with much difficulty. Key chuckled, his breath hitting his ear like fire.

_Jonghyun, what are you _doing.

_Be a gentleman… be a gentleman…_

Every rational thought he had left flew out of the window as Key rolled his hips over Jonghyun's, the action sending a wave of heat across his body and centering itself in a rather inconvenient place.

Key smiled, loving the way his actions left Jonghyun completely flushed and incoherent.

'W-what about your mom, and your…ng…. your step-dad… are they… ah… are they home?"

"Nope." Key whispered. "It's date night for them. They won't be home until much, _much _later."

Jonghyun swallowed hard.

He was out of excuses.

He fisted Key's hair in his hand and pulled him down against his lips, sealing them forcefully in a passion-filled kiss that left him dizzy and panting for more. Key ran his tongue along Jonghyun's bottom lip before Jonghyun parted them, allowing Key to slide his tongue along the inside of his mouth as Jonghyun became absolutely sure he had lost all ability to function.

He was forced to break the kiss as Key writhed against him, leaving him a mess of groans and unintelligible whimpers. Every movement sent his body shaking with ecstasy, the feeling making even his hands shudder as he grabbed Key's hips and urged them to move faster against his.

"_Fuck, _Key…" He moaned, his sounds silenced as Key slammed his lips against Jonghyun's once again, their tongues moving in unison, Jonghyun falling further and further into insanity all the while.

He had no idea Key could be this forceful, this _commanding._

Key clamped down on Jonghyun's lower lip with his teeth, glaring at Jonghyun with clouded eyes before travelling down his neck, biting and kissing the expanse of skin just above his collarbone. Jonghyun moaned at the perverse combination of pleasure and pain as he felt Key's teeth sinking into his skin.

Jonghyun fingered the bottom fabric of Key's tank top before sliding it over his head and throwing it across the room. Any brain function he had left completely shut off at the sight of Key half naked on top of him, and Key knew it, grinning arrogantly as Jonghyun stared in awe. His skin practically glowed in the moonlight, beautiful, utterly _flawless_, and his to do whatever he pleased with.

Unable to control himself any longer he flipped Key over and settled between his thighs, sick of the way he was letting a younger boy dominate him like he had. Key hooked his legs across Jonghyun's back, bringing their hips together and allowing Jonghyun to feel the boy's arousal against his own, that alone enough to send Jonghyun over the edge.

He flung his shirt off of his head, pausing as Key ran his fingers along his chest and took a moment to take everything in. They had never been this far before, never seen this side of each other, this panicked insatiable side that left them clawing at each other like animals…

It was unbelievable.

He knew he should stop, but he couldn't control himself.

Attacking Key's lips once again he bucked his hips slowly, rhythmically, his legs growing weaker and weaker as his entire body throbbed with desire. The skin of Key's chest against his own left his body pulsing with heat, becoming incredibly aware of his own pained breathing, fueled by the gentle gasps Key released while he squeezed his legs tighter and tighter around Jonghyun's back.

Jonghyun switched his focus to Key's neck, traveling lower and lower until he began ravaging his chest, sucking his skin until it became red and swollen with abuse. Key's moans grew as Jonghyun shifted further south, moving down to his stomach and sliding his tongue just below his belly button. Jonghyun felt Key's fingernails digging into his neck, arching his back off of the bed and urging him even _lower_…

The sound of the door slamming downstairs brought them both back to reality, dissipating the aura of pure lust that had clouded their senses completely.

"Shit!" Key yelled as he leapt up, separating himself from him and searching for the shirt that Jonghyun had so carelessly thrown across the room.

"I thought you said they would be home later!" Jonghyun whispered angrily as he shoved his arms through his shirt and pulled it over his head.

"I thought they would be! They usually are!"

Key let a string of curses slip from his mouth as he pulled his shirt angrily over his head.

"Key! We're home!" Jonghyun heard Key's mom yell from downstairs. Key remained dead silent.

"Aren't you going to greet them? Or tell them I'm sleeping over?" Jonghyun asked.

"Oh yeah, that's a _great _idea_._" He said sarcastically. "'Hey mom, just wanted to tell you Jonghyun's sleeping over. Oh, and please excuse the _raging boner_ in my pants right now. Yeah, see you tomorrow.'"

Jonghyun couldn't help but admire the tent in the boy's pants, proof of his handiwork not a minute earlier.

"Oh quit looking, you fucking pervert…"

"Sorry." Jonghyun lied, keeping his eyes fixed on the boy's lower half and licking his lips. He wasn't sorry in the least.

"I said stop looking! Fuck you!" Key yelled, throwing a pillow that had been discarded onto the floor at Jonghyun's head.

Key turned the light off and scrambled back in bed at the sound of his mom and step-dad coming up the stairs. He placed a finger in front of Jonghyun's lips to keep him silent.

Key's mom knocked gently on the door. "Key, are you awake?" Jonghyun could see Key's frown illuminated by the light coming through the crack in the door. After a few moments of silence, he heard Key's mom and step-dad walk down the hall, leaving Jonghyun and Key alone in the dark.

"God _dammit._" Key hissed. Jonghyun's heart pounded at the realization of what he had just done. It was like he had lost his mind in the wake of his unbridled lust for Key. His thoughts had gone blank except for the burning desire to tear Key's clothes off and make him scream with pleasure.

It scared him. He couldn't believe he had let it happen.

"Key." He whispered fixing himself around Key's midsection. "Maybe it's good they came home." Key tensed up at his words.

"What do you mean?" He demanded.

"I mean…" Jonghyun sighed, trying to collect his thoughts. "…Maybe we should slow down a little. I… I don't want to rush you." He heard Key scoff loudly.

"Rush _me?_" He said, disbelief heavy in his voice. "Liar. Just admit it."

Jonghyun sighed. He really couldn't get anything past Key. "Fine." He admitted reluctantly. "I'm…I'm scared, Key. I've never done anything like this with a boy before."

Key turned around to face him. Jonghyun was surprised to see a small smile on his face, almost a sign of defeat.

"Jjongie, that's all you had to say." He said quietly. "I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to. I know all of this is new to you." Jonghyun nodded. He had almost forgotten how understanding Key could be, this side of him hidden by his usual conceited attitue.

Jonghyun fit his fingers between Key's, pulling him close and planting a gentle kiss on his lips. "Thanks, Key…" He whispered.

Key slid his arms around Jonghyun's back, kissing him slowly, almost lazily, the lines between dreams and reality becoming blurred as Jonghyun let exhaustion take over his body, falling asleep with Key resting in his arms.

Waking up to Key's face just an inch away from his was one of the most serene things he could ever imagine. Key looked so peaceful as he slept, his face frozen in an uncharacteristic silence. He played with Key's hair, knowing that if he did that while he was awake the boy would probably scream at him.

"Key…" He whispered. "Wake up." Key groaned, but kept his eyes closed. Jonghyun traced his fingers along Key's stomach, an area Jonghyun learned was for some reason particularly sensitive to him. He kissed him gently, hoping to rouse him a bit from his feigned slumber. He felt Key's lips shift slowly underneath his own.

"Wake up, Key. I'm bored." He said, breaking apart from him to whisper in his ear.

"Fuck you. I'm sleeping." Jonghyun sighed. Key seemed to have gotten more abrasive in the past few weeks. Jonghyun stared at his boyfriend, admiring his flawless features, the sheer beauty that had attracted him so much when they first met never ceasing to amaze him. "You know I can pretty much _feel _you staring at me, right?" Key said, opening one eye at him.

"I know. I just don't care."

"Get out of my bed! You're pissing me off!" Key said, jabbing his feet into Jonghyun's side until he crashed to the floor.

"_Damn _you are grouchy in the morning…" He said. He lifted his bag from the floor and put it over his shoulder. "I'm going out. Want me to get you anything?"

"I want you to shut up."

"Understood."

Jonghyun quietly closed the door to Key's room, giggling to himself all the while. Somehow Key managed to be endearing even when he was being an insufferable jerk.

He changed and brushed his teeth in the bathroom before pulling his phone out.

"_Hello?"_

"Minho!" Jonghyun whined through the phone. "Come get breakfast with me. I'm lonely."

If Key was going to ignore him, he wanted to at least go have some fun before Victoria's recital. They made plans to meet at the usual diner, the one Minho was obsessed with and always insisted they go to.

He felt almost giddy as he walked there, an unusual bounce in his step as he hurried to meet up with Minho. He wanted to scream it from the rooftops, to let everyone know that he was completely and totally in love.

"Hey, Jjong!" Minho yelled, waving at him excitedly as soon as he opened the door.

"Hey, Minho." Jonghyun said, taking a seat in the booth Minho had picked out.

"You look happy this morning." He said. Jonghyun sighed, unable to take the idiotic grin off of his face.

"I slept over Key's last night…" He said. Minho laughed.

"Damn, Jonghyun! Haven't you only been dating for like two days?"

"We didn't do anything! Does _everyone _think I'm a huge pervert?"

"Yes." Minho said, completely straight-faced. Jonghyun sipped his drink in silence. He was too ashamed to admit that he had completely chickened out the night before.

It's not like he didn't want Key, he was just nervous, not to mention inexperienced. Key had less experience than he did, but for some reason it didn't show at all.

He felt himself salivating as the waiter brought out their food, not quite realizing how hungry he was.

"Winter break is coming up next week!" Minho exclaimed excitedly. "Are you going anywhere?"

"Nope. You know my family never goes on vacation." He said. "You?"

"No, I can't. I have basketball practice all break. I'm just psyched to get out of school finally."

"What the hell difference does it make to you? You sleep through all your classes."

"…Well yeah, but now I won't have to sit there anymore."

Jonghyun rolled his eyes at his friend. It was a wonder Minho somehow didn't fail out of school. As he ate, attempting to put the food in his mouth in a dignified manner while he was so hungry he could have downed his entire plate in seconds, he noticed something unusual out of the corner of his eye.

"Hey, Minho…" He whispered, leaning forward over the table. "…Is it just me, or is that guy staring at us?" Minho followed Jonghyun's eyes, landing on a tall, black haired boy sitting in the corner, a look of smug satisfaction on his face as he glared at them.

"I think he is…" Minho said. Jonghyun hated the way the boy was looking at them. His eyes looked rotten, forced into slits by a sickeningly sadistic grin that spread across his long face. "I kind of recognize that guy. I think he goes to our school." Minho said. Now that he mentioned it, Jonghyun could remember him sitting in the back of the classroom, but he never took any notice of it until now.

"What's his name?" Jonghyun whispered. He had no idea why they were speaking in hushed voice. The boy was completely out of earshot, yet his presence alone shook him to the very core as he spoke in only whispers.

"I…I can't remember."

Jonghyun tried to focus on his meal, but the feeling of the boy's eyes boring a hole in his head made him completely lose his appetite. His stomach turned as he continued glancing over, only to be met by that same sadistic glare each time…

"I'm done eating. Let's go." Jonghyun said, slamming the money on the table with noticeably shaky fingers. Minho nodded and followed him out. Jonghyun made a quick stop at the counter, buying something for Key, then rushing out the door.

_Who the hell was that guy?_

He opened his mouth to ask the question, then closed it immediately. For some reason he didn't even want to talk about the boy in the diner. He wanted to pretend it never happened.

_I have a bad feeling about this._

They remained completely silent as they returned to Minho's house. Jonghyun said his goodbyes before turning around and heading for Key's, the sick feeling in his stomach persisting the entire way back. He couldn't get the sight of that boy's eyes out of his head, eyes as murky as sewage and equally stomach churning.

"Key!" He called as he entered the door. He wanted to see him as soon as possible, to get that horrible image out of his head. Key was in the kitchen and fully dressed, much to Jonghyun's disappointment.

"Jjongie!" He yelled. He tackled him in a tight hug. "I missed you."

"…That's not what you were saying this morning." Jonghyun said, remembering how Key had quite literally kicked him out of his bed.

"Really? I don't remember that."

Jonghyun sighed and made a mental note never to bother Key when he wasn't fully woken up. "I bought you a doughnut."

"Seriously? You're the best!" Key shouted, accepting it and taking a seat at the table. One second he was cursing at him, the next he was lathering him with praise…

Key certainly was strange.

"So, you're into biting, huh?" Jonghyun said, leaning back against the counter. Key raised an eyebrow at him.

"I _barely _bit you."

"Key, you left _teeth marks_." Jonghyun said, pulling his shirt down to reveal the red and swollen skin on his chest. Key stared at him with what looked like admiration in his eyes, obviously proud of the harm he had inflicted upon him.

"I guess I did." Key said laughing, absolutely no remorse on his face. Jonghyun threw his hands up in the air in defeat. There was no point in arguing with him at all.

"We should get going soon." He said. "Her recital starts in an hour." Key swallowed the remains of his doughnut and popped out of his chair. They walked briskly toward the bus stop, the theater a good distance away from their town. He knew the location well. Victoria had performed there multiple times. He remembered the first time he had seen the theater. His heart had swelled with pride knowing that his sister was performing in such a venue. It was massive, beautifully decorated, drawing huge crowds from the neighboring towns.

Jonghyun put his hands in his pockets, using every ounce of willpower not to hold onto Key's. There was sort of an unspoken rule between the two of them, and that was to keep their relationship a secret at any cost. They lived in a small town. If word got out that they were together… He didn't even want to think about the disaster that would ensue. If they were going to keep their relationship a secret, holding hands in the middle of the day was a terrible idea. No matter how much he wanted to drape himself all over Key, he had to restrain himself.

The bus ride was, luckily, quite short, as Jonghyun wouldn't have been able to stay in such close quarters with Key without touching him for much longer. Jonghyun even managed to keep his hands to himself when walking toward the theater, the fact that they were in a completely different town doing nothing to quell his nerves about being discovered.

Even though he had been there a few times, he still gaped in awe at the huge theater before him, the cars filling the parking lot and lining up down the street. He stole a glance at Key, whose mouth was agape at the sight. Jonghyun laughed.

"Come on, Key. Quit staring." He said, proud that he could finally be arrogant about something.

"I…I didn't expect it would be like _this._" He said. "…Just how good a dancer is your sister?"

"_Very _good." Jonghyun said. He had no idea why he felt that proud, it wasn't him with the talent, after all, but he just did.

Jonghyun silently thanked his sister for getting them such good seats. He sat as politely as he could, trying to match the mood of the whole place. People were so dressed up, he felt a little bit like he stuck out.

"Should we have worn something… different?" Key asked, looking down at his simple t-shirt and ripped jeans.

"It doesn't really matter." Jonghyun replied. The lights dimmed as the crowd's chatter was reduced to quiet whispers.

"It's starting!" Key said excitedly, clapping his hands together. Jonghyun grinned. When Key wasn't yelling at him, kicking him, or even biting him, he was incredibly cute. Key smiled shyly at him as Jonghyun took his hand, an action he could _finally _do in the darkness of the theater.

Jonghyun's heart leapt as he saw his sister come out on stage. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, a genuine smile plastered to her face as she started to dance.

"Which one is she?" Key whispered.

"Right there." Jonghyun said, pointing her out for him.

"Wow…" Key said, his voice a breathless whisper. Jonghyun smiled as he stared at his sister. Her moves were so elegant, out of all the dancers he could only focus on her. The way she moved was almost unreal, her gracefulness almost intimidating as she twirled across the stage.

No matter how many times he saw her dance, she never ceased to take his breath away.

He felt his protective brotherly instincts kick in as she performed a duet with a fellow male dancer, cringing every time he placed his hands on her as he reminded himself over and over that they were _just _dancing, nothing more. (Though having Key elbow him suggestively in the side every two minutes was _not _helping calm his mind.)

Jonghyun clapped till his hands were sore at the end of the performance, taking a few minutes to regain himself after the scene he had just witnessed.

"Oh my _god…_" Key whispered. "You didn't tell me she was _that _good…"

"I tried to!" Jonghyun replied still in a daze. Sometimes he couldn't believe that it was his same goofy sister that performed like that onstage. They waited for the crowd to dissipate before exiting the auditorium and waiting in the lobby. The numbers thinned as they sat and gushed about his sister's dancing.

"Jjong!" He heard coming from behind him. He spun around to see his sister charging at him full speed, her arms flailing wildly as she ran. It was strange to see this side of her after the beautiful performance he had witnessed no less than a half hour before.

He lifted her up and swung her around, the gesture so familiar to the two of them that they did it without even thinking. She weighed next to nothing in his arms. Remembering Key, he put her down to the floor and prepared to introduce them.

Key extended his hand towards her. "Hi, I'm K – "

"KEY!" She screamed, grabbing him in a bear hug and jumping up and down. "Key, Key, Key! I'm _so _happy I finally get to meet you!" Key gave him a wide-eyed look, somewhat surprised by his sister's energy. Jonghyun rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air. Perhaps he should have warned him that she was, well, crazy.

Victoria separated herself from Key and held his hands in hers, swinging them back and forth rapidly.

"You're an _incredible _dancer." Key said.

"Oh! Wow! Thank you!" She said, blushing. Victoria hated praise. Even though she was most deserving of it, every time someone complimented her she _had _to change the subject. She looked at him up and down. "Oh my god, Jonghyun, you didn't lie… He's _gorgeous!_" Key smirked at Jonghyun. Unlike his sister, Key, on the other hand, _adored _it.

"Oh, really? Has he been talking about me?" Key asked, although he knew the answer _full _well.

"All the time!" Victoria said, beaming.

"Vic, stop exaggerating." Jonghyun hissed, his face rapidly becoming redder as his sister spoke.

"I'm not! You should see how _cute_ he looks when he talks about you. He looks even more like a puppy than usual."

"Ha! I _knew _you looked like a puppy!" Key exclaimed.

"Doesn't he?" Victoria said, shaking Key's hands excitedly. Jonghyun frowned.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" He whispered, tapping Victoria's shoulder impatiently.

"Oh, I have some time." She said, turning her attention back to Key.

_Five minutes my ass._

_She is _so _going to pay for this later._

He listened to them talk upwards of fifteen minutes. They found they had a lot in common with each other, especially their obsession with teasing him.

Victoria _finally _left about twenty minutes later than she had promise and ended her nonstop chatter with Key. She said her goodbyes, making sure to hug Key for a solid minute before skipping off to join the other dancers.

Key giggled as soon as she was out of earshot.

"I _love _your sister."

"I could tell." Jonghyun scoffed. "Let's go." He said, eager to get out of there.

Key talked the entire bus ride about how lucky he was to have a sister like Victoria. While Jonghyun completely agreed, it seemed almost like he liked her more than he liked him.

By the time they got back it was already dark, giving Jonghyun the chance to hold Key's hand in his once again. They kept their hands close to their sides to diminish the chance of anyone catching them.

Jonghyun released Key's hands when they reached his house and settled it on his cheek instead.

"Thank you, Jonghyun. I had fun." Jonghyun smiled and looked both ways down the street, making sure the coast was clear before placing a quick peck on Key's lips.

"I'll see you Monday, okay?" He whispered, pressing his forehead against Key's.

"See you…" Key said, reluctantly separating himself from Jonghyun, looking over his shoulder one last time before returning to the house.

Jonghyun covered his cheeks with his hands as soon as Key entered the house, trying to calm himself. Seeing Key left him giddy, he could barely keep himself from laughing as he walked home.

That night he slept better than he had in a long time.

For once Jonghyun didn't even mind waking up. He was by no means a morning person, but he no longer detested school now that he had Key to see every day.

Unfortunately Key had picked that day to eat with Taemin, some part of his absurdly misguided plan to separate him from Minho. Jonghyun didn't mind, however, knowing that he would be able to pick Key up from work after only a few hours of torture without him.

He took a while picking up his books as he was preparing to leave. He wasn't in a particular rush, in fact, wasting time was just what he needed right now.

"Kim Jonghyun." He jumped when he heard a low, commanding voice call his name from the back of the room. He hadn't even noticed that anyone else was in there.

His entire body froze with fear as he saw the boy sitting on one of the desks in the back. His breathing turned to choppy gasps, his stomach felt that same wave of nausea from a few days ago.

It was that same boy, that same boy who had been glaring at him in the diner when he was with Minho. His eyes looked like pure evil staring up at him.

"W-who are you?" He said, his frail voice coming as a shock to him. He wanted to turn around and run, but he couldn't pull his eyes away from the boy's face.

"Who I am isn't important." He said, sitting up slowly and letting a smile – that same _sickening _smile – spread across his face. "What's more important is what I _know._"

Jonghyun's heart choked up in his throat as he felt tears of pure panic form in his eyes.

_What… what he knows?_

_Just who the hell is this guy?_


	23. Eternal

"What's more important is what I _know._"

Jonghyun's entire body seized up at the boy's words, his mocking tone and painfully drawn out syllables making his hands quake with fear. His heart pounded in his ears as he bit his tongue harshly, doing everything in his power not to let his terror show on his face.

"I…don't know what you're talking about." Jonghyun whispered, cursing himself for the way his voice just slightly quivered despite his best efforts to sound resolute.

"Oh?" The boy said, the syllable dripping with a feigned innocence. He straightened his body, his smile growing by the second as he approached Jonghyun and realized just how much he _towered_ over him. Jonghyun swallowed hard and resisted the urge to run away. He didn't know what this boy was capable of. "…You don't?"

Those two words were all it took to crumble Jonghyun's resolve. He dropped any attempt at appearing strong as backed up slowly, creating as much distance as possible between them. How could he have been discovered? _How did this guy know?_

He instinctively brought his hand up to cover his mouth, trying to form any sort of barrier between the two of them, no matter how flimsy. "What… what do you want from me?" He stuttered. The surreal, seemingly _impossible_ idea of someone else knowing hit him like a ton of bricks, the pain jolting through his body like electricity.

"Oh, I don't want _anything_ from you." His statement did nothing to calm Jonghyun's fears. He didn't believe it. Not for one second. "Did you know? You beat up a good friend of mine."

Jonghyun's mind whirred back to that day, that day he had completely lost himself in a frenzied rage. His senses had been so disturbed by pure anger he could hardly remember it even now, the way his fists had collided with the boy's face such a distant memory, almost locked away in the depths of his mind.

"_What do you want from me." _Jonghyun repeated, his voice more urgent, on the verge of complete and total desperation.

The boy shortened the gap between them, forcing Jonghyun to stare up into his eyes, his sickeningly dark eyes completely devoid of any emotion, forced into dark slits by his heart-wrenchingly twisted smile.

"I think you misunderstood me, Jonghyun." He said. Jonghyun felt the boy's breath on his face, sending his stomach upwards through his throat. "I don't want anything from _you._" The boy laughed again, the low sound making Jonghyun's lip curl.

_No._

_No no no no no-_

"You son of a bitch, I swear to god if you lay _one finger on him I will – "_

"Whoa, whoa, calm down, Jjong!" He said, raising his hands in the air as if he was the most innocent man in the world. "Don't take your anger out on _me._" He said, laughing before his face suddenly reverted back to his _revolting _grin. "That is…" He said, his eyes growing larger and larger as his excitement built, "Don't you think you should be somewhere else right now? Or rather…_with_ someone else?"

Jonghyun forgot about the boy in front of him, forgot about all that was going on, forgot about _everything _but the one thought that persisted in his head and sent him somehow even further down his spiral of sheer panic.

_Key._

Without even looking back, knowing full well he would only be further disgusted by the boy's hideous facial expression, he sprinted out of the room, bag flying wildly against him as he pulled his phone out and jabbed at the keys faster than he thought humanly possible.

"_Hey Jjong! What's up?"_

Jonghyun felt a huge wave of relief at the boy's voice on the other line. For now, he was completely unharmed. He was safe.

"Key, where are you right now?" He yelled, breathing becoming harsher as he willed his legs to move faster and faster against the floor.

"_Um. I'm on my way home. Why?"_

"I'm coming to your house." He said, whirling around the corner and out the door.

"…_Is there something wrong, Jjongie?"_

"I'm coming over." He said, hanging up before Key could even get a word in. Nothing he could say would change his mind anyway.

His lungs ached as he sprinted to Key's house, not stopping for a moment to catch his breath, not even _thinking _of it.

His head swarmed with chaotic thoughts, simply incoherent results of his panicked state.

_How did he find out?_

_What was he planning with Key?_

_Who was he?_

_**How did he know?**_

He slammed his fist on Key's door until he thought his fingers would bleed. Every second that he spent waiting in front of his door was one second too long. After what seemed like an eternity Key _finally _unlatched the door and opened it almost painfully slowly.

Jonghyun's heart soared at the image of his boyfriend completely unharmed, though rather angry-looking, in the doorway. His brain had been muddled with all the horrible things that could have potentially happened to him. He couldn't have been more relieved than he was at that moment, seeing him completely safe, none of his worst nightmares having come true.

He grabbed Key as tightly as he possible could, kissing his eyes, his cheeks, his nose, every _inch _of the skin on his face that he could find while whispering nonsensical words of thanks that Key was _okay, _that no one had laid their hands on him, that no one had _hurt _him like they had just days ago in that empty classroom.

"…Jonghyun, did you fall and break your head on your way over?"

Jonghyun didn't answer. For a minute he didn't want to speak about what had happened. He just wanted to hold Key until he could hear nothing but his heartbeat against his chest and feel nothing but his hot breath against his neck.

"S-seriously, Jonghyun…" Key said, his voice switching from playful to panicked at the drop of a hat. "What happened?"

"Someone…someone knows about us." Jonghyun whispered. He felt Key stiffen in his arms.

"…What?" Key breathed. Key's voice was so quiet and strained Jonghyun could barely hear him. With much hesitation he told Key all about what had happened after school, trying to keep the image of the boy's taunting face out of his mind.

How could he have deluded himself into thinking that they could just carry on like this with no fear of consequences?

His whole world felt like it was falling apart, his secret with Key completely shattered. If this boy knew, who else knew? Who else would he tell?

He hadn't prepared himself for this. _At all._

Key pulled away, gripping onto Jonghyun's shirt tightly as if he was scared to let go. His eyes were wide and red, wearing that same look of shock that he had after he had been hit in the classroom. Jonghyun felt his stomach clench in panic, the panic that always took over his body when Key was upset, the panic that made him want to hold him and kiss his tears away and never see him hurt again all in the same moment.

"Key… say something… please." Jonghyun almost never got a moment of peace and quiet when he was with Key. He always had something to say. When Key was quiet, it simply terrified him.

"H-how did he find out?" Key swallowed and clung to him even tighter, his knuckles turning white as Jonghyun's shirt stretched in his hands. "What… what do we do?"

What _could _they do?

What other options did they have?

"M-maybe…" He started. "Maybe we should just… tell everyone. Maybe people should hear it from us."

Maybe nothing bad would come of this. Maybe people needed to just hear it directly from him.

"Jonghyun, are you high right now?" Key said. There was none of his usual fire in his voice. He sounded empty. "We can't do that."

"And why not?" Jonghyun yelled. "Why can't we tell people?" Jonghyun felt some inexplicable rage burning at his insides, the words pouring out of his mouth like molten lava. "Are you ashamed of me!"

Key's eyes and nostrils flared in anger as he clenched his fists at his sides. "How… how _dare _you say that to me…" He hissed, his shoulders shaking with rage. Jonghyun had never seen this expression on the boy before, an expression of pure fury. "_You're_ the one who pushed me away from the start. _You're _the one who told me you hated me. And I forgave you for that. And… you have the audacity to say that to _me_?" Jonghyun cringed as he saw a tear slide down Key's face. He made him cry. He did the very thing he swore he would never do again. "E-everyone already _knows _I'm gay. I get shit for it _every single day. _I've been keeping this a secret from everyone for _your_ sake!" Key was sobbing now, weakly slamming his fists against Jonghyun's chest. "H-how dare you s-say that to me! Everything I've done is for you! It's all for _you, _Jonghyun!"

Every word was marked with a heaving sob from the younger boy, every cry a painful stab to Jonghyun's heart.

"Key, I'm sorry… I didn't mean it." He said, gripping Key's flailing hands in his own. "I'm just scared. I'm so, _so _scared right now."

"I-I'm scared, too, Jonghyun…" Key said through choked breaths. Jonghyun grabbed Key and squeezed him as close as he could back into his chest, kissing his cheek and his neck, begging him to stop crying for fear of breaking his heart altogether.

Jonghyun silenced his sniffles as he succumbed to the need to feel every inch of Key, pressing his lips against his in a kiss fueled by a pure emotional longing rather than the lust that had driven them to the point of insanity just a few nights earlier. He felt Key's lips tremble gently; so reminiscent of their first kiss it made his heart throb. They stumbled onto the couch, not letting even a fraction of space between them the entire time, both scared that if they let go of the other they'd never be able to hold him again.

Because he was scared. He didn't know what would happened if they were found out. If that happened, there was a chance he wouldn't be able to see Key again. And that thought alone was too painful for him to even imagine. He had risked everything for Key, he _loved _Key. He wasn't going to be separated from him so easily.

Jonghyun's lips moved slowly, yet no less deeply against Key's. There's was no need to rush, no end point they needed to reach. They just wanted to enjoy each other's touch, if only for a little while. And Jonghyun wanted, more than _anything_, just to show Key that he was there for him no matter what happened.

"J-Jonghyun…" Key said, reluctantly pulling away. "I need to go to work…"

"I'm coming with you." Jonghyun said.

"Jonghy-"

"I'm taking my work, and I'm coming with you. Don't argue." Jonghyun's voice was firm and unflinching. It was nonnegotiable. It wasn't safe for him to be out alone.

"…Fine." Key murmured. Jonghyun picked up his bag, clasping his other hand in Key's. Jonghyun felt his eyes well up as Key retracted his hand the moment they stepped outside. Although all he wanted to do was comfort him, although he had the most innocent of intentions in the world, he still would never be able to hold his hand in public.

And that killed him.

Key gave him an apologetic look. Jonghyun nodded shortly, noting with added pain the boy's red and still tear-filled eyes.

"I'm sorry…" Key whispered.

"For what?"

"This is all my fault. If… if it wasn't for me…"

"Don't say that, Key. _Please_ don't." Jonghyun's felt sick to his stomach hearing Key's words. He didn't want Key to think for a _moment_ that any of this was his fault. Nothing could be further from the truth. "You said you've liked me for a long time. Well, I've liked you for a long time, too. Probably even longer. I don't even want to think about my life before I met you, Key." It was true. Before Key, he had been trapped in a pathetic existence, mindlessly going through the motions, working day after day with no goal in sight. Before Key, he didn't feel anything at all. He had nothing to feel _for. _"And if we weren't dating… then I'd just be back where I was, crying over you constantly, you know that?" Jonghyun could feel tears in his eyes even now, threatening to spill forth and trail down his face in a violent cascade. "I've never been this happy before, Key. I've never wanted _anything_ like I want you. S-so please, please don't say that…"

Jonghyun kept his eyes fixed forward as he listened to Key's increasingly loud sobs, knowing that if he even glanced over at the image of his crying boyfriend he would be in hysterics in a matter of seconds. "Key, please stop crying." He wanted to grab Key's hand more than anything in the world right then. But he knew he couldn't.

"I'm trying, you idiot!" Key yelled, his throat opening and closing as he forced the worlds out. Against his words, he continued to cry the entire way to the shop, perhaps even harder than when he started.

Jonghyun grabbed Key and kissed him the moment they stepped into the shop, unable to wait a second longer after restraining himself the whole way there. His entire body relaxed as he felt Key's warm lips against his own. The only thing he loved more than kissing Key was Key himself.

"_Stop crying." _Jonghyun demanded as he rested his forehead against Key's.

"I'm not crying." Key said, the tears still steadily flowing from his eyes. Jonghyun sighed and placed one last tender kiss on his lips before taking a seat by the window and pulling his homework out onto the table. Key got to work opening the shop, closing the blinds and putting his apron on.

"I can hear you crying from here…"

"I'm not fucking crying!" Key yelled. Jonghyun decided not to argue despite his blatant lies.

"I'm right here if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay." Key replied, his voice a barely audible whimper.

_Not crying my ass._

Jonghyun admittedly did not get much work done sitting there with Key just a few feet away from him. He continued glancing upward at him, making sure he was okay, secretly _panicking _every time a new customer came in. Each time he heard the door chime his heart leapt up into his throat, only settling after the customer revealed themselves to be anyone but the boy from class. And even then he was still on edge. What if it was one of the boy's friends?

Jonghyun could not have been more relieved when eight finally came and Key started to close up. Jonghyun breathed a rather loud sigh as he pushed his practically unused notebook and pencils back into his bag. Now the only thing they had left was to walk home safely, then they'd be in the clear.

"Ready to go?" Key asked when he finished up. Jonghyun nodded, eagerly grasping Key's delicate fingers in his own, squeezing tighter than usual as he held him as close to his side as possible.

"Those were the most terrifying few hours of my life, you know that?" Jonghyun said. Key let a pained smile appear on his face.

"You didn't have to come, you know."

"I'd feel better if I did." Jonghyun said. As bad as those few hours were, it would have been infinitely worse if he was home waiting for him, imagining everything that could possibly go wrong.

Jonghyun found himself peering behind each corner, scared of what could potentially be waiting for him at each step.

"Are you sure he knows about us? I mean, he never actually said it…"

"Trust me, Key. He knows." Key bit his lip. Jonghyun could feel him gripping his hand tighter and tighter. He knew Key just didn't want to believe it.

They stopped outside of Key's house, Jonghyun's heart finally calmed down now that the walk was over.

"I'm going to start coming to work with you from now on, okay?" Jonghyun said, placing his hands on Key's shoulders and staring into his eyes.

"Well tomorrow I have the day off. Friday's my last day, then the shop is closed for winter break."

"Good." Jonghyun said. He squeezed Key's shoulders reassuringly. "Everything will be fine. I promise." Key gave a weak smile before swiftly pressing his lips to Jonghyun's, stealing the breath from his throat and leaving him in a complete daze. Jonghyun sighed in relief when Key was safe in his home.

Sure, he still had to walk back by himself, but he wasn't worried about that. All that mattered was to him was Key's wellbeing. Anything could happen to Jonghyun as long as Key was safe.

The house was quiet upon his return. It felt a little _too _quiet. He peeked around the corner of his hallway and found himself staring at his father, cleaning up from dinner. Jonghyun felt himself once again paralyzed when he realized that he still had _more_ to be terrified of.

"Son." He said, his voice low and flat. "Where have you been?"

Jonghyun hid his shaking hands behind his back. "A-at Minho's."

His father glared at him, his eyes digging holes into his face. "I believe I _told _you to stop hanging out with Minho. What part of that wasn't clear?" His father said.

"And I'm pretty sure I told _you _that I was going to be friends with Minho no matter what."

His father slammed his hands on the table, causing Jonghyun's heart and body to jolt in fear. He couldn't stay down here. He had no idea what his father would do if he did.

He turned around and bolted up the stairs, locking himself in his room and sliding down against the door, his entire body quivering as he covered his face with his hands.

He was terrified to go to school tomorrow. He was terrified to be alone on the street.

But was he really any safer at home?

* * *

><p>"Hurry up, Key! After this we have the whole break to ourselves!"<p>

"I'm going as fast as I can! Calm down already!"

How could he calm down? It was finally Friday, and after this he had an _entire _two weeks to hang out with Key. Calming down wasn't even a remote possibility.

"Alright." Key said, tossing his apron in the closet. "I am _finally _done." Jonghyun yelled in excitement, grabbing Key's hand and practically dragging him out the door.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this excited."

"I'm just happy to spend time with you." Jonghyun said, a huge smile stretched across his face. Key turned away, but not before Jonghyun saw a blush creeping on to his face. Jonghyun swung his hand in Key's playfully, smiling all the while.

Two weeks with his boyfriend?

He couldn't have asked for _anything _better.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

Jonghyun's heart turned to ice at the sound of a voice from behind him. That disgustingly vile voice that he could remember anywhere.

He turned around slowly, instinctively pulling Key behind him to protect him at all costs.

"What the hell do you want?" He shouted. The boy just laughed and inched closer to him. Jonghyun noted with terror two other boys standing behind the one in the front, the one that he had met in the classroom. Jonghyun backed up as Key clutched at his arms desperately.

"W-who is that, Jonghyun?"

"Just stay behind me." Jonghyun whispered.

"I don't want anything!" He said, throwing his hands in the air. "I just want to formally introduce myself. I'm Choi Siwon." The boys behind him smirked and elbowed each other. "Oh, and I want one more thing." He said, flashing his bright white teeth that seemed to shine under the lamplight. "I want to make you pay for making me want to puke every goddamn day."

"Key, when I say so, we're going to turn and run as fast as we can, okay?"

"Jonghyun what's happening?"

Siwon walked closer, that smug smile never leaving his face for a moment. "You two are disgusting, you know that? Fucking sick perverts." He spat on the pavement, moving closer and closer to them, the other two boys following just behind.

"Jongh-"

"Now, Key!"

Jonghyun grabbed Key's hand and sprinted down the sidewalk, his lungs stinging from the cold air as his feet pounded on the pavement. He could hear the thundering footsteps behind him, chasing them down the street as fast as they could. Jonghyun's heart seized in panic, his brain working in overload as he tried to think of something, _anything_ he could do to get away from them.

_What do I do what do I do what do I do-_

"Here!" Key yelled, pulling him around the corner and down an alleyway. They jumped behind the dumpsters and Jonghyun clasped his hands across his mouth, praying he was staying silent through the sheer terror that made his heart pound against his ribs.

Jonghyun let the tears spill out from his eyes as he heard the boys pass the alleyway, leaving them completely alone. His entire body shook with relief as he cried harder and harder in his hands.

He couldn't believe what had just happened. That someone had actually tried to hurt them. His worst nightmares really had come true. They were in danger.

"J-Jonghyun…" Key said, reaching up and resting his hand on Jonghyun's knee. Key wrapped his arms around him as they clung to each other in desperation, both unable to speak, both sobbing in each other's arms.

How could this happen?

He felt like his body had been torn in two. He could barely think straight.

"I need to get out of here!" Jonghyun screamed. "I need to get out of this goddamn town!" He wasn't safe here. He was in danger at home, at danger in school, at danger on the street. He wasn't safe _anywhere_ in this town.

"Then… then let's leave." Key whispered.

What had he just said? Had he heard Key correctly?

"What… what do you mean?"

"Let's just leave. Let's get out of here." Jonghyun pulled away, caressing Key's cheeks in his hands, inspecting his face to see if he really meant the words he was saying. His eyes were red, filled with tears, but they were resolute.

Key was serious.

They could leave together. They could escape. Key pressed his hands to Jonghyun's chest and clung to his shirt. They were really going to do this.

"I know where we can go."


	24. Reunion

"I know where we can go." Key said, his voice and face firm with his decision. Key gripped Jonghyun's shaking hands in his.

"Where?" Jonghyun asked through burning tears. He felt like his lungs were collapsing, like his entire body was falling apart.

"Just trust me, okay?" Key whispered, kissing Jonghyun's fingertips gently. Key's hands were warm, almost serving as a protective shield from the blisteringly cold air. Jonghyun just nodded before Key stood up, dragging Jonghyun back to his house.

He trusted Key. He trusted Key more than anything in the world.

They were really going to do this together.

"W-we need to pack." Key said, doing his best to sound firm, although a slight tremble could be heard in his voice. Jonghyun simply couldn't speak, relying completely on Key to lead him safely back to his house. Key opened his door with a bang, running up to his room and throwing clothing into a suitcase wildly, grabbing everything in sight and cramming it into the bag until Jonghyun thought it would burst.

Key's eyes looked frantic, glaring red as he pressed his fingers against his head in desperation. "What am I forgetting, what am I forgetting…" He muttered over and over, his voice painfully shaky, as if he'd fall apart at any minute. "What the hell am I forgetting?" He said, his voice growing louder and louder as he fell further into a panic.

Jonghyun was still numb. He couldn't even feel the tears that were now flooding down his cheeks, only becoming aware of their existence after they had fallen onto Key's bed sheets. Key ran down the hallways, returning with his arms filled with toothbrushes, shampoo, and various items that he stuffed further into his bag that somehow still had room left in it.

"Jonghyun what am I forgetting?" Key screamed, almost in hysterics as the tears fell harder down his face. "God _damn _it Jonghyun, say something! Why are you just sitting there? _Say something already!"_

Jonghyun stared up at his boyfriend's eyes, his long eyelashes matted with tears. Jonghyun opened and closed his mouth several times, watching the way Key's chest rose and fell and shuddered violently as he tried to keep his sobs as quiet as possible, doing anything he could to try and remain strong in the face of his sheer panic. The silence between them was deafening.

"Key, I love you." Jonghyun finally said. Key's eyes widened even further as his body completely froze. Jonghyun could feel the blood pounding behind his eyes, the adrenaline clouding his brain.

"W-what?" He breathed, his voice so quiet Jonghyun could barely hear it.

Jonghyun watched as Key stared at the floor, a look of pure shock across his face. Jonghyun gripped Key's bed sheets tightly, not averting his gaze from Key's for a moment.

He should have been scared. He was running away from home, the home he had grown up in his entire life. Leaving his family, his friends, even his school that, although he hated, he had never imagined leaving. He should have been terrified, but he wasn't.

He couldn't stay with Key in this town. It wasn't safe for either of them. And if he couldn't stay with Key here, then he _had _to leave.

Because it didn't matter where he was, it didn't matter what he was doing. He finally understood, it finally all made sense.

As long as he was with Key, everything would be fine.

"I love you." He repeated, his voice louder than before, his resolve growing with every passing second of silence between them. Key clutched at his elbows, like he was trying to form a barrier between him and Jonghyun.

"D-don't say that." He said, his lips shaking, his voice nearly cracking as he spoke. Jonghyun slid off the bed, taking a step forward, never taking his eyes off of Key. Jonghyun repeated those three words over and over, stepping forward inch by inch, watching the way Key's tears seemed to flood from his eyes even harder than before.

"Sh-shut up!" Key yelled, covering his ears with his hands and shaking his head back and forth.

"I've loved you since the moment I saw you in the coffee shop."

"Stop it!" Key yelled, tears streaming down his face. Key continued backing up until he found himself trapped in a corner, Jonghyun just a foot away as Key stared up at him with wet eyes. He closed the distance between them, grabbing onto him as tightly as he could as Key wrapped his arms desperately around Jonghyun's neck, his arms clinging weakly to his shirt.

"_I love you, Key._" Jonghyun repeated again and again, each time making Key shudder more forcefully in his arms. He rubbed his nose against Key's neck, placing the occasional kiss on his pale skin.

"Stop s-saying that…" Key pleaded, digging his fingers into Jonghyun's back as he tightened his grip even further. Jonghyun repeated it again and again in his ear until the words sounded like nothing, just noises that couldn't possibly come anywhere close to properly communicating the extent of his feelings.

"We n-need to pack." Key said, his words choked and forced. Jonghyun took Key's face in his hands, staring at his tear-stained cheeks before succumbing to his longing to feel every inch of him, forcefully bringing their lips together as he slid his hand behind Key's head, bringing him even closer to his body. Jonghyun could feel Key trembling underneath him as he moved his lips hungrily against his. They had kissed before, but never like this. A kiss fueled by pure passion, laced with despair as they clung to each other in desperation.

Key suddenly broke away, staring back at the floor with wide eyes. His shoulders shook as he caught his breath. He turned without a word, grabbing his bag and running down the stairs as Jonghyun regained his composure and followed him out the door.

Key's steps sounded loudly against the pavement as walked as quickly as he could. Even from his distance of a few feet behind the boy he could still see him reach up, wiping the tears from his face at random intervals.

He hated seeing Key cry. Even the smallest tear or downcast look made Jonghyun's heart throb with pain. Jonghyun picked up the pace of his steps and joined Key at his side, sliding his fingers between his.

"Hey." He whispered, squeezing Key's hand and giving the most reassuring look he could manage through his building tears. "We're going to be fine. You know that, right?"

Key remained silent, inhaling deeply and trying to stifle his tears. Jonghyun bit his own tongue. He couldn't start crying again, too. He had to be strong, if not for himself, then at least for Key.

"…Are your parents home?" Key whispered when they reached his house. He realized with a twinge of sadness that this was the first time Key had seen his home.

"Yeah, but they're usually in bed by now. I'll sneak up, grab my stuff and leave. You stay here, okay?" He still didn't want Key to come inside. He was uncomfortable having him even his home, there was no _way _he would let Key in it. He brushed Key's bangs out of his face and kissed his forehead before running swiftly up his steps, avoiding the places on the floor he knew would creak with old age.

He knew he had to move quickly. He pulled out a large duffel bag from underneath his bed, one he had used on a family vacation years ago. He stuffed it full of all the clothes he could find, toothbrushes, socks, anything he could possibly need. He wasn't sure how long he would be gone. He wasn't sure if he would be coming back at all.

Hesitantly, he pulled out a box he had kept hidden under his bed that was filled with his entire life savings. He didn't know how much was there. He never really had a reason to count it before. He hastily dumped it all into his bag, zipped it up, and threw it over his shoulder before taking one last glance at his room.

In a way, it was just preemptive. If his parents found out about him they'd kick him out anyway. He was just leaving before they could do it for him. He wasn't "running away", simply "planning ahead".

He felt an ache in his stomach as he passed his sister's room. By this time she was probably sound asleep, completely unaware of what was going on just outside her door. He placed his hand on the door, whispering a weak apology before turning around and heading back down his stairs.

"Let's go." Key said, grabbing Jonghyun's hand and pulling him along. Jonghyun didn't turn back to look at the home he had spent all of his years in. He knew he wouldn't be able to stomach seeing it slowly disappear from his sight.

Despite Jonghyun's best efforts to calm him down, Key continued to cry as they sat patiently at the bus stop, wiping his tears and sniffling into his jacket cuff. Once Key started crying, it was rather difficult to get him to stop. It didn't help that every time Jonghyun told him to just stop crying, Key would just deny that he was at all, like he always did.

The bus pulled up with a low hum, screeching to a stop in front of them.

"Come on." Jonghyun whispered, helping Key up in his weakened state. The bus was nearly empty, just few people scattered on either end, but Jonghyun preferred it that way. He knew he and Key looked like a walking disaster, and the last thing he wanted was to be stared at like some sort of freak show.

They sat down in the most vacant spot they could find in the back. Jonghyun's stomach lurched as the bus moved forward, proof that they were _really _leaving, they were _really _getting the hell out of there. He kissed the back of Key's hand gently, trying to calm his growing sobs.

"Key, come on. It's okay. We're fine." Key's hiccups turned to low groans as the minutes passed, until he rested his head on Jonghyun's shoulder, tears streaming silently down his face.

Jonghyun gazed out the window as he kept his hand fitted in Key's. The buildings flew past him as they moved along, the scenery slowly becoming more and more unfamiliar as they left the limits of their town. Jonghyun was tempted to ask just where the hell they were going, but Key had said to trust him, so kept silent on the matter.

"Don't leave me, Jonghyun." Jonghyun jolted in surprise when he heard Key's quiet voice over the loud groans of the bus. He thought he had fallen asleep a while ago. His eyes were still closed, his voice low, like he was stuck in a dream. "M-my friends said they loved me, but they left. I-I thought my dad loved me, b-but he left me, too." Jonghyun felt Key's hot tears against him as he buried his nose into his shoulder. "P-please don't leave me like they did…" Jonghyun felt his heart split in two at the boy's words. It was so easy to forget just how much Key had been through. He didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve _any _of it.

"Key, look at me." Jonghyun said. Key ignored him, keeping his head on Jonghyun's. "Look at me." Jonghyun demanded, taking Key's head in his hands and pulling it up toward him. He had never seen eyes quite so bloodshot, never seen a face so stained with tears. "Key, I will never leave you." He said. Key's eyes slammed shut as Jonghyun spoke, like the words caused him pain. "A week, a year, _ten _years… Nothing is going to change. I'll still love you." Before Key could delve back into his fit of hysterics, he gently pressed their lips together, rubbing his thumb across Key's cheeks and wiping his tears away to the best of his ability. He pulled away quickly before anyone could see, clamping his hands around Key's neck and bringing his face into his chest. Key remained there silently for the rest of the bus ride, gripping onto Jonghyun the entire way.

Everything he said had been the truth. He couldn't even imagine life without Key. The very thought sent him to the verge of tears.

Key's head popped up when the name of a foreign town was called over the loudspeaker. "Get up." He said. They grabbed their things and jumped off the bus, relieved that their feet were on the ground once again. Key paused and pressed his fingers to his temples, thinking silently to himself. Jonghyun knew better than to say anything as Key thought.

"This way." Key said after a few minutes. Jonghyun followed silently behind him, looking around at his surroundings. The downtown area started to thin as they walked along, transforming into a seemingly affluent neighborhood.

Key paused at a driveway, stopping directly in front of its white mailbox. He brushed his fingers along the "nine" that had been painted on it, breathing in deeply. He silently walked up to the front door and kept his hand perched on top of the doorbell, as if he was too scared to press it.

Jonghyun's heart pounded loudly as his curiosity nearly took him over. He had no idea who was waiting for them on the other side of the door, and the fact that Key was so hesitant to press the doorbell scared him even more. But he promised he would trust Key.

Key looked back and gave him a slight smile as Jonghyun squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. With one last sigh, he pressed the doorbell.

Jonghyun could hear it ring from within the house. He held his breath as he heard footsteps coming closer, getting louder and louder, until he heard the door unlatch and swing open slowly. Jonghyun found him staring at a man probably in his twenties, whose eyes were bulging so wide at the sight of Key he thought they would burst out of his head. The man stared up and down at Key in shock for several moments of painful silence. Jonghyun held his breath at the sight of the two of them just staring at each other, neither of them moving, neither of them even _speaking._

"Kibum." The man said after what seemed like an hour of silence. His voice was low and serious, yet had a smooth quality to it that almost scared Jonghyun. The tension made his fingers shake and his heart pound. Who was this guy? Was he angry at them?

Would he turn them away after they had come this far?

"_KIBUM!" _The man yelled. Jonghyun's jaw dropped as the man grabbed Key into a tight bear hug, spinning him around and around until Jonghyun was sure Key would throw up.

"Ah! Put me down!" Key laughed, hitting him on the chest. The man put him down but kept his arms wrapped around him, laughing loudly and switching between hugging him and grabbing his face and staring in disbelief.

"It's been so long! I can't believe this!" He yelled.

"I know. I missed you." Key said. Jonghyun stood awkwardly behind them, holding their bags as Key had his reunion with the man. "Umm, Jonghyun." Key said, stepping back and letting the two face each other. "This is my brother, Onew."

Jonghyun's eyes widened in surprise. He had completely forgotten that night when Key had told him he had a brother.

_He's the reason my brother moved out._

Jonghyun extended his hand as the man took it in a firm, rather enthusiastic handshake. "Onew, this is my…_friend_…Jonghyun." Key continued. Onew raised an eyebrow at Key.

"Friend?" He asked skeptically.

"Yes, Onew." Key said, rolling his eyes.

"N-nice to meet you." Jonghyun said, doing his best to be polite. He wanted to make a good impression, even if the circumstances were nothing short of bizarre.

"Well any friend of Kibum's is a friend of mine. Come in, you guys." Onew beckoned them inside, seating them at his kitchen. His house was nice, the walls bright and clean, the friendly atmosphere rather comforting to them after their long journey.

"Want anything to drink?" He asked. Jonghyun declined politely, although his throat and lips were completely dry.

"A beer." Key said, putting his head on the table.

"I'm not doing that, Kibum." Onew said, rolling his eyes before pouring two cups of water and handing them to the both of them. "So." He said, taking a seat at the table. "What brings you guys here?"

Key swallowed the entire contents of the cup in one go, slamming it on the table once had finished. "Just visiting." Key said after a long pause. Onew laughed, his laugh loud and hearty, the sound warming Jonghyun's heart.

"That's bullshit and you know it." He said with a smile. Key and Jonghyun exchanged worried glances across the table. "Look, I'm not gonna force you guys to tell me anything. You can tell me when you're ready. Or, not at all. I guess it's none of my business anyway."

"Thanks…" Key mumbled, playing with the rim of his cup. Jonghyun sipped the water, cold and refreshing against his tongue.

"You guys can stay here as long as you need, okay? I have a guest room." Onew said, patting Jonghyun's back affectionately. Jonghyun was surprised at his touch, but found it rather comforting. "I just have a few rules."

"Of course." Jonghyun said. A few rules were nothing compared how much Jonghyun owed this man.

"Rule one, keep your showers as short as possible. We actually don't get a ton of hot water out here." Jonghyun and Key nodded. "Rule two, I work during the day, and sometimes during the night. No crazy parties while I'm gone!" Key scoffed loudly and rolled his eyes.

"As if we'd throw a party." He said.

"You never know. Kids these days." Onew said, shrugging his shoulders. "And rule three. If you two have sex, you clean the sheets. Deal?"

Jonghyun nearly choked on his water as he was sent into a coughing fit. He pounded on his chest, trying to settle his coughs. Key folded his arms and glared at his brother. "Jonghyun and I are just fr – "

"Kibum. You two fuck, you clean the sheets. Do we have a deal?" Key glanced over at a doubled over Jonghyun, still trying to hack up the water that had forced itself down his windpipe. Key looked back up at Onew, his icy glare doing nothing to soften Onew's penetrating stare.

"…Deal." Key said finally, sighing and admitting defeat.

"Alright, great!" Onew said, the cheer returning to his face. "Welcome, you two! Glad to have you!" He reached over and ruffled Key's hair, much to Key's annoyance. Onew smiled and led them upstairs, showing the two of them to their room.

"Jonghyun, get ready for bed. I want to catch up with my brother for a bit." Key said. Jonghyun nodded. Key went back downstairs to the kitchen. Jonghyun could hear their whispered voices, but couldn't quite make out what they were saying. He brushed his teeth in the bathroom across the hall and changed into his pajamas. The bed felt incredible on his tired limbs. He drifted off in a matter of minutes, waking up ten minutes later as he heard Key coming up the stairs and going into the bathroom. He opened his eyes groggily when Key opened the door to the room. Key quietly crawled into bed with him.

"Hey." Jonghyun whispered, opening his arms and letting Key fall into them, his entire body relaxing once Key had been returned to his side.

"Hi." Key whispered. Jonghyun smiled.

"I like your brother." Jonghyun said.

"Me, too."

Jonghyun couldn't help but chuckle to himself. After this disastrous day, the majority of which they had spent crying, they were just making small talk while lying in bed, almost as if they were ignoring everything that had happened. Ignoring the fact that they had up and ran away, ignoring the fact that they had almost gotten the shit kicked out of them just a few hours earlier.

"Key?" He said, rubbing Key's chest gently.

"Yeah?" Key whispered. Jonghyun placed a swift kiss to his lips before pulling away and smiling at him.

"Goodnight."


	25. Shame

Jonghyun woke up to find the other side of the bed completely empty. He frowned. There were few things he loved more in the world than waking up to Key's sleeping face, and the fact that he had already left put him in a bad mood.

But another thing left him feeling more worried than upset. Another thing that made his stomach clench up with nervousness.

What Onew had asked them about… what Key had agreed to the night before…

Were they really going to…?

Jonghyun swallowed hard and tossed and turned in his bed. He wasn't quite sure how to _approach _this. In all honesty, he wasn't quite sure how to boys did… _that. _Well he had an idea, of course. But how to initiate it, how to make it feel good… well, that he didn't really know. He slipped out of bed, scared that somehow Key would hear him moving from downstairs. He pulled his laptop hesitantly out from his bag and opened it, hovering his hands over the keyboard.

_It's just a bit of research. No big deal._

After much hesitation and shame he found himself on a couple of online forums discussing his very problem. His eyes searched the pages thoroughly, gathering as much information as possible to educate himself on this unknown topic. He was… learning quite a lot, to say the least.

_It wouldn't hurt to watch a… video demonstration, would it?_

He swallowed thickly, his fingers shaking as he searched for the appropriate website for his… needs. After checking and rechecking probably ten times that his volume was, in fact, completely off, he picked a random video and waited for it to load.

_Oh._

_Oh my…_

His jaw dropped as it started, his body temperature jumping to a sweltering degree. He covered his face with his hands, looking through the cracks of his fingers. It was… _interesting_, to say the least. He slowly returned his hands to his side, taking his time and watching the video full on. He was watching this to educate himself, that was all.

He continued to stare at the video in awe, telling himself over and over again that this was for _education _purposes, the uncomfortable tightening in his pants just an unfortunate byproduct of his supposed lesson. His face flushed as he imagined he and Key in a similar position, the very idea making him shake with nerves.

He thought of Key's skin completely exposed, mouth hanging open as Jonghyun moved inside of him, bodies wet with sweat and clawing at each other for more. He squinted his eyes shut, trying, and failing, multiple times to get the rather graphic images out of his head. He could see himself sliding his tongue against Key's skin and sucking at his collarbones, and area Jonghyun knew made Key moan with pleasure. He could almost _hear _Key screaming his name as he grabbed onto his thighs and dug his fingernails into his skin, the feeling of being inside Key making his eyes see spots and his mind go numb…

Jonghyun shrieked and slammed his computer shut as he heard the door open, his graphic daydream cut short as the real, more _clothed _Key poked his head into the room. In his daze he somehow didn't hear him coming up the stairs. Key raised an eyebrow at his rather odd reaction.

"Um. I just wanted to tell you breakfast was ready." He said. Jonghyun stared at his hands, now realizing that they were for some reason dangling loosely in the air. He put them behind his head, then moved them to his pockets, then finally settled them on his lap awkwardly.

"Uh, yeah, okay!" He said, his voice sounding completely unnatural despite his best attempts to remain calm. He cleared his throat several times before speaking again. "I'll… uh… be right down." Key gave him one last exasperated look before returning downstairs. Jonghyun breathed a sigh of relief once Key was out of earshot.

_That was…_

_Not ideal._

He shoved his computer back into his bag and banished the thoughts of Key from his head. He knew it would be impossible to eat breakfast with Key sitting across the table if the only thing he could imagine was him completely naked.

Even though he had read a lot and _watched _a little, he still felt himself totally lost. Maybe he could ask someone who had first-hand experience.

…_Minho?_

He shook his head rapidly, trying to remove the idea from his brain. There was no way, no way in _hell_, he was going to ask Minho for sex advice. Never in a million years.

He sighed, forgetting the idea entirely, and headed downstairs. It felt strange to be living in a completely different house. The tables were different, the chairs were different, the atmosphere was different. The only constant was Key, and that was good enough and then some.

While Jonghyun was still rather irked he wasn't able to wake up to Key's sleeping face in the morning, the image of Key finishing up his cooking in the kitchen almost made up for it. His hips moved side to side as he stirred the contents of his pan, his eyes focused as he served the food.

"Have I ever told you that you're beautiful?" He said, mouth curved into a permanent smile that was always apparent when Key was around. Key rolled his eyes, although his flushed face stood as proof that he was affected by Jonghyun's compliment.

"Shut up and eat." He grumbled, setting their plates on the table. Jonghyun laced his fingers around Key's stomach and pressed kisses to his smooth neck.

"I mean it." He muttered against his skin. "You're gorgeous."

"I'm not."

"You are." Jonghyun insisted, nibbling his ear gently. Key squirmed but let a playful laugh roll off of his tongue. Did he really not know just how beautiful he was? How could he _not?_ "Next time sleep in. I like waking up next to you." He demanded.

"I had to cook. Or do you also like waking up hungry?" Jonghyun nuzzled his nose further into Key's neck.

"I'm willing to make sacrifices." He whispered.

"Okay. Well make one now and let go of me." Key pulled Jonghyun's arms away from his stomach and sat down at the table, leaving a pouting Jonghyun standing in front of him. "Stop making that face and sit down." Key demanded.

Jonghyun sat, realizing that there really was no way to argue with Key. Sitting across from Key under these circumstances was a rather unusual experience. They both knew what they were thinking about, the glaringly obvious topic of discussion practically lying out in front of them. But neither felt like addressing the issue. Perhaps due to exhaustion, embarrassment, or maybe even fear, neither of them wanted to talk about the fact that they had just up and ran away from their home. They didn't want to discuss how long they would be staying here, what their plans for the future were, or anything that wasn't contained in this very moment. For the first time ever, they could simply enjoy each other's company without any complications.

And they were going to do just that.

"Key, how long has it been since you've seen your brother?" Jonghyun asked. Key puffed his cheeks out and played with his food.

"Two or three years…" He responded. Jonghyun eyes widened in shock. He didn't realize how young Key had been when he left. He knew that his brother had moved out due to problems with his father, but he wasn't quite sure about the details. Key smiled sheepishly. "It's been a while. I really did miss him, but I've always been a bit scared to visit."

"Why were you scared?" Jonghyun asked before he could stop himself. The subject of Key's past was a rather hidden one, and Key always seemed to be slightly uncomfortable when recounting it. He didn't want to pry too much, but his curiosity got the better of him in the end. Key inhaled deeply before speaking again.

"I… love my brother." He said, calmly and clearly. "But my only memories of him are when my father was still around. It's just… difficult for me to revisit that part of my life. That's all." Key chewed thoughtfully as he crossed his legs.

"So how do you feel now that you're here?" Jonghyun asked after swallowing some of Key's (as usual) delicious cooking. Jonghyun felt a wave of relief when he saw Key's face settle into a gentle smile.

"Like I should have come ages ago." Key said with a lighthearted laugh. Key proceeded to entertain Jonghyun with stories from his childhood, explaining in detail just what made his brother great. With wide eyes he recounted the numerous nights he had stayed up late reading to him when he was young, and how he used to fall asleep to the sound of his voice and wake up in his arms the morning after. He told Jonghyun through much laughter about the time his brother had tripped down the stairs and somehow managed to break his arm in the process. And, through slightly gritted teeth, he admitted the nights when he had protected him from his father, stepping in and shielding Key when his rampages turned violent.

Jonghyun listened in amazement. It was hard to believe that this heroic, brotherly, protective figure was the same friendly, admittedly slightly _goofy _guy he had met the night before. But mostly he found himself completely happy that Key was opening up to him like this. The amount of trust Key had for him warmed his heart to the very core.

"So your brother's that great, huh?" Jonghyun said. He clicked his tongue as Key nodded. "Sounds like I fell in love with the wrong guy…" He said. Key smacked the side of his head from across the table.

"I hate you."

"Oh come on, I was kidding!"

Jonghyun forced a few half-hearted apologies in between laughs, face cringing just slightly from Key's death glare. He shoved his face in his plate to avoid Key's rather penetrating eyes.

"Jjongie, I have a question. But you can't get mad at me." Key said after a long pause. Jonghyun froze and looked up from his plate.

"Uh, sure. Go ahead." He said. What could Key possibly have to ask him that could anger him in some way?

He sighed and collected himself before speaking, picking at his fingernails rather than looking Jonghyun directly in the face. "Um. Well…"

"Spit it out, Key." Jonghyun said, growing more nervous by the second. Key was usually pretty direct about what he had to say, whether it be criticisms or praise. (Though it was usually the former.) If he had trouble asking this, then how bad could it be?

"Fine." Key said. "Are… are you gay?" He forced out after much hesitation.

Jonghyun tilted his head to one side and stared at Key blankly. "Am I _what_?" He asked.

"You heard me." Key said with a huff, rolling his eyes dramatically. "Do you like men?"

…_Huh._

Jonghyun pushed the remaining food around the plate, completely at a loss for words.

"Do I like men…" He repeated in a whisper, speaking more to himself than to Key. He hadn't thought about this at all. Sure he had had girlfriends in the past, but had he really been _attracted _to them? It was too long ago for him to remember. But at the same time, he couldn't once remember ever being attracted to a guy, either. "…I like you!" He said after a long period of thought.

"…That isn't what I asked. I _know_ that already." Key said, exasperation heavy in his voice.

"Well I'm not really sure what else to tell you." Jonghyun admitted. He continued to play with his food, unable to look at Key directly. Truth be told, he had no idea how to answer Key's question.

"I just… I get nervous sometimes." Key said. His settled his fingers on his elbows and clutched at them limply. "Sometimes I think maybe this is just a _phase _for you." He said slowly. "Sometimes I think maybe you'll just… grow out of me."

Jonghyun dropped his fork with a loud clatter, his body feeling slightly jarred by Key's words. "Key…" He whispered. He couldn't believe Key had been keeping this to himself for so long. Jonghyun thought he had made his feelings for Key as clear as possible. But apparently he hadn't been clear enough. "Is… is that what you really think?" Jonghyun felt his heart sink and nearly shatter when Key confirmed his worst fears with a hesitant nod.

Without another thought, he leapt up from his seat, standing in front of Key and pulling him out of his chair into a firm hug, not speaking until he felt Key relax into his arms. "Key, just because I'm not entirely _sure _about what I like, that doesn't mean I'm going to wake up one day and stop loving you." He whispered, lips just barely grazing the skin of Key's neck. "I'm not sure about a lot of things, Key. But one thing I do know full well is that I love you. And that _isn't_ going to change." He felt Key's arms wrap around his back as he buried his nose further into his collarbone.

Jonghyun couldn't help but feel that Key seemed a little… hesitant. No matter what he did, it always felt like Key was holding back, as if he was trying to keep a slight distance between the two of them. Even now that they were living together, for the _second _time since they had met, Key still managed to set up a barrier, as if he was trying to shield himself from Jonghyun.

"Key?"

"Yeah?" Key mumbled into his shirt.

"Say it." Jonghyun said, rubbing circles on Key's back. Key shifted under his grip.

"Say _what?_" Key asked. Jonghyun scoffed.

"You know exactly what." Key sighed, his breath warming Jonghyun's chest.

"Come on, I don't have to." He whined. Jonghyun attacked his neck, trailing kisses up his jaw line.

"Say it." He breathed, clamping his arms down on a squirming Key.

"Jonghyun!" Key yelled between laughs, trying to remove himself from Jonghyun's grip. Jonghyun frowned as the phone rang, causing Key to worm himself out from his hands and reach for his phone.

"Hello? Oh, hey Onew… sure, yeah." Key opened several drawers until he found a pencil and paper, scrawling down what looked like a shopping list before hanging up. "That was my brother. He wants us to go shopping for him." He said, holding the list up between his fingers.

"Let me do it." Jonghyun said, grabbing the list from Key's hand.

"It's okay – "

"I insist." He said, tapping Key's nose with his index finger. Key rolled his eyes.

"Fine, if you want. I think I'll clean the house in the meantime. This place is a mess." He said. He gave Jonghyun directions to the store before Jonghyun skipped out into the cold air, making sure to put on a warm sweatshirt beforehand.

In all honesty, Jonghyun hated shopping. Every time he was forced to run errands for his mom or dad he sped through them as quickly as possible, usually forgetting a few important things in the process. But right now he had to buy something for himself, something he could _not _buy in front of Key, or in front of _anyone_ for that matter.

The store was easy to find, seeing as it was pretty close the bus stop from the night before. The shopping list was relatively short, but Jonghyun took his time, dreading the one thing he had to buy after he had completed the list.

He swallowed thickly when he realized that every single item on the list had been crossed out. After several minutes of wandering and putting off the inevitable, he set off on a search for what he needed.

But what aisle would it be in? He spun around several times, trying to get an idea of where he could possibly look. He felt himself becoming more and more embarrassed with every passing second, his face feeling warm from even _thinking _about it. He pulled his hood over his head and tightened the drawstrings, the fact that he was in another town doing _nothing _to calm his fears about being seen by someone he knew.

"Do you need any help?"

Jonghyun screamed at the sound of the voice behind him. Ever since he met Key, screaming in public places had become sort of a habit. He turned around to face a middle-aged woman, obviously an employee at the store. "S-sorry, ma'am." He said, rubbing the back of his head. "I-I'm alright. Thank you." He said shyly.

"Well if you need anything, please let me know!" She said with a smile. He nodded as she turned away.

"Uh… wait." He said before she could walk away. He had two options here. Spend hours wandering around the massive grocery store until finding what he needed, or swallowing his pride, asking for help, and accepting all the shame that came with it.

"Yes?" She said, her voice patient and gentle.

"Do you have any… umm…" He bit his tongue and mumbled what he needed, praying he wouldn't have to repeat himself.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't quite hear you." She said, smiling politely. Jonghyun cleared his throat and stared directly at the floor, unable to look the kind woman in the eyes.

"…Lube…" He whispered, placing his head in his hand. The woman's face turned a shade of red he was sure he had never seen on a person before as she did her best to remain professional.

"U-um. Yes, of course. Right this way sir." She said with a slight stutter. Jonghyun covered his face with his hands and followed the woman at a slight distance. As embarrassing as it was, it was a necessary if he and Key were going to… _try _anything. He had learned that much from his little research session from the morning. She led him down an aisle, pointing out what he needed with a persistently embarrassed expression.

"Th-thank you…" He mumbled. She whispered a quiet "you're welcome" before taking off in the opposite direction. Now that he was here, however, he had no idea what he was even looking at. He picked a bottle that _looked _like it would work, although he truly didn't have a clue what constituted good or bad lube. Hanging his head in shame, he rushed through the checkout process, refusing to look at the cashier in the eye. He paid quickly and ran out of the store as fast as possible.

He breathed a sigh of relief when his feet were outside of the building, clutching onto his bag for dear life lest it fall out of his hands and spill its contents all over the ground.

He walked the short way home, repeating over and over in his head just how grateful he was that he had gotten it over with.

"How was shopping?" Key asked as he returned.

Jonghyun's stomach lurched as he felt a creeping suspicion that somehow Key knew what he had been up to. He swatted the feelings away, realizing that he was being completely irrational.

"It was fine." He said with a smile. "Totally fine."


	26. Something New

"_Kim Jonghyun, I cannot believe you." _Jonghyun sighed loudly, keeping his face fixed firmly into one of the many pillows on their bed, the phone lying haphazardly between the sheets and his face. _"Mom and dad are absolutely furious. Not to mention me!"_

Jonghyun groaned into the receiver. Being yelled at by his sister was not his ideal way to spend time by any stretch of the imagination. "To be honest, I'm surprised it took you this long to realize I was gone." It had been _days_ since he had left.

"_I'm rarely home, and mom and dad don't tell me shit. Don't turn this around on me, Jonghyun!" _She yelled. Jonghyun distanced himself just barely from the phone, reducing his sister's ear-splitting shrieks to quiet shouts. _"Remember how you ran away last time? Remember how pissed mom and dad were when you came back? And you decided to do it a second time? What the hell is your problem, Jonghyun? Are you fucking stupid?"_

"Victoria, calm down." Jonghyun said, his voice stern.

"_NO! I will _not _calm down! Do you have any idea how – "_

"Victoria!" Jonghyun said. Victoria went silent on the other line. Jonghyun sat in a few seconds of desirable silence as he collected his thoughts, trying to keep himself as calm as possible. "If you don't calm down, I'm going to hang up on you." Jonghyun heard his sister breathing deeply before speaking again.

"…_Fine." _She said. She sighed loudly. _"Where…where are you, Jonghyun? What happened? I'm worried…" _Jonghyun felt his stomach lurch at the concerned tone in his sister's voice.

"I'm… I'm safe. I can't tell you where I am. I'm sorry. _Please_, don't be worried. I promise you I'm okay. I'm safer here than I am at home." He could practically hear Victoria relax on the other line as she exhaled loudly. His parents he couldn't care less about. His sister, however, he _truly _hated to worry.

"_When are you coming home?" _Jonghyun rolled over on his back and clutched a pillow tightly into his chest, trying to stifle the growing pain he felt in his heart, a kind of ache he couldn't control.

"I… don't know." He admitted, the guilt heavy in his stomach. Victoria went silent for a few seconds.

"_Wait. Wait a minute. You're with Key aren't you? You piece of shit!" _Jonghyun froze. His sister had seen right through him. _"Here I am, worrying about you, and you're with your goddamn boyfriend!" _She gasped suddenly, her voice turning into a harsh whisper. _"Are you living with him? Don't you _dare _corrupt him! What are you two doing?"_

"_Me _corrupt _him?_" Jonghyun said in disbelief. He quieted his voice as much as his angriest tone would allow, fearing Key would hear him from wherever the hell he was in the house. "I'm your brother! Shouldn't you be worried about _me?_"

"_No! This is your fault! My poor Key!"_

"I'm getting off the phone now."

"_Wait! Jonghyun don't you da – "_

"Bye, Victoria." He slammed his phone shut, tossing it into his bag by the bed. He had been kept up several nights by the almost stifling guilt he felt for making her worry, and here she was, only concerned about Key. It was completely like her. He probably should have seen it coming.

His head snapped up when he heard a gentle knock from the door. "Come in." He called, sitting up as naturally as possible on the bed. Key peeked in, opening the door slowly and standing silently for several moments, a weak smile on his face as his large eyes darted across the room.

"Your sister?" He asked. Jonghyun nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed that he was apparently transparent to absolutely _everyone_. "What did she say?"

"She just wanted to make sure I was alright." He answered truthfully, avoiding the bits about his apparent attempts to "corrupt" Key. While it hadn't been explicitly stated, her accusations were definitely sexual in nature, and that was something he didn't quite feel like bringing up with Key at that point. Maybe because over the past few days, nothing had really gone on between them at all.

While they had the occasional moments where they couldn't control themselves, lunging and clawing at each other, practically tripping over themselves as they ran off to the bedroom, they hadn't actually gone any farther than that infamous night only weeks ago, making sure to stop before either of them lost their minds completely. And Jonghyun was, admittedly, quite nervous to make that leap into uncharted territory. The idea of doing anything further was so _foreign _to him, so _intimidating,_ he felt himself fall into a panic at the very thought.

"You didn't… tell her where you were, right?" Key said, sitting next to him on the bed with a slight look of worry in his eyes.

"Of course not, Key." Jonghyun said, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. It was understood that this was to be kept a secret from everyone. Even from Taemin and Minho, a promise Key had much trouble keeping up, having spent countless nights curled up and nearly crying about how Minho was "defiling" his poor boy without Key there to protect him. "It's pretty late." Jonghyun commented, glancing at his watch. "Where's your brother?"

"Ah, he texted me earlier. He's working tonight." Key said. Jonghyun felt his body freeze, a slight bundle of nerves building in his stomach. It seemed he and Key would be spending the night alone.

"I see…" He mumbled, staring at the floor. He suddenly became painfully aware of everything around him, the way the bed creased just slightly under his weight, the way his breathing seemed to be slightly too loud, and most importantly, the way his arm was awkwardly positioned around Key's shoulder, the warmth from the younger boy making his stomach tense up. When he looked back into Key's eyes his expression had changed dramatically. The trace of worry completely gone, replaced by something Jonghyun couldn't quite pinpoint. His eyes looked more focused, roaming around his face with intense stares.

Jonghyun swallowed as he felt Key's hand travel loosely up his thigh, his fingers sending what felt like jolts of electricity through his legs. He unknowingly licked his lips as he gazed into Key's eyes, the sudden change in mood almost mind-numbingly obvious.

Key wasted no time in grabbing the back of Jonghyun's head, slamming his lips against his in a powerful, almost overwhelmingly strong kiss. Jonghyun reached his arms up around Key's back, sliding Key on his lap as he fell backwards and sat up against the headboard.

No matter how many times he kissed Key, no matter how many times he as much as _touched _him, it never failed to leave him completely breathless, a panting, gasping mess of a person that only vaguely resembled his former self, completely powerless at the hands of a lustful Key.

Key pulled away as he latched onto Jonghyun's neck, sucking and biting at his skin, the feeling of Key's teeth leaving him dizzy at the combination of pain and pleasure.

"Jonghyun." Key whispered in his ear.

"Y-yeah?" Jonghyun replied. Barely able to speak, his voice came out as an almost breathless whisper.

"I want to… try something…" Key mumbled, his voice suddenly sounding painfully shy, a huge contrast to his former dominating self. Jonghyun nodded shakily.

"What do you want to do?" He whispered, his voice sounding nervous despite his best efforts to stay confident. Key didn't answer, rolling off of Jonghyun's lap and lying down his side, draping his arm across Jonghyun's stomach. He kissed Jonghyun gently, rubbing his fingertips along his abdomen, leaving a burning trail underneath his touch. Jonghyun shivered as Key's hand travelled slowly to the skin beneath his bellybutton, his pinky barely grazing the waistline of his pants. He broke the kiss in surprise and looked down at Key's shaky hands. Jonghyun grabbed his fingers in one swift movement, staring Key in the eyes.

"Key… you don't have to do this if you don't want to." He whispered. Key seemed so nervous, his face flushed, his eyes avoiding Jonghyun's at all costs. It was so easy to forget that Key had never done anything like this before. His penchant for tackling Jonghyun made him seem much more experienced than what he really was.

"No." Key said, shaking his head. "I… I want to." Key's eyes, although still tinged with a hint of nervousness, were resolute.

"O-okay." Jonghyun said, gently laying his fingers on top of Key's. Jonghyun kissed Key's forehead gently as Key fumbled with the buckle on his belt, slowly undoing the button of his jeans as Jonghyun guided his hand as delicately as he could.

As nervous as Key was, Jonghyun felt even more panicked. They had never done anything like this before. The feeling of having someone else do this to him, especially someone as beloved to him as Key, was almost surreal.

He couldn't help but blush slightly as Key clutched at his waistband, shifting a bit to make it easier for Key to pull them down just a few inches. Jonghyun felt his cheeks burn, ripe with embarrassment when he felt himself become exposed in front of Key. His body went rigid as Key fixed his hand around his member, holding loosely with hesitant fingers.

Jonghyun stared into Key's eyes, almost positive a look of utter shock had spread itself across his own face. The feeling of having Key touching him like _that…_

It was indescribable.

He clamped his eyes shut as Key started stroking slowly, deliberately, sending waves of pleasure through his body. He let his neck relax, tilting his head upward toward the ceiling as Key, noticing Jonghyun's response, began to pick up speed, letting his breath roll against Jonghyun's jaw and making his entire body clench up at the burning sensation.

The pure ecstasy that coursed through his veins made him shiver, his mouth dangling open as a quiet moan escaped past his lips.

Key quieted his groans by sealing their lips together tightly, continuing his ever-quickening movements below Jonghyun's waist as he slid his tongue through his parted lips. His entire body throbbed with an intense heat, each second becoming more and more pleasurable than the last as he felt himself slipping past the edge of sanity and falling into delirium.

"Ah K-key, I'm…" He bit his tongue before he could finish his sentence, his body too paralyzed to speak any further. Key slammed his lips against a frozen Jonghyun, stealing his breath as he released into Key's hand with one last violent shudder.

He exhaled into Key's mouth as he came back to reality and left behind the euphoric state that had taken him over just moments earlier. Key kissed his neck and let his lips travel up his jaw line, giving Jonghyun some much needed moments to regain his breath.

He laid there, panting, in complete disbelief at what had just happened. Key's eyes looked almost glazed over as they made eye contact, staring at each other in complete shock.

Without a word he grabbed Key and pulled him as close as he could manage, pressing his face to his chest as he lay kisses on top of his head. He let his chest heave up and down as he finally managed to return his breathing to normal levels. Key looked up, pressing his lips to Jonghyun's in one final, tender kiss before returning back into his arms.

Jonghyun finally remembered their situation, what they had just done, what…_fluid_ had released onto his stomach from just a minute ago.

"Ah..." He said, pulling back quickly. "I-I should go shower…" He whispered.

"Oh.. r-right…" Key responded. Jonghyun slid out of bed, grabbing a pair of pajamas before running down the hall to the bathroom, his face erupting in a fire immediately upon exit.

The shower made his already boiling body at least ten times worse. His hands still shook violently with nerves, amazed that he and Key had just done that, amazed that they had breached the next step, as far as sexual matters were concerned. It felt almost unreal.

He dried himself off as quickly as he could, returning to find Key lying in bed, already changed into his pajamas. He jumped in with him, laughing at the way Key squirmed in surprise at the sudden embrace. Key relaxed as Jonghyun pressed kisses to the back of his head, turning around to face him with a smile.

"You're getting your wet hair all over me." Key complained, but his laugh gave him away.

"Too bad. I'm not letting go of you." Jonghyun said, squeezing Key even tighter against him. Key smiled and rubbed his nose gently against Jonghyun's, sliding his fingers into Jonghyun's hands. "Oh, and Key?"

"Yeah?"

"You did…wash your hands, right?"

Key flicked Jonghyun's head with his free hand. "Yes, you bastard."

"Just checking!" He said with a laugh. "I love you, you know."

_I'll love you forever._

_I just want you to know that._

"I know." Key whispered, placing a quick kiss to Jonghyun's lips. "Goodnight." He said, his eyes wide, looking up at Jonghyun with an uncharacteristically delicate expression.

His eyes were the most entrancing things Jonghyun had ever seen. It was the first thing Jonghyun had noticed about him those months ago in the coffee shop. He could stare at them for hours and hours on end, each second finding something new to love about them.

"Goodnight, Key."

* * *

><p>"Key, look!" Jonghyun yelled, leaping off of a stone wall and bounding along the sidewalk. "An ice cream shop! Let's go!" He grabbed Key's hand and dragged him in the direction of the store. After lying around the house for hours after waking up they had decided to explore the downtown area of this new city, but Jonghyun was having trouble keeping still.<p>

"Can you stop acting like a child for five minutes?" Key said, scoffing loudly. "And it's freezing, what do you want ice cream for?" Jonghyun froze, whipping around and staring at Key with serious eyes.

"It is _never _too cold for ice cream." He declared. Key sighed and let the matter drop, allowing Jonghyun to pull him into the store. The shop seemed to be geared more towards children – the bright colors and loud paintings on the walls feeling slightly too young for them. Not like Jonghyun cared in the slightest.

"What flavor should I get, Key? There are so many!"

"Whatever you want, Jjongie." Key responded. Jonghyun pressed his nose up against the glass, scanning the flavors carefully. "…People are looking at you, you know."

"…Okay, I've decided." He ran up to the cashier, coming back with two cones filled with ice cream.

"You got two? Are you seriously a toddler?"

"Nope!" Jonghyun said, holding out one in front of him. "This one's for you." Key buried his face into his scarf to conceal the creeping red on his face, accepting the cone and mumbling a quiet word of thanks.

Despite Key's words of protest, he seemed to be enjoying his frozen treat as much as Jonghyun was, if not more. Jonghyun smiled and slid his hand into Key's as they stepped out back into the cold.

"Jonghyun, people will see…" Key complained.

"Who cares?" Jonghyun said, swinging Key's hand as obviously as he could, not even making a pretense of hiding it from the world. "We're nowhere near home, who's going to stop us? Everyone here can know as far as I'm concerned." Key bit his lip and stared at the ground, trying to hide his growing smile. They found themselves standing in a park, a few people scattered around the grounds. "In fact, I _want _everyone to know." Jonghyun mumbled. He hopped up on a bench, ignoring Key's confused stare. _"I LOVE KIM KIBUM!" _He shouted, declaring it as loudly as he could to everyone in earshot.

"Jonghyun, get down from there!" Key yelled, face a glaring shade of red, his grin growing despite every effort he made to keep it down. He grabbed Jonghyun and pulled him off the bench, clinging to his arm to make sure he didn't run off and do anything _more _stupid. They were met with several stares from the surrounding park goers as Key pulled Jonghyun away, blushing more and more as Jonghyun just laughed at his embarrassed reaction.

Jonghyun grabbed Key, stopping in his tracks and pulling him into a tight embrace.

"We're in public." Key protested.

"I don't care."

Key slid his hands around Jonghyun's back, returning the hug and resting his head against Jonghyun's chest. The warmth from Key served as a shield from the blistering cold, his whole body on fire as he felt Key's breath against him.

"Hey, Key?" He said, resting his head on top of Key's.

"Yeah?"

Jonghyun smiled, his heart fluttering lightly against his ribs. "I'm glad I met you."

Jonghyun heard a muffled laugh from Key, the sound so gentle it brought tears to his eyes.

The bystanders could look all they wanted to. He truly didn't care. He loved Key more than anything in the world, and if it were up to him, everyone would know.

"Jonghyun?" Key whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Me, too."


	27. Another Kind of Confession

"Key? Key you here?" Jonghyun called down the hallway. He had woken up a bit late, his head still heavy from just getting up, and Key was nowhere to be found. He double-checked the kitchen where he usually was, whipping up a magnificent breakfast in a matter of minutes and scoffing at Jonghyun whenever he complimented his unparalleled cooking skill. "Key?" He yelled one more time before giving up and retiring to his room.

He flopped down on his bed, pulling his phone off of his nightstand and answering a random text from Minho. He had told Minho that he was on a family vacation, and although he felt quite bad about lying, Minho had completely bought it. Jonghyun was able to settle his guilt by convincing himself that even if he were home, Minho would just be spending all of break with Taemin, anyway.

Jonghyun rolled on his back and wondered where Key could have disappeared to. The house felt much too quiet without him, the lonely feeling making him slightly antsy. He was, however, glad that Onew wasn't home. Not because he disliked him. In fact, he liked him quite a lot. He was funny, albeit slightly clumsy, and kind enough to allow them to stay in his home, an overwhelming generosity Jonghyun felt he'd never be able to repay him. No, it wasn't out of hate at all. He was simply relieved he wouldn't have to bear the awkwardness of talking to the boy whose _brother_ he was dating. Onew was by no means stupid. He obviously knew that Key and Jonghyun were together, although he had been polite enough not to bring up the subject around them, or play the protective older brother card and treat Jonghyun as badly as he could.

Jonghyun had a habit of getting himself into uncomfortable situations, and talking to Onew alone was just one more uncomfortable situation he wasn't quite interested in getting himself into.

Thinking of Onew made him remember that… _rule_ he had mentioned a few nights ago. He glanced at the sheets and took a sniff. Although they hadn't met Onew's particular _stipulations,_ the sheets did smell rather musty, and Jonghyun didn't have anything better to do.

He stripped the bed sheets and piled them on each other, his vision nearly covered by the bundle of blankets in his arms. He made his way carefully to the laundry room, making sure not to trip due to his impaired eyesight.

He loved the smell of the laundry room. With every sniff of detergent his memory jumped back to his childhood, the days when he used to lie in the clean laundry, fresh out of the dryer and steaming hot against his skin. He remembered how he used to laugh when his parents lifted the laundry basket with him still inside, folding the clothes in it and acting surprised as Jonghyun jumped out. It reminded him of simpler times, when his parents were still the lights of his world, when they could do no wrong through the scope of his childish eyes.

He sighed and rested his face on the pile of sheets, the rather strong scent of sweat and god knows what else doing nothing to pull him out of his daydream.

"Oh, hi, Jonghyun. I thought you left with Key." Jongyun jolted upright, nearly falling over at the sound of the voice yanking him back to reality. He turned around, finding himself staring at Key's brother in the doorway.

"O-oh… Hi, Onew. No, Key left before I woke up." He said, blushing in surprise. "I didn't realize you were home…"

"I was cleaning up in the basement. Key gave me a twenty minute lecture on my messy habits, and I kind of wanted to avoid another one." Jonghyun chuckled and shook his head. Of _course_ Key would have the gall to lecture his older brother on cleanliness. It was _exactly _something he would do.

Onew's eyes traveled to the lump of cloth behind Jonghyun. "Oh." He said, eyes widening in surprise. "You're cleaning the sheets."

"Oh. Yeah, just doing some laundry." Jonghyun replied casually, turning around to continue his nearly forgotten task.

…_Wait._

His mind _finally _caught up to speed as his entire body froze, hands pulsing as panicked blood pumped through his veins.

_Oh no._

_Oh no no no._

Jonghyun nearly choked on his heart that had somehow managed to jump up into his throat, spinning around and shaking his palms as rapidly as he could in front of his face. "T-this is absolutely _not_ what it looks like."

Onew sighed. "It's okay, Jonghyun. I get it. Just… thank you for cleaning up."

"No, no, no. Onew, you've got it _all _wrong, I'm just – "

"Key sure grew up quickly…" Onew said, a nostalgic look taking over his face. "It feels like just yesterday he was a little kid…"

"Look, I promise, _nothing _happened – " Jonghyun protested.

"It's alright!" Onew said, walking over and joining Jonghyun at his side as he leaned up against the washing machine. He blew air from his cheeks while rocking back and forth on his heels. Jonghyun silently wished he could just curl himself into a ball and disappear. "I gave you a set of rules, and you followed them. That's very commendable." Onew patted Jonghyun's back reassuringly. "While I don't understand the… _mechanics _of it all, thank you for cleaning up, regardless."

Jonghyun's words seemed to fail him as his mouth dropped in shock, his entire mind going blank as any phrase to convince Onew otherwise, any phrase at _all, _seemed to run and hide from him.

"Y-you're welcome…" Jonghyun whispered, deciding to just give in and try to end this conversation as _soon _as possible.

All he wanted to do was avoid simple awkward small talk with his boyfriend's brother.

And somehow, they were now talking about sex with Key.

Jonghyun covered his face with his hands, cheeks burning so strongly he thought his face would melt. He really _did_ have an uncanny ability to get himself into skin-crawlingly uncomfortable situations.

The incredibly awkward silence persisted while, for some reason, Onew remained in the laundry room, shifting back and forth and not saying a word. Jonghyun whipped back around, stuffing the sheets in the machine as fast as he could so he could get out of the laundry room as soon as the job was completed.

The entire room was painfully silent. Jonghyun felt himself nervously swallowing a million times more than necessary as he fumbled with the buttons on the machine, his hands suddenly shaky and barely functioning.

"Thank you." Onew said, his voice piercing the quiet atmosphere. Jonghyun ended his assault on the machine that intentionally seemed to have stopped working on him and looked up at Onew in confusion. "For taking care of my brother."

"O-oh… that…"

"He's been through a lot. I think you know that." Onew continued, luckily cutting Jonghyun off before he could continue with his nonsensical stuttering. "I really don't think he's ever been this happy before." Jonghyun swore at that moment he could feel his heart melt. Key was prideful, maybe _too _prideful. He was never terribly open about the extent of his feelings for Jonghyun. While Jonghyun knew Key cared for him, somewhere in the back of his mind, a hidden thought that only reappeared when Jonghyun was feeling his most insecure, he felt that he loved Key more than Key loved him.

In fact, despite Jonghyun's countless confessions of his love, Key had never once returned the sentiment in words.

Hearing that Key was happy with him, that he was perhaps the happiest he had ever _been_, made all of his worst fears go away.

Because maybe Jonghyun _did _love Key more than Key loved him. Jonghyun seemed to love Key to almost inhuman extents, extents that surprised even himself at times. It wasn't unlikely that Key didn't feel quite so powerfully for him.

But he could live with that.

As long as Key was happy, as long as he could do something as simple as making him smile just _once…_

That's all he really needed.

"Ah, Onew…" Jonghyun said, clearing his throat and mustering all the courage he had. "I'm… aware that this might sound weird. But I just want you to know." He felt his face flush once again, words getting progressively more faint as his bravery faltered. "I… umm… I-I really love him, you know." Jonghyun thought his whole body would implode from sheer embarrassment. No matter how much he wanted to just stop talking about this, he knew he had to. Onew had spent his _life_ worrying about his family at the hands of his abusive father, selflessly protecting both his mom and his brother to the best of his ability. And right now, Jonghyun just wanted to give him one less thing to worry about. "You're right. Key's been through a lot. More than he lets on." Jonghyun's stomach felt sick as he recalled Key's stories, remembered his tears as he begged Jonghyun not to leave him. "But I… I really love him. And… I'll _never _hurt him. As long as he's with me… he's safe. I just… I just want you to know that."

Jonghyun glued his eyes to the floor, ashamed to look at Onew after pouring his heart out to him in probably the most inarticulate way possible. Although he felt like a complete and utter idiot, although he had just confessed his innermost feelings to someone he barely knew, although he probably wouldn't be able to look Onew in the eye again for however long they were staying at his house…

He was happy he had said it.

Every single word had been true. Even if his poor speaking skills only managed to communicate his feelings to half of their intensity, the idea still persisted.

There wasn't a single thing in the world Jonghyun wouldn't do for Key. And he just wanted Onew to know that.

Jonghyun nearly jumped in shock when he felt Onew's hand on his head, ruffling his hair playfully and smiling down at him. "You know," he said, grin growing by the second, "I think I like you, Kim Jonghyun."

Jonghyun let a sheepish smile creep onto his face as Onew's fingers played swirls in his hair.

Onew had protected Key for thirteen years. He had suffered through it all for the sake of his little brother.

And now it was Jonghyun's turn.

Suddenly he heard the door slam loudly from downstairs. "I'm back!" Key called, his voice just barely reaching Jonghyun's ears. Jonghyun glanced upward at Onew, asking for permission with questioning eyes. Onew gave him a short nod of silent encouragement before Jonghyun walked swiftly out of the laundry room, running downstairs and finding Key standing in the kitchen, arms brimming with grocery bags.

"There you are, Jonghyun. Do me a favor and grab these, will you?"

Jonghyun rushed over to him, relieving him of his heavy load and placing the bags on the table. Key stretched his back and sighed in relief at his now empty hands.

"I've been shopping and cooking to try and repay Onew, but it's tough work walking back and forth carrying all that. Next time you're coming with me."

Jonghyun remained quiet as Key began putting the groceries away. He drummed his fingers on the counter, staring blatantly at Key's motions. He always moved so elegantly, each action more swift and beautiful in the last.

"Why are you standing there? Help me unload these." Key demanded. "Hello? Are you spacing out?" Key asked, walking up to him and waving his hands in his face. Jonghyun could do nothing but stare and smile at the boy in front of him. Key snapped his fingers several times. "Did you break your head? Jongh – "

Before Key could say another word Jonghyun trapped Key tightly to his chest, capturing his lips in a tender, unmoving kiss that made his heart swell.

"W-what was that for?" Key asked after Jonghyun pulled away. Key's expression had softened dramatically, his eyes slightly glazed over. Jonghyun smiled and rubbed Key's cheek gently with his thumb.

Key was a million kinds of arrogant.

Key was almost insufferably stubborn.

Key was the kind of beautiful that made you forget how to think and made your mouth feel paralyzed from pure nerves.

And Key was, without a doubt, the most amazing boy Jonghyun had ever met.

"Nothing." He said. "I just love you." Key's cheeks flared red as he slapped Jonghyun's hands away.

"You're such a sap." He said, the corners of his mouth just barely turned upward into a reluctant smile that Jonghyun did his best to return.

Maybe Key didn't return his feelings completely. Maybe he never would.

But if Jonghyun could stay with him just like this, live together with nothing in their way…

Then maybe Jonghyun wouldn't mind it at all.

* * *

><p>It had been raining nearly all day, the downpour making Jonghyun want to curl up on the couch and nap to the sound of the storm. But his boyfriend's odd behavior was making that rather difficult.<p>

"Alright, what is it, Key?" Jonghyun asked. Key had been sitting on the couch and gazing out the window for hours now, watching the rain pour on the pavement outside and letting sighs slip from his lips at random intervals. Despite Jonghyun's several attempts to cuddle with him, Key was so distant and spaced out that it made it nearly impossible.

"Nothing…" He replied, his voice entirely non-convincing. He sighed dramatically again as he pressed his face to the couch.

"Come on, Key." Jonghyun said, placing his arm on Key's shoulder. "Just tell me." Key leaned up against Jonghyun and frowned.

"I'm… I'm worried about Taemin." He admitted. Jonghyun scoffed loudly. Key's level of protectiveness over Taemin was straddling absurdity. "Don't laugh!" He yelled angrily. "Taemin's all alone with that lug head Minho! Who knows that he's doing to him!" Key gasped at the very thought, pressing his fist to his forehead in pain.

"Key… Why don't you just get to know Minho? Maybe you'd be less panicked if you saw first hand that he's actually a good guy."

"Not happening." Key said, staring at Jonghyun with the same level of disbelief as if he'd just suggested he stuff his head in a blender. "I don't need to know _anything_ about him. No matter what, he isn't good enough for my Taeminnie." Jonghyun rolled his eyes.

"If you're always this protective, our future kids will really hate you..." Jonghyun mumbled.

"Whose kids?"

"Our kids, of course."

Key bit his lip and tried not to smile, but did an absolutely terrible job of it. "Oh, please." He said, looking away from Jonghyun. "I am _not _having kids."

"Oh yes you are." Jonghyun said, gripping Key's fingers between his own. "We're going to have kids, and a house, and _three _cars, and a vacation house just because. We're going to live right on the beach and we'll take our kids there every day. You'll be a famous artist, and _I'll _take care of the kids at home."

"Oh, really?" Key said, raising an eyebrow at him. "Now when were you going to inform _me_ of this?"

"I'm telling you now, aren't I?" He said, kissing each one of Key's fingers, each time making Key shiver underneath him. Key smiled and nuzzled his nose into Jonghyun's chest.

Jonghyun couldn't help but grin. The mere thought of a life with Key was beyond description. He wouldn't wish for anything else.

Minutes passed with Key pressed up against him, his breath warm and heavy on his neck. "Are you still worried about Taemin?" Jonghyun whispered. Key nodded stiffly.

"Just take your mind off of it." Jonghyun suggested.

"How am I supposed to do that?" Key whined. Jonghyun smirked, placing his hands on either one of Key's cheeks.

"I can think of a few ways…" Jonghyun said, pressing his forehead against Key's. Key bit his lip hesitantly, returning Jonghyun's passionate gaze with one of his own.

There weren't a lot of things Jonghyun truly wanted. Sure he had the occasional material whim, the kind all teenagers are subject to, but those came quickly and left just as fast.

But a life with Key, a life free from judgment, a life he could spend with the boy he loved and nothing else…

Well, he couldn't think of anything in the world he wanted more.


	28. Frozen

The rain hadn't let up for a moment during the day, and had only intensified by nightfall. Jonghyun lay stretched across his bed in his pajamas, just playing around with his phone and every so often glancing out of the corner of his eyes to watch Key drawing on the floor next to the bed. He watched Key's hands working slowly, accurately, sweeping lines across the page as he stared intensely at the paper with wide eyes. The room was comfortably silent except for the rhythmic pounding of the rain against the roof.

"Hey, Jonghyun." Key called lazily from the floor, keeping his eyes fixed on his work.

"Hm?"

"Let me draw you." Key demanded.

"Fine." Jonghyun said, finding no reason to deny his request. He wasn't doing anything of interest, anyway. Key jumped up at the foot of the bed, crossing his legs and placing his notepad on his lap.

"Turn your head a little." Key said, spinning his finger around. Jonghyun complied, shifting slightly so that he was almost facing the window, but could still watch Key as long as he adjusted his eyes. He loved the way Key looked when he was focusing, and he wouldn't miss it for anything in the world. Key looked so different, his usually large eyes squinted nearly shut in concentration and his bottom lip secured firmly under his teeth. For some reason he enjoyed the way Key's eyes searched every corner of his face, his gaze almost comforting as he inspected his eyes, his nose, his mouth, rapidly sketching his findings with the kind of precision that, due to his rushed strokes, was quite surprising. Every so often Key would let out a sigh, quietly reprimanding himself when he was dissatisfied with his results and rapidly erasing his mistakes so he could try again.

Although he was trying to keep still, Jonghyun couldn't help laugh at the boy's expressive behavior, sure that if Key had any idea just how much he talked to himself while he drew he would curl up in embarrassment and never draw in front of Jonghyun again. It was moments like this when Key let his guard down, when he finally tore down the barrier he put up between them and allowed Jonghyun to see him at his most vulnerable, that Jonghyun truly enjoyed. Anyone could see Key when he was at his usual, almost oozing confidence, his unbridled arrogance and abrasive attitude unmatched by anyone Jonghyun had ever met. But this side of him, the side that would stay up in bed with him just talking about nothing, the side that drew him with the same gentle hands that clung to Jonghyun's whenever he was uncomfortable or scared… That was the side that Jonghyun loved the most.

Because that side was reserved for Jonghyun alone.

Key exhaled, pursing his lips together and looking back and forth between his drawing and his model, who was still grinning at Key's unknowingly unusual behavior. "Done." He said, smiling triumphantly at the finished product.

"Let me see." Jonghyun said. Key suddenly pressed the drawing to his chest.

"No… I think this one is going to be private…" He said, shaking his head back and forth, face tinged an obvious pink on his pale skin as he squeezed his grip tighter along the notepad.

"I've seen your drawings of me before. Just show it to me." Jonghyun said, leaving his position at the head of the bed and plopping himself down next to Key, who swiftly angled the drawing out of the reach of Jonghyun's eyes. "Key, come on. What's so special about _this _drawing?"

"N-nothing." Key said. "It's just… not that great. That's all." Key's words were entirely non-convincing, his face even more so as he hid his embarrassed expression from Jonghyun. "I'm getting ready for bed." Key said quickly, hopping off of the bed and heading toward the bathroom, and, much to Jonghyun's disappointment, taking the picture with him.

Jonghyun sighed and rolled on his back, wondering just on earth could be so private that he couldn't share it with his _boyfriend _of all people. After all, he did draw it using Jonghyun as a model. It was only fair he show him the end result. Jonghyun drummed his fingers along his stomach, patting the thin fabric of his shirt. Somewhere along the way he had picked up Key's habit of wearing tank tops to bed. Jonghyun could pretend that he preferred it because of the way it made the blankets feel on his skin, or that he liked the way it kept him cool during the night, but either of those things would be a lie. The truth of the matter was with the skin of his arms so exposed, the heat he felt radiating from Key's body was even more powerful as he held him during the night, the feeling of his own skin against Key's better than any dream his imagination could conjure up.

Key walked back into the room, donning his usual nightwear and continuing to hold his notepad to his chest. Jonghyun propped himself up on his elbow as he watched Key shuffle awkwardly around the room, seemingly searching for something.

"Close your eyes." He said after a few minutes of pacing.

"Why?"

"I'm going to hide this. I don't want you to see it." Jonghyun scoffed and sat up.

"I'm not doing that." He said. "And you do realize the moment you go to sleep, I'm _going_ to look at it." Key shifted awkwardly in place, his facial expression indicating that that was the very thing he was trying to avoid. "It's probably better if you just show me now." Key pursed his lips together, considering Jonghyun's suggestion slowly.

"…Fine." He said reluctantly. He hopped onto the bed and sat against the headboard right next to Jonghyun, slowly turning the picture and hiding his face from him. Jonghyun felt his eyes widen as Key finally held his work in front of him. "H-here. Happy?"

As Jonghyun's eyes first hit the page, 'happy' seemed like the biggest understatement in the world. As he searched the drawing with eager eyes, taking in the finished product of Key's labor, 'happy' didn't even remotely do justice to what he felt.

Key had been true to Jonghyun as a model, that much was certain. Key's drawing of him lying in bed was almost unbelievably accurate and well drawn. But that wasn't what caught his eye. What Jonghyun had really noticed, what he couldn't stop staring at for even a moment, was the image sitting next to Jonghyun, an image of Key leaned up against Jonghyun's shoulder, an expression of pure bliss painted on his face as Jonghyun wrapped his arm around his waist and settled his head on top of Key's. Jonghyun glanced at the picture then back up at Key, eyes darting back and forth as he attempted to take in the raw emotion of the scene depicted before him.

"D-don't get the wrong idea." Key said, face now stuck in a permanent shade of red that Jonghyun loved. "I finished drawing you. And there was all this empty space. And… and I didn't know what else to put there. S-so I just decided to put myself there. That's all." Key said in a quick breath. "Wipe that stupid smile off of your face, Jonghyun, I swear to god…"

Jonghyun hadn't even realized that he was grinning, but now that Key had pointed it out, he couldn't stop it even if he wanted to. Key flinched when Jonghyun slid his hand behind his head, letting his fingers run mindlessly through his hair. To his surprise, Key didn't protest or even complain that Jonghyun was ruining his hair as he usually did. He simply bit his lip and stared at the sheets, his entire body frozen in a statuesque kind of perfection.

"Key…" Jonghyun whispered, completely at a loss for words. The image of him and Key curled up in bed, the image so carefully drawn by Key himself, remained burned into his head, flashing up behind his eyes through every embarrassed glance he received from the younger boy.

"Stop smiling like that! I told you not to get the wrong idea!" Key said. He swatted Jonghyun's hand away with a kind of weakness that did nothing to convey the supposed 'anger' he was feeling. No matter what Key said, no matter how much he protested that Jonghyun was misunderstanding his intentions, there was no _way_ he could sway Jonghyun from the state of complete elation that he felt. If anything, it only worsened the situation. Key could deny it all he want, argue that it didn't mean a thing, but the fact of the matter, the fact that he had drawn himself at Jonghyun's side, _unconsciously_, even, still stood.

Being with Jonghyun had become so natural, such an integral part of him, that he drew them together without even a thought.

Key could complain until he was blue in the face. It didn't matter.

This acceptance, this kind of unknowing acceptance that wormed its way underneath the barrier that Key had tried so hard to put up between them…

It was exactly what Jonghyun had been waiting for.

"I… I love it." He said, remembering how to speak after an unusually long silence. "I want it. Let me keep it."

"Oh, shut up." Key retorted, pulling the drawing away and throwing it off the bed like a piece of trash. And for some reason, those three words were as much as Jonghyun could take.

"No, Key." Jonghyun said, his tone suddenly becoming serious. "You know, I really don't understand you." Key let his hands fall into his lap as he stared at his palms, avoiding Jonghyun's eyes at all costs. "Every time I compliment you, you tell me I'm stupid. Every time I pour my heart out to you, you tell me to be quiet. And every time I touch you, you push me away." Jonghyun said, words becoming louder and louder as he felt himself brimming with emotions that threatened to spill out at any second. "So _no_, Key. I _won't_ shut up. Because you know what? I love you." Key grabbed his elbows and curled into himself as if he was trying to protect himself from Jonghyun's words. "I have _no_ idea why that scares you so much, but it's true. I love you, Key. And I'm not going to _stop _loving you. Even if that's what you want. I just can't."

The room went dead silent as Jonghyun tried to differentiate between the rapid beating of his heart and the sound of the rain pounding on the roof, the noises nearly indistinguishable from each other.

"D-don't…" Key breathed after what felt like hours of silence. He squinted his eyes shut, like he was having trouble speaking, like it took every drop of effort he had in his body just to say these few words. "D-don't stop loving me." Key placed his head in his hands, hiding his face once again from Jonghyun's. "When it comes to you… I just… I have trouble expressing myself." Key looked so small, so fragile as he spoke, for the first time ever giving Jonghyun just a glimpse into his true feelings. "So please, don't stop loving me. That isn't… that isn't what I want."

Jonghyun extended his hand, rubbing his fingers against the smooth skin of Key's face. Key remained motionless, giving in to his touch without the usual struggle. "What _do _you want, Key?" Jonghyun whispered.

What Jonghyun heard Key say next made his heart stop beating, made his whole body stiffen in disbelief, made him sure that he couldn't have possibly heard Key correctly.

But Key's answer, an answer so quiet that it was barely even a whisper, yet somehow still feeling clear as day as it hit Jonghyun's ears, was undeniable.

"You."

Jonghyun had said it a million times before, and he could say it again now. When Key was at his most exposed, his most vulnerable, that's when he was the most beautiful in Jonghyun's eyes.

And right now, as he admitted the one thing Jonghyun had been waiting so long to hear…

He was absolutely gorgeous.

Jonghyun lifted his arms and held them out. "Come here." He said. His voice was clear and non-negotiable. He needed to hold Key. He needed to feel every inch of him underneath his skin. He fell into Jonghyun's arms, lying his head on his shoulder, a perfect likeness of the drawing he had created just moments ago. Jonghyun lifted his hand, placing it on Jonghyun's cheek and rubbing his thumb across his jaw.

"I love you." Jonghyun said, gently resting his forehead on top of Key's.

Key's response was utterly predictable.

"I know."

Jonghyun smiled.

Maybe it would be a while before he could hear Key say those three words he longer to hear so much.

But for now, 'I know' was okay.

For now, it was all he needed.

Shifting his hand from his neck to his chin, he lifted Key's face and drew it closer to his own, closing the gap between them until their lips pressed together in a gentle, unmoving kiss.

Key was almost unbearably soft, the warm sensation making his fingers just barely shake as Key began to respond to the kiss, moving his lips in unison with Jonghyun's as each boy longed to feel more of the other, longed to taste more of the other on their tongues.

Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. Each touch burned with the intensity of a thousand as he lowered his hands to the hem of Key's shirt and eased it up, revealing his pale stomach underneath. Blushing, Key raised his arms and allowed Jonghyun to pull the interfering garment off of him completely, giving Jonghyun access to the expanse of perfect skin that stretched across his abdomen.

With hesitant fingers Key did the same to Jonghyun, sliding Jonghyun's shirt over his head and tossing the now useless article of clothing to the side. Jonghyun rested his hands on Key's stomach, tracing his fingers across the burning heat of his skin.

Although they had kissed so many times before, this felt completely different. There was something different about the atmosphere, the aura of pure love between them that finally, at long last, Jonghyun could say with the utmost certainty was reciprocated by the younger boy.

Jonghyun lowered his hands and brushed his fingers against Key's waistband. He felt Key shudder underneath him, the touch of Jonghyun's roaming hands completely foreign to him. He slid his hands under Key's boxers, the feeling of his hand wrapping around Key's length sending a rush of exhilaration through his entire body. Key felt like velvet in his hands, blazing hot and smoother than anything he'd ever felt.

Key let a just barely audible moan slip past Jonghyun's lips, eyes squinted shut as he tried to stay as silent as he could. Jonghyun didn't want Key to resist. He wanted to hear every gasp of the younger boy, wanted every quiet whimper to turn into uncontrolled cries of ecstasy as his face contorted in pleasure.

Jonghyun picked up his pace, swiftly pumping his hand up and down, kissing Key's now frozen lips with enough force to make veins pulse with adrenaline. Key's groans grew louder, the sound sending vibrations through Jonghyun's lips pressed firmly against Key's.

Key gripped onto Jonghyun's shoulders as he released with one last cry, his body convulsing in a powerful shake before going limp in Jonghyun's arms.

Jonghyun savored every single breath of the younger boy. He found himself panting along with Key, their harsh breathing falling into a steady rhythm of labored gasps.

"A-are you okay?" Jonghyun whispered. Key settled his breathing, keeping his face buried in Jonghyun's bare chest.

"Yeah…" He breathed, so quiet Jonghyun could barely hear.

"L-let's stop." Jonghyun said. Although his entire body longed for Key, although every fiber of his being was itching to continue, he didn't want to rush Key. He could wait as long as he needed to.

"No." Key said, tightening his grip on Jonghyun's shoulders. Jonghyun's body felt paralyzed, that one syllable hitting him like a ton of bricks, leaving him absolutely speechless. "I… I want you." He repeated, his voice shaky, like his throat would collapse at any moment. "In every sense of the word. S-so… I don't want to stop…"

Jonghyun pulled backwards, placing his hands firmly on either side of Key's face. "Key… are you sure?" Key gave a weak smile, his face pulled tight with nerves, and gave a slight nod up toward Jonghyun.

"I'm sure."

Jonghyun pulled Key against him, lips connecting in a fire of passion that heated his whole body.

Jonghyun had envisioned this night nearly a thousand times, running through every possible situation and scenario and possible mishaps that could happen. He had ached for it ever since he could remember, perhaps ever since he met Key, even if he couldn't quite understand his feelings then.

But now that it was here, he was so nervous he couldn't even stop shaking.

He lowered Key gently onto the bed, kissing his neck and his collarbones with eager lips, pulling Key's boxers down and off of his legs with slow, deliberate movements.

"W-wait a second." Jonghyun said, his jittery voice only serving to show just how nervous he was. He reached under the bed and pulled out the bottle of lube he had bought all those nights ago, still in disbelief that he was finally about to use it for its intended purpose. The confusion in Key's eyes told Jonghyun that he wanted to ask just where and when he had gotten it, but Key was too nervous to speak. His eyes looked glassy, his mouth just barely shaking as he laid there, his entire body exposed for Jonghyun to see, each inch of skin more beautiful than the last as Jonghyun stared in awe.

Jonghyun squeezed some of the gel onto his fingers, trying to remember just what he had learned during his "research" session all those nights ago. But when he looked into Key's nervous eyes, everything he had learned simply disappeared from his brain.

"Are you ready?" He whispered, pressing his forehead to Key's and staring into his beautifully wide eyes. Key tried to speak, but could only nod when his words got caught in his throat.

Jonghyun positioned his finger just outside Key's entrance, sliding it in as slowly as he could manage, the heat making him dizzy, the feeling of being _inside _Key making him almost insane. Key gasped and clasped his arms around Jonghyun's back, eyes squinted in pain, hands digging into Jonghyun's skin with a kind of panicked desperation. Jonghyun's heart throbbed at the sight of Key in pain, kissing his neck, his cheek, his lower lip that hung open in shock, doing anything to distract him and lessen the pain as much as he could.

He shifted his finger, pulling it out and inching back in at an almost painfully slow pace. Key finally relaxed underneath him, his grip on Jonghyun's back going slack as his fingers turned soft. Jonghyun pressed his lips against Key's, swallowing his quiet whimpers, moving his fingers in and out until Key's groans of pain turned into groans of pleasure.

"Okay…" Key whispered. Jonghyun lifted his head, staring into Key's slightly tear-filled eyes, making sure he understood what Key was saying. "Okay. I… I'm ready…" Jonghyun cradled Key's head with his hand, placing a long, tender kiss on his lips, trying his best to settle his shaking limbs back to their normal movement.

He slipped slowly out of his boxers, too overwhelmed with nerves to even be embarrassed about being completely naked in front of Key. He poured lube along his length, coating it thickly before pressing it just outside of Key. Placing one hand behind Key's head he kissed him one final time, bracing himself for what was about to happen, for what he was _really _about to do.

Jonghyun gasped as he pushed inside of Key just a fraction of an inch, the blazing heat surrounding him like fire, the feeling so indescribably_amazing _he could barely breathe or think.

Jonghyun felt Key's nails once again digging into his back as Jonghyun moved as slowly as he could, so slow he thought his chest would burst right then and there. Jonghyun exhaled one final rush of air as he felt himself completely inside of Key. The sensation was so far beyond what he had imagined he could hardly believe it. His heart pounded erratically behind his ribs, his whole body pulsing with adrenaline as he froze and made sure Key was alright.

Key's eyes were clenched shut in pain, his lower lip trapped between his teeth and his brow furrowed in an expression of agony. Jonghyun's senses went into overload at Key's expression. His breath hitched in his throat as he started to panic.

The idea of hurting Key sent his mind spinning.

Jonghyun remained frozen until Key's expression softened, turning into a look of exhaustion rather than complete torment.

"A-are you alright?" Jonghyun asked. He felt completely clueless, totally at a loss as to how he could help him.

"Move." Key said, a quiet demand that nearly didn't escape his throat. Jonghyun complied, pulling out slightly before pushing back in again, the wave of pleasure making his legs weak and his thighs shake.

Jonghyun pulled Key's limp legs until they were wrapped around his waist, angling himself to get better access to Key.

Suddenly Key let out an almost shriek, his mouth dropping open as his arms and legs intensified their grip on Jonghyun's back.

"R-right there…" Key whispered weakly. Jonghyun picked up his pace, his hips moving stronger, faster, as his whole body went numb with ecstasy, his breathing cutting shorter and shorter as Key's moans grew louder and louder against Jonghyun's ears.

"Key…" Jonghyun breathed into his ear, his thrusts becoming more powerful with each passing second. "Scream my name." He demanded, voice low and husky and nearly stuck in his throat.

"J-Jonghyun… ah…" Key whispered. He could barely speak through his labored breaths, through his choked syllables that made Jonghyun's whole body throb from the very sound, any sound Key made only serving to send him further into madness.

Just because it was _him._

He was the boy he had wanted since before he could even understand his feelings. The boy he loved more than life itself.

The love he had fought for so long, the love that had terrified him to the very core, the love that rewrote every rule he had known and overrode everything he had every been taught…

And the love he wouldn't throw away for anything in the world.

Jonghyun pulled out all the way, slamming back in as Key screamed in pleasure. "_Louder._"

"_Ah, _JONGHYUN!" Key screamed, sinking his teeth into Jonghyun's neck and puncturing the delicate skin with a sharp bite. Jonghyun grabbed Key's hands, raising them over his head and staring at the boy's face, dripping with sweat, bangs pressed up against his face as tears streamed from his eyes.

"Look…at me. Think of me. Think… only of me. Nothing else." Jonghyun said, speech almost slurred. Key could do nothing but pant and arch his back, the feeling of Jonghyun hitting his prostate again and again leaving him unable to speak. "I love you." He said, kissing Key's jaw and running his tongue up his neck. "_Don't think of a single thing but me._"

Jonghyun felt pressure building in his stomach as his pleasure grew, threatening to overflow at any moment.

"J-Jonghyun, I'm…" Without a warning, Key screamed and threw his head back, legs tightening around Jonghyun as he came. His body shook with one last tremor before his hands slackened and he released his death grip on Jonghyun's neck. Keys screams were enough to send Jonghyun over the edge, his entire body shaking as he released inside of Key, white spots flashing in front of his eyes as his vision blurred.

He collapsed on top of Key, lips somehow managing to find his as they shared a sloppy kiss that was drenched in exhaustion.

There was something in that moment, the way Key's eyes were half closed from fatigue, the way his chest moved up and down as he gasped for air, the way his hands fit perfectly in Jonghyun's.

There was something about it that made Jonghyun know, without a single doubt in his mind, that Key was the first and only boy he would ever love.

Not a sound was uttered from either boy for several minutes, the pounding of the rain and their heavy breathing the only sounds they could hear while they recovered.

"Key." Jonghyun said finally. Key looked up at him, still far too exhausted to even attempt to form words. Jonghyun wanted to say something poetic. He wanted to say something that would reach Key to the very core. He wanted to say something that would make tears of joy spring from his eyes and flow down his face in steady streams. But in his current state, he couldn't think of a damn thing other than the truth. "I… I love you." Jonghyun said.

Because what else was there to say?

What else could he do but love him?

Key rolled over, kissing Jonghyun's nose, mouth settled into a warm, slightly _tired _smile.

"I know." He said. Jonghyun smiled sadly. He wasn't sure what he was expecting. Did he really think Key would finally admit it? Did he think Key would say those words he was waiting to hear?

What Key had said before, that he 'wanted' him… for now, it was enough.

He had decided that he'd be patient.

So he'd wait as long as he needed to.

It was enough.

Key curled up into his arms, both of them too tired to shower off the sweat and whatever else they had on their bodies, too tired to even change their positions. Within minutes Key was asleep against his chest. His face looked so peaceful, nothing short of angelic as Jonghyun watched him with careful eyes, tracing his lips with his finger and admiring his beauty under the faint green glow of the clock on the other side of the room.

He kissed Key's forehead, still a bit stunned as to what they had just done for the very first time, his brain still refusing to believe that he had really just done that with the most beautiful, most amazing boy he had ever met.

Jonghyun smiled.

Maybe it would take months.

Maybe it would take years.

However long it took, Jonghyun didn't care. As long as he could stay by Key's side, he didn't care one bit.

_I'll wait forever._

_Because you're worth it to me. _


	29. Awaken Now, the Dream Is Over

Somehow in his nearly coma-like state of sleep Jonghyun was stirred by a gentle rustling at his side. He opened his heavy eyes, groaning when he saw how dark it was outside, still entirely too early for him to be even _considering _waking up.

The memories of the night before came rushing back into his head in an uncontrollable flood, a tired smile creeping onto his face as he recalled every single detail. The way Key's skin was flushed and red, the way he had yelled Jonghyun's name again and again, the way his face had been contorted in pleasure, eyes clenched shut and mouth open in a perfect circle as his moans grew louder by the second.

Jonghyun felt like he was floating somewhere between dreams and reality, still not quite sure whether or not that night was real or just a perfect scenario invented by his overactive imagination.

He rolled over, longing to hold Key tightly in his arms and give into his exhaustion. But as he extended his hands, expecting to feel Key underneath his fingers, his arms landed on nothing but the cold sheets of an empty mattress. Jonghyun's eyes fluttered open in surprise. His head was still in a fog, his vision slightly hazy as he adjusted to his dark surroundings.

Through clouded eyes he could see a figure shrouded in black sitting on the edge of the bed. "Key?" Jonghyun said, lifting his head to the best of his ability only to have it fall back on the pillow, his neck too weak to even support him. He blinked several times and tried to clear his vision. "Why are you awake so early? Come back to bed."

Key didn't speak. Jonghyun rubbed his eyes with tired fingers, trying to figure out if this was all some sort of bizarre dream caused by his fatigue. Even through his impaired vision there was something strange about the way Key looked. His body seemed smaller than usual, like he was hunching over, collapsing into himself.

"Jonghyun." He heard Key whisper, his voice cracked and weak. "What's your GPA right now?"

Jonghyun scoffed, slightly taken aback by the random question. He had almost completely forgotten about school. Months ago, that would never have happened. Months ago, school was the only thing that was ever on his mind. "Well, I am obviously having a pretty weird dream right now, because you are not making any sense at all." He said with a laugh. "So I am going to keep sleeping. Goodnight!" He said, placing his head back down on his pillow. He curled up underneath the blankets, the whole bed feeling unusually cold without Key lying next to him.

Jonghyun felt a sickening feeling rise up in his stomach as Key remained completely silent and motionless.

The rain must have stopped sometime in the middle of the night. Because right now, there was nothing but a painful silence between them, so quiet he could hear his own eyelashes brushing against the pillow, so quiet he could hear every single creak of the house.

"You must be top of your class." Key said. Jonghyun propped himself up on his elbows, vision clearing as the seconds ticked by. Key had changed out of his pajamas and was already dressed. The room looked like it had been ransacked, the draws open and stripped bare.

_You're just dreaming, Jonghyun. Just close your eyes._

_This is a dream._

"Key." Jonghyun said. His throat felt too dry to speak. The words felt like they were cutting at his windpipe. "Why are you dressed?"

There was something wrong. There was something horribly wrong about the entire scene laid before him.

Key gripped at the sheets with white hands, hunching further and further into a ball as Jonghyun watched from his position on the bed.

"You have such a bright future, you know."

"W-what are you talking about? Come back to bed." Jonghyun said. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, stomach sinking with every moment that Key remained still. "C-come back to bed." Jonghyun pleaded, his voice sounding more desperate as his request suddenly seemed more and more unlikely by the second.

Jonghyun's entire body seized up when he saw Key shaking his head back and forth slowly.

_This is a dream._

"Go home to your parents." Key whispered.

_This is a dream._

_Wake up._

"What are you saying?" Jonghyun said. He couldn't understand Key's words. His whole body felt like it was short-circuiting. Nothing was making sense. His brain couldn't understand a single sentence Key uttered, couldn't bring itself to even try.

But everything in his body shut down at what Key said next.

"Forget about me."

Jonghyun sat upright and nearly fell over due to his weak and shaky limbs. "I don't… I don't understand." He said, voice interrupting the dead silence of the room. "Is… is this some kind of joke?"

_Wake up, Jonghyun._

Key turned his head to the side and stared at the wall. Jonghyun could just barely see the edge of his face, a light outline against the pitch-black of the room.

"I'm… going back." Key said.

"Okay." Jonghyun said with a weak smile. "You want to go home? O-okay. Yeah. We'll go home together. Let me pack." Clearly Jonghyun had misunderstood. Key was simply homesick, and that wasn't a problem at all. Running away was a rash decision. Key simply wanted to go home.

Jonghyun's heart sank into his stomach when Key slowly shook his head again. "I said, forget about me." Key repeated. Jonghyun inched closer to Key and extended his hand, knowing that if he could just touch him for a moment this would all go away. Key would turn around, admit it was all one elaborate joke, then lie back down in his arms and sleep until he couldn't sleep anymore.

But the moment Jonghyun's fingers just barely grazed the fabric of Key's jacket Key whipped around and slapped them away.

"Key, what's going on?"

"You can't throw everything away for me. I won't let you."

"Key, you _are _everything to me." Jonghyun said, lips trembling with every word. "C-come here. Lie down. L-let's just talk about this."

When their relationship had been threatened, they escaped. When even a hint of them being forced apart arose, they ran away.

They were supposed to be safe here.

They were supposed to be happy.

"I'm sorry, Jonghyun." Key said. Jonghyun felt the mattress shift, proof that Key was standing up while Jonghyun's eyes refused to process the image. Key lifted his bag, throwing it over his shoulder and walking out the door.

Jonghyun remained frozen for a split second, limbs bogged down from shock, brain clouded with confusion.

They were supposed to be together forever.

This _wasn't supposed to happen._

He leapt out of bed, sprinting down the stairs and out the front door after Key.

"Wait!" He screamed. The morning air felt like ice against his skin, his blood going cold in his veins as his bare feet hit the even colder walkway. He grabbed Key's hand, turning him around with an iron grip.

Key's eyes looked completely empty. Those eyes he loved so much, those eyes that gave away everything he was feeling, even when he refused to say it.

They looked as black as the sky he was standing against.

"W-why are you doing this? After everything we've been through? A-after last night?" Jonghyun felt his eyes well up, his heart crumpling in pain. "Did I do something wrong? What did I do?" The tears were streaming down his face, leaving cold tracks against his skin. "_What did I do, Key?_"

The temperature was well below freezing at this point, but Jonghyun didn't even notice.

The only thing he could notice was the way Key kept looking at the pavement, refusing to meet Jonghyun's eyes, attempting to distance himself from Jonghyun inch by inch.

Jonghyun had become used to the way Key always made a pretense of disliking his touch. Key's resistance had become the dynamic of their relationship.

But Jonghyun had never seen him behave like this.

This time when he shied away from his touch, it wasn't the usual playful opposition too absurd to be taken seriously.

This time, he was serious.

"Goodbye." Key whispered, turning around to leave.

"Key!" Jonghyun yelled grabbing onto him for dear life, clamping down on his arms to prevent him from doing what he was about to do. "Did you…" He paused, inhaling through painful breaths and collecting himself before speaking again. "Did you ever love me at all?"

Something inside Jonghyun wished he had never asked that question in the first place. Something wished he would never hear the answer, that he wouldn't have to face the reality that deep down he knew all along. Something wished he could continue pretending, continue fooling himself into believing what he knew simply wasn't true.

Something wished that he could continue wallowing in his delusion, if only for a little while more.

_Wake up wake up wake up wake up __**wake up WAKE UP-**_

"Goodbye, Jonghyun." Key said.

And with that Key released Jonghyun's shaking hand, turning around and walking swiftly down the sidewalk with quick steps until he was out of Jonghyun's sight.

Jonghyun collapsed onto the pavement, shoulders heaving as his sobs grew to screams, tears turned to violent cascades that plummeted to the cold stone beneath him.

He couldn't think. He couldn't even breathe.

There was no way this could be true.

There was no way Key had really left him.

_This isn't real._

His body finally remembered how to feel as his senses were overwhelmed in a swift rush of despair. The skin of his bare chest pricked against the freezing winter air, his hands trembling from either chill or something else entirely.

His wails grew louder as Key's words replayed over and over in his head. Key thought he was protecting Jonghyun. He thought he was doing something for his sake.

But he was wrong.

Without Key, Jonghyun couldn't live.

Without Key, Jonghyun was _nothing_.

He needed to go home. Key was making a mistake. A rash decision he would come to regret in hours. And Jonghyun had to be there at his side the moment he realized it.

He needed to go back home.

He lifted his heavy limbs off the ground, running inside as fast as possible and getting dressed, throwing all of his things back into his bag until it was stretched to its breaking point. He scrawled a note to Onew, handwriting sloppy from his shaking hands, thanking him for his overwhelming generosity and kindness for their time at his house.

He had no idea he would be returning home this quickly.

When he left just two short weeks ago, he wasn't expecting to even go back at all.

He jabbed Key's number into his phone again and again as he sprinted to the bus stop, each unanswered ring stabbing at his heart and making the tears he had finally managed to settle down sting back into his eyes.

"_Hi, you've reached Key's phone, leave a message after the beep."_

The sound of Key's voice on the other line made every emotion he was trying to restrain come flying out all at once.

"Key, please…" He whimpered into the receiver. His voice was so strained he barely even recognized it. If he didn't know any better, he wouldn't have even believed it was his own. "Don't do this Key… I need you. Please…"

Now sobbing, he pressed the phone to his head and collapsed on the bench at the bus stop.

He kept telling himself that there was no reason to cry.

He kept telling himself that once he saw Key, once they had sorted out the misunderstanding, they would forget that this had ever happened.

But deep down, he wasn't sure if even _he _believed it.

After nearly an hour of waiting, the bus pulled up, screeching to a halt in front of him before he ran up the steps and took a seat as far back as possible. He didn't want anyone to see his red tear-stained eyes, his swollen lips or his faded skin.

He just wanted to be left alone.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there. While the bus ride was only two hours, it felt like centuries on there, the stench of the bus and the noise of the wheels making his stomach turn.

When he got off the bus at his stop, the whole experience felt surreal.

He didn't think he would ever be back there.

He didn't think he would even be stepping foot back in this town that he hated so much.

Jonghyun had been first to admit that he knew nothing. Despite his good grades, he didn't have a clue about anything else. He didn't know what he was working for, he didn't know how he felt about his family, he didn't even know what he wanted to do with his life.

But the one thing he thought he knew, the only thing he had ever been certain about, was that he and Key loved each other.

But now it seemed like he hadn't even known that, either.

He didn't even think of going back home. The thought didn't cross his mind for even a second.

He sprinted to Key's house, not stopping for air until he reached his destination. He raised his hands and banged on his front door. "Key! Open up, please!" He begged, pounding his fist against the wood until his hands were sore and bruised. "P-please, Key!" He gasped.

His heart leapt as the door shifted. "Key…" He whispered, placing his hands on his forehead in relief.

He knew it.

Key had realized his mistake. They would talk things over, and everything would go back to normal.

They would act like this never happened.

His heart fell back into his stomach when his eyes landed on the image of Key's mother, rather than Key, standing in the doorway.

"M-mrs. Kim!" He stuttered. He wasn't expecting this at all. She looked gentle as usual, not even slightly angry that Jonghyun had been slamming at her door at such an early hour. "I-I'm sorry. I… I didn't mean to make so much noise." He apologized, trying to control his voice in her presence. "C-can you tell Key that I'm here?" He asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Jonghyun. Key isn't home." She said. A single tear rolled down Jonghyun's cheek. He didn't even feel embarrassed that he was crying in front of her. He didn't care about that anymore.

"He's here, isn't he?" He whispered. "He just doesn't want to see me, does he?" He swallowed hard, back stiffening as he stared her in the face with red eyes. She looked at him sadly with a hint of sympathy on his face.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie." She said apologetically, wiping the tears from his eyes with gentle fingers. He nodded, chest shuddering as he tried to hold back his tears enough to speak.

"It's okay." He whispered. "I understand."

Because he finally did understand.

He was wrong.

All this time, he had been wrong.

He thought Key's resistance was nothing but a cover-up for his true feelings. He thought he truly cared for him.

But Key had never really loved him at all.

He collapsed against the door as she said her goodbyes and shut it slowly. He slid down and buried his head into his knees, sobbing loudly against himself.

He thought they were happy.

It was too sudden. He hadn't seen this coming at all.

But even if he had a million years of forewarning, he would never be able to prepare himself for this.

Key was his sun.

What can you do when your world turns black?


	30. Wait and Bleed

Jonghyun's mind was numb. His ears felt like they were packed with cotton, his tongue felt too big for his mouth as he fumbled with his hands, everything a blur as he tried to discern his surroundings.

_What's that noise?_

He blinked several times, but could see nothing but black shapes and hazy colors around him. The noise grew louder, a kind of buzzing in his head that became more powerful with every second. Something felt cold against his face and his hands, chilling his entire body to the core.

_What's happening?_

The buzzing began to change, turning into a kind of ringing that split his ears in two. His ears opened little by little, the sound becoming clearer as the fog subsided.

_Is that… Victoria?_

_Why is she screaming?_

A shriek escaped from his lips as his sides erupted in a fire of pain. He clung to his stomach, his ribs feeling like they were on the verge of collapse.

"Answer me, boy." The growl of a menacing voice above him sent him into a panic. As he lifted his head just inches off the ground, blinking several times to clear his eyesight, he saw his own legs sprawled out against the familiar tiles of his kitchen, a spot of red on the white floor beneath his head.

Suddenly it all rushed back to him. How the moment he stepped through the door his dad had lunged at him, attacking him with heavy fists until he had collapsed.

After he had been so sure he had escaped from this house, after he had been so sure his life was going to change for the better, he was right back where he started.

"Dad! Stop it!" Victoria screamed. He felt a hand on his collar, pulling him up while his feet dangled uselessly beneath him. His head pounded, the rush of blood to his brain making him dizzy and leaving him gasping for air.

"I said, _answer me._" His father hissed, his face so close to Jonghyun that he could feel his sickening breath roll on his cheeks, the putrid air making his nose turn. Jonghyun opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to even remember what he was supposed to be answering, the throbbing in his head leaving his brain a thoughtless mess. "_Where have you been?_"

Through everything, Jonghyun remained silent. He didn't have an excuse. And even if it did, it wouldn't matter.

It wouldn't make a goddamn difference at all.

"You have disrespected your entire family. You have disrespected _me._" He seethed, clenching his hands tighter on Jonghyun's collar. "I'm giving you one last chance. Where were you?" His father repeated, his voice low and flat, somehow scaring Jonghyun more than the harsh shouts he usually heard.

His father's face was a glaring red, eyes furrowed and teeth bared in a horrifying expression of pure rage.

But for some reason, Jonghyun wasn't scared at all.

He felt nothing.

"Hit me." Jonghyun whispered. Victoria's sobs grew louder by the second. Though normally they would wrench at his heart and make him cry right along with her, this time they had no effect on him at all. "If it makes you feel better, just hit me." Jonghyun's dad could beat him until his hands bled. He could kick his ribs and his face until he was nothing but a mess of bruises and broken bones, stomp on him until he was just a bloody heap of a body on the floor.

Nothing he could ever do could possibly compare to the otherworldly pain he already felt from losing Key.

"Just do it." Jonghyun spat.

Without a moment's hesitation his father threw him to the floor, his body crashing hard against the tiles and curling up from the bone-crunching impact. He clamped his eyes shut as he saw his father approach him, just waiting for the pain he knew was coming at any moment.

But it never came.

As he lay there, bracing himself for the inevitable punishment he was about to receive, the only thing he felt was a warm pair of arms wrapping around his back and squeezing him tightly.

"Don't touch him…" Victoria whispered, pulling Jonghyun's limp body against her. "Don't you fucking touch him!" She screamed, voice cracking as she sobbed and shook and rocked a bloodied Jonghyun back and forth.

"Victoria, this is between Jonghyun and me." His father said. "Let go of him. _Now_."

"No!" Victoria shouted through choked breaths. Jonghyun clenched his eyes together, trying to subdue the tears that had somehow started to drip down his face.

He had suffered through his father's beatings without so much as a hint of sadness.

But this one act of kindness, this demonstration of bravery that he could never even hope to repay her, made him completely fall apart.

"I said, _let go of him._"

"A-and I said no!" She shouted. Jonghyun's cries grew to loud sobs as he shuddered in his sister's arms. "C-come on, stand up, Jonghyun." She said, lifting him to his feet. His legs felt too wobbly to stand, so weak he knew he'd topple over if it weren't for the support from his sister. She dragged him to the stairs, whispering encouraging words in his ear and begging him to hurry up just slightly, just enough to escape the threat of their father.

Jonghyun willed his legs to move faster up the stairs. His body seemed to be resistant to him, slowing down his commands. It was his body and his brain had somehow disconnected from each other. Nothing felt like it was responding properly, like his limbs were malfunctioning.

Everything broke down the moment Victoria successfully transported them to her room, immediately locking the door behind her. Jonghyun covered his face with his hands, crying so hard he though his lungs would split from the sheer force of his sobs.

"J-Jonghyun…" Victoria whispered. She draped her arm across his shoulder, holding him as his entire body trembled.

He thought he'd never come back to his house again.

Yet here he was, trapped inside the building that suddenly felt too small, the walls that suddenly seemed too stifling.

He thought he knew better than everyone here. His attempted escape had been fueled by the ignorance of his town, the shallow simplicity of its people, the people who wouldn't even try to see beyond their limited scope of understanding.

He wiped the tears from his eyes with shaking fingers, holding his breath to halt the painful convulsions of his lungs.

It was _their _close-mindedness, _their _lack of understanding that drove him away.

Yet despite his confidence, despite how sure he was of his actions, it seemed he had been wrong.

It seemed that in the end, he was the most pathetically naïve of them all.

"I'm… sorry, Victoria." He whispered. "I didn't mean to get you involved in any of this."

"Don't apologize, Jonghyun. Please don't." She said. "None of this is your fault."

Jonghyun knew he owed her a million kinds of explanations. Why he had been gone, why he had even left in the first place. But he couldn't even bring himself to speak of what had happened, what had gone so horribly wrong after he was dead set on its success. He didn't want to utter a word about Key. He didn't even want to think about it.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." Jonghyun repeated. The words spilled from his mouth with no discernible recipient, a repeated pattern that was more of a mindless chant than a meaningful apology. He had no idea who he was apologizing to, or what he was apologizing for. He simply couldn't stop, the phrase becoming rhythmic in its repetition as each syllable dripped with a debilitating sadness. "I-I'm sorry."

Victoria lowered him into her bed, being careful not to put too much pressure on his bruised face. His mouth felt tight, skin pulled taut at the seams of his lips.

"You can sleep in here tonight." She said, lying down next to him. Jonghyun nodded. They hadn't slept in the same bed since they were kids. Jonghyun could remember the many nights when, terrified of whatever images his childish imagination had conjured up, he would sneak off to her room in the dead of night, teddy bear in one hand and blanket in the other, begging to sleep by the side of his older sister.

While the circumstances had changed, everything was the same.

A grown, yet still much too childish Jonghyun, once again punished by the machinations of his overactive imagination, crawling back in bed with his older sister, craving some sort of protection that he was too weak to provide for himself.

The only difference between that time and now was that now his mind's creations had driven him from his home, invented a love was in no way returned, and destroyed his so called dreams for a better future.

_Naïve._

To believe that Key loved him like he loved Key was an unforgiveable foolishness, a foolishness Jonghyun only now understood in hindsight.

It was so painfully obvious he couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before.

Key never loved him at all.

Key shied away from every touch, countered every compliment with a witty remark, blocked his numerous confessions of love with a wall of indifference.

_He never loved you._

Jonghyun repeated the words over and over in his head, trying to convince himself of the truth. But even then, the idea was too painful to believe.

If Key didn't love him, why did he run away with him?

Why did he let things go this far?

Was it ever really about Jonghyun at all? Or was Jonghyun simply an accessory to Key's adventure, just a stepping-stone in his quest for some sort of perverse thrill?

Jonghyun's stomach tensed up at the thought of being used by Key. It wasn't possible.

He couldn't believe it. He _wouldn't _believe it.

Key hadn't used him. He was simply making a mistake. A momentary lapse in judgment caused by panic.

And the moment Key realized his mistake, Jonghyun would be waiting with open arms.

The moment Key realized his mistake, they'd be just fine.

* * *

><p>"<em>Hi, you've reached Key's phone, leave a message after the beep."<em>

Jonghyun smashed the end button on his phone with his thumbs, dialing Key's number once again before pressing his phone to his ear.

He knew Key was awake. After living with Key on multiple occasions, he knew full well that Key woke up at an absurdly early hour during the weekdays, spending way too much time doing his hair and cooking breakfast.

Even though Jonghyun was exhausted, wanting nothing more than to rest after the aggressive beating he had suffered at the hands of his father, he only had a short window to call Key before classes started. And after a night's worth of rest, he was certain Key had changed his mind.

"_Hi, you've reached Key's phone, leave a message – "_

_Maybe he's in the shower._

Jonghyun dialed his number again as fast as his fingers allowed him. His face pulsed, a slight pain throbbing with every beat of his heart. He hadn't looked at himself in the mirror, but he wasn't sure if he even wanted to. His face felt swollen, the skin of his cheeks split and raw and stinging at the cold air of his house.

"_Hi, you've reached Key's phone – "_

He cursed and tried again. There was a chance that Key had slept in for once in his life. Maybe he just couldn't hear Jonghyun calling him in the midst of his sleep.

"_Hi, you've reached Key – "_

"Dammit!" Jonghyun shouted. He flung his phone across the room in frustration and collapsed backwards on his bed, fighting the rising tears building behind his swollen eyes.

Maybe Key had lost his phone.

Maybe his ring was on silent.

Maybe he just couldn't hear it.

He felt his stomach tighten as excuse after excuse popped into his head, each one sounded more flimsy and pathetic the previous one.

He wasn't fooling anyone.

And he sure as hell wasn't even coming close to fooling himself.

Jonghyun could think of excuses until his brain shut down.

The truth still stood.

Key simply wanted nothing to do with him.

He curled himself into a ball and clutched at his knees. The tears he had tried to subdue spilled from his eyes through half shut lids, drenching the glaring white of his sister's pillowcase.

Meeting Key was like a dream.

He just never realized that someday he'd have to wake up.


	31. An Epiphany

After years of near perfect attendance, mostly a result of Jonghyun's parents forcing him to shrug off fevers and stomachaches that left him weak enough to collapse, a few days of skipped school would go nearly unnoticed by the administration. But this morning Jonghyun's parents, rather than lecture him on tardiness, had swiftly taken off for work before Jonghyun had even woken up. Jonghyun's father probably didn't want to stick around to see the brutal effects of his rampage, and his mother probably left early as well, knowing that if she saw Jonghyun's bruised and battered face she wouldn't be able to play innocent as she always did, turning a blind eye to her husband's abuse.

Jonghyun had spent nearly the whole day lying in bed, alternating between choking back tears that felt like glass shards on his already cut face, and falling asleep just to rest his burning eyes and have a few short hours of relief from his rampant thoughts.

After much too long a time to be in bed, Jonghyun trudged his heavy limbs down to the kitchen, placing an ice pack gingerly on his aching face. With a feeling of nausea he caught his reflection in the metallic refrigerator door, immediately turning away to hide from seeing his features, swollen and bloody beyond recognition and utterly foreign in their feeling. He reached up and touched his eyebrows with hesitant fingers. The sudden jolt of pain made him retract his hand quickly and clench it into a fist at his side.

If Jonghyun's father had reacted this strongly to him simply leaving home for a week, how badly would he react if he knew Jonghyun was not alone?

How badly would he react if he knew he had been with his boyfriend?

Jonghyun's limbs went stiff, paralyzed at the moment of clarity that spread itself across his brain and made him drop his icepack in shock.

_That's why he did it._

Jonghyun had never felt so stupid in his life. The whole time he had been asking himself why it had happened when the answer couldn't have been more obvious.

All the nonsense Key had spewed about Jonghyun throwing his life away had been just that – complete nonsense.

It was never about Jonghyun's future.

He grabbed his jacket off of the counter, bundling himself up before braving the freezing cold wind that felt like knives against his face.

While the very idea terrified him, he had to do it.

He could spend the rest of his life lying around and feeling sorry for himself, or he could take action right here, right now.

Jonghyun somehow only managed to notice about halfway through his walk that it had snowed sometime in the middle of the night. There was something serene about the first snowfall of the year, the pure white powder completely untouched, surrounding the city in an insulating blanket that seemed to silence every footstep and cloud every breath.

Jonghyun checked his watch the second he reached his destination. In his haste he arrived ten minutes too early, but perhaps it was all for the best. If he were late it would have defeated the point entirely.

After minutes of pacing with his hands shoved crammed deep into the crevices of his pockets and rapidly looking around with eager eyes, he finally saw what he was looking for.

The mass of sleek black hair stood out first, a stark contrast against the pristine white of the snow. Jonghyun's eyes travelled to his hands, wrapped in a much too predictable pair of pink mittens, fixed around the strap of his bag as he stared at his short steps in the snow.

Jonghyun held his breath. He wasn't sure what to expect when Key saw him just standing outside his front door. He wasn't sure how Key would react.

But through all his uncertainties, he knew he had to do it.

Key didn't even look shocked when he noticed Jonghyun just standing there, leaning up against his door after minutes of fumbling and pacing and changing his position awkwardly, trying, and most likely failing, to look like he wasn't in a state of complete panic.

As Key approached, shock was the last expression Jonghyun could see. There was almost a look of expectance on his face, as if he knew that Jonghyun would be here, as if he had been dreading facing him all day.

He walked toward him until he was a standing foot away from Jonghyun, each boy staring, unmoving, not sure quite where to begin.

This came as a bit of a surprise to Jonghyun. He expected a fight from Key, from the boy who _supposedly_ wanted nothing to do with him. He expected Key to berate him with his usual harsh words, to scoff at him, to shred him to pieces and turn him away.

But the last thing he expected was for him to say nothing at all.

His breath turned to smoke in front of his face, his nose and ears burning from the unrelenting chill of the winter. Both boys seemed too afraid to speak, too afraid to interrupt the air of silence between them.

Key looked even paler than usual, save for a few spots of red and raw skin resting beneath his eyes and painting his cheeks. His eyes looked tired, devoid of their usual fire.

He looked exhausted.

"What… what happened to your face?" Key whispered, his cracked voice breaking the unsettling silence between them.

Jonghyun wanted to tell Key it was nothing. That it didn't hurt, that it wasn't important.

He really, truly, didn't want to say what he was about to say next.

But he needed to confirm his suspicions about Key's reasoning.

"My dad did it." He whispered. "My dad did it when I came home."

Jonghyun could almost see Key struggling with himself. He couldn't offer Jonghyun his sympathies – he was supposed to be _ignoring_Jonghyun, after all. But he wanted to. The way he bit his lip, the way his eyes winced inadvertently at the words, gave him completely away.

"I'm… sorry." Key muttered, trying to hold himself back from saying anything further. The silence came back, more stifling than before.

Jonghyun knew what he needed to say. He knew it full well.

It just didn't make it less painful for him to say it.

"You should be." Jonghyun hissed, feigning anger as he squinted his eyes into slits. "It's your fault."

The expression of shock that crawled onto Key's face made Jonghyun's heart throb with pain.

"W-what?" Key whispered, eyes fixed on his shoes as he hid his expression from Jonghyun.

Jonghyun wished more than anything he could just stop talking.

But this was the only way he knew how to fix this.

If Key wouldn't tell Jonghyun the truth, Jonghyun would have to force it out of him the only way he knew how.

"I thought we were leaving for good. I _ran away _for you, Key." Jonghyun said. Key's shoulders just barely began to shake, a movement Jonghyun would never have noticed were he not inspecting the younger boy, tracking his every reaction with careful eyes. "When you came back, I had to come back, too. But I didn't _get _to go home to a nice loving family. I didn't _get _to be forgiven, like you were." Jonghyun said, raising his voice louder and louder as his each syllable seemed to be swallowed whole by the thick snow surrounding them. "No, I didn't get any of that. You want to know what happened when I got home? When I got home, my dad _beat the shit out of me._"

Key twitched visibly, arms tightening around himself as if the words caused him pain. He clutched at his elbows, trying to put a barrier between him and Jonghyun. "I… I didn't mean for that to happen." Key whispered.

"Then what _did _you want to happen, Key?" Jonghyun snapped. He felt an anger boiling in his stomach, not as feigned as it had been before. "Did you just want to mess around? Was that it?" Key shook his head, his shudders becoming more obvious by the second. "Was this all just a game? Or was it your goal to break my heart? Because congratulations, you've succeeded."

"You just d-don't get it…" Key muttered, covering his eyes with his hands. It hurt Jonghyun to see Key breaking down the way he was. But he couldn't stop. Not now.

"I think I get it pretty well." Jonghyun seethed. The words tasted like acid, the aggressive tone something he never thought he'd use against him. "You're selfish. You don't care about anyone but yourself."

"Don't you dare call me selfish! This is for you! I'm doing this to protect _you_!" Key snapped. His eyes shot up almost immediately, looking like he completely regretted the words that had so carelessly fallen from his mouth.

Jonghyun stared at him as he averted his eyes, hunching over and gripping at his bag tightly.

So Jonghyun's suspicions had been right.

"To… protect me?" Jonghyun whispered. "But… back at Onew's, you said it was about my future."

"Get out of the way, Jonghyun. Let me in my house."

"Why did you lie, Key?"

"I said _move._"

"_Why did you lie?_"

"Dammit, Jonghyun!" Key yelled, glaring at him with red eyes. "You just don't get it!" Jonghyun bit his lip, doing his best to remain silent. This is what he had been waiting for. This outburst, proof that Key's shield was coming down, would finally tell Jonghyun everything he needed to know. "You walk around without a single fear. You don't know what it's like to be bullied, to be afraid to go to school, to be afraid to even walk home." Key yelled, doing his best to mask the slight waver in his voice. "Don't you get it? This is to protect _you_. We _can't _do this. We _can't _be together. It's just the way it is, Jonghyun. Now let me in my house."

"You call this protecting?" Jonghyun screamed. "Look at my face, Key. _Look at me!_" He grabbed Key's cheeks in his hand, forcing him to pull his eyes away from the snow beneath his feet and instead look him straight in the eye. Key tried to avert his eyes, to spare himself from seeing Jonghyun's damaged face, but Jonghyun wouldn't let him. "Do you see this? Does this look like the work of protection to you?" He shouted, keeping Key's face pointed directly at his own.

"Exactly." Key whispered, his voice so faint it almost didn't reach Jonghyun's ears. "If… if you stay with me, that's just the start. If you stay with me… you'll only be hurt even more…" Key shuddered, sending vibrations into Jonghyun's fingertips and up his arms. "I w-won't let you get hurt because of me… I can't…" Key covered his eyes, unable to speak through his pained sobs.

"But no one has to know." Jonghyun said. "I can convince Siwon to keep quiet. I just need to talk to him."

If he could just convince Siwon to keep their secret, then they could be together.

No one would have to know.

"There is no 'we' anymore, Jonghyun." Jonghyun's heart throbbed at Key's words, the pain pulsing through his fingertips as he was forced to stare reality in the face. "Go ahead, talk to Siwon. But the only thing you'll be telling him is that as far as anyone's concerned, you and I don't know each other."

Jonghyun's air of confidence crumbled as Key swatted his hands away, sidestepping Jonghyun and swiftly shutting himself in his house, effectively hiding himself from Jonghyun's eyes.

"Key!" Jonghyun screamed, placing his hands against the door. "I'm not… I'm not giving up!" He shouted. His hands shot to his eyes as he saw a drop of water crash onto the pavement below. He hadn't even realized that he was crying. "I… can't live without you, Key…" He said, praying that Key was within earshot. "I can't live without you, s-so… I'm not giving up. Not until you come back."

Jonghyun pressed his head against the cold wood of the front door, shoulders heaving as he was answered only with a painful silence from inside his house.

His chest felt like it would burst. His lungs felt like they were on fire, torn to shreds by the fits of sadness he had been put through.

But along with the pain he felt, there was a hint of relief in his sobs.

Key hadn't used him. He hadn't strung him along only to throw him away.

Key's methods, while harsh, were all for Jonghyun's sake. Although misguided, they were only for his wellbeing.

But Key was wrong. And all Jonghyun had to do now was prove it to him.

He didn't care how long it took. He'd spend years if he had to.

Key was worth every second of it.

He collected himself and wiped his tears as he swiftly turned on his heels and walked away from Key's house. He knew exactly what he needed to do.

Although thinking about it made his knees weak, he had no other options.

_I need to find Siwon. _


	32. Something Unexpected

Finding Choi Siwon, an idea he had so carelessly thought up after _completely _running out of any other options, was infinitely easier said than done.

The kid never showed up to school. Jonghyun couldn't for the life of him figure out how he could skip so much class and not get expelled. While normally this skill would make Jonghyun incredibly jealous, this time it only served to completely frustrate and infuriate him.

He never expected to be looking for the man who had threatened and practically chased him out of town. He had spent every day since their meeting trying to avoid him, after all.

But now that he was trying to find him, now that his entire relationship with Key _depended _on it, Siwon seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth.

"God_damn _it!" Jonghyun hissed under his breath after another useless day of searching. The longer this took, the longer it would be until he could see Key again.

And every day, every _second_ that he couldn't see him made his stomach turn in on itself, made his arms and legs ache with pure longing just for a _glimpse _of the younger boy.

Not being able to hold him, not even being able to _see _him –

It was nothing short of torture.

He paced up and down the hallways, gripping at his hair as he tried to think of something, _anything, _that he could do to find the suddenly_impossibly_ elusive man he was looking for.

As he turned around, deciding to just give up and go home and try again the next day, he spotted someone standing just a few feet away from him. His face was _eerily _familiar, but for some reason, Jonghyun couldn't quite place it.

He was sure he had met him before, he just couldn't remember where.

"You!" Jonghyun yelled. The boy turned, nearly jumping as his eyes met Jonghyun's. Yes, he'd certainly met his boy before.

It all came back to him, a rush of memories that almost made him cringe to think of.

The boy seemed to shake as he looked at Jonghyun, his eyes glancing to the floor, to his hands, darting around the room as he tried to escape Jonghyun's gaze.

Although his face was significantly less bloody this time around, it was, without a doubt, the same boy from the classroom all those weeks ago. Jonghyun remembered how he had nearly smashed his face in during his fit of blind rage, the way his jaw had cracked against his fists and stained his fingers with blood.

"You… know Choi Siwon, don't you?" Jonghyun said, keeping his finger pointed unflinchingly at the boy's face. He nodded, eyes wide in fear, most likely terrified Jonghyun would attack him again. "Give me his address." Jonghyun demanded. The boy's eyes shifted just to the right of Jonghyun, obviously weighing his options in his head.

Tell him and suffer punishment from Siwon?

Or refuse Jonghyun, and risk getting his ass kicked right then and there once again?

"_Now_." Jonghyun hissed.

Jonghyun had never in his life thought of himself as a scary person. He had always been a bit mild mannered, meek, even. He was the quiet nerd, after all. And the fact still stood that he was shorter than most of his classmates, hell, most of the _population_.

But as he threatened this boy, staring daggers at him and demanding he betray his friend, the sound of his stern voice cutting against his throat scared even himself.

"F-fine…" The boy whimpered reluctantly, finally deciding that it would be safer if he just gave into Jonghyun's commands. Jonghyun pulled out a piece of paper, thrusting it toward the boy who jolted at the sudden movement. He accepted the paper hesitantly, doing his best to scrawl out the address with his _severely _shaking fingers. Jonghyun grabbed the slip from his hands the moment he was done.

"Get out of here." He grumbled. The boy immediately scurried out of the hallway, most likely completely terrified at the interaction he had just stumbled into, but Jonghyun didn't care enough to even think of it.

He was too busy cradling the paper in his hands, scared to let any harm to come to the one thing that guaranteed success in finding Siwon. He stared at in disbelief before his brain _finally _kicked in, realizing that the address was not terribly far from his house – although nothing in this small town really _was_.

He sprinted down the hallway, mind somehow racing faster than his steps as he clutched the sheet in his sweaty hands. Although he had memorized the address the instant his eyes had hit the page, he didn't want to risk losing it.

He continued to run, the cold air burning at his lungs, his feet stomping the pavement with heavy steps, the streets becoming increasingly familiar the closer he came to his house. His never realized Siwon lived _this _nearby to him. While under normal circumstances this discovery would terrify him, at that moment it was the last thing on his mind. He had more important things to worry about.

He froze as he reached the house that matched the address given to him. It was white, impossibly clean looking, the walkway that led to his dull green front door already shoveled from the night's snowfall.

It was so…

_Normal._

When it came to Siwon, he thought his house would be something a little more _looming, _maybe a bit more _dangerous_.

He wasn't quite sure exactly what he expected, but he _certainly _didn't expect this prim and proper suburban home, decorated with green shutters and _flowerpots _of all things.

Despite the surprisingly welcome atmosphere the house emitted, Jonghyun still couldn't stifle the feeling of sheer terror pitted in his stomach.

This was the only boy other than Minho who knew about his relationship with Key.

He could ruin Jonghyun's life with a single sentence, reveal him to the _entire _school with a few careless words. And the way he _towered _over Jonghyun, he could most likely beat him to a pulp with a flick of his wrist.

Yet here Jonghyun was, standing outside of his house, preparing to face the boy who could destroy him so easily.

He held his breath as he approached his front door, hesitantly raising his hand before knocking firmly against the wood.

His knees wobbled, weakened from the continuing onslaught of nerves, hands trembling in the sleeve of his jacket.

"Siwon, open up!" He called after much too long a silence. He _had _to be home. Jonghyun couldn't simply wait another day. He needed Key. If he could just convince Siwon to keep his mouth shut, he could see him again. It didn't matter if he was scared. It didn't matter if every fiber of his being wanted to turn around and sprint in the other direction.

He had to do this _now._

"Siwon!" He yelled, slamming the door with heavy fists, fueled by the unrelenting adrenaline coursing in his veins.

He was returned with nothing but a painful silence from inside.

Jonghyun took a few steps back, looking into the windows for _any _sign of movement from inside.

He sprinted back into the walkway, carefully inspecting the upper floor.

His eyes widened as he saw something move in the window. It was small, so small he could just _barely _see it in his gaze, but it was undeniable. Siwon or otherwise, there was _somebody _in there.

And at that moment, Jonghyun didn't have the patience to sit around and ponder exactly who it was.

At that moment, he truly didn't care.

He sprinted back up the walkway, bursting through the door with a loud bang. The interior of the house was as surprisingly normal as the exterior, nicely decorated, well furnished, an overall cozy atmosphere that somehow unsettled Jonghyun a lot more than it should have.

It felt strange to be in Siwon's house, a place he never in a million years expected to end up, but he knew if he dwelled on that for too long he'd lose his nerve and give up.

He heard music playing from the floor above, loud enough that he could feel the vibrations underneath his feet.

"Siwon?" He yelled, however he _seriously _doubted he could hear him over the pounding of the music.

He headed up the stairs, each step making his heart sink into his stomach and his knees quake with fear. He swallowed hard, willing himself not to turn around and run away. He had already come this far. He couldn't turn back now.

The source of the music brought him to a door clearly marked with Siwon's name. He didn't have time to think about what he was doing. If he spent even a second thinking about just where he was, just what he was about to do, just whose _room _he was standing in front of, every ounce of bravery – or perhaps, stupidity – would leave his body, rendering him into a useless puddle of nerves on the floor.

He knocked firmly against the door, the wood feeling like stone against his knuckles. He tapped his foot, his whole body completely jittery, as he was once again greeted with nothing but silence.

Well.

If Siwon wasn't going to answer him, then he had no other choice.

He fixed his hand on the doorknob, swinging the door open in one swift movement before freezing in his tracks.

Every so often Jonghyun encountered something so shocking that his brain couldn't process it right away. Much like the daze he felt after kissing Key for the first time, the almost full hour it took before he even realized what he had done, sometimes Jonghyun had to wait for a while for his brain to catch up to speed. Sometimes it took several moments of silent staring before it finally made sense, before the images finally made themselves clear.

Seeing Siwon lying half naked on top of another boy was one of those times.

After what felt like an eternity of shocked silence, Jonghyun finally registered just what he was looking at. The boy looked significantly younger than them, or was at least on the smaller side. He immediately covered himself up with the sheets at the sight of Jonghyun, his pale cheeks glowing red from embarrassment.

Siwon separated himself from the small boy, leaping up and glaring at a sputtering Jonghyun.

Before Jonghyun could move, before he could even _react, _Siwon grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the wall. Jonghyun gasped for air as he felt his neck being squeezed tighter by Siwon's massive hands, face twitching as Siwon's eyes turned to furious slits.

"What the _fuck _are you doing in my room." He hissed, stare unflinching as he searched every inch of Jonghyun's face with rotten eyes.

Jonghyun could do nothing but pant under the grip of Siwon's hands, trying to catch his breath anyway could, trying to make sense of what he had just seen.

Siwon.

Naked.

On top of another _boy._

No matter which way he bent it, there really was only one conclusion.

"Y-you… you're gay?" He whispered. Siwon pulled Jonghyun a mere centimeter from his face before slamming him back into the wall with even more force than the first time. Jonghyun wanted to crumble onto the floor, to just collapse from the searing pain jolting through his bones, but was kept in place by Siwon's iron grip.

"I'm not gay, you fucking homo." He seethed.

Was he _seriously _trying to pull that? After Jonghyun had just seen?

"_What the fuck are you doing here._" Siwon repeated again.

"I-I needed to talk to you." Jonghyun said.

He couldn't back down.

Especially now that he finally had leverage.

"What the _fuck_ could you possibly have to talk to me about?" Siwon said, tone so low it made Jonghyun shudder against his grip.

"K-Key. Me and...Key." Jonghyun replied. He was trying to keep his stutters to a minimum, but wasn't doing a terribly good job of it. He took a deep breath, taking advantage of the fact that Siwon's hands were no longer on his throat, but now placed haphazardly on his shoulders. He needed to come off as powerful, or this would never work. "I came here to ask… no, to _tell _you to keep my secret."

"Why the _fuck _should I do anything for you?" Siwon growled.

_Don't back down._

"I don't think you're in much of a position to deny me anything right now." Jonghyun said, giving a sideways glance to the beet-red boy enveloped in his bed sheets. Siwon looked back, remembering just what situation he had himself in.

"What's stopping me from just kicking the shit out of you right here to keep you quiet?" Siwon asked.

Jonghyun sent a glare of his own directly into Siwon's eyes, doing his best to stay resolute.

"I really would not risk that."

Siwon's eyes twitched back and forth, switching between Jonghyun's and the boy lying on his bed. He sighed, dropping his arms from Jonghyun's shoulders and folding them across his bare chest.

"I won't say anything." He said reluctantly. Jonghyun felt his stomach turn cartwheels in his abdomen.

Somehow this outrageously ridiculous plan – if it could even be called that, a 'collection of mishaps' would be more accurate – had worked.

Somehow, he had convinced Siwon to not say a word.

"Now _get the fuck out._"

He didn't have to tell him twice.

Jonghyun bolted from the room, leaving behind the _extremely _bizarre situation behind him.

He rested his hands on his knees the moment his feet hit the walkway, panting and trying to calm his almost erratic heartbeat that pounded furiously against his ribs.

So all this time, Siwon had been just like him. All this time he had just been lying.

He felt a moment of sadness, a brief feeling of solidarity rising up in his chest. He remembered himself months ago, how he couldn't even admit to himself that he was potentially interested in a boy, convinced that the mere thought was completely abnormal. Siwon was so insecure with himself that he felt the need to lash out at other people around him, harassing anyone who was like him just to keep his secret.

And although the boy had nearly ruined his relationship with Key, although he had gone so far as to threaten _violence _against the two of them, somewhere deep in his heart he couldn't help but feel a bit _sorry_ for him.

Jonghyun shook his head and forced the thoughts out of his mind. He didn't really want to think about _any _of what just happened. All he wanted to think about was that it had _worked_. Somehow he had fumbled into the most dangerous situation he could think of, and he had pulled it off.

And now there was nothing standing between him and Key. Nothing at all.

Just as soon as he told Key, everything would _finally_, at long last, return to normal.


	33. Welcome to Reality

The way Jonghyun saw it, he had two options here.

He could wait around at Key's house where Key could swiftly lock himself in his house and effectively ignore Jonghyun completely, _or –_

Jonghyun could simply waltz into the café and talk with him there, the bustle of work making it impossible for Key to escape him. It was slightly manipulative, Jonghyun was fully aware, but at this point it was the only way to get Key to talk to him without running away.

Without another moment's thought he started off toward the café, emptying his mind of all the things that could _possibly _go wrong. If he listened to his pesky conscience telling him to just run away, he wouldn't get anything done. He had ignored his conscience when he had so foolishly hatched his plan to go to Siwon's house, and that had (somehow) turned out for the better. He had ignored it months ago when it told him again and again to just push Key out of his life, and he had most certainly ignored his nearly _screaming_ conscience the day he plunged headfirst into a relationship with the boy, and _that – _although it _seemed_ to be falling to pieces at that moment – was something Jonghyun would have done a million times over if he had the chance.

It was safe to say that he was better off just ignoring his conscience completely.

Although he had made his decision, it _certainly _didn't make it easy to follow through with it. With every step he felt it rising up and gnawing at his insides, the all-too familiar sense of fear coupled with almost impossibly painful guilt boring holes into his already rattled stomach.

When he thought about it rationally, he really had no reason to worry. He had already removed the one obstacle standing in their way. He could easily refute Key's stubborn insistence that being with him was unsafe, that the threat of exposure simply wasn't worth it. Because now there was no risk, there was no way for them to be found out.

And if Key loved him, there was nothing stopping them from getting back together.

And Key loved him.

Didn't he?

He was now standing outside the café, feeling like a complete and utter stalker as he pressed himself along the cold bricks of the outer wall, hiding himself until he gathered the nerve to stop _standing _there like a fool and just _walk _inside. It wasn't like he had anything to lose, anyway.

Sighing one last time, he turned around the corner, walking swiftly into the café before he could break down and give up.

Jonghyun felt himself break out in a cold sweat the moment Key's sharp eyes landed on him stepping through the doorway. The look he wore, not the same look of expectance he had when Jonghyun had appeared at his house, not even a look of _surprise_, though Jonghyun almost wished it was, made him almost want to turn around and leave and just forget the idea entirely.

No, it wasn't shock. It wasn't even anything close.

The look he gave him, the look that froze him in the doorway, was an expression of pure anger.

Jonghyun never expected Key to look at him like that. Even when Key teased him, even when his comments could be branded as far as cruel, Key's large eyes always remained soft, as gentle as they were beautiful.

This was the first that Jonghyun could say with confidence that he saw nothing but pure hatred in the boy's eyes.

Even though his gaze pained him to look at, even though his piercing eyes struck Jonghyun's heart and made him tremble in his place in the doorway, the moment Key averted his eyes back to the people in line, distracting himself with work and ignoring Jonghyun's presence at all, hurt infinitely more.

Being hated was one thing. At least Key felt _something _for him.

Being ignored, knowing that whether Jonghyun was there or not didn't even make a _difference _to Key, was more painful than he could imagine.

He preferred hatred to absolute apathy.

Jonghyun stormed up to the counter, ignoring the loud protests of the line waiting patiently for their coffee.

"Key, I need to talk to you." He begged. Jonghyun was only returned with a brief glare before Key spun on his heels and turned his back on him completely.

"I can help you over here, ma'am." He said with a friendly smile. It was as if Key hadn't even heard him, as if his words hadn't even reached his ears in the slightest.

He sidestepped the line, running around to the other side of the counter and up to the machines Key was so preoccupied with.

"Key, I _really _need to talk to you."

Key didn't even look up from his hands as he worked swiftly at the machine, the actions incredibly easy after years of practice. He handed the woman her coffee, accepting her money and counting the change before sending her off with a smile, a smile Jonghyun knew all too well was a fake one.

"Just _one minute_." Jonghyun insisted, his heart aching as Key continued to simply ignore him in favor of the handful of people standing in line, who now seemed to be casting uneasy glances in his direction. Jonghyun reached his hand hesitantly across the counter to grab onto Key's shoulder. "Key, I'm begging you, just – "

Key slapped his hand, _finally _acknowledging that Jonghyun was so much as standing there, though the words that sailed angrily from his mouth didn't appease Jonghyun in the slightest. "Kim Jonghyun." He hissed, pointing an unwavering finger toward his face. He looked absolutely furious. "You can wait outside my house all you want. You can follow me home _every day_ for all I care." Jonghyun's tongue suddenly felt too big for his mouth, his heart sinking beneath his stomach at the harsh tone in Key's words. He had run here full speed hoping to change Key's mind, hoping that his words would light Key's eyes and make him leap into his arms once again. But for the millionth time, he had been _wrong. _"But _this is my work._" Key declared, stabbing his finger into Jonghyun's shoulder with every word. "At _my job. _That I _need_. You _cannot _be here like this."

"Key, _please_." Jonghyun begged, ignoring the now blatant stares from the people in line. He quite honestly didn't care how strange he looked barging into a coffee shop and pleading at the barista for just a few minutes of his time. It really was not important to him at this point.

Key's answer, even without words, was loud and clear. He turned around once again, blocking Jonghyun out completely as he fiddled with the machines behind the counter.

"Key," Jonghyun yelled over the chatter of the store and the whirring and clicking of the machines that Jonghyun had a sneaking suspicion were intentionally louder than they needed to be. "I'm going to wait for you at your house. Okay?" He shouted, making sure Key could hear him.

Key, as he expected, remained completely silent. Jonghyun sighed, taking one last look at his back before swiftly turning out of the store and leaving Key behind as he took off for his house.

This, he knew, was just a slight hiccup in his plans. He hadn't expected Key to react like this. But it didn't matter. As soon as they talked it over at his house, it'd be like it never happened.

His hands were already freezing by the time he reached Key's home. He found himself aching to go inside, not only to warm his frozen body, but also just to feel like he was close to Key again, that he was welcome back in the place where they had made so many good memories.

He missed it.

He missed being able to walk into Key's house like it was his own, collapsing on the couch with Key and laughing and sharing stories from their day. He missed crawling shyly into Key's bed just to cuddle for hours on end, sometimes without even the _thought_ of anything sexual crossing their minds. He missed burying his head into Key's warmth, becoming lost in his arms and entranced in his scent, every touch burning like fire against his skin.

He missed every single part of Key.

He missed him so much it hurt.

He looked up, entirely surprised that he had wasted nearly an hour absorbed in his own head, to see the very boy he had been so preoccupied thinking of.

"K-Key!" He yelled, scrambling to his feet to look Key in the eyes. Nowadays he only got a few chances here and there to even _look _at the boy. And he was going to take advantage of the few minutes that he did anyway he could.

"What is it, Jonghyun?" Key hissed, his usually expressive eyes looking completely lifeless. "What is so important that you had to meet me at work?"

Jonghyun swallowed several times as he tried to take in exactly what he was hearing. "U-um." He started, all words suddenly failing him at the grating sound of Key's voice. He hated when Key talked to him like this, with nothing but anger laced in his words. He just wanted to hear Key say his name the way he used to, even if the love Jonghyun had heard in his voice wasn't real. He just wanted some sign, any sign at all, of affection from him again. "It's about Siwon."

"What _about _Siwon." Key snapped. Jonghyun flinched, the words slapping him in the face harder than the freezing wind around them.

"I went to his house today. He… he won't be threatening us anymore." Jonghyun could practically see Key's ears prick at the word 'us' that he had banned Jonghyun from using just days ago.

"How do you know that?"

"Well…" Jonghyun said, remembering with a kind of sickness the images his poor mind had been subject to just hours ago. "He's gay."

Key's expression, for just a split second, so short Jonghyun almost missed it, into something Jonghyun couldn't quite pinpoint. It looked almost – dare he say it – _hopeful. _The flash of emotion left just as soon as it came, replaced by the icy glare he now wore whenever Jonghyun was around.

"So?"

Jonghyun's heart, or what was left of it, slipped down once again into the pit of his stomach.

Had Key really listened to that news, the news that was supposed to bring them together again, the news that was supposed to keep them happy and safe and away from anyone else's mindful watch and responded to it with a simple _'so'?_

"_So, _there's no danger anymore." Jonghyun said, a weak smile coming on to his face. Key seemed to be missing the point here. As soon as he explained it to him, this situation would be fixed. He was so excited he could barely form the words, hands playing with his sleeves as he gathered himself and spoke again. "That's what this is all about, right? My wellbeing? Well, that's not a problem anymore." He said, smile growing by the second. "No one knows but us. And Taemin and Minho, of course, but that's beside the point." His grin couldn't be controlled anymore, his entire body itching and waiting for Key to leap into his arms, so he could finally feel his perfect lips against his own and hold him for hours again.

He tried to remain hopeful, to tell himself that the growing silence between them was only time for Key to absorb the full impact of what Jonghyun was telling him.

"It isn't… it isn't enough." Key said, after nearly a full minute of silence.

"W-what do you mean?" Jonghyun asked, face falling in utter disbelief. Key sighed and turned his face away.

_Don't look so serious._

_Just smile for me again._

_Just once, please smile for me again._

"Other people… could find out about us." Key whispered. "Then… then you wouldn't be safe anymore."

"Key, that's _impossible._" Jonghyun said, reaching out and grabbing hold of him by the wrist. "How could anyone find out? We won't _tell _anyone. Siwon won't tell anyone. And Minho and Taemin certainly won't tell anyone. How could _anyone _find out?"

"Jonghyun you don't know that. You don't know what it's like."

"And I _won't!_" Jonghyun shouted. He was fed up at this point. Key wouldn't even _listen _to him, wouldn't even take his words into account for a second. "Key, _no one _is going to find out about us. And even if someone _did, _which is _impossible_, I wouldn't care! They can do whatever the hell they want to me! I just…" His voice faltered, suddenly shaking as he came down from his moment of anger and fell into a pit of despair. "I just want you back… please…"

After the torture Key had put him through Jonghyun had been completely sure that his heart had been reduced to shreds, perhaps a puddle of useless tissue somewhere in the empty cavern of his chest. But he was once again proved wrong. When Key spoke, Jonghyun felt his heart shatter to pieces underneath his ribs.

"We can't, Jonghyun." He whispered. Key removed his arm from Jonghyun's iron grip, separating himself from Jonghyun one last time. "It's over."

Without warning, without even intending to, Jonghyun slammed his fist against the wall next to Key's head, screaming in out of frustration, out of despair. His breaths sounded like a storm in his chest, rising and falling violently as he panted for breath.

"This… this isn't even _about _me, is it?" He hissed. He didn't care how angry he sounded anymore. There wasn't a speck of hope left in his mind, there wasn't a single thing holding him back from articulating his the anger that poured from his lungs. "My 'safety', my 'wellbeing'… that isn't even what this is about." Jonghyun finally understood. This had absolutely nothing to do with his safety.

"It's… for your own good."

That was a lie.

Everything had been a lie.

The truth was there. The truth had always been there in the back of his mind. Jonghyun just had been to busy ignoring it, too busy pretending that it wasn't there.

Key really just didn't give a shit about him.

"You… you and I _both _know that no one will find out. It doesn't make sense that you wouldn't want to. But I think… I think I finally get it now." Jonghyun watched Key carefully, watched the way he avoided Jonghyun's eyes, biting his lip as he always did whenever he was nervous. And Jonghyun knew why he was. He was nervous because Jonghyun finally understood the truth. "During our… 'relationship', if you ever even_considered _it that… you never opened up to me. Ever. You acted like you merely tolerated my presence. Or, I _thought _it was an act. But I get it now. I understand it perfectly." Jonghyun held back tears. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't cry in front of the boy who felt nothing for him. "You… never answered my question last time." The tears were burning at his eyes, but he held them back. He wouldn't cry.

"W-what question?" Key stuttered, his voice meek and quiet and barely a whisper. Jonghyun sighed, forced to repeat it once more.

"Did you ever love me?" He whispered. "Yes or no. Just _answer it._" Jonghyun hissed. He didn't know why he found himself asking the question that hurt him so much the first time around. Perhaps he wanted to force Key to finally tell the truth after months of lying. Perhaps he was just a masochist. He wasn't sure. Regardless, there he was, waiting for the answer to a question that he didn't even want to hear, a question whose answer he already knew.

Key stared him in the eye for the first time that night, the look in his eyes making Jonghyun do everything in his power not to cry.

"I don't think you want me to answer that."

Jonghyun dropped his hands to his sides, forcing his chin downward and away from Key's stare. It seems Key had seen right through him, once again.

"Okay." He whispered, clenching his fist next to his waist. "Okay. That's fine."

He wouldn't cry.

"You… will thank me someday." Key said, the last words he had before he slinked back into his house and away from a freezing cold Jonghyun, now left alone in the pitch black winter night.

Key's words echoed in his head, each time more painful than the last as he sunk further and further into despair.

_It's over._

He wouldn't cry. Not here, not on the doorstep of the boy who cared so little for him.

Jonghyun clenched his fists and dug his nails into his palms, tighter and tighter until the blood flowed faster than the tears that had somehow slipped from his eyes despite all his attempts to hold them back.

_Naïve._

He fell to his knees, covering his face with his newly reddened hands and sobbing harder and harder at Key's doorstep.

_It's over._

He had never felt pain like this before. He felt like his ribs were being crushed, like his sobs would split his lungs in half and kill him right then and there.

The months spent with Key were a lie.

Every fear, every insecurity Jonghyun had had been true. Key never loved him. It was always Jonghyun. All this time and their relationship had only been created by Jonghyun's wishful thoughts. He had been too caught up in his own delusions and blinded by his own love to see that Key never felt anything for him at all.

But he finally understood it now.

After all this time, he finally realized that that sneaking suspicion had been true all along. His worst fears were right.

And all this time, Jonghyun had been wrong.

_It's over, Jonghyun._

_It's time to wake up. _


	34. One Last Time

Three weeks and two days.

Three weeks and two days since seeing Key.

Three weeks and two days of crying himself to sleep, of cursing himself and cursing Key and immediately feeling sorry for it, and three weeks and two days of vowing that he would forget about him, forget his face, forget his touch, forget anything that ever happened between them.

Because they were strangers.

As far as anyone knew, the months they spent at each other's side had never happened. The two weeks they had spent living together, sleeping wrapped in each other's arms, waking up with the other sleeping peacefully next to him, eating every meal together like a married couple, shopping together, walking around town with their fingers intertwined, were worth nothing now. Every single memory they had created together was now void.

And the sooner Jonghyun realized that, the easier it would be for him to move on.

"Jjong, I just don't get it." Minho sighed and flopped backward onto the carpet, throwing his pencil on the floor and abandoning hope of ever understanding the topics set out in front of him. Jonghyun sighed and pressed his cheek to the numerous stacks of textbooks that lined the table, staring at Minho all the while.

Jonghyun had been seriously surprised when Minho had called him up asking for tutoring. Jonghyun had known Minho for _years _and he had_never _seen Minho show so much as a hint of concern over his grades or schoolwork even _once_. Jonghyun had checked to make sure he was talking to the right person on his phone probably fifty times before he believed it. But, despite Jonghyun's disbelief, Minho seemed to be really serious about this. Apparently Taemin was a good student, and Minho wanted to improve his grades so they could go to the same college in the future.

Jonghyun forced back the rapidly approaching jealousy he felt rising up in his stomach. He couldn't think of Key at a time like this. He was over Key. He was moving on.

"Minho, this wouldn't be confusing if you'd just listen to me." Jonghyun said, tapping the numerous math problems on the table. Although Minho was genuinely trying to study, that didn't change the fact that his attention span could only handle so much at once. "Let's start over."

Jonghyun found himself going through the same problems he had just explained at a much slower pace so Minho could follow along. Minho wasn't stupid by any means, he was just so opposed to the idea of school that it took him ages to sit down and focus on what exactly he was doing, and even longer for him to take the initiative and do it himself. But Jonghyun didn't exactly mind spending time with him like this. It helped with the distraction.

If bit his tongue and focused only on the problems before him, he had no room for any other thoughts in his head. As long as his mind didn't wander, he could just forget.

He could immerse himself in distraction, return to the life he once had, and move on.

And that's exactly what he planned to do.

"Jonghyun, are you okay? You're really quiet." Minho said. The two had finished studying hours ago due to Minho claiming that his brain couldn't store any more information, and they were now relaxing and talking on Jonghyun's bed, although Minho seemed to be doing much more of that than Jonghyun was.

"Oh? I didn't realize." Jonghyun said. He didn't mean to be so spaced out. It seemed he was so focused on keeping himself distracted that he had effectively blocked Minho out as well.

"Um…" Minho started awkwardly. He shifted over on the bed until he was lying with his shoulder right up against Jonghyun's. "How… how have you been lately?" He said. Jonghyun looked at him in confusion.

"Uh… fine, why?"

"Just with… everything, you know." Minho said. Jonghyun could feel the mattress sink slightly as Minho shifted his weight on the bed. "I just want to make sure you're alright."

Jonghyun's heart sank the moment his brain finally processed just what Minho was talking about.

"O-oh." He said, eyes dulling for just a fraction of a second before he let a hearty laugh jump from his throat. "Come on, Minho, it's not a big deal." He nudged Minho's shoulder playfully. "I mean, it was fun while it lasted. But I'm not gay. We were just messing around, anyway." He felt a stabbing pain in his heart as he realized that the words that were intended to be a lie were, in fact, not that far from the truth – at least in_Key's_ eyes they weren't. "We weren't as serious as you and Taemin are." He said, stomach aching from false after false word that slipped from his own mouth. "I mean, you and Taemin are probably going to get married." He added with a laugh.

_We're going to have kids, and a house, and _three _cars, and a vacation house just because._

Minho chuckled, the sound low and familiar to Jonghyun's ears. "I… hope so." He said shyly.

_We're going to live right on the beach and we'll take our kids there every day._

"T-Taemin." Jonghyun said quickly, trying to stop his mind from wandering any further. Minho stared at him with blank eyes as Jonghyun realized he hadn't actually said a full sentence. "Uh… tell me about him. How are you two?" Jonghyun said quickly, begging for a distraction from the thoughts that just weren't supposed to be in his brain.

"O-oh…" Minho said. A smile crept onto his face as he seemed to drift off into his own memory, eyes faded, lips parted by the thoughts that were no doubt flying through his mind at that very moment. "W-we're good." Jonghyun noted how absurd the childish blush that spread itself upon Minho's face looked on him. He had never really _seen_ Minho blush before, and, if he were to be totally honest, it looked a bit absurd on the supposedly charismatic boy. Minho simply wasn't the type of guy to get embarrassed like that. "Really good." Minho suddenly rolled over onto his stomach, clenching at his hair with tight fists and shoving his face into one of the many pillows Jonghyun had on his bed. "Ah… I… am completely and totally in love with that boy." He said, voice muffled by the pillows and his barely audible sigh muffled even further. "He's… all I think about. How pathetic am I?" Minho said, marking his words with another loud sigh.

_You'll be a famous artist, and I'll take care of the kids at home._

"N-not at all!" Jonghyun said, speaking quickly to once again silence his entirely unwelcome thoughts. "It's not in the least bit pathetic. It's… it's great. You're lucky." He placed a hand on Minho's shoulders, much wider and stronger than his own. Even growing up Minho had always been taller than Jonghyun, infinitely stronger and more mature. Jonghyun could remember the feelings of jealousy he always had for him, even at a young age, so young that his childish mind couldn't quite pinpoint his feelings as those of "envy". He only knew he was different from Minho. He was smaller, less wise, shyer, simply inferior in a seemingly infinite number of ways. A young, self-conscious mind can pick up on such discrepancies with ease, even if it can't understand how to feel or what to make of them. Jonghyun soon grew to detest those differences, though his mind, much too young to understand, turned those feelings of jealousy to those of admiration. When they were young, he followed Minho everywhere. Yet anywhere they went, he always seemed to lag just slightly behind.

It seemed nothing had changed.

He had followed Minho for as long as he could remember.

But he could never quite catch up to him, never quite stand at his side.

He'd continue to follow him, just as he always did.

As long as he kept a safe distance behind, he could follow him with ease.

"I hope I can find someone like that someday." He said. His throat felt dry, like it was cracking into pieces. "I mean, a girl of course." He joked. He rolled on his back and placed his hands on his stomach. "Grow up, start a nice family… yeah, that'd be nice."

_If you're always this protective, our future kids will really hate you..._

"That does sound nice." Minho replied.

_Whose kids?_

_Our kids of course._

"Uh… M-Minho, are you hungry? Want to make some food?" Jonghyun said, sitting upright quickly. Minho pulled out his phone and checked the time.

"Ah, it's a bit late. I should go home. My parents are probably waiting."

Jonghyun's eyes faded a bit. Minho was being completely reasonable – it was rather late, after all. But for some reason he didn't want to be left alone. "Yeah, it is a bit late."

"Call me if you want to talk." He said, standing up and patting Jonghyun's head as he always did. "I mean it."

"O-okay." Jonghyun muttered. It was clear what Minho was talking about.

But Minho was wrong.

Jonghyun didn't need comforting. He didn't need anyone to talk to.

He couldn't curl up and cry all day like a child.

He was moving on.

"Ah… stupid Minho." He said with a quiet laugh the moment Minho left his room. He smiled and hopped off his bed, rummaging through his backpack in search for his history notebook. He had a test tomorrow, and had nothing better to do. Though he already knew the material, it couldn't hurt to run it through once more.

A piece of paper fluttered from the pages of his notebook upon its opening. Curious, Jonghyun unfurled it with careful hands, regretting this decision not even a second after his eyes landed on the paper that was now spread for him to see.

It was the drawing from that night at Onew's house. The two of them curled up against each other, glowing facial expressions drawn so carefully with Key's gentle hand. He remembered how he had shoved it into his bag before leaving, and how, for some reason, he had slipped it into his notebook so he could look at it during class. He had completely forgotten about it until this moment.

He turned the paper over loosely in his hands, biting his tongue and staring silently. He shuffled over to the garbage can in the corner of the room and dangled the paper over it.

If he threw it away, it really would be over.

It really would be the end.

His arm remained suspended over the wastebasket, fingers shaking while he held the paper limply in his hand, telling himself over and over again to just throw the damn thing away and it would all be over and done with.

Seconds passed.

Fingers shaking, heart pounding, he dropped his hand to his side.

He couldn't do it.

He covered his face with his hands, _begging _himself not to cry, cursing himself again and again for not being able to do something so simple, something so easy as throwing away a stupid drawing that meant nothing to him.

He could tell himself he was over him a billion times, tell himself he didn't care, tell himself that he wasn't thinking about Key every second and every moment that he spent awake, no matter what he was doing, but who was he even kidding?

He wasn't over him.

_A week, a year, ten years… Nothing is going to change. I'll still love you._

He collapsed on his bed, hating himself for the solid hours of crying that followed after he vowed so many times not to let one more tear slip from his eyes, after he vowed to just forget about him completely.

But he knew he'd never be able to.

Key was the first person he'd ever loved. No matter what he did or what he told himself, that would never change.

He didn't know how to move on.

He didn't even know where to begin.

He sat up slowly as he heard his sister shut the door to her room, shuffling down the hallway and knocking on her door.

"Um… Vic… can I… can I sleep in here tonight?" He asked quietly. He didn't want to be alone in his room. He just couldn't stomach it.

Victoria gave him a weak smile upon seeing his red eyes, raising her bed sheets understandingly without so much as a single question regarding his disastrous condition.

"Of course." She whispered.

He crawled into bed with her, holding his knees to his chest as tightly as he could.

_I'll love you forever._

_I just want you to know that._

Victoria turned a blind eye to her brother's hours of quiet crying under the protection of her bed sheets, pretending not to notice the slight convulsions against the mattress and feigning sleep at his side.

* * *

><p>"Well done, Kim Jonghyun."<p>

Jonghyun reached out and accepted the test his history teacher was holding out for him. A perfect score, but seeing as Jonghyun didn't really expect anything less, it didn't please him in the slightest.

"Thank you, sir." He replied quietly. He saw Minho give him a thumbs up out of the corner of his eye after receiving his test. They had been meeting more and more often for tutoring, and it seemed to be paying off.

Minho wasted no time in tackling him as soon as they stepped out into the hallway, fluffing his hair in his large hands and shaking Jonghyun back and forth in excitement.

"I owe you, Jjong! Seriously! You are the _best_."

"Yeah, yeah…" He replied, reaching up and fixing his hair that was most likely an absolute mess from Minho's attack, and was even more likely to be completely beyond repair.

"Seriously. Anything you want. I owe you big time." Minho offered. Jonghyun shook his head.

"I'm happy to help, Minho." He said, giving Minho a bright smile. Minho sighed loudly.

"Where did I find such a good friend?" He said.

"I am pretty great, huh?"

"Don't get too arrogant, now." Minho added with a smirk. "Talk to you later, Jjong!" He said before entering the locker rooms for basketball. Jonghyun gave a light wave before turning around and heading the other direction back to the classrooms to talk to his math teacher about a problem that had come up and class, and just to waste a bit of time before going home.

He _hated _being home now. With Victoria at dance and his parents at work, he had nothing to shield him from his thoughts, no one to keep him company while he was his absolute loneliest. He'd rather be at school wasting time surrounded by strangers than be alone at home.

Jonghyun finally gave up, however, when the school started to feel incredibly empty, most people having already gone home from their activities, and being by himself in a massive building felt even lonelier than being at home.

He sighed and ran his hands along the stark white of the wall beside him, tracing the cracks and stepping between the tiles of the hallway like a child would.

However every childish illusion he had created disappeared into thin air the moment he looked up from his feet and saw the person standing before him.

Had it really been a month?

A month since he had seen those lips, that nose, those eyes that had so carelessly shrugged him off time after time again?

A month, surely. Too long a time for anger, yet too short a time for casual civility.

Jonghyun couldn't ignore him. That would be too strange. Someone had to speak.

And so he did.

"Hi."

"Hi." Key responded. He looked scared. Like he wanted to run away.

"What are you doing here? It's after hours." Casual civility it was.

"Picking up Taemin."

"Oh." Jonghyun responded, playing with his hands uncomfortably and staring at the floor. He couldn't look at those eyes. Those eyes that used to be filled with love, those eyes that looked at him in a way he had never seen before. He wanted to preserve that image in his mind. Not the one he knew was standing before him now. "H-how have you been?"

"Good, you?"

Were they really doing this?

Were they really making small talk in the middle of the hallway after the months of passion they had shared?

A first hand demonstration of how things change.

He hated it.

"I-I've been alright." Jonghyun responded.

An unbearably awkward silence settled between the two of them as Jonghyun began to realize just what this was.

If he could say goodbye, if he could push past Key after this disaster of a conversation, then that would be proof.

Proof that he had moved on, proof that it was over.

This was it.

"I'll… see you around I guess?" He said.

"Y-yeah." Key replied. Jonghyun took one last glance at the boy before stepping forward and walking past him.

It was over.

There was all the proof he needed. It was over. It was done.

Every memory with him, every second spent with him all a distant memory.

He could finally move on. He could finally _forget._

But when he really thought about it, was forgetting what he really wanted?

Was moving on really what he had to do?

He turned around to face Key's back, not quite sure what he was doing or, maybe, for the first time in years, completely certain of what he was about to do. He wasn't sure which one it was. But whatever it was, the words that came from his mouth were unquestionable.

"You know what, Key?" He shouted down the hallway, marking the way Key stopped in his tracks at the sudden noise. "I'm… I'm not alright. I'm not even close to alright."

Key slowly turned his head, eyes wide and clouded with confusion. Jonghyun stomped forward, now entirely certain that his body was reacting on its own.

"I haven't stopped thinking about you for a second." He declared. Although Jonghyun didn't think it was possible, Key's eyes seemed to widen even further before he stared at the wall next to him.

"Jonghyun, we can't have this conversation. You – "

"Shut up, Key!" Jonghyun yelled. Key's mouth snapped shut, thoroughly shocked at the words that had slipped from Jonghyun's mouth. "Just… just shut up and listen to me for once!" He just wanted to say what was on his mind. He just wanted Key to listen to him. Just _once _he needed to stop talking and just _listen. _"I thought… I thought you loved me… What you did to me… it wasn't fair." Jonghyun bit his tongue to keep the tears back. He couldn't cry in front of him. He wanted to spare himself from at least that. "I loved… I _love _you, Key."

He was supposed to move on. To push him aside and walk by. It would have all been over if he had done just that.

But it seemed he had started the cycle all over again.

"I thought we were going to be together forever, you know that?" He continued, too far-gone to stop himself from saying the things he knew full well he shouldn't have been saying.

"Your… future." Key whispered.

"What?"

Key bit his lip before speaking again. "You… you're so obsessed with your future. That's why I said what I did the first time. That's why I told you not to throw your future away for me. I thought… I thought you would listen to me if I phrased it like that."

"And I thought you _were _my future."

Key closed his eyes. "I…I know that. That's why it didn't work. That's why you kept coming back."

"What are you trying to say?"

"You were wrong…" Key said. Jonghyun's heart throbbed when he looked at Key's eyes next. He blinked several times, certain that what his eyes were telling him couldn't be the truth. But no matter how many times he rubbed his eyes, the image remained the same.

Key was _crying._

Key, who was supposed to feel nothing, who was supposed to not even care, was crying right in front of him.

"It really was for you…" Key said. "I-it really was for your protection." Key inhaled a few times and covered his eyes, trying to hold back the tears he knew he couldn't stop. "I just… I just want you to be safe…"

Jonghyun swallowed several times, contemplating what do to next. He held his hands out hesitantly, moving forward inch by inch, seeing if Key would flinch or back away. But he never did.

In one final movement he wrapped his arms around Key's back, his legs going weak as he clung to the boy he missed so much, as he felt the warmth rush back into his arms after so long without it.

"Key…" He whispered, squeezing his arms around the younger boy's back and silencing his cries in his arms. "I… do not like to beg. But for you, I'll do anything." He whispered, words becoming shaky as he continued to hold back tears. "But this time I'm _begging _you… please… come back to me." He said, burying his nose into the soft skin of Key's neck. "Please…"

At that moment, Jonghyun's pride was the last thing on his mind as he begged in the middle of the hallway.

He had no idea how Key would respond.

But Key had already left him. The worst thing that could have possibly happened to him had already happened.

So he would beg. He would cry. He would do anything he could.

Key had already left him. So what more did he have to lose?


	35. Circle

Jonghyun sighed loudly as he stared at Minho, whose mouth was dangling open for a solid minute before Jonghyun decided to speak, finally realizing that Minho was in no way able to form a coherent sentence in his current shock.

"Close your mouth, Minho. You look like an idiot."

"B-but Jjong…" Minho whispered, looking quite like a fish with his mouth still hanging completely open. "Your… your _hair_."

Jonghyun sighed again, reaching up and touching his now jet-black locks, pulling at the dark strands and pinching them between his fingers. "The blonde was getting old, don't you think?"

Minho closed and reopened his mouth several times before speaking again. "I… I _liked _the blonde."

"Me, too." Jonghyun said, still absentmindedly playing with his newly dyed hair. "But it was time for a change."

Everything that had happened prior to that day was to be forgotten. Everything that had happened in the past was just that – the past.

It was time for a change.

"Fine…" Minho grumbled, settling his hand on his head and rubbing his hair as he patted his head, just as he always did. "I just need some time to get used to it."

"Minho, you knew me _before _I was blonde. It isn't _that _weird."

"I know." Minho said with a sigh. "I just need to get used to it all over again."

Jonghyun laughed. He needed a bit of time to get used to it, too.

"So." Minho said, removing his hand from Jonghyun's head and forcing it deep into his pockets. "How have you been?"

Jonghyun smiled. It had been difficult, to be sure. Especially at the beginning. But for the first time in a while, he could say it with confidence.

"Good."

A lot had changed in the past few months. The hair dye was only the start of it – a decision made when hoping that adjusting his appearance would reflect the rapid changes his life was taking.

Things were different now.

And truth was, he felt good.

Somewhere along the course of the last few months he had joined the school choir after his eyes fell on a flyer carelessly tacked to one of the many bulletin boards in school that he usually completely ignored. He was singing more out of school as well, finding as many groups to practice with and singing at every opportunity he could – much to the dissatisfaction of his parents, who complained endlessly about the racket.

In fact, through all the change, his parents seemed to be the only things that remained constant. They were still harsh, still overly demanding, still never satisfied with Jonghyun's best and only further infuriated by his worst.

But Jonghyun didn't really care about that. They could scold him all they wanted, insult him into the ground if it made them feel better. He didn't mind in the slightest. He could bear it until he could turn eighteen, graduate and get the hell out of his town.

He didn't mind.

Perhaps his parents had been even angrier because of his grades. He still studied, and his grades were still quite good, but he had sacrificed most of his time to sing rather than slave over textbooks and memorize an excess of information that would never serve a purpose outside of the classroom. After spending much more free time doing what _he _wanted to, he finally realized just how much he hated studying. Back when school was his life, when he spent every single second with a book in one hand and a pencil in the other, he didn't know anything _but_ that. He had never _not _come home and immediately run up to his room to eagerly scan over the notes from his day, to read and reread every chapter in his seemingly endless stack of textbooks, to memorize and categorize and store away every single piece of information he could gather from the material that somehow seemed too limited in Jonghyun's fervor to master it _all._

He had decided not to try out for the soccer team the next time the season rolled around. He really only played it to hang out with Minho, and never enjoyed it in the slightest. There simply wasn't a point in forcing himself to do it anymore. He could always see Minho out of school, after all.

And for the most part he did it out of a sense of habit. He had been playing since he was a kid, and when he hit high school he just continued without really thinking about it. It was about time he stopped. Things had changed, after all.

And now that he wasn't wasting his time doing things he didn't particularly like, he could finally spend it doing what he _wanted. _Singing, spending time with friends, or just _relaxing _for once.

After years of working all the time, "relief" didn't do justice to his feelings regarding the freedom he had now. It didn't even come _close._

He twitched suddenly as he heard the door slam from down the hall.

"Hello?" He called, completely at a loss as to who it could be. His parents were working, and Victoria was _surely_ at dance right now, as she always was when she wasn't in school.

"Hey, Jjong!" He heard a familiar voice call. He scrambled on the couch, trying to sit up straight and at least try to look _slightly_ less like a slob than he did to save himself from the ridicule that would surely come if he didn't.

"Vic, what are you doing home so early?" He asked as Victoria walked into the room, waving a brown bag around in her hands. She sighed and hopped down on the couch next to him, swinging her legs playfully over the edge of the cushions.

"I wanted to spend some time with my baby brother." She said with a laugh, pinching his cheeks between her fingers. Jonghyun frowned and slapped her hand away. Though her childish demeanor sometimes made him forget that she was the _older_ of the two, he always remembered it full force whenever she treated him like a toddler.

"What's the _real _reason?" He said, eyeing her skeptically. She laughed and flopped backwards on the couch, lying on her back and propping her legs up on Jonghyun's lap.

"We got a day off." She said, ignoring Jonghyun attempts to remove her feet from his lap and only shoving her toes further into his face each time he tried. "I bought you cake." She said, holding up the brown bag for him to see.

He peered into the bag before removing its contents, a beautiful cake decorated with an excessive amount of frosting and the words 'happy birthday' written in blue icing.

"It isn't my birthday."

Victoria scoffed and rolled her eyes. "It was the only one they had. Don't be picky. Do you want it or not?" She scolded. Jonghyun unwrapped the cake carefully, inspecting it and running his eyes over every inch of it to see if she had tainted it in any way. "I didn't poison it."

"I know." Jonghyun said, holding the cake even closer to his eyes. "I'm just… checking."

He and his sister were close, for sure, but it was a bit odd that she had so randomly bought him a cake out of the supposed kindness of his heart. Regardless, he loved cake. And she certainly knew that. He walked to the kitchen and brought back plates for the two of them, serving them both before hesitantly taking a bite. It was delicious, but that, for some reason, only served to make him even _more _suspicious.

"So… why did you buy me a cake?"

"Because I love you." She replied. Jonghyun laughed out loud, nearly choking on the frosting as he clutched at his stomach. "…Was I _that_unbelievable?" She muttered to herself, sweeping a piece of frosting off of her piece of cake and licking it off of her finger.

"What exactly do you want?" Jonghyun asked. Victoria sighed.

"Wow, what a cruel brother." She grumbled. "Can't even do something nice without him suspecting me…"

"_Vic._" Jonghyun said, not particularly in the mood for her usual nonsense. She sighed and put her fork down.

"I just wanted to… you know…" She said, waving her hands around as she searched for the words. "…_talk._" Jonghyun inspected his sister's face, eyes searching every shift and twitch of her expression. He stood up suddenly, pointing an unwavering finger at her face. After seventeen years, he had learned how to read her pretty well. And she was _definitely _up to something here.

"You… you just want information from me, don't you?" Jonghyun said in disbelief. What more should have he expected from his manipulative sister?

She puffed her cheeks out and folded her arms, trying her best not to glare at Jonghyun like she always did. "No. That's not it. Get your finger out of my face." She snapped. Jonghyun complied, but only after sending her an icy glare of his own. She sighed before she spoke again. "Look, Jonghyun. I know you don't think I can do a single nice thing for you – "

"Because you can't."

"_Regardless…_" She hissed, gritting her teeth and ignoring his comment as she tried not to completely lose her patience at the hands of a relentlessly annoying Jonghyun. She sighed loudly and let her angry expression soften into a look of concern. "I just… I just wanted to make sure you were okay. That's all."

Jonghyun frowned and shoved his hands into his pockets. Everywhere he went it seemed like people were constantly checking on him, constantly making sure he wasn't about to just suddenly break down without warning. While Jonghyun should have appreciated this, for some reason he didn't. Perhaps he didn't like making people worry about him. Or maybe he just didn't like talking about himself.

"Vic…" He whispered, patting her head affectionately. "You're a good sister, you know that?"

Vic let a shy smile spread itself across her now slightly pink face. "Do you mean that?"

Jonghyun chuckled before shoving his finger into his unfinished piece of cake and wiping a large heap of frosting onto her face. "Nope."

"Jonghyun you piece of shit!" She screamed, leaping across the couch and lunging at Jonghyun, who just barely managed to dodge her flailing arms and nails that Jonghyun knew from experience were razor sharp. He laughed, grabbing the cake off of the table and shielding himself from her rage with one of the living room chairs.

Sure, he could have hated it for those reasons.

But maybe the reason he disliked it so much was because he truly was _fine._

"I'm going out!" He yelled, ducking behind the chair to dodge the pillows she was throwing at him after settling for a long-range approach.

"I hate you!" She continued to yell, pillow after pillow sailing past his head as he started to wonder just how many of the damn things they owned. He poked his head out after her barrage seemed to have ended, extending his hand in surrender when he saw another pillow held behind her head, just waiting to fly from her hands and directly into his face.

"Wait! Truce! I'm sorry!" He said, putting on the cutest face he could manage. Although he hated how she always said he looked like a puppy, he certainly knew how to use it to his advantage if he needed to. She settled the pillow onto her lap and let her words of frustration be absorbed into its fabric. "I'll be back later, okay?" He said. She simply nodded silently. "Oh, and Vic?"

"Yeah?"

He smirked. "You have something on your face."

Jonghyun just barely managed to escape his house unharmed after Victoria started screaming and throwing god knows what at him, laughing loudly as his feet hit the pavement outside and he scurried safely out of the house.

He couldn't help but tease his sister like he did. It was, although a bit mean, truly out of love. The last few months as Jonghyun had been getting back onto his feet had been tough on him, and Victoria had been by his side every step of the way, whispering kind words in his ear and just spending time with him so he wouldn't go insane sitting by himself at home all the time.

She would never know the millions of times he had thanked her in his head, thanked her for just _being _there for him, for caring for him when he needed her most.

He wasn't sure how he would repay her, but he knew he would someday.

He appreciated the warm, early spring air that made this walk all the more easier on him. The bitter cold of the winter that had months ago made walking nearly unbearable had been imprinted upon his brain for so long he thought he'd never remove the blistering chill from the depths of his memory.

He loved the few more hours of daylight he got now that it was spring, the sun making the journey he had taken millions of times before all the more refreshing and new, the familiar feeling of his feet on the sidewalk enhanced by the almost overwhelming shades of green that surrounded him at every side.

Although it really hadn't been that long since he had walked here for the first ever, so much had changed. So much was different now.

And there Jonghyun was again.

That place he had been so many times before.

He placed his hand on the door and sighed loudly before stepping into the place he had been all too many times before.

The boy's eyes jumped as he walked through the doorway. His eyes – so entrancing, so _addicting, _the very things that attracted Jonghyun to him in the first place– scanning Jonghyun's body up and down before settling into an expression of anger, his eyebrows creasing in the middle as he glared at Jonghyun with an unmoving sharpness.

Jonghyun frowned, body tensing and heart sinking back down into his stomach.

What else could he expect from Key but anger?

"You're late!" Key snapped, throwing his washcloth across the room at Jonghyun's face. Jonghyun leapt out of the way at the last second, reflexes still sharp from his sister's earlier attack on him as the washcloth plastered the floor with a heavy slap.

"Sorry, Key." He said, rubbing the back of his head apologetically. Key crossed his arms and turned his nose up at him. Jonghyun sighed, walking up to the counter and taking a stubborn Key's hands into his own. "Forgive me?" He said with a rather exaggerated apologetic tone.

"If you pick that up for me, sure." Key said, spinning around and turning his back on Jonghyun in favor of the machines in the back. Jonghyun sighed to retrieve the cloth that Key had so lovingly thrown at his head just seconds ago.

Yes, a lot had changed in the past few months.

But everything that had changed had certainly changed for the better.

Jonghyun couldn't help but smile as he retrieved the wet cloth, happy beyond belief that he could say that being with Key was, without a doubt, the change he had loved the most.

"Do you know what today is?" Jonghyun asked, holding the cake behind his back and grinning, he hoped, cutely at Key.

"No, I don't." Key said with a smile, though Jonghyun knew full well that Key knew exactly what day it was, his terrible lying only further serving to confirm Jonghyun's suspicions. Jonghyun laughed and placed the cake on the table.

"Happy four month anniversary, Key." Key blushed before his bashful expression immediately changing to one of anger, eyes turning to slits as they landed on the cake in front of him.

"It says 'happy birthday'." He complained. "And there are _pieces_ missing."

Jonghyun sighed. "I really can't please you, can I?" He grumbled under his breath. Key smiled and shrugged.

"I'm sure it's delicious, Jjongie."

It was kind of odd when he thought about it. It had really been four months since he met the boy, since his life had been completely changed due to one random circumstance that felt like had only happened just yesterday.

"Key, you should quit your job." He said, holding the towel out for Key to accept.

"Why?" Key asked, snatching the towel from his hands and throwing it in the back closet.

"Because I'm getting pretty damn sick of this place." Jonghyun said, glancing around the coffee shop. The chairs and tables now felt more familiar than the ones in his own house, the yellow tiles that at first were so inviting now sickening to him.

"But we _met _here." Key protested.

"I know." Jonghyun admitted. That was something he would never forget as long as he lived. That much he knew for certain. When he walked into this place for the first time, the store so arbitrarily chosen as he hopped in not even knowing it was a coffee shop, he wasn't sure what he was expecting. He certainly didn't expect to meet anyone there, and he certainly didn't expect it to change his life entirely. Hell, the only thing he expected was a cup of coffee, perhaps a muffin if he settled his nerves and ordered it properly.

Never in a million years would he think that he would have found the love of his life.

Never did he think he would find Key.

"This place has already served its purpose. Now quit and spend more time with me." He declared.

Key laughed, that laugh that brought tears to Jonghyun's eyes and made knots form in his stomach from its sheer beauty. "Don't be selfish." He scolded, though Jonghyun could tell from the smirk on his face that he loved his selfishness as much as Jonghyun loved _being _selfish.

"Jonghyun?" Key called from behind the counter after a few seconds of silence, back still facing Jonghyun as he fiddled with the machines for the last time before closing up. Though Key had complained that Jonghyun was late picking him up, it seemed he hadn't even finished closing up yet.

"Yeah?" Jonghyun asked, watching Key's back as he worked, arms and shoulders shifting beautifully under the tight fabric of his shirt.

"Do you…" He heard Key hesitate, a slight tremble in his voice as he spoke. "Do you… mind that we have to keep us a secret?"

Jonghyun scoffed. "As long as I can be with you, I don't mind a thing." He replied within the second. He heard Key snort behind the counter.

"You… are such a sap." He complained. Jonghyun smiled. He couldn't really refute that accusation, after all.

Besides Minho, Taemin, Siwon and his sister, they had managed to keep their relationship a complete secret from the rest of the school. And while sure, Jonghyun would much rather have the ability to be open about it, he could settle with what he had.

Through the pain, the tears, the overwhelming depression that left him a useless shell of the person he once was, Key had taken him back on the one condition that they couldn't tell a soul that they were together.

And as long as he was with Key, he truly didn't care about anyone else.

"My sister and Minho have been worried about me." Jonghyun said, placing his chin on the counter.

"Why is that?" Key asked. Jonghyun puffed his cheeks out against the cold marble top.

"I've… been thinking a lot lately. I've been a bit quiet. No, pensive."

Key scoffed loudly. "You're not a philosopher, Jjongie."

Jonghyun smiled at Key's insufferably stubborn behavior. "I am well aware."

"So what have you been thinking about, then?"

"My… future."

Key turned around, a look of exasperation in his eyes. "Here we go again…" He grumbled, yanking his apron over his head and throwing it in the closet.

"Would you just listen to me for once?" Jonghyun mumbled under his breath. While Jonghyun could admit that he was slightly obsessed with the subject, he at least expected Key to give him a _bit _of attention. "I… don't have a clue what I want to do in my future." Jonghyun admitted.

"Sounds like you have made some groundbreaking decisions."

Jonghyun shot Key a warning glare from his position at the counter. "What part of 'listen' didn't you understand?" Jonghyun said, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation as Key held up his own in an expression of innocence. Jonghyun sighed, glaring at Key to make sure he was holding his tongue before continuing again. "I don't know what college I want to go to. I don't know what job I want."

"Jjong, what are you – "

"Just _listen_ Key, my god!" Jonghyun said, covering his eyes with his hands in frustration. Key was, for the first time in a long time, completely silent. "I don't know how many kids I want. I don't know where I want to live. Hell, I don't know what I want to do _tomorrow." _Jonghyun probably should have felt embarrassed, but at that moment shame was the last thing on his mind. He met Key's eyes, clouded with confusion, with his own, in what he know could only be a look of confidence. "What I'm trying to say is… I don't know what my future will be. I don't have even the slightest idea." He nearly laughed at how idiotic he sounded. But he simply didn't care. Because he had never been so sure of anything the way he was sure of the thing he was going to say next. "But… but I do know I'd like to spend it with you."

Jonghyun couldn't help but smile like a fool at the words that had come from his mouth. While Jonghyun normally was so unsure of himself, so unsure of what he thinking, what he was _doing_, this was the first time in a while that he could say without a single doubt in his mind that he was confident in something.

Key stared back at him, eyes slightly red, glistening in the bright lights of the store that seemed to make his flawless skin glow even more than it usually did. Without another word he closed the space between them, reaching across the counter and pressing his lips forcefully to Jonghyun's as he pulled him closer to his chest by his collar.

At that moment, Jonghyun could somehow feel Key's emotions stronger than he could feel his own. Jonghyun didn't have a single fear in the world as he kissed Key right there in the middle of the shop, mouth moving in tandem with Key's, the blazing warmth of his almost inhumanly smooth lips making his heart melt in his chest.

He just wasn't scared anymore.

He had laid his heart on a table for Key to do with it what he pleased.

And there was not a doubt in his mind that Key would care for it.

There was not a doubt in his mind that he would never let it go.

Key pulled back, an undeniable grin spread out across his face despite his tear filled eyes.

"Jonghyun?" Key asked, voice just barely a whisper over the quiet hum of the machines.

"Hm?" Jonghyun asked, staring at the boy he loved so deeply, the boy he knew he would be bound to for the rest of his life in some way shape or form, no matter what happened to them.

"I… I love you." Key whispered.

And Jonghyun smiled.

Because Jonghyun didn't know a goddamn thing about his future. He probably didn't know a goddamn thing about himself. But one thing he knew, one thing that he was certain wouldn't change, was that Key loved him.

And as long as that was true, though Jonghyun knew it always would be,

Then hell.

He guessed his future looked pretty bright.

He pulled Key toward him one more time, letting his lips linger on his for just a few moments of sweet tranquility.

Now that he could look at Key and say the one thing he had been waiting to say for so long, then his future didn't look nearly as formidable as it did before.

He pressed their foreheads together, rubbing the bridge of his nose against Key's own and smiling despite himself.

"Key?"

"Yeah?" Key asked, his voice a tender interjection of the peaceful aura of silence around them.

Jonghyun smiled.

As long as he could say this with confidence, though he knew he always would be able to, then his future was looking pretty damn near perfect.

"I know."

* * *

><p>The last chapter! Thank you for reading!<p>

-Gelisi


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